The Traveling Caregiver & The Alzheimer’s Journey

Let's begin now, 3, 2, 3, 2, 1, I woke up this morning, and I said, you know, I said

that, waiting for a good day to happen, you know, waiting around the loves and dies, you know,

I just said, you know, you are listening to the empowered caregiver show, and I am your

host, Liza Helen Bram. Today, I am here with my producer, Sam Davison. Did I say that right,

Sam? He did. All right, that's a pretty, that's a pretty easy one to say, but I historically mess

up everybody's last name. No matter how easy it is. So I am here today with Sam, and Sam has not

been my producer before. So this is fun for, for me, hopefully fun for you, Sam, as well. I will

try to make it as exciting as I can, given that we're talking about caregiving issues. Of course,

it'll be a good time. Well, and not that those aren't fun and exciting, but they're not always

easy, easy conversations to have. And quite frankly, that's why I wanted to do this show to

be able to talk about some of the caregiver issues out there. One in five Americans are

caregivers. It's a role that almost everybody will have at some point in their life.

And there's a lot behind that. It impacts your physical, mental, financial, well-being.

And I think as a society, as a country, we can do more to raise awareness and to put

systems and supports in place to make the caregiving rule sustainable. Because quite frankly,

the caregivers of this world are the backbone of the nation. If, you know, if they weren't there,

helping and taking care of their loved ones, who would be? It would not end well. So I am all

about talking about caregiver issues and supporting caregivers. But I feel a little out of the loop.

So last week, I was in Catalina Island, California, with my entire family. I have three children

and my daughter's partner, Tanner and my husband. So it was exciting to say the least. And it

everything went well. It was pretty smooth sailing. We had a few bumps out of the gate. So my son

came with and Sam, I'll tell you because you probably haven't heard my backstory as some listening

may not have either. I have a son, Caden, who is 20, that is on the autism spectrum. He was diagnosed

with autism when he was two years old. And from about two to 16, my whole entire world and day

was around Caden. And you know, what can I do to get this kid off the ground and all the tools,

support therapies that he needs to be successful. And he's doing great. He is in college right now

at a program for students with intellectual disabilities, but he's living independently. And he

thinks his mom is the least coolest person on earth. So typical, typical young man, I guess.

But we took Caden along. And it's not the first time that he's been on an airplane. He's done a

handful over the years. Maybe every year, we do something that requires a plane to get there.

And I always think, okay, I've got to prepare this kid before the situation because

airports can be stressful. Like my husband is the worst. I don't know, Sam. How are you with

traveling? You like traveling? I do. I haven't done a lot of it though. Just this past summer, I flew

on my own for the first time. And it was, it was a lot, but it was also, I don't know, it was fun.

Yeah, I mean, first time that, that is a lot. I mean, it's a lot to take in and a lot to be

nervous about where do I go? What do I do? And, and so, you know, my son doesn't do it

enough that it's, that it's, you know, easy and natural for him. And so every time I think,

okay, we got to talk through this, prepare, and every time I forget because

travel, right? And it involves a lot. So he had to bring with him his computer so he could do

some schoolwork. So we didn't go through that whole process, right? You need to take your computer

out if you're bringing computer, put it in the TSA bin, and then it goes through. And, and so,

he just put it in the bin, but it was still in the case. And so they took it out of the case,

and they put the case on top of the laptop, you know, after they did their whatever.

And my son just grabbed the bag and laughed. He thought that they would have like put it back

in the case for him, right? So I guess it makes, it makes sense. So he left without his computer.

It stayed home in Madison at TSA for the week. So there was that. And then also, you know, I try

to let him be independent and do his own packing and his own thing. I mean, he's an adult.

I can't be running around packing his underwear. I don't want to be running around packing his

underwear. So I just let him do him. I figure we can work it out, right? Everything is as

fixable or doable. So he did his own packing, which included packing chocolate milk. Because

that's what you would bring, right? If you're in the island in California, who knows they might not

have chocolate milk. Oh, excuse me. So he had chocolate milk in his bag. So they had to go through

and take that out. And so it was a little stressful experience. And I'm thinking, okay, next time

I've got to prepare him for this. And they made me think that there actually is some programs out

there where they will support people with autism or disabilities through the airport process before

they fly. And so I did some research into that. And I want to share that information because I think

it would be really helpful for a lot of people, especially around all the stress and anxiety that

comes around with traveling. And it's the arc. The arc is a RC. And it's a it's a national

organization, national community-based organization with over 600 chapters throughout the US.

And they advocate for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities and their families.

Well, what they also do is they put on this program called Wings for all or Wings for short. And

it provides an airport rehearsal, I guess you could say, as well as a presentation on the aircraft

features and the in-flight safety protocols. And so during this Wings event, the participants actually

go through the whole process. So they check in, they receive boarding passes, they go through the

TSA, they learn that they need to take out their computer and they can't pack chocolate milk on

their vacations. And then they go through the boarding area and then they actually board the

aircraft and go through the safety protocol. And then, you know, I'm sure there's a Q&A and

some pictures and then they're on their merry way. But it's it's a great idea for people that

that could use that that extra support and practice. So if you want to learn more about that,

you can go to the arc.org. And again, it's the and arc is arc.org. So speaking about traveling

and disability, I also just learned about a company called Able Track Tours. And so Able Track

Tours supports people with disabilities so that they can go on vacations independently. And to me,

that was super great news because it's one thing that's in the back of my mind always as I try

to prepare my son to be as independent as possible and knowing that I'm, you know, not going to be

here forever. How do I get things in place? And I always kind of thought about the travel aspect

of that because I think travel is an important part of life. I know it's not everybody's thing,

but you know, that's how you experience and see the world, right? So I want him to be able to

to travel. And I think, you know, 30, 40 years down the line, what would that look like for him?

And so I was thrilled to know that there's Able Track Tours out there and that they support people

with disabilities to go on vacations independently. I think that they can handle people of all needs.

Some definitely, you know, need more support than others. And so I was researching, I guess, on

their website. And it states that their owner is a registered nurse specializing in critical care.

I actually reached out to her and her husband was ER nurse as well. And the two of them recently

had to take in over this company that, which I guess has been around for 30 years, I think she

might have mentioned. And so they state on their website that they have staff and volunteer

members. A lot of those people are social workers, teachers, group home staff, medical professionals.

And a lot of other just really qualified people, which is, which is good when you're sending

your, your child or your adult son or daughter out into the world with disabilities, making sure

that they're in good hands, right? So another great thing that I learned about them

is that they accept Iris funding. And for those that aren't familiar with that term,

Iris funding is a program for adults with disabilities and their elderly and elderly people

throughout Wisconsin. So to qualify for Iris funding, you need to be eligible for Medicaid.

So if you want to learn more about that, because I'm all about sharing information and resources,

I would start with your local ADRC, the aging and disability resource center. So once you get

this Iris funding, you can use it for various, various things to support those with, with

disabilities and seniors. And some of that to funding could be used towards a portion of, of

able track tour vacations. And looking at their website, I saw that they offer day trips. Now they're

out of Readsburg, Wisconsin, which is kind of central Wisconsin Dulles area, but they have these

looked beautiful travel, big full-size travel buses. And what they do is they go around

the whole state and pick, and pick people up and take them on day trips throughout Wisconsin.

I saw that they do dinner shows, brewer games, packer games, Wisconsin State Fair. Of course,

the Wisconsin Dulles, right? Everybody has to go to the Wisconsin Dulles at least once.

They also do statewide trips. I saw that they take people to Tennessee and Arizona, Hawaii. And I

support people with disabilities in another role. And a married couple is going on a cruise.

They're going on a Caribbean cruise. Independently, they both have disability, but they're married,

and they're going on this able track cruise to the Caribbean. But I see that I saw that they also

do Alaska cruises. So I just, wow, if you're interested in that and you want to learn more.

And I will say that you don't have to have a disability. Anybody can go on these organized,

these organized trips. It's just that they have people in place to support those with disabilities.

So go to abletracktours.com. And when I come back, I just want to share with you some other things

that I learned about traveling and traveling as a caregiver and supporting those with disabilities.

You are all I long for. All I worship and adore. In other words, please be true.

In other words, I love you.

You are listening to the empowered caregiver and I am your host, Liza Helen Brand. Well done, Sam.

Well done. We were looking for some music that involved travel. And you know, we gave

ourselves about 20 seconds to find it or actually Sam did and you pulled it off. Awesome.

So speaking of travel, I was just sharing that last week I was in Catalina Island, California,

with my entire family, six of us total, including my daughter's boyfriend, which we're keeping

in our fingers crossed that this is the one. And it went great. The only little road but

that I road black I ran into, speed bump that I ran into was traveling with my son with autism

in the whole TSA process. And we didn't really prepare. We didn't really talk about it.

He left his computer in TSA and he used packed chocolate milk to bring with him. And so you know,

it was kind of a whole big experience. So it would just let me down this rabbit hole of, you know,

traveling with people with disabilities and what's out there and what should we know and, you know,

how can we make this process easier. And I was surprised to see that, well, I guess I wasn't surprised.

I was happy to see that the Department of Transportation has developed a disability-related

material known as the airline passengers with disabilities bill of rights. Didn't even

know existed. So they have this bill of rights to assist passengers traveling with disabilities

to better understand their rights along with many helpful tools. And so you can find that information

at transportation.gov.gov.gov.gov. And it's the airline passengers with disabilities bill of

rights that goes through everything you need to know, including what exactly is a disability,

what they consider a disability and what you need to be able to provide to show that you have

a disability. So we had covered air travel, but accommodations and discounts are also available

for other forms of transportation. I was surprised to learn that Amtrak train offers discounts

between 15 and 50 percent is what they had on the website to wheelchair users and a travel

companion. Greyhound also has just a wealth of information on their website about traveling with

the disability. And it's, I guess it would make sense that they would have that there, but it's

not just something it's not something that you would think of maybe until after the the fact.

So they do have a lot of information on what they can do to help you and to support you. And you

know what different rights and accommodations that you have. And I also found another awesome

travel resource that I came across the society for accessible travel and hospitality. And I don't

know if maybe it's a secret society because I never heard of it, but their website is S-A-T-H.org.

And they have a ton of great articles, including 10 golden rules of autistic travel,

which would have been great to read before I did the travel. So I highly recommend them. They had

tons of resources out there. And then I also found that the US Department of State offers staff,

which is S-T-E-P, as a free service that allows you to share trip information with the local

US embassy. So that way it's easier to be notified in any kind of event of like an international

emergency. And most importantly though, there's a section under that travel or information that

allows you to enter any relevant information about a physical limitation or a disability. So

again, knowing that you're in good hands, people know where you are, how they can find you,

all great to learn before you do the travel. And that brought me to, and I believe that I've shared

this before, but I know the prices of this adds up. And I think it's such an awesome resource and

things that they do. But the National Park Service Access Pass is actually free to all US citizens

with a permanent disability. And this grants access to any of the national parks, monuments,

historic sites. And I'm sure that there's more out there. So that one, if you want to learn more

about that, go to nps.gov. And one thing that I, again, probably would not have thought of until

after the fact is that if you are doing international travel, Medicare does not cover

overseas travel medical expenses, probably nothing that you would think of until you're in a time

where you need it. So if you're traveling overseas and you're using Medicare for your primary

insurance, you may want to consider a travel insurance, which includes medical coverage.

So I just, I'm kind of glad I went there. I learned a lot. There's a lot of resources out there.

And it all can be overwhelming. And I think it's best to maybe plan and look into this before you

do the travel and not ever after the way that I did it. So, but you know, that's one of the reasons

why I wanted to do this show the empowered caregiver is I want to be able to share these resources

that support caregivers. So if you know of some out there and you think that I should be talking

about them and sharing them with others, let me know. I would absolutely love to be able to,

to share other resources out there. You can reach me at lizaatcivicmedia.us or you can find me

on Facebook or Instagram at the empowered caregiver. So I'm going to shift gears a little bit.

And I'm going to go down the road of dementia. I was just talking with Catherine Lake, who is the

what is Catherine Lake? She's the program director here. Thank you. The program director.

I knew that, but I just couldn't think of the how you say the title, the program director here.

And she had cared for her parents with dementia. So that is something that I have not experienced.

Well, I shouldn't say that. My grandma actually passed from dementia and it went very quickly

right after the diagnosis and it was at a time where I had just got married and I just had my

son and my head was not in the game. And you know, should I cut a wood out right as far as

things we wish we would have been able to do or could have been able to do to support our loved ones

that are no longer here. But I was not very involved in that process. And I did see her a few times

and it was really hard for me because I was really close to my grandma growing up. She raised me

a lot of the times, especially in summer. My mom was still in college. And so we were close. So to,

you know, see her and not remember who I was or, you know, who my my son was that I just had was

was hard. It was really hard for me to deal with. So I can't wait to learn and more learn more

from Catherine and her experience. And I was fascinated to find out that someone in the world

develops dementia every three seconds. There are over 55 million people worldwide living with dementia

in 2020. This number will most likely double every 20 years reaching 78 million people by 2030. So

we need to start having these conversations that is a lot of people folks.

And I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 miles and I would just have been a mad

who walk a thousand miles and hold on and I should go.

Those were the days my friend we thought they'd never end with sing and dance. You are listening to

the empowered caregiver and I am your host. Lies a Helen brand. I almost forgot to talk. I was

wanting to hear that song in its entirety. I'm not sure I know that one. But who's who sings that?

This is Mary Hopkins. Okay. Probably because I never heard of Mary Hopkins. Yeah, this is the

only song I know by her. Ah, I like it. I like it. I'm going to have to go back and listen to it again.

So I was saying earlier that someone in the world develops dementia every three seconds. There are

over 55 million people worldwide living with dementia in 2020. And this number will almost double

every 20 years reaching 78 million people by the year 2030. So this is something that I feel like

you're not going to dodge this bullet as far as being impacted.

And it's conversations we have to know because this is this is big. And I shared that my grandma had

passed from dementia and I wasn't really involved. And it scared me and it was heartbreaking. And I

think people need to be prepared. So I cannot wait to talk with Catherine Lake, the program director

here at civic media about her journey and her experience. Thank you, Catherine, for coming on.

Thanks for having this dialogue, Liza. It really is disturbing to hear that out loud.

The number of people that have dealt with dementia and that down the road, we know because of the

baby boom, it's not, it's just math, right? More people, more causes and more time to develop dementia.

And dementia comes in a lot of different forms, as you darn well know. I think both my parents

at the end of their lives had some. And I say that because my mom was definitively Alzheimer's,

and my dad just started to get a little foggy, foggy. Sure, right? And there's such a profound

difference. And I got to see both of them play out. And what a privilege. What a joy.

Well, I, I am, I'm sorry for your loss. And I, I'm sorry that you had to experience that,

but you do have this wealth of knowledge now that we can talk about it. I guess. And, and yeah,

I like to think I have knowledge, but it feels relentless. It feels uncontrollable. Certainly

Alzheimer's, when she got it, she was 77. It was a summer that my sister and I said,

mom, I think you're repeating stories. And it's, it's so different than what my sister and I do.

Did I already tell you this? I told somebody else yesterday, so I wasn't sure if it was true, right?

Did I, did I already mention this? Because we don't talk every day. Maybe it's every three days.

Did we talk about this? And that's one way to go. I don't remember telling you this story, right?

But there's also in the same conversation. Oh, did I tell you I had bet? Yeah, you told me about

five minutes ago. Yeah. So it was that. And my mother with the Alzheimer's turned out to be one of

those kinds who just doesn't want to admit it, doesn't want to. So you literally said, when we,

I remember where we were, standing in the kitchen of a rental cottage in Maine, saying, mom,

I think you're a, we think you're repeating yourself in a unique way we need to look at it. And

she said, well, I just won't tell you as much. She literally just said, and that we had her tested

twice, both times made her a matter than a hornet. I was going to say, see, there's,

there's just all of this right from the beginning that is, are you a denier? Are you curious

about your own health? Are you interested in? It just scared her to death. And she was never going

to admit it. My dad was calling us in the months following the diagnosis that, yeah, we were definitely

got an issue saying, well, they're playing Alzheimer drugs and commercials on the TV. I don't

understand why they have to do that. I don't want her having to see that fascinating ways of

trying to avoid the conversation. Wow. Because she determined that was her path. I'm not going to

talk about this. I'm not going to admit it. And I'm, she was resistant to the drugs. And my dad

didn't know the drugs that he gave. You have to have a full stomach. Otherwise, she won't tolerate

them. So we just didn't because he wouldn't change the method. You know, breakfast is orange juice,

meds, then food. And dad, you got to do the opposite food. Just the opposite. Yeah. And he just

couldn't make that change. If I have to do all the damn cooking now, I'm going to do it the way I do.

Ah. So yeah, there's so many different ways you can take this journey. Yes. Another friend of mine,

his father lamented, I can't read anymore because I can't remember what I just read. Oh, wow.

And lamented that out loud with his son, who he then later called his brother. You know,

as you get into the reads of it. Yeah. So how long did did your mom live with? She had the

typical 10 year journey. It was 77 years of age. When we said you're forgetting yourself and she

died at 87. It was just relentless going downhill. And of course, all the things that I know

your listeners have experienced in dealing with this, the wandering, the up at night,

unsafe practices. And some of it can be funny. She made a sandwich for my dad

before he decided, okay, you're no longer in the kitchen. Right. He was letting her make lunches

for them. You know, she was good at making tuna fish sandwich. And so she brought him a PB and J,

peanut butter and jelly. And he started to think about eating it his sandwich that she already

made hers and eating it. And he started to think about eating it and he thought, this doesn't

feel smell. He opened it up. And he thought, that's not peanut butter. And she said, well, I

ate mine. It's just fine. Just eat it. And he went to the kitchen. She'd made him a silver

polish and jelly. Oh, and ate hers. Oh, wow. With no, I don't taste that. How does that become

something that Alzheimer's produces? Yeah. And the silver polish shouldn't have been in the

kitchen probably. You know, or she went for that in the cap. Who knows? Right. But all that,

that you talk about all the time, caregiving, the exhaustion of trying to keep them safe. Yeah.

Is nine tenths of the battle. I mean, that, that just sounds like toddler. Yeah. Time. Yes.

When she was, it's exactly what happens from, from my experience, Alzheimer's brings you back to

childhood. Yeah. The only memories you hold onto are the oldest, right? You start to forget your

children almost in order. Maybe then your spouse. You may start calling one of your children

or your own spouse, your siblings from your early years, or you don't know that you have to

experience the, the death of your parents over and over again. My mom said, where's my dad? Yeah.

Well, you know, he's not with us anymore. Mom and her just having to re-experience that.

All those things. So I'm curious. Did, did you see that journey do the re-explaining over and over?

Eventually, you stop. You stop. Because I ask because I did an interview with Marty Shriver,

a former governor of Wisconsin, who lost his wife to Alzheimer's, and he has become a huge

advocate in such an asset to, to the state of Wisconsin with all the work that he does around it.

But he said, he went through his journey of letting that, that go the correct, just gotta let that,

that, that go really hard for my dad. I just told you that, Susan, what are you talking about?

And in public, her last job, she was a church organist. Yeah. She retired from one for 30 years,

where I grew up going to that church. And then she just couldn't stand it. She just went back and

took another job. And it was way harder, way more confusing, the Lutheran service, way different

than Methodist. So it helped in a lot of ways because she had to relearn something pretty big.

Yeah. The organization of a whole church service and all the things that the Lutherans throw in the

air. And the minister's wife was a heart player and was mean to her on Sunday mornings. So,

Ziam, we just talked about this last night. Why don't you, don't you remember? You know, and it's

that, but you're right. You stop correcting when there not no work environment that was special

circumstances. But yes, you don't tell them over and over again, eventually stop, stop doing that.

Yeah. You know, and, and stop correcting. My friend that I mentioned, his father said, I can't

read anymore. That same father started calling him by his son by his brother's name. And he was

advised, just be your uncle. Just be that. Right. And have the conversation. Do you remember that dog?

No, I don't remember. Bob, help me remember. You remember that. Oh, it was so sparky, of course.

And you think you can engage with them. And they can still live within their memories that they

still have and enjoy the engagement with you. I think I would love that. Do you think I don't

have that? I might take that one a little too far. I'm going to have to keep that in mind when

my mom starts, you know, telling these stories. And I mean, I say my mom, I worry about it was her

mom that had that had passed. So, and you know, it was Alzheimer's, not just dementia. Because back

then they are diagnosing it and PS the way they diagnose it. All topsy.

The legitimate diagnosis is after death. You know, I should ask my mom some more more questions

about that. There's so many things that I like call her or text her like I'm getting old mom,

do we have this? Did you do this? You know, like what you want to know? Need to know?

So, I should find out some more information, but I worry about my mom. So, I guess on that note,

what was some of the initials? I mean, you talked about it like just repeating the stories.

It is so dramatically different. You will know because you know your loved one. You will know.

If we're heading down just a little dementia, if we're into early Alzheimer's or late Alzheimer's,

it is so obvious if you have both in your hands. Yeah. Like we did with my parents. My dad

didn't get signs of real dementia until the last four or five, four years, three years because

he was so smart. Yeah. And yet he was a paraplegic. So, his exercise was nil, just moving about

because he was a walking paraplegic. He had a foot drop a lot of people understand what that

means. I don't understand that means. So, foot drop is when you just can't control the lift

of your foot, just the foot. So, he broke his very low back. So, dead from the knee down, not from

the waist down. And when did that happen? When he was in his 20s, he took a jet down and actually

survived. He was a jet pilot in the Air Force. And he managed to crash land, not just crash,

a plane that lost its engine, the only engine that you have in a jet back in the Korean War.

Yeah. So, he told very pridefully only in the last couple of years of his life that he was proud

of the way that he brought that plane down. Because it was bad oil, right? The engine seizes,

it's not a, doesn't glide. Yeah. They just go down, but he managed to go down just right. Wow.

So, that he survived, but he did break his back. So, he was doing all of this caregiving with

his own disability. Yes. Apparably sick. So, when she wandered, he couldn't just hop out there and

go find her. By then, he was riding a scooter too. Oh, my goodness. So, it just goes on and on.

It is a slow, progressive journey. Yeah. And it's hard. It's hard. It sounds incredibly

hard from all aspects. I'm sure physically, emotionally, I mean, it's got to hit you at every

angle. And I'm curious, did he get support in this journey? He resisted. When she started

wandering the first time, you know, the first progression of the wandering was when they

were still in a condominium together. Second floor, got to take an elevator out with a dog,

and then she just wouldn't come back. And she would wander when they'd go to the, they had a boat

that they still enjoyed on, where was it? Lake Superior Michigan, I forget which lake, a big lake,

nearby, and upstate New York. Champlain. They went to Champlain. Okay. But he would let her

wander while he's working on the boat. And he, you know, people would run big gas. Exactly. I'm

thinking about my father. This is all songs of really dangerous. And so other people called

DCFS on him. They were witnessing it in the condominium. You're not taking care of her. But

then they'd come visit. And these two well-dressed, perfectly reasonable older folks are on their way

out and say, oh, yeah, you're got called about what? We're fine. And they're like, she looks fine.

He's taking care when he walks. He was doing his best. But that at some point, one must ask for

the help when they need it. Well, I was going to ask you, what would you want people to know?

You know, going through this. If you are, you have the child's perspective when you see this

in the parents. What is the biggest takeaway if you really wanted to advocate or share

or be able to help somebody out? Let's do that. Let's talk about that. Yeah.

Take my picture now. Take it to you. See it. And when you find a suit, become your legacy.

Promise me a place in your house of memories.

You are listening to the empowered here, Giver Show. And I am your host, Liza Helen Brand. And I

have been talking with Catherine Lake, the program director here at Civic Media about her experience.

With Dimension Alzheimer's. And how she had to witness this in both her mother and her father

at the end. And just the impact that that has on a person. And what I really want to ask her

next or learn more is what does she really learn? What would you want to come on the airwaves and

share that white really help children out, adult children that are going through this process

or maybe seeing signs and symptoms that their parents are struggling? Before I get to that question,

I just want to share some resources that I came across in case you wanted to do some more exploring

and learning on your own. The Alzheimer's Association is a wonderful organization. They offer peer

or professional lead groups for caregivers. And they have support groups that are both in person

and online. So I would definitely go to alz.org to learn more about their resources.

I also want to share that you can always, always start out with your local ADRC,

aging disability and resource center. They are in every county throughout Wisconsin. Some of them

may not go by the ADRC, but they're in every county. And if you just Google search that,

you can find your location. They actually have dementia care specialists on staff who can help

address your current situation and help you plan for the future, including advanced care plans

and connecting to legal and financial planning experts. So they are another one. They also offer

support groups as well. And I always want to share information about the Wisconsin family

and caregiver support alliance. Who is a sponsor who helps support the show and the work that I do.

They have a website Wisconsin caregiver dot org. I always recommend that as a first place to go

because it is just a wealth of information. Don't go there if you only have five minutes,

you're never going to make it. So Wisconsin caregiver dot org is another great resource to get

some more information if you are experiencing, especially in the beginning of stages of having

a parent that may be developing is developing the word. Yes. Developing Alzheimer's and dementia.

Yeah. And you know, I guess Alzheimer's is a kind of dementia. Alzheimer's is arguably among

the worst kinds of dementia. I don't even know what there are other kinds per se. It's dementia.

And then within that, Alzheimer's being among the most heartbreaking. And I guess to answer your

question of what I'd really want to say to somebody who was questioning themselves or their

parents or even a sibling and whether or not it's happening, get the diagnosis because it is possible

even if the diagnosis isn't definitive because again, it needs to be an Alzheimer's. It needs to be

when you study their brain. Oh, the autopsy. Yes. That's the only definitive way. But then again,

we now can recognize the differences with my parents journey and every journey is going to be a

snowflake. There was the denial and that's natural. But once you get into how it's going to go

and the fact of the matter is unless you have the capability financially,

logistically, to keep the parent in your home, which means more and more people coming and going

from your home, by the way, because you cannot do it by yourself. Yes. Again, they're all snowflakes.

My father happened to buy long-term care insurance. Thank goodness because they didn't have to drain

his entire savings for their retirement to care for her. I wish we had known and been more careful

with choosing where they moved because assisted living is one thing. But if you haven't assisted

living where you start, I'm cooking all my own meals. I've got a little kitchenette. We're good

or you go to a place where, yeah, please, I want the meals. I'm done with the whole cooking thing

on. It bounced good food. But then there's a place where mom can go behind the door, right,

to the memory care. Okay. So that's what happened with them. They allowed finally for her to leave

his room and to go to her own room, which is heartbreaking in itself. And he resisted it forever

because, of course, he wanted to be with her. What we didn't realize with the place that he chose,

she could not die in place. So we had to move again. And that's hard. That's hard on Alzheimer's

people. That's hard on the caregivers too. You're going to have to walk me through that. So you can

buy a place where you can cascade down through the needs. Okay. Often you'll need to go to rehab

when you're older because you fell or you get up, my dad had wound care all the time. And they

couldn't do wound care in this place that he chose. Despite us saying, you got to find a place

where she can go when it's time for her to go to that place. Right. To die. Yeah. We didn't do that.

We were in a place where we had to leave because they weren't allowed to feed her. They were allowed

to prompt feeding, but they weren't allowed to feed her. So they literally said, it's time for

you to find a new place for her to live. Wow. And therefore, of course, he's got to find a new place

to live because they want to be together. Oh, that just gave me goosebumps. Oh, it's over because

it's such a journey. It is so multifaceted and everybody's is going to be different. If you don't

have long term care insurance, believe me, in Norfolk, Virginia, it got to be

$25,000 per month for both of them by the end. I had a national

specialist on long term care insurance on and it can make all the difference in the world. I mean,

I don't know who could possibly afford that. And he was talking about he would have

millionaires come and buy these policies because he thought they would say, why would I not?

Why would I want my whole life savings to be drained? Exactly. Because then you want to hand it

off to your kids like my dad did. So he managed to save enough for himself to get through to the end,

but the insurance helped not drain that, right? But I've been advised by my guy, look, just save

and save and save. Long term care insurance is another one of those. If you can afford it,

go ahead, but if you can't, you can't worry. You can't plan the end of your day sometimes,

some people, right? I'm not even making sense. But you know, everybody's a snowflake, right? They're

all snowflakes. Gosh, we could just have this conversation all day, couldn't we? All day.

Well, thank you for sharing everything that you've learned and that you went through. Again,

I'm sorry, that had to have been extremely difficult, a little stressful, a little stressful.

But you know what? You have planted seeds for me that now I can go and take some steps,

so I'm prepared with my loved ones. So thank you for that. Very welcome. Thank you for being with me

today. Come see me every Saturday morning and you can also follow me on Facebook and Instagram,

where I love to post all the resources that I share throughout the show.