Healthy Coping Skills Part Two: Electric Boogaloo (Hour 1)

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Good afternoon, everybody.

I'm Todd Albault, along with the outstanding engineer producer, Mr. Azamurz, on the board.

It is six minutes past the hour of two o'clock on this Tuesday, May 27th, 2025.

It is a great day to be a Wisconsinite.

Welcome in to the World Headquarters in downtown Madison on State Street, where clouds fill the air.

Mr. Zomers, welcome back after a long holiday weekend.

We are back live.

Hope everybody enjoyed our special Memorial Day show talking to Mr. Lyon from the Department of Wisconsin Department of Veterans Affairs and also our friend Kira Saban.

On the second of a three part series, she's going to be in a little bit later this hour to finish up her series on healthy coping skills.

After a long weekend, Zomers, I think we could all use some help coping.

How you been?

Doing well.

I.

I was going to go back home, visit my family this weekend.

But then I remembered that next weekend, or so this coming weekend, is my niece Gracie's dance recital.

So I decided, you know what?

I'll stay home this weekend.

I'll go back this next one.

Well, good.

So you chilled out a lot

of the weekend.

Yeah.

Got to spend some time with friends.

Did some exercising, you know?

Got to get off my butt sometimes here and there.

Well, I did a lot of exercising as we had a great, great couple of shows last week on on Thursday and on Thursday we were at Black River Falls right on the Black River.

It was fantastic right next to a nest of snakes.

And I'm not talking about politicians, actual snakes, as it turns out.

I did not get bit.

I can report you.

I did not get bit.

And then on on Friday.

Our friend and colleague, Pat Critello, you can't ask for a better colleague than Patrick, invites us up to beautiful Lake Wissoda to his home with his lovely wife, Sherry, right on Lake Wissoda.

We did it overlooking Lake Wissoda.

It was a beautiful day, and Critello brings me an old-fashioned at the end of the show.

So what's better than that?

But here's the deal.

So we had the, I was up in Eau Claire area for my youngest niece's graduation.

Again, a shout out to Isabel.

graduating Eau Claire Memorial on Thursday, which was outside.

We did activities.

We had the show outside on Friday.

On Saturday, the party was outside.

And then yesterday's, I love the outdoors.

Anybody that knows me, whether it's kayaking or hiking or cooking out, whatever, I love it.

But this time of year,

It affects the allergies.

And you might have remembered last week I was bragging.

I was a bit cocky that I had not gotten the heavy allergies that I'm sometimes accustomed to.

Well, that changed over the weekend.

Yesterday, I'm all plugged up.

So I have my I have my clinics is at hand.

I'm a loopy on meds from Sudafed to ibuprofen to flutica zone.

Maybe I'll do a shot of flutica zone on the air.

Maybe, uh, you know, you got to love some steroids,

right?

Exactly.

And, uh, Claritin, so I'm a bit loopier than usual.

And I got my, uh, my water here, but, uh, I did a, I did a COVID test just to make sure just to be kind to my colleagues here at the station.

And I do not have COVID.

It's just, uh, the stuffed up allergy.

So I apologize if I'm a little, uh, more nasally than normal, but I think a lot of people are fighting this.

So, uh, you know, nothing to be unexpected.

So hope all of you had a safe Memorial Day weekend as well.

and hope all of you took time to remember our veterans who gave all, that's what Memorial Day is actually about, those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country.

I know a lot of Memorial Day services across the state of Wisconsin, and we're gonna talk about that in hour number two.

a little bit by be remiss there's some for those watching the stream facebook youtube twitter we have a brand new person joining us in the uh in the uh the studio there matthew welcome our new civic media intern how are you

good i'm doing good it's it's great to be here

We were very, very happy to have you.

I told Matthew when I came in, it is not the norm for the host to come in 15 minutes before the show, because I had all these, I had these doctor's appointments this morning, and then there was a, once again, I messed up on the meetings.

I didn't know there was a meeting, so I had to pull over and do the meeting via video conference.

So

I got it.

Matthew normally arrives at least slightly earlier than I normally do.

Definitely.

And it's better to be safe than when you're doing a meeting.

And tell

us you're a student at UW Madison.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm a student here at UW Madison.

I'm studying international studies, but I also have a bunch of certificates.

So I'm doing digital studies, cinema, production, theater.

So a lot of busy students.

Now, see, this is exactly the kind of guy we want around here.

So welcome.

Don't pay attention to me, but Zomers is your guy.

Zomers is your guy.

So you're in good hands with all state.

I had somers as it turns out.

Welcome, Matthew.

Glad to have you here for the summer.

We'll check back in.

We'll figure out something from, we'll do a bit.

We'll do a Matthew bit.

We'll figure it out.

We certainly could.

We'll figure it out, yeah.

Maybe this is the summer where we do the man on the street, the person on the street thing.

We'll send Matthew down and talk to people on beautiful State Street.

Because we have, Matthew, we have a State Street cam.

I'm not checking the alignment.

It is not aligned at the moment.

I can tell you

that.

Well, there you go.

Anybody who says this show is planned, right there.

There you go.

We'll fly up on the scene of our pants.

We'll fix it during the

break.

I promise, if we do that, we will leave the door unlocked so you can get back

in.

Welcome, Matthew.

We're very, very happy and fortunate to have you here.

Looking forward to getting to know Matthew a little bit more.

Coming up on the show in hour number two, a little fun and games.

What's worse, very controversial.

Way to come back from a holiday weekend.

Not easing in a bit, our writers.

What's worse today?

Brett Favre or Aaron Rodgers.

Yauzers.

Don't call now.

An hour number two will have you call and text in on Brett Favre or Air Rogers was worse also coming up an hour number two and And by the way for those watching on on the stream, I'm wearing a rather wrinkled polisher.

I apologize I did not have time to iron.

It's about 30 years old It's slightly discolored here and there but on the on the one lapel here.

You'll see an embroider the West Point

West Point.

And because when I worked for former Congressman Scott Kluge, I had the high privilege and honor of helping with the service academy boards, including West Point.

I've been there.

I've spent time at West Point.

Beautiful, beautiful place right on the Hudson River in New York.

And the fine men and women who put on the uniform, the cadets, who study to be our next generation of military leaders, they had their graduation.

this weekend at West Point.

And the President of the United States, Donald Trump, was chosen to give the commencement address.

And we're going to discuss that in hour two.

And I hope if you have served our country, first of all, thank you for your service.

Or if you have a loved one who served, I hope you listen to hour two because we're going to play some of the I want you to hear it in the original vernacular.

A couple of cuts from Trump at West Point.

And also what he tweeted out.

and what he didn't tweet out on Memorial Day.

And I don't want to go too far down the road and trump himself, but I just think it's important, as I drove across Wisconsin this weekend, so many memorials, veterans memorials, had people around them, had fresh flowers on them, the headstones of several cemeteries had American flags on them as they do, saw a number of people at gravesides.

And the thing is,

Every one of those people on the graveside this weekend has a story and I watched on PBS as I said it was on Sunday night the great National Memorial Day celebration on the National Mall and to hear these actors taking on the persona of either a veteran who is dead or a parent or one who has survived and to say that in the first person as if they were the person

And then what it's done to go down into the front row and shake the hand of the person of the story they just told or the spouse if the person has passed or the parent.

It's enormously powerful.

And so I want to talk a little bit about those stories and juxtapose that to what President Trump did this weekend.

So we'll talk a little bit about that as well and catch up on some other headlines from the weekend.

Already, by the way, we have a text.

Dan, it's hour number two, Dan Wausau, a text at WAUK via the Civic Media app.

Already, Rodgers is the worst, but FARV, this is interesting.

Rodgers is the worst hangout, but FARV is the worst person.

Well, I

have several questions.

You have plenty of time listening on WXCO up there at Wausau.

I want to know if you've hung out with Rodgers.

If you're saying he's the worst hangout, do you know from personal experience?

Or maybe

it's just speculation.

Wouldn't it be fantastic if somebody had actually hung out with Aaron Rodgers?

I could say.

But Dan's saying that Favre, based on his opinion, is the worst person.

Well, we'll find out, too.

I don't think anybody could argue on...

The skills as football players.

Oh, no

tremendous.

I mean it's certainly Hall of Fame worthy both of them Farve already in Rogers, of course expected to be a first-rounder Three-time no four-time right MVP Rogers beat farve of MVPs.

I think so that sounds right And so I don't think we should ever well, I guess anybody can argue over anything but both of them certainly very gifted in their football skills

their personal interpersonal communication skills lives.

Maybe not so much.

I did not know we were doing this today until two minutes before the show.

I opened up what's worse.

I said, oh, boy, howdy.

This'll be, this'll be spicy, as Robert said.

We had a similar reaction from Matthew who read it before I did.

I just kind of opened it up and then he was like, whoa, that's a.

That's a hefty one today.

I don't know exactly what you said.

Also something new on the desk today, which I don't normally have on the desk because of the cold, not cold, it's allergies.

The voice is a little crinkly.

And so I'm on all these sinus meds and so your mouth gets dry.

So I have Altoids.

This is not a commercial, but just.

For those listening on the radio, there you go.

And it reminds me of my seventh grade teacher, Mrs. Grover, who was a very proper woman.

She was probably still teaching into her sixties and looked it.

That's not nice.

But she was a smoker, but she didn't want her students to know she smoked.

So she would go out like way behind the buildings at schools or in breaks and, you know, take a drag.

Well, clearly a word.

That's because you don't know.

Why?

But she, but.

But to cover up the smell of smoke on her breath, she kept, she would absolutely go through like a box of Altoids in one class.

Wow.

Because she didn't want, you know, she was embarrassed.

I thought, but she was a tremendous teacher, Mrs. Grover.

I learned a lot about social studies and history, but.

You know, that was the day when back in the day when you had to be embarrassed about these things.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Just be yourself, right?

But every time I have Altoids, this is the Arctic.

Oh, I like the name of this Arctic curiously cool mints.

Are you curiously cool?

Not just cool.

You know who's curiously cool?

Our next guest, Kira Saban.

She's not just curiously cool.

She's enormously cool.

And when we come back, Kira's gonna finish up.

This, of course, is Mental Health Awareness Month, doing a three-part series with Kira.

Phenomenal friend of phenomenal person.

She's a positive psychology coach She's going to work walk us through the final portion of healthy coping skills and who amongst us cannot use some healthy coping schools our schools It's the meds ladies and gentlemen, it's the meds I'm on today because I was distracted because she the title of today's notes from Kira is quote healthy coping skills part two electric boogaloo

Oh, yeah, I love using that for for sequels.

I thought that was fantastic.

But last week, we talked about there are a lot of things that we in life that we can't control how how passionate someone is for their own life, you know, their own emotions that what they we can't as people, friends, family, we can't control that.

Right.

And we talked a little bit about things that we can control.

But how we cope with these things can determine a lot.

of the rest of our life.

What do they say?

Life is what happens to you, but how you react to it.

And so Kira's gonna be along here via stream yard.

We cannot wait.

Maybe even take a couple of your phone calls as well.

Have you had enough of the family time with the weekend?

No, no, no.

But do you need to cope?

Kira Saban's gonna be here next, talking about coping skills in his mental health awareness month.

It is Monday.

We're back at it live on

the

20th.

And it's Tuesday, back in the live on May 27th.

All balls on meds.

Summers is not back after this on the Civic Media Ready Network.

I'm not off my meds.

You're listening to Civic Media.

Stay up to date on the latest news and information for your local community and Wisconsin by signing up for our free email newsletter.

Visit civicmedia.us slash email to get started.

Welcome back to the title ball show of the Civic Media Radio Network.

It is now 22 minutes before the past the hour of two o'clock on Tuesday, May 27th, 20, 25 somers on the board.

Great music somers.

Appreciate that.

Always well done.

And that is to bring in our friend and ongoing contributor.

She is a positive psychology coach.

You can find all of her work at Thrive with Kira.

Kira spelled K-I-R-A.

ThriveWithKira.com, the wonderful, the talented Ms.

Kira Saban joining us via StreamYard.

Kira, how the heck are you?

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I am a little allergy-y today, but otherwise.

Me too.

It's that time of year.

Otherwise, okay.

Yeah.

Are you on allergy meds as

well?

I am not on prescription.

I'm on over-the-counter, but I might have to like upgrade at some point.

I'm all about the meds that they can help out.

Well, one of the healthiest meds is just having a healthy mind.

And I've appreciated so much you coming on during Mental Health Awareness Month.

I know many of our listeners and viewers have asked us to do more of this.

And I'm really, really thankful that you've agreed to do this.

We've been doing this three-part series.

We're wrapping up today.

Let's just remind folks a little bit we're gonna wrap up on healthy copied skills and Remind us we're kind of left off those those things that that we cannot control

So we virtually can control very little.

So when we talk about what we can control, we control ourselves.

We control how we respond to things.

We can control if we speak up or not.

We can control who we surround ourselves with.

We can control where we put our time, our energy, our money and our power.

But we can't control others.

We can't control the state of the world, unfortunately, because otherwise it'd be awesome because Todd and I would fix it and

it'd

be great.

But there are things that we can do, but it's really not beneficial to our brain and our just life to constantly be focusing and worrying about things that we can't control.

And this is so timely.

We talked a little, we replayed yesterday during Memorial Day, last week's edition of this, because you talked very eloquently about people who might have lost loved ones, be it military action or just natural death or...

or loss and how important that is.

But now, today, we're gonna go into a little bit of basic coping skills.

And so, go ahead and let's start off, Kira.

Yeah, and it's, and I wanna say right away that we are all using coping skills all day every day, whether we notice it or not, whether we think we are or not, and it's not only for the big moments of grieving loss or

major life transitions, but also just the day to day because life can be hard sometimes.

And once again, we don't control a lot of it.

We don't control if all of a sudden we come down with an illness.

We don't, there's a lot of things we don't control,

but

a coping skill is anything that we do consciously or unconsciously that manages stress, emotions or discomfort.

And it matters because without them, we end up overwhelmed, reactive.

you know, sometimes grumpy or ragey, disconnected, and then just stuck in cycles that drain us.

And if you're feeling exhausted, if you feel like the world is coming to get you, it's probably a good idea to check out your coping skills.

And thank you for kind of recentering me here, because yes, part

of it is

loss from death.

But it's kind of set up there.

Another reason I love this series is because what I've heard from people as we travel around the state is when it comes to news, when it comes to just information, there's a lot of things that a lot of us find disturbing and overwhelming right now.

And it's affecting our mental health.

And I tell people

to tell me all

the time, I just, Todd, I check out because I hear too much news and it's mentally overwhelming.

Take just a minute, Kira, if you would, or 90, whatever you want to do.

remind people again that we're literally wired in a way that we cannot handle this every single day, right?

at all, at all.

So as Todd mentioned, we grew up together.

So Todd, if it wasn't in the Weekly Observer or on WRCO, we didn't know about it.

Maybe on TV, but nobody

really talked about it.

Right, exactly.

But that's kind of what our brain has been wired to do.

We are completely overstimulated now on our phones, on our computers.

And then plus we are now in an

with news that's 24 seven.

You and I both know there is not enough news for 24 seven.

So they find things.

And

the

things that they find are the clickbait, the things that get people listening, but aren't necessarily healthy, happy, and we're starting to miss all of the good things that are happening every day.

Because every day there are tough things and then there are wonderful things.

That is our world.

That's the way it's always been.

But most news does not focus on that.

And our brains just start shutting down, getting overwhelmed, and then we can't take on anything.

Right.

Two minutes left before the break.

Set it up as much or go as far as you want.

Number one, basic coping skills reminder.

So I just want to remind you mind people that there are two types of coping skills just meaning like healthy or unhealthy So not necessarily bad or good, but healthy coping skills.

They they help you feel they help you process They help regulate your emotions.

You feel better afterwards, right?

You're not more angry.

You're not more sad You feel calmer more grounded and it supports kind of longer term well-being but unhealthy coping skills

which a lot of us can lean into, which we talked about last week, can be a little bit of the beer and cheese more world.

They avoid or

suppress emotions.

Right.

They feel good in the moment, but they sometimes lead to more stress or even shame later.

And then they often create disconnection or negative patterns.

And this isn't about labeling coping skills bad or good, but it is noticing how they make you feel.

And I can tell you, as somebody who grew up in Wisconsin, I have had many a beer or drinks in my time and did not wake up feeling better the next day.

I don't know about you, Todd.

We talked about this.

I've

been there.

Yes.

Not so much where I mean, I can probably count on five.

Fingers how many times I've really been wasted and that was many years ago, but certainly I'm more recently where you I probably have an extra glass of wine I shouldn't have or whatever Tony on YouTube says whoa cheese is bad.

I feel personally attacked.

No Tony It's just if any of us overeat to cope with our skills.

That's what we're talking about.

All right Come on back more of Kira Saban on the other side agricultural update with Midwest farm report and then back with more Kira Saban is the all balls show on a Tuesday on the civic medium ready to welcome back to the top

Almost showing the civic media rated up work.

It is now 35 minutes past the hour of 2 o'clock on this Tuesday the 27th of May glad to have you along when you dial up there summer

By request me belong by Pat Benatar cannot

cannot beat a little Pat Benatar is off the playlist of our guest this hour.

She is miss Kira Saban a positivity psychology coach or positive psychology coach and joins us

on an ongoing basis to talk about mental health.

Of course, main mental health awareness week.

Carol, we always appreciate you coming on and make us feel better.

What I love about you, Carol, a lot of things, but.

You're real.

You keep it real.

It's not a lot of fluff.

You don't expect people to be perfect.

And you give us real actual insight that I know has helped a lot of people, people have asked you to come back on and really appreciate that.

We're talking about healthy coping skills.

And Kira, let's get into a little bit of the problems or no, what the two types of coping skills are.

Right.

So we have two types of coping skills.

We have problem focus coping and emotion focus coping.

And basically you can look at it like this.

Can I solve what's going on?

If that's yes, that's a problem focus.

If I can't solve it, if I can't control it, how do I soothe my emotions?

and that's emotion-focused coping, right?

Because sometimes we just feel bad and there's nothing we can do about the situation.

That is with grief or with loss or let's say we just lost a job that we really loved, you know, things that we can't control, we still have to learn how to cope with them and that would be the emotion-focused coping.

And both are great.

They're just for different situations.

Let me put it for your second.

Let me put it into kind of newsy context if I can.

Would this also qualify like, you know, people see what's happening out in

in Washington right now, whether it's women's reproductive health and saying, holy cow, this is now gone.

I can't change that.

At least maybe elections, certain things, but I cannot change the fact that Supreme Court overruled women's healthcare when it comes to access to abortion.

Or maybe it's LGBTQ rights, or maybe it's race-related rights, civil rights.

There are certain things that we continue to strive for, whether it's through elections or demonstrations, but we as individuals,

I look in the mirror sometimes to say, what the hell can I do about this personally right now?

And the answer is nothing.

Does that fall into the same thing?

Yes.

So when we go, there's nothing I can do to change the situation right now.

That's when we go to a motion focused coping, right?

And that's just going to help us manage our emotional response so we don't get overtaken by it.

We aren't overwhelmed by it.

And we just need to calm ourselves, right?

And so this is going to be more around self soothing.

It's going to be things like meditation and breathing exercises.

It might be crying.

Crying actually is a humongous emotional focus.

coping mechanism because it gets the feelings out.

The other way I like to think about this is emotion focusing really helps you feel.

And that is a very big part about coping.

We love to think through, and I know Todd, you do this too.

We love to think through our problems because it doesn't feel as good to feel it.

Because sometimes it's painful, sometimes we have to think about what we did or our role in it.

But Emotion Focused really helps us just soothe so that we can settle ourselves and not be overtaken or hijacked by the world every day, all day.

So I won't touch quickly.

Tony, I think he's half-kitty, but Tony on YouTube says, can't change it with that attitude, Todd.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't be involved in politics or demonstrating that sort of thing.

I just think it's important to realize there's a lot of us who get overwhelmed by the fire hose information, and we can't wake up the next day and change it instantly.

And so that dread wears on its cure.

Absolutely.

And I just want to say, there may be times where you just say, right now, today, I can do nothing about this, right?

Maybe my life is too hard.

Maybe, you know, maybe I'm dealing with my own stuff, which most of us are on a daily basis, right?

So that is where emotion focus comes in.

It's helping us feel, it's helping us process, it's helping us move forward so that everything else in the world doesn't hijack our own life.

How can we...

get to work every day and show up for the people that we love when we're constantly worried about the state of the world.

Now, when the next day you might go, I have some rage, some fuel, some fire in me, is there thinking things that I can do?

And that's where we bring in problem focus, right?

That might be making a plan, calling your representatives, like reaching out to your local Planned Parenthoods and say, is there

a way I can volunteer or other things that I can do here.

That's problem focus coping.

That's when we have some control.

That's when we can take our time and our energy and put it towards solving the problem.

It might be asking for help.

It might be time management.

It might be figuring out solutions.

It might be having a hard conversation with somebody.

But that is when we can actually solve it and we work towards it.

And sometimes we have to just ask ourselves,

What can I do right now?

Or what do I have the bandwidth for right now?

And it may just be emotional coping.

We just want to make sure that we are not only leaning into one versus the other.

There's a place for both.

We don't want to.

Go ahead.

No, I think this is still a great and important point that it's OK to balance and say that there are days where we're going to focus on one over the other and that's OK.

You know, I think the biggest thing that I've learned in the last few years due to, as I will openly be real, peri menopause and hormonal changes as a midlife woman, like my life has taught me I have to rest.

I have to figure out how to feel some of these feelings, you know, process some of these emotions.

Or otherwise I'm just so overwhelmed or they just come out in ways that I don't want them to, right?

Like

all of a

sudden I'm really grumpy because I can't take care of any of my emotions.

And that's a lot of us.

Most of us do not know about this.

No, most of us are coping by not so healthy behaviors.

And if we don't,

I think I said this last week, it's very famous, but if we don't feel it or heal it, we don't, if we don't feel it, we don't heal it, right?

If we aren't willing to let it process through our bodies, then it will stay there and it'll just come out really in opportune times.

Well, I love about you, Kari, as you keep it real, you're transparent as I try to be as well in the air.

And you're a hundred percent right.

There are so many women, I think she wouldn't care if my sister's going through the same thing.

And we talk about it regularly.

I know you do.

And.

It's so important.

I think J. Matt Nair.

Matt Nair and Ares talked about it with Dr. Lierly openly.

There are so many people, even if we're not a woman, we have women in our lives.

And it's important for us, I think, as men to be antennas up about this and realize that the old stupid stereotype, oh, they're just being a witch.

I'll clean it up for radio.

That ain't true.

This is all hardwired.

And these are very real things that women have to

work through.

I just found out in the last two years, by the way, I'm 51, and I just found out in the last two years that the process of menopause, I'm not gonna make this a menopause, but it's 10 to 12 years for women.

I had no idea.

So I have been dealing with hormonal changes that are virtually like going through puberty again,

but

with less energy and way worse metabolism.

We don't know what other people are going through.

We don't know what people are struggling with.

We don't know what they're dealing with in their personal life.

So the more that we can understand how to take care of ourselves, our own emotions, our own coping, the better we can show up in this world.

And that's how we make change.

We don't make change by being so overworked.

And boy, do we love to work in the Midwest,

don't we?

We love to tie our productivity to our worth.

But if we are,

And so to me, that's the coping mechanism we all go to.

Todd, I think if I'm stressed, I work because I feel like I can control it.

Oh, 100%.

But until I burn myself out and my body's like, mm-mm.

We're not doing that anymore.

So we have to figure out ways to cope through stressful situations that feel good.

So we just keep showing up day after day for the people in our lives that deserve to have us present.

We're speaking with Kira Saban in conversation with her positive psychology coach.

You can find all of her work at Thrive with spelled out Thrive with Kira, K-I-R-A dot com.

Thrive with Kira dot com.

Let's move on to the next item on the list here, talking about healthy coping skills.

Yeah, so I wanted to encourage everybody to create your own coping toolbox.

I actually do this with my people.

It's a workshop I do.

And it can be virtual.

It can be around your house.

But knowing things that make you feel better, that are healthier, it's

not about avoiding stress, it's about helping you move through it so you don't burn out, you don't lash out, and we don't shut down.

I think that sometimes we forget that shutting down is also emotional dysregulation, right?

I think we think that emotional dysregulation is people shouting at that, you know, or being really, you know, intense, but also if you can't think, if you can't talk, if we can't set boundaries, if we can't ask for help, when we're really struggling, if we shut down, that is also an unhealthy emotion.

response.

That won't get you where you need to go.

So I just am going to break the coping toolbox into a couple different categories.

The first one just being the emotion-focused tools.

So things that help you feel instead of numb.

Journaling.

I actually don't journal I voice voice note I do it into my phone I can yeah I can listen back to it I can hear what I'm saying and when I hear what I'm saying sometimes I'm like oh yeah that doesn't make sense I'm worrying about something that doesn't even make sense in my brain once I'm I also mentioned crying talking to a safe friend your therapist a coach and make sure that the person you're talking to is somebody who could actually

Hold space for you can actually listen to you because I listen because I hear from a lot of my clients You know helpful friends or parents that are unfortunately sometimes make us feel worse I'm just gonna say they haven't had a lot of training in this so you know be careful who you share your stories with

Also just name what you're feeling.

It's okay to be disappointed by something.

It's okay to feel overwhelmed.

The more shame we add to it, the more that emotion stays.

Listening to music, I would say that music is one of my number one like emotional balancers.

If I have a couple of playlists that just make me happy and within a song or two, it can literally change my mood.

You know, they're finding out more and more music therapy is

is a humongous helper in changing our mood, helping us process emotions and coping things, everything.

Even one of my favorite things, art.

So I just do crafts.

And crafts actually help us feel and process things.

It's nutty.

So just like paint by number kits, puzzles can help.

All of these things take us out of our head for a little bit, put us present, and let us move on from

something.

I might sound weird, but I well many the things you just listed Kira and we've talked about this before are things that we grew up doing but

now for

those watching on on the stream I have my cell phone in my hand my smartphone quote-unquote this is wreckiness

and myself included.

And I saw a great interview with Oprah with some teenage girl that put her smartphone in a shoebox for four years, stopped using it at like 15, and it completely changed her life because she said there were parts of her life.

She got her first smartphone at 12, from 12 to 15.

There are parts of her life she cannot remember.

That's crazy.

I know, I don't have the stats off the top of my head, but we as a society are gonna have to start looking at this, because it's a thing, right?

Like at first.

What you just

said, getting out, crafting, doing something, painting, listening to music, those are things when you and I grew up, we didn't have smartphones, that's just what we did.

I'm not saying that we're better off than the generation today, I'm just saying that these are things that people might say, well, that's just, you know, a course to listen to music.

There are people who don't listen to music anymore.

It's true.

It's true.

And these are things that actually help.

It's not, I love the best thing about positive psychology is it's not rocket science, but we have stopped doing these things that keep us connected to each other and to ourselves.

It might not be rocket science, but we need

Psychology coach, scientist like Kira Saban to help get us there.

Thrive with Kira.com where we can find her work, come back, wrap it up.

Kira Saban making us feel better, helping us cope on the all-ball show across Wisconsin,

Civic Media, on the Civic Media right now.

Welcome back to 80s alive.

No, no, it's the title ball show in the civic media ready network is eight minutes now before the hour of three o'clock coming up an hour number two a Spicy what's worse for you?

I'm involving the Packers Brett Farver Aaron Rodgers Wow CP dug deep today

that's uh that's controversial so we'll talk about that also talk uh a little bit more serious issues memorial day and the president states making some in my opinion airport comments but we'll talk more about that in hour number two right now

talking about healthy coping skills.

With our guest this hour, Kira Saban, positive psychology coach.

You can find all of her work at thrivewithkira.com.

That's thrivewithkira.com.

Kira, let's take 30 seconds and plug this, it's a women's retreat or a new program we have coming up.

I wanna make sure people know about this.

I know people have done it and they love it.

Tell us about it.

Okay, I was not expecting this.

So I run, I do one-on-one coaching on things around midlife and relationships as well as just life resets.

So we do a full assessment, but my biggest program is called the Thrive Midlife Program.

And it's a six month program.

It's 14 women.

We have a kickoff retreat actually here in Madison in the fall.

And over six months, you have daily access to me to change your life.

And we learn everything from how to build deep self worth and self.

compassion, how to emotionally regulate the exact things we're talking about now, and how to change your life so you actually like it.

Because I know that when I talk to a lot of JNXers, we're still kind of living the way that our parents told us to live and not always the way that feels good to us.

And so that's what I do on a daily

basis.

If you're a JNXer or anybody else, this particular one, you've done one for both genders, particularly for women, right?

This is for women, but I work with both.

When am I in coaching?

Kira has helped me.

I will say that personally and helped me work through some things in a very great and positive way.

I highly recommend it.

Thrivewithkira.com to learn more and sign up.

All right, Kira, healthy coping skills.

Let's finish up here.

I got about five minutes.

I do want to just quickly say on the break Matthew was talking about crying actually and how I think particularly for any of us but but definitely men it's looked as maybe weak or being like too sensitive or vulnerable but actually crying as a ton of benefits and I most people don't know that our

Tears when we're crying emotionally are different than other kind of tears and they're slower so people will notice They're actually there for community building.

They're actually there So that people notice and give us a hug That's one of the ways that we evolved as humans to be strong culture culture is by community but

The second way or thing that we want to add to our coping toolbox.

So we talked about emotion focused tools, also regulation tools.

And that's just for calming your body when you're really upset about something.

Somebody really hurt your feelings or you're really angry.

That can be breath work.

And man, there are so many amazing apps now that just to help you breathe in and out my, my iPhone, like my, my Apple watch actually has the meditation breaths right on it.

So anytime I can look at it.

Yeah, and it's showing me box breathing.

Even cold waters on your hand or face can shock you and reset your system.

Going for a walk outside, stretching, dancing, shaking it out, a weighted blanket, a comfort object, all of these things are going to help.

Calm us, which we need when what's called an amygdala hijack basically when something has really, you know, hijacked our emotions for a minute, we have to take it back.

And then the third type of tools are the problem focused.

And that's just making a plan or to do list, you know, setting a boundary, asking for help or clarity, saying no, which I know we also don't like to do.

You know,

Right.

Scheduling time for rest and play and fun and joy, which we don't do enough of.

We think it's actually, you know, if we're not, if we're not working and getting something productive, like there's something wrong with us, but rest is actually part of the productivity.

If we don't, it becomes too much.

And just even postponing or delegating something, not urgent if we need to, but these are what we, when we have options to solve the problem.

But just having things on like the back burner for you to go, I don't feel good right now.

What do I need?

One of the things that you've helped me with before and talked about before is just saying it's okay not to always say yes and please everyone.

And it's not selfish to first take care of ourselves because if we're not healthy as individuals, how can we possibly go on to help others?

And the thing is, is that we don't like to talk about the other side of people placing, which is resentful.

We become resentful, right?

So it's not like we're always just doing things with the best intentions.

No, a lot of times we get angry.

We become transactional.

We start counting or like, I did this and I did that and they didn't do this for me.

That is not a way to build a friendship.

That's not a way to build a relationship.

That's not way to build love.

So not only is it not nice or maybe it's nice, but it's certainly not kind.

If we don't take care of ourselves, we will burn ourselves out and then we'll not be good for anybody, including ourselves.

And that's really important to take care of ourselves first so that we can help others.

Less than a minute, Kira.

Any final thoughts here?

just that know that you are already coping and really look at, is it helping?

And if not, there are so many great and small, easy ways to start adding these things and just even going outside, putting on a favorite song, doing a puzzle, all of these things are actually healthy coping skills and they're fun.

I

dance around my room, I dance around my room for a good song, and I'll tell you, I feel better afterwards.

And I think so many of these things you talked about today are fun when doing it with family and friends, people you enjoy being around and reconnecting

in a

human way, right?

Because sitting in our own houses or wherever, apartments alone, looking at a screen, ain't healthy, in my opinion.

Well, there's a lot of science that backs that up, so it's not just your opinion.

And we're here to share and commune.

That's our main goal.

Kira, thank you so much.

All this is available on our website, our show page.

You can find more with Kira at thrivewithkira.com.

Kira Saban, thank you so much.

Love you, my friend, and we'll have you back soon.

Love you.

All right.

Kira Saban, everybody, come on back.

Our two is straight ahead after our news weather and sports update.

And what's worse on the other side?

It's the All Ball Show for Tuesday on the Civic Media.

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