Greg Schwem on “Hotel Humor” & Life’s Everyday Absurdities (Hour 2)

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our feature presentation.

Here's Pete's and Greg.

Welcome on back to Nightlight with Pete Schwabba and Greg Bach here on the Civic Media Network.

My name is Greg Bach.

I'm sitting here live at Radio Park in Racine.

We got

All across the state from me, Mr. Pete Schwabba.

And then over in Madison, Mr. Dom Lee on the boards, you can always be part of the conversation, 855-752-484-2855-755.

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So good luck and stay tuned.

Really quick.

I just want to throw a shout out to Breton Brown, dear, who referred to our Marinette, uh, Racine

and

Madison as the yadda.

Hey, sir.

Triangle, yadda here.

Triangle.

So I really like that.

That's a t-shirt.

So I'm just going to put that out there.

That's all I got to say about that one.

But that was wonderful, Brett and Brown here.

Thank you so much.

Good first hour, guys, right?

Yeah.

I want to say too, I think that Christmas City, USA here, Marinette brings more street cred to the yonder hay of that triangle.

You guys are sort of closer to civilization.

We're holding down the fort here when it comes to yonder hay.

But you will find people in Marinette that go, oh, that's a UP accent.

You know, and I'm like, oh, across the river.

Yeah.

Okay.

Apparently the continental divide runs between men at Menominee.

But, um, yeah, that's a funny one.

I like that.

They just want

desperately not to sound like people in Fargo.

That's what they want.

Right.

Or I just, I just, I mean, I, you know, as long as you don't say milk or bag or whatever, I'm good.

I'm good.

Uh, before we get into the question of the night.

Pete, if it's okay with

you,

I want to give a quick update on one of our big three stories from earlier in the show.

Oh, yeah.

If you're just joining us right now, you can always listen to the first hour by going to civicmedia.us slash shows.

Look for nightlight download.

It's two episodes a day.

You can always catch up, but we had a first hour just now.

We're in the second hour.

We have our big three stories in the beginning.

And one of the stories we talked about was Alan Richardson being involved in a scuffle while really controlling the scuffle as he beat the crud out of neighbor.

for what I believe were real reasons.

And if you want to find out more, go back and listen.

We'll talk about there.

But this is via screen rant.

By way of the Hollywood Reporter, Alan Richardson will not be facing criminal charges after getting into an altercation with his neighbor.

Brentwood Police Captain Stephen Pepin stated, after reviewing available evidence, including video footage and witness statements, authorities determined that no criminal charges will be pursued.

Mr. Richardson's actions were found to be in self-defense.

Wow.

What

a

surprise.

I never felt, I never thought I'd get goosebumps for justice ever

again.

All right,

baby.

He, you know, first of all, you got to be a little crazy to mess with that guy.

Let's say you even know how to fight or you took a martial arts or something, his sheer mass.

And I was surprised, Greg, when I read this article today, he's six three.

He looks like he's like six nine on that show.

And it's probably the way they shoot it.

But he is a mountain of a human being.

You say, you said crazy to fight him.

I'm going to take it a step further.

I'm going to say you are incalculably stupid if you try to fight him unless you look like him or you're like one of those small, we all knew those small guys growing up who just got in the fights for no reason because they were trying to prove something.

But yeah, I see Allen.

If I see anyone on a motorcycle, I'm not standing in front of it, let alone reach her.

No, thank you.

I'll be like, have a good day folks.

I'm glad you're connecting with your kids.

So

this guy obviously wanted to pick a fight with a big celebrity.

Yes.

Maybe he saw it as a payday.

I don't know.

Or he hates Hollywood, whatever it is.

But, you know, that that I, my inclination toward when I read this story, I was like, something's not right here.

So that's a surprise me.

Well, and also, I don't know if he knew if it was Alan Richardson or not, but doesn't

matter.

It just doesn't matter.

Right.

But this is a guy who was getting too big for his britches.

His hat choices were very clear.

You mean

we're talking

about

Ronnie, right?

Red hat Ronnie over here.

Oh, red hat

Ronnie.

I

think you're in your 50s.

Go by Ron, Ronald.

Unless you're a wide receiver, come

on.

I mean, I've got like a, I've got like a 75 year old uncle named Ronnie, but he's a Ronnie.

When you look at me like, oh, you're a Ronnie.

You are a Ronnie for sure.

But sometimes it just works.

Yeah, exactly.

But yeah, I wanted to give that quick little update because

that's what we care

about here at Nightlight, the news.

We break all the big stories.

We break all the big stories.

We can never put them back together again.

All right.

Today, Pete is National Cocktail Day, which prompted, yes, big day, which prompted the very important question.

But before we get into that, Dom, can you play us the music?

Let's talk about the question.

Okay, question.

Question.

Question.

Pregunta.

Question.

Question.

Okay, I have a question.

Questions.

This question.

Domanda.

Question.

Question.

Questions.

In honor of National Cocktail Day, folks, what is your cocktail of choice?

We

just

heard from our guest, Kevin Daspoi, in the last segment, he goes Miller Lite.

Nice and easy, mellow, nothing fancy, but get as crazy as you want or take it easy as you, take it easy as much as you want.

What is your favorite cocktail or your cocktail of choice?

And it can be a mocktail too, as Greg legend earlier.

So

before

we get to some texts, I, one of our faves, Sydney politics on the stream says kitty cocktail, but he spent it K-I-T-T-Y like there's a cat involved somehow.

Pete, I can't drink that.

I can't drink that.

Cause it's the kitty.

I'm allergic to cats.

If

you drink it fast enough, you know, I'm just gonna get, I'm gonna get all sniffly.

And you don't even get the pleasure of catching a buzz with a kitty cocktail, but

no, you just get the pleasure of getting that.

It's also known as a Shirley Temple that can be quite delicious and refreshing.

Nothing wrong with that.

Thank you, Sidney.

He says, Happy Persian New Year, which was Friday and I missed the chance to say it and three.

There's a third.

This is a trilogy text from our Pell City.

He says, my girlfriend, Rachel, I know Rachel.

I've met her wonderful person.

She says, started a new job Monday.

Please wish her luck.

Well, good luck, Rachel.

That's

Rachel.

Good luck.

Good luck.

And congrats for nailing down a job in this market.

That's pretty proff to Rachel,

right?

Come on.

Yeah, absolutely.

Just no, thank you.

All right.

I think we got to read some texts, guys.

Let's get through some of these listener texts.

Love when everybody participates in the show.

We've got from WMDX, listening at WMDX, 414 says brandy old fashioned.

I knew we were going to get a few of those.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

But the question then is sweet or sour.

And I know people will say it was Wisconsin so sour or sweet, but you never know.

People

have

their inclinations.

There you go.

For sure.

Let's see here, an author of the Facebook page.

I don't know who this was.

It says, Martini with just a bit of dirt or a whiskey.

Old fashioned sweet.

I don't know what that means.

Wait a minute.

I commented.

You wrote that as the

Facebook page, not as yourself.

See, I don't understand that.

I didn't post the question, but I still, I have access to it.

So I thought I was doing that as Pete Schwabba.

No, you didn't.

Martini with just a little bit of dirt or a whiskey.

So is that you making fun of an old-fashioned sour?

No, no, I like a whiskey old-fashioned sweet.

And when it comes to martinis, I don't like a full-blown dirty martini, but I do like a dash of dirt in there, a little olive juice.

Can I, okay,

can I tell you a really weird thing?

Please.

Okay, so my wife, love of my life, best person in the world, loves, loves, loves.

Dirty martini the dirtier the better so like she's like pick up the little cup and pour the olive juice in there and it's dirty as possible

Okay, cool, right

fine.

That's good.

Hey, it's olives.

What?

Interesting, right?

So the mix with that and vermouth.

Oh, did she like Jen or vodka?

She usually gets, I

think she usually gets a vodka.

She usually gets

a

vodka.

Yeah.

So, but I just, I can never wrap my brain around that because when we go out for our bloody Marys on Saturdays, I always take her olive cause she doesn't want it, but she, but if you give her a martini, she's like, the dirtier the better.

I'm like, I don't understand you right now.

So.

Greg, marry that girl.

Oh, a thousand times over.

If

I ask her to marry, I

ask her to marry me at least once a month.

And she always says, yes, please.

And that makes me happy because the day she doesn't say that I'm going to be sad.

Let's see.

Mary on the Facebook says brandy old fashioned sweet with cherries muddled.

If I have the option, there you go.

That's a, that's a, that's called mixology right there.

Absolutely.

She knows her stuff.

Brian from the nine two zero says seagrams at VO straight up.

I guess.

All right.

There you go.

Basic answer.

Thank you, Brian.

Tiff on the Facebook says, I overwhiskied and overbranded in my youth on Wisconsin.

So that usually leads most people in the same.

So I lay off, I have a mocktail or something, not Wisconsin.

So it's vodka, gimlets or martinis for me

now.

Wow.

I love that is not a quitter.

Thank you, Tiff.

That's awesome.

That reminds me of the Keith Moon story where the doctor said, if you keep drinking a pint of vodka a day, you're going to die.

So he switched to like,

Whiskey

Do you want to know you remember he was the drummer for the who correct correct?

Yes.

Yes Keith moon There was a since we both have stand-up in our backgrounds Greg.

There was a club in Flint, Michigan Okay, Grand Blank actually but Flint is right next door the days in where they put the comics up was in

Flint Yeah

pool there that is the pool that Keith moon drove his car into nice and the pool at least as of 25 years ago was still there awesome piece of history

I love that.

I love that.

Um, Brett from brown deer says, my drink of choice is a shot of Jack and a PBR.

If I'm drinking a cocktail, it's a brandy old fashioned.

There you go.

Okay.

I

like how you go back and forth.

That's important too.

It's important to have options.

So, um, Patrick on Facebook, this is a bit of a long one, but he gives us a recipe.

So a squashed strawberry alley cat.

It's 12.

It's 12 large strawberries chopped, three ounces dark rum, a splash of creme de mince, one ounce of sugar, a thimble of grape pucker.

Good Lord.

A soup con, soup con of cinnamon, a touch of rumple mince.

My God.

Okay, now you're just getting weird, a grimace of red wine and a child's laughter.

All right, you know what?

I feel like I was led down a road here that just wanted me to read bigger and bigger SAT words.

Have we just been had?

I think we've been had had.

Jim from Brookfield says, Hi, Pete and Greg, my daughter has become quite the mixologist.

She's four years old.

Kidding, I added that.

This past Thanksgiving, she mixed up an apple cider old fashioned using apple cider and pre-made old fashioned called Soul Boxer.

That is currently my favorite cocktail.

Fantastic.

Thank

you.

Joe, if you ask my mom, what her favorite cocktail is, it's going to be a margaritas that we drink a lot of last Thursday.

A lot of them.

Some idiot named Greg on the Facebook page says Bloody Mary all day.

That's me.

I love Bloody Mary.

And $30 kind.

Well, I mean, yeah, no, of course not the $30 kind, but like, I didn't know.

I should have asked her.

I should

have asked

her.

I should've asked her.

But also Heidi says Moscow Mule.

I love a Moscow

Mule.

I love a Moscow Mule.

Oh, so tasty.

That's a great one.

It's literally

a drink that is refreshing.

Totally.

Like a margarita in a lot of ways, or a mojito.

Tyler in Wisconsin Rapid says, Looney Tunes, Rhode Island, red versus the chicken hawk.

What a tale.

What's happening right now?

What's happening right now?

I need^?

a

recipe^?

right now.

I need a

recipe.

Are you still going with social media, Greg?

Yeah, I am.

I just have

no

idea what all those words meant.

Let's see here.

Oh, Sarah on the Facebook says, NA Moscow mule cranberry lime and ginger beers.

Oh, I'm trying that's

because I don't

drink too much, but I love mocktail versions.

So thank you, Sarah, for that one.

Cranberry, lime and ginger beer amazing

that'll work Robert in in lacrosse says tangerine rosemary cock mocktail.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, excellent.

Right Robert.

Thank you very much.

All right Chris in Sun Prairie says he's got a two for here lately I've been really feeling Manhattan's oh, I like that pole And then he says but I kind of feel like a fraud because I'm not that fancy I

saw that before and do not feel never like what you like

You're as fancy as you'd like to be, whether your cocktail is a three paragraph long description or a Miller light.

You stick

to

what's you, baby.

All right.

Thank you to everyone who reached out.

We'll get to some more of them at the end of

the show in the

nightcap, but coming up after the break, we're going to be talking to.

Stand up comedian and writer Greg Schwem, who is going to be joining us talking about his column, Hotel Humor Here on

Night Live with Pete

Schwabba.

Oh, I'm sorry, Humor Hotel, I can read.

You'll

listen to Night Live with Pete Schwabba and Greg Bar.

Don't go anywhere.

Stay close.

All right, welcome back.

It is so great to have you here, folks.

This is a Tuesday night here at the Civic Media Network.

You've got Nightlight with Pete Schwabba and Greg Bach.

Dom Lee, as we affectionately call him, work in the board.

Dom, you never told us your favorite cocktail.

Espresso martini.

Boom.

Right there.

Espresso martini.

That is.

That

is.

fast.

I like it.

He's like he's like expressing my team next.

It's too fast.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

I have a feeling our next guest is going to have a great answer to that question.

He is a very funny stand up comedian who is also a nationally syndicated columnist and writes a column called The Humor Hotel for Tribune Media Services.

We are joined now by the very funny and swell guy Greg Schwem.

Hey buddy.

Hey Pete.

Hey Greg.

How are you?

Doing well.

How are you

tonight?

Excellent.

Dominic, did you see the Saturday Live sketch?

the Espresso Martini safe room.

I did.

That was just like that a couple of weeks ago.

And it was it was when girls had too many Espresso Martini that they had a safe room for them to do whatever they wanted.

And yeah, now you've just just totally weirded out the whole concept of that sketch.

You're not allowed in that safe room.

No.

The reasons we weren't going to have them.

Yeah.

Greg, it's good to see you.

Do you have a favorite cocktail of choice on National Cocktail Day?

On National Cocktail Day, I would say, you know what?

I'm so lame.

My go-to cocktail is a vodka and tonic, which I think works anywhere.

However, just a couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend and I, we go to this Asian cocktail bar.

and I, which is called, it's in Chicago, and it's called wangs, and don't judge it.

All right, so wangs, the Asian cocktail bar, but I have this one, and it's got vodka and sake, which is a bad combination right there, and leachy fruit, which totally makes the vodka and the sake untasteable.

Oh, God, that makes my

head

hurt.

You're cringing just hearing the ingredients.

And

I had two

of those.

And it was a, it was a really, really interesting walk home after two of those

things.

I will say this.

I'm not going to judge you or a place called Wangs.

Cause when I lived in LA of a few blocks away, there was a place called big Wangs.

I don't judge anybody by their establishments.

Yeah.

I do like margaritas too.

Those

are awesome.

Here's my issue with margaritas.

I like them strong, not because I'd like want to get drunk faster, but when a margarita is too sweet, it's not good and you have to put more alcohol in to make it take.

It's a great mix, but you do get drunk faster.

That's the problem.

Yeah.

When I was younger, I would always get the, what do they call it?

There's on ice and there's the other one.

frozen.

I always get frozen.

And then one day I realized like, I'm an adult, I'm on ice from now on.

It just felt like, because the frozen ones are so, they're so cold and they're so sugary that they give you sugar shock.

And as I found out personally last week, just from any kind of margarita, there's so much sugar that it really, that is actually what kicks in your hangover the next day.

It's not so much the booze.

It's the fact that you've dehydrated yourself through the sugar.

So

Taking a break from Margaritas

for maybe sugar shock and brain freeze.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Um, Greg, let's talk about your, your most recent article.

I just love this.

Uh, you said, um, and for all of Greg's stuff, check out the humor hotel at Tribune media services.

Great stuff.

Um, you said that 53% of Americans feel like other people are bad.

I'm assuming a sign of the polarizing times we live in, but then you compared that to Canada, where Canadians say 92% of people are good.

What is going on there?

It wasn't me that said that.

I was quoting a Pew research study, which said the same thing though.

It said 53% of Americans think their fellow Americans are bad.

And you know what, the first thing that came to mind, every time I hear a study like that, I always think of that,

joke and I think you know it was like I think multiple comedians did this

and it

was always like there was like some study that said like 30% of Americans were gay and the joke was so look to your left and look to your right.

If those people are straight, it's you.

That's that's what I thought.

But yeah, so pure research said that 53% of Americans think their fellow Americans are quote unquote, morally and ethically bad.

And then they compared it to other countries.

And Canada came out on top saying that like 90 they thought that 90% of their fellow Canadians were good people.

Geez, I just

that.

Oh my gosh.

I'm totally stunned by that because you Yeah, it and it makes me it makes me sad because I don't want to think that I don't want to think that about people like I know there are people out there that I disagree with I know there are people out there that are legitimately not good people but I don't want to believe that there are so many bad people out there that's like overwhelming I just it's

That's difficult for me.

It doesn't it doesn't shock me at all that Canadians think that most of their country is good.

They're Canadians.

But whoa.

Well, my article went on to say that I think there's a difference between bad and annoying.

You know, I don't think we think that our fellow Americans are necessarily bad people.

I think that we just get annoyed

really

easily.

uh with little things and I brought up I brought up examples like you know I said the guy in my condominium building who's constantly pushing the up button when it's already lit all right I don't think that makes him a bad person but he's an annoying person I really don't want to be in the elevator with this dude all right or I said you know I was on the phone with my credit card company to get today and I'm sure you've gone through this too where you you type in your 16 digit

credit card, and then you get a person and they say, hey, can you give me your credit card number?

And I'm like, well, what did I just do there?

That was annoying.

It just expended all that energy for nothing.

Greg, we're going to do a very quick break.

When we come right back, we'll have more with our pal comedian and syndicated columnist Greg Schwem.

We're talking about his article.

If you're a good person, you're likely, you're most likely close to a bad one.

We'll get into it more on the other side of the break.

This is Pete Schwab and Greg Bach in Nightlight.

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Nightlight with Pete Schwabba.

Sitting across the stage for me is Mr. Greg Bach, and holding down the fort in Madison is Dom Lee.

It is great to have you with us on this Tuesday night.

Our question of the night is, in honor of National Cocktail Day, what is your cocktail of choice?

Our guest, Greg Schwem, I've already forgotten what you said, Greg, but welcome

back.

I said vodka and tonic, and then if I want to go to a place called Wangs, it is a vodka splash.

Saki slash leachy fruit.

How did I forget that?

That is the voice of Greg Schwem.

He is the author of the Humor Hotel, a great nationally syndicated column.

You can check out on Tribune Media Services.

He's also a very funny standup comic.

He joins us over the stream from Tennessee tonight.

Yeah.

I wanted to ask you again, Greg, pickleball.

You play?

I

do.

In fact, I'm playing tomorrow.

Oh, sweet.

I loved your article about it.

Thank you.

And especially Michelle to FOIA, uh, tell us how I

was going to say, I thought you were leading into your like, Hey, do you play pickleball also?

Well, I pickleball

politics.

Yeah.

I mean, like we talked about Michelle to FOIA, like I just mentioned a few days ago, because she said everybody should hold, she's running for Senate Minnesota.

She said, everybody should stop buying Starbucks once a week to help pay for higher gas prices to support the war in Iran.

How she connected those dots, I have no idea.

But she said something even more crazy, which you mentioned in your article.

So please tell us how being a sideline reporter for the NFL gives you the talents to be a senator.

That's

my point is why people are using these credentials to run for political office.

And it's sports people.

you know, and they keep using these sports metaphors.

And I, you know, it's always like some ex-jocs saying, I've, I can kick this country through the goalposts of success.

You know, it has nothing.

And Michelle Tafoya was something like she, her, her, when she announced she was running, she talks about how she's been on the sidelines.

She's talked to

She's talked to people during the big game at the most crucial of times.

And therefore, I should be a senator.

And I was like, where do these things go?

And it's one after the other.

Greg, you were about to say.

I was just going to say, well, if that's the case, then I have an idea, then she can just become a reporter^?

at the Capitol.

There you go.

She can be on

the sidelines talking to the senators and the

congressmen.

So my whole thing was, I was going to say, you know, hi, I'm Greg Schwem, you know, husband, father, pickleball player.

Do you ever, you know, aren't you tired of these pickleball?

You know, have you ever gone to a city court and seen all the pickleball courts that are taken?

We need, we need.

common sense and to get rid of these pickleball hogs.

And that's what I'm bringing to Washington.

And therefore I want to be the secretary of state or the vice president or something.

It's like, come on, what, what does this have to do with running for political office?

So she's the latest.

And I mean, there was just something about that, that commercial that just really irritated

me.

Well, I guess I just look at it from the point that Herschel Walker walked so she could run.

I mean, that's

just really what I mean.

There you go.

He has a talk show.

There you go, guys.

Talk shows, too.

So

wait, who did you say has a talk show and wants to run for president?

Is it Steven Smith or the guy?

Oh,

Stephen A. Smith.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He says he's thinking about running for president.

I love it when they say I haven't ruled out the dot, dot, dot.

I'm like, no one's trying to rule you in, bro.

Seriously.

Yeah, and it's kind of weird enough when when you are a quarterback or a running back or whatever like well You know I was on the field and that qualifies me for office.

No, it doesn't you were

a great

athlete I'm not saying you can't do that.

Maybe you'd be good at it, but it doesn't automatically and she's saying I was a

A sideline reporter that somehow if that qualifies her, hey, I love to watch football and I sit on my couch and do it and I've seen what she does.

So maybe I could be like a state senator with those

qualifications.

Tommy Tuberville, who's now is a senator in Alabama and is running for governor of Alabama.

He's like, as you all know, I'm a coach.

I'm a recruiter.

And

what else?

You're a guy who withheld military pension or military promotions

for your own game.

Guys,

I just want to make this announcement really quick here here on Night Light with Pete Schwabba and Greg Bach on the Civic Meeting Network.

Once a long time ago for my nephew's fourth birthday, I bought him a football.

I'm running for governor now.

So because I

feel like in that day when I was shopping on

Well, it was Amazon.

Okay.

My mom bought the football for me.

She signed it.

It's not the point.

The point is, I understand the economy and I understand governments.

So

vote for

me.

I've held up.

I've, I've, I've, I've signed a card that my mom bought for me saying, I hope you love this football, Ben.

That, that's,

yep.

Who wants to get my

campaign?

Boy.

And if ever there was a politician, like they can shoehorn anything into a conversation, but Michelle Tafoya is on record now three times and you're like, whoa,

this would be

interesting because I don't get, and Tommy Tuberville, of course, who you just mentioned has a, what was his thing?

Oh yeah, he was the one who was obsessed with male cheerleaders.

I don't know if that was healthy or unhealthy, but he really picks his issues as well.

How did you know, Greg, when you see like when you're just watching the news, how do you know

I've got a column.

That's great.

Yeah, you know, that's, that's great question, Pete.

I mean, I just feel like when I write, when I write, um, I want to come up with some topic that either everybody is talking about or is that is so insane that it, it becomes funny.

Um, you know, and, uh, or sometimes I will try to gauge the conversation.

Like, you know, we, I wrote a column a couple of weeks ago about do you use

Hotel room service

and

the reason I did that is because I stayed at this I stayed at the planet Hollywood in Vegas for I had a corporate gig out there about a month ago and first of all The first thing they tell you even when you book the room.

It's a it's like, okay The room is $79 a night, but the resort fee is $62 and which covers like housekeeping and using the pool which is closed

in Vegas in February.

And the use of the health club, which I'm not going to be using because I'm busy and I'm working all day.

But the housekeeping service was the one that kind of threw me because I have found myself more and more not using housekeeping.

Like when I go for like a day or two.

Yeah.

I mean, that used to be used to be, you know, when you stay in a hotel, that was one of the the luxuries of staying in a hotel was that somebody came in and claimed your room.

And now

I find myself just being like, no, just stay out of the room.

I don't feel like getting out so you can come in.

And I thought, are there other people out there?

So somebody will go out to social media.

And I'll be like, how do you feel about this?

And it was amazing how many other people didn't use housekeeping service as well.

What about you guys?

I have never noticed a housekeeping fee on my hotel.

I'm the same way.

Like I rarely stayed a hotel for more than maybe three nights, depending on the reason.

And I think if I went beyond that, maybe I'd have them clean up, but I almost always tell them no, because nowadays they say it's not even, it's not even a thing of like, put your do not disturb sign up.

Like they want you to say, like, tell us if you don't want it.

I generally don't want it cause I'm a fairly clean person.

I don't want my stuff.

I don't care about, I'm like, I'm not like hiding anything, but

I also don't want you rearranging my room.

Even if it's a mess, it's my mess.

Let me live in my mess for 48

hours.

That's what you do at home, right?

Clean up your own place, right?

What about you?

Yeah, I'm the same way.

I don't I don't like like the same deal.

I can use the same towel more than once.

This is not you know, first of all, I'm not I have no illusions of grandeur.

I'm just a regular dude.

Give me one towel.

I'm fine.

I don't need to pretend I can live luxuriously.

What drives me crazy is when I put the Do Not Disturb sign up and they still knock on the door.

Housekeeping.

Really?

What part of that didn't you read correctly?

Yeah.

Whether it's I'm working or I want to sleep, I just, it's unbelievable to me.

So, but the resort fee cracks me up because you think they would factor that into the nightly fee, but that's probably how they suck you in.

Oh, this is only 125 bucks.

Oh, it's actually 250 after all the crazy.

That's

like.

that's like all those third party hotel websites where they're like, we'll get you this hotel room for $49.

And then after all their fees, it's the same price as the hotel.

And

you're like,

Oh, and on top of that, it's not a reservation.

You have to pay for it.

You don't go.

You've lost your money.

You can't cancel the reservation.

So I hotels are just it's every way they could.

And this is for a lot of places.

Any way they can nickel and dime you.

They will do it, but then they will pass it off as these are the savings you're getting.

No, you're not.

I've seen the bill.

I know what you're doing.

I'm not stupid.

Or the 4pm check in and the 11 o'clock out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Check into like three, four in the afternoon.

Yeah.

Whatever.

I was at a place recently in central Wisconsin.

We were visiting my daughter's 10 a.m.

Checkout and a 4 p.m.

Check in.

It's like, why don't you just shorten it to eight hours?

So I got to go in lay down right away and wake up.

You know, is that what you're going for?

Why don't

you just put the sign outside the hotel says hourly rates?

Yeah,

right here.

If you want, I'll tidy up.

If you give me a couple extra hours, I'll leave it noon, but I'll just I'll just start the cleaning process.

But I

I

will

say I will complain about hotels till I'm blue in the face, but I would, I will still much rather stay at a hotel than an Airbnb.

I just would

much

rather

stay in a private locked room with a bunch of other private locker rooms than walking to someone's house going.

I don't like this at all.

This is

weird.

Walk into someone's house, go and wear the cameras.

I want to be well when they're recording me.

Yeah.

Greg Schwem is our guest.

He is a nationally syndicated columnist who writes his column called The Humor Hotel for Tribune Media Services, and he's a very funny stand-up comedian as well.

He joins us here periodically at night late to talk about some of his articles that he writes and a little comedy.

I did notice, I think I'm gonna go back, because I wanted to mention this to you, Greg.

I think this was in your first article.

If you're a good person, you're most likely close to a bad one.

Only 23% of Americans find...

marijuana use morally wrong compared with 91% and 70% of survey participants in Indonesia and Japan.

We don't have it here in Wisconsin.

Like, I don't even smoke it, but I still feel like we should have it.

We're surrounded by states where it's legal.

I know, Greg, what do you think about it?

Iowa has it.

Yeah.

Iowa

needs it.

Yeah,

maybe we're just well, you

know, that's it.

I don't understand why Wisconsin doesn't have it is legal in Illinois.

And yeah, I just I guess I'm not not going to Indonesia anytime soon or Japan.

But yeah, I think the fact that so many states have legalized it, you know, Illinois, my joke in my act is always, you know, three years ago,

marijuana was a felony drug in Illinois.

And today it's a stocking stuffer.

That's that's our opinion now on marijuana use in Illinois.

But

we get this is the perfect state to Wisconsin because people come up here in the summer, you open a weed store in Monaco or Eagle River.

Oh my gosh, retire early.

That's insane.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you do have things that we don't in Illinois.

You do.

Yeah.

Well, you do you have you have spotted cow beer.

Sure.

Oh, great.

Oh, we both

have

something we both have something the other side wants.

And I think that is why we're getting along much better.

Hey, we got it.

We got to coexist, right?

Right.

I

I go up real quick.

I go up to I go up to Wisconsin and people are like, you go to Wisconsin.

Hey, they lower their voice.

They're like, can you?

Yeah.

I'm like,

why

are you whispering?

It's legal up there.

Okay.

That's how good it is, buddy.

And you know it.

Uh, Hey bud, thank you so much as always.

So much fun.

Uh, break a leg on stage and let's do this again soon.

Absolutely.

Thanks.

All right.

Greg Schwem, check out the humor hotel on Tribune media services.

This is a nightlight with peach wabba and Greg Bach.

We are coming back for the night.

You're listening to Civic Media.

Find the latest news, information, and archives of all your favorite shows on the Civic Media website,

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you're listening to us on the civic media network.

We're so happy you're here with us tonight.

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Love knowing that you're out there listening.

Okay, that was like the most laid back, jazzy thing I've ever heard in my life, Dom.

It was very jazzy.

It was very,

very jazzy,

you know, sometimes.

Oh^?

my goodness.

We got to recap, you know?

We got to recap

and^?

that always includes jazz.

It always does, you know?

I don't disagree with that.

Pete, I mean, we are in the nightcap now.

Here

we are in the^?

nightcap, Pete.

I'm blown away by that sounder.

That was amazing.

Pete, what did you think of the show tonight?

I liked it a lot.

And here's what I learned.

We've got a few texts left.

But before we do that, I want to tell you that I learned when Kevin was here that home prices are not going to go down even though we have a ton of old people in Wisconsin.

That's kind of morbid, I know.

But that was an eye-opener.

I mean, I think you're going to see a lot of people.

I'm going to predict this.

When those folks unfortunately pass, you're going to see a lot of people probably maybe buying a second home.

Because they're probably, my guess is those homes probably are smaller, easier, easier to maintain.

They're more cabin-like in their location.

You'll probably be seeing some folks from around the country saying, oh, $250,000, nothing.

I got that in my couch cushion.

Boom, done.

Probably.

Yeah.

And I've got, I love my house.

It's great.

Um, but I'm thinking more of like you said before, Greg, like people like Dom or my kids, I want them to be able to own a house if they want to too.

Yep.

Absolutely.

There you go.

What did you learn, Greg?

Oh man.

I learned, well, I learned that, uh, I almost said, I learned that Canada has a much higher opinion of each other than we do of each other here in America.

And I need to start looking at my hotel receipts.

for things I'd being charged for things I don't use.

So I, that's what I learned from both of our guests.

Yes.

Also, you

can don't mess with Alan Richardson.

Correct.

Obviously.

And you can laugh and learn.

I think that's what we learned from, uh, from

gradually,

uh, whistler from Richland center.

He's in the 608 or his phone is, uh, says Mike's harder green apple.

Thank you, whistler.

Okay.

Uh,

Cam from Appleton says, Molotov.

Okay, no reason to get all mob-ish here, Cam, but thank you for the text.

Michael in Tosa says, my favorite cocktail is a brandy old-fashioned sweet.

Would you say that's our winner tonight?