This is the Empowered Caregiver Show.
If you are a caregiver or know someone who is,
this show is meant to uplift you through education and support,
while also lifting up every caregiver's invaluable role in society.
Now, here is the Empowered Caregiver and your host,
Liza Helen Brand.
You are listening to the Empowered Caregiver
and I am your host, Liza Helen Brand.
And today I have two wonderful guests with me,
Dr. Brittany Lamb, emergency medicine physician
and founder of Brittany Lamb MD.
Brittany has used her years of experience in the emergency room,
emergency room setting to create programming and support services
that help dementia caregivers make confident medical decisions
for their loved one.
I also will be speaking with Alison Ronnie,
with Sofigo.
Sofigo was practicing over and over before the show started,
probably still messed it up.
Sofigo, care, consultation, and end-of-life dual-a-services.
Alison provides end-of-life dual-a-services
where she honors her clients wishes and provides comfort and guidance
during some of the most challenging times.
And I have to admit, I did not know that there was end-of-life dual-a-s out there,
so I am really excited to learn more about this.
You're listening to the Empowered Caregiver
and I would like to start out by introducing Dr. Brittany Lamb,
emergency medicine physician.
So Brittany, working in the ER seems like an intense and stressful job.
What made you want to take on the side business of supporting caregivers?
Yeah, so it's not a surprise I talk about this quite openly
that I don't foresee myself staying in the ER until I hit retirement age.
I think most ER doctors have an exit plan,
whether that's just saving up money so they can leave early.
But for me, I saw this problem over and over in the emergency department.
People who are aging and then their decision-makers, family members,
usually stepping in to have to all of a sudden be their advocate,
be their voice when they're not able to speak for themselves.
And it oftentimes feels like people don't have a plan,
they don't know what to say, what to do, they're not ready, they're not prepared.
And for people who are living with dementia,
no one wants to be diagnosed with a disease causing dementia.
But one of the things about it is that we can look into the person's future
and we do know that it's expected that they will lose the ability
to make their own medical decisions.
So I thought, well, why don't I just teach their decision-makers
how to plan for the big decisions that they're likely going to have to make
for a medical standpoint?
So it's less stressful.
You know, and that's so wonderful.
I read that on your website and you're like, yeah, once you know the disease,
you kind of know what goes along with it and what one can expect.
But if you're living it for the first time, you probably don't.
You know, it's all new and you don't know what you don't know.
And I know it's your goal to help people make confident decisions.
What does the caregiver need to do or understand
to be able to make confident medical decisions?
Yeah, there's several things that I recommend that people do.
And one of them is really checking into what your person's values
of quality of life versus length of life are.
And that's something we all really should be talking to our family members about.
So for most of us, our goals when it comes to health care are to live
and to live with good quality of life.
But a lot of people do value quality of life more as they're aging.
And when conditions, physical limitations, diseases like diseases causing dementia
are affecting someone's quality of life on a day to day,
they tend to start to value that more.
A lot of people hold that as a strong value.
And so actually defining what that means to the person
so that we can make medical decisions based off that.
Because we look at how someone has been living,
have they been living with what they would say is good quality of life.
And with whatever medical situation is going on,
is it likely that they're going to get that quality of life back
with the different treatment options?
And so people can learn that ahead of time.
The other big thing that's important to do is actually take inventory
of the person's medical problems.
Because when you actually look at what somebody has been treated for
and has been diagnosed with and things that we're managing now,
things that we've managed in the past,
it helps you see into the future.
And then that gives you a window of an idea of the decisions
that you're going to have to make.
And I think we ask people to do things like advanced directives
and get your affairs in order.
But we don't teach people about the actual treatment decisions
that they're likely going to have to face.
And so that's gathering the medical history
and really looking at all that helps set you up for really learning
about treatments and becoming informed from that standpoint.
That's true.
You're not really taught those things.
I'm trying to think where you would go to get that information.
And it's really up to you to seek it and to find it out.
You're listening to the empowered caregiver.
And I am speaking to emergency medicine physician Brittany Lamb
and founder of Brittany Lamb MD.
You mentioned on your website various medical forms
that caregivers should familiarize themselves with.
Could you just give me an overview of what some of those forms are
and how they differ from each other?
Yeah.
So there's advanced directives, advanced healthcare directives,
which tend to fall under the legal umbrella.
So these are documents that tell us
who a person would want to make their medical decisions.
And it gets a little bit confusing because every state has its own language.
But basically, you look for documents that say
who someone wants to speak on their behalf
when they're no longer able to make their own medical decisions.
And then there's also documents like living well, five wishes,
it might say advanced healthcare directive,
advanced directive,
but actually talk about someone's treatment preferences.
So what kind of care they would or would not want?
That's stuff people have to have the ability to make their own decisions.
They still have to have what we call capacity to make decisions
in order to do those documents.
You have to do them for yourself.
No one can do them on your behalf.
Then there are medical order forms,
like the do not resuscitate form,
the do not intubate form,
and the post form.
And post has different names in different states as well.
But basically, those are forms that are signed
with a medical professional.
And they directly turn someone's goals
and preferences toward treatment into an order
that can be followed by medical professionals,
including paramedics.
So 911 first responders can respond to medical order forms.
They can interpret them and act upon them
that they cannot do that for advanced directives.
So those are kind of the highlights of the forms
that people should be aware of.
Well, I'm glad that they're in place,
but even just hearing about them slightly sounds overwhelming.
Where does one go if they want to educate themselves
on these forms?
Yeah, there's, I mean,
there's all kinds of services and educational resources
if you Google these things.
I do write about them on my blog,
and my blog is all geared towards dementia and decision makers.
But if you go to belammd.com for slash blog,
I have an article about issues that I have
with the living will, like practical issues with it,
and also with the do not resuscitate.
And there's a lot of information in there about,
like what these forms do and do not do.
What I want to stress to people is that the documents
are tools, but they're not actually a plan.
So in order to really have a plan
for the decisions that you're going to have to make,
you really have to look at the person's medical history
and think about them as an individual.
But you need to read the documents that you have access to.
Other ways to get help are with a state planning attorneys,
older law attorneys,
they help draft some of the legal documents.
And then you can go to your person's doctor and say,
look, I want to learn more about the do not resuscitate
the do not intubate in the post form.
And I will say that post is not widespread in use in all states
in the United States.
There are some states that have a very robust program
and they use it and then other states that do not.
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
But I'm just curious the poll.
Yeah, so it used to stand for something.
And now it doesn't.
So it will change it.
But physician quarters for life sustaining treatment.
And I think part of why they changed it is, you know,
now we have a lot of nurse practitioners and PAs
that are also able to sign these forms.
So saying physician isn't necessarily the truth.
But orders for life sustaining treatment
is what physician orders for life sustaining treatment
is what it used to stand for.
And now the national program of post,
which there is one national form,
that they're just using the word post now.
They don't want to use an acronym.
Okay.
How do you spell it?
P-O-L-S-T.
Okay.
All right.
And it has a website.
You can read about it on the website.
Yeah.
Sounds good.
I will put that on my to-do list.
You know what?
I am going to ask you a question.
I said I was going to ask you questions
that you could just answer in your sleep.
Everything that you know.
And I thought of a trick question for you.
And that is, I'm curious.
So the state of Wisconsin is one of five states
that have not implemented the Care Act.
And the Care Act,
and I think that's another one that goes
by different names in different states.
Really, it has three goals.
It is to identify the caregiver to make sure
that the caregiver...
Actually, I'm thinking of what the number of them are.
But basically what it is is it's for the hospitals
to identify the caregiver,
notify them of upcoming discharge.
That was the other one.
And then make sure that they have the understanding.
And I'll say understanding.
Some states, I think, expanded on that,
understanding and linking them
to resources.
But all we were asking in the state of Wisconsin,
as we're advocating for this,
is that the caregivers have an understanding
about the care needed for their loved one once they leave.
So they feel like they can be confident
to take on that role.
And so in our state,
the hospital association says,
heck no, not doing it.
Well, what they're saying is that we're already doing it.
You don't need to, you know,
kind of regulate us further
by putting this into law.
So I'm just curious if this is all new to you
or in the emergency room setting,
do you identify the caregiver
and make sure that they understand
what they need to do really when they leave?
So I wish I could tell you,
yes, but no.
I mean, so that I think what,
and I need to learn more about this,
but hospital discharge is a little bit different
than leaving the emergency department.
Sure.
So when you have an inpatient stay,
it's a little bit different than when you're in the ER.
But no, I don't think that there is a coordinated effort
from emergency departments to make sure
that the caregiver has what they need.
I think it's going to be very dependent
on the ER that you're receiving care in.
Yeah.
So we would, we have very good social workers
where I work and they help with all of that stuff.
But that's wonderful.
And I'm sure that many, many of them are great
in doing what they should and can, can do.
And there's a few that need improvement.
But you're listening to the empower caregiver.
I'm your host, Liza Helen Brand.
And when we come back,
we're going to learn more about how we can proactively be prepared
to support our loved ones in the medical setting
so that we can ensure the best care
and honored our loved ones wishes.
He's your son and dad.
You are listening to the empowered caregiver
and I am your host, Liza Helen Brand.
Today, I have two wonderful guests with me,
Dr. Brittany Lamb, emergency medicine physician
and founder of Brittany Lamb MD.
And then coming up shortly,
I will be talking with end of life, Dula Allison Ronning.
So with me right now is Brittany Lamb, founder of Brittany Lamb MD,
which supports caregivers in being prepared
to take care of their aging loved ones
with a focus on caring on those with dementia.
You know, Brittany, you could probably speak to just this
for the whole hour.
But how is caring for someone with dementia different?
Oh, gosh.
It's very different because there are so many issues
with communication and processing.
I think there's so much that we kind of take for granted
about what our brains actually are doing for us on a day-to-day.
Safety issues and making medical decisions
and being in the healthcare setting,
a lot of the things that we do to people,
they're uncomfortable.
And it's not, you know, it doesn't feel good,
but we're doing them for a reason.
A person living with dementia may struggle to understand that
so it can really be hard to provide them care.
And it requires a lot more patience
and that's something that's often lacking in hospitals.
And so there's a lot of advocacy that is needed,
unfortunately, for people living with dementia
that comes from their, oftentimes from their families, you know.
And so it's much more complicated.
It's much more complicated to make medical decisions
and to provide care, especially after someone
has really lost capacity to make decisions
and then also to communicate like they normally would have.
I can totally understand that.
And, you know, I've never,
I haven't yet been in the position
where I'm caring or supporting elderly parents.
I have two sets of parents.
So mom, dad, step mom, step dad.
So I'm sure I'm going to be getting
a lot of that experience down the road.
But my personal journey is I have a son with autism.
So that's what led me to the empowered caregiver.
And as you were saying, as you were saying,
explaining some of that cognitive decline,
it just made me think about when he was a little kiddo
and I would go to take his haircut,
I get his haircut and he would just scream
because he would think, I think what he was thinking
is that we were taking off parts of his body.
So I can see how that can be really scary
and confusing when, you know,
you're in the state of mind that these things
just aren't always making sense.
So, well, I'm 100% on board
that being a proactive and prepared caregiver is key.
But one thing that I think a lot of people struggle with
is how to start this conversation with your loved ones.
How can you speak to that?
Yeah, so one, I do have an article about this on my blog.
When I talk about goals of care,
that's kind of the conversation that needs to happen,
but goals of care and planning.
So you can go to my blog,
www.blammd.com,
forward slash blog,
and scroll down and you'll find an article on that.
But the conversation project is another good resource.
From my perspective,
it doesn't matter if the person installs
the ability to make medical decisions
and have the ability to weigh in on a conversation like this.
If a person can't do that,
you still have to do this work on their behalf,
kind of determining what quality of life means
and determining their values.
But if you're trying to go to an aging parent
or someone that you care about,
if you're going to be speaking for,
it really depends on your relationship with them.
You can be direct with them and say,
you can be the person that's stepping in
to make decisions for you.
I want to make sure I do what you would want.
I don't want to live with a regret or mistake.
For the rest of my life,
that I did something that you wouldn't have wanted.
It's going to fall on me.
You can also blame doctors
and say, hey, look,
I was listening to this ER doctor
who said that it's really important
to talk about quality of life
and to start thinking about these things
because it's a matter of when.
We are all going to have situations
in which we cannot speak for ourselves
and cannot make our medical decisions.
It's just a fact of life.
So I think sometimes being direct
and telling people that,
you don't want to make a mistake
and that it's going to fall on you.
Maybe guilty them a little bit.
I can do all of that.
Brittany, I can do all of that.
I can guilt.
I can be direct.
I can be rude.
I can be crude.
No, I don't think that that part's necessary.
But having the conversations definitely are.
And so you actually,
if I'm understanding this correctly,
created a whole program that you can purchase
on your website,
blammd.com,
to support caregivers.
Can you tell me a little bit more about that program?
Yeah.
So I basically walk people start to finish.
What this role is, what the job entails,
and get people to support
and tell people about all the different services
that they're going to need along the journey.
Because I basically teach, like,
what happens to a person from a medical standpoint
when they're living with dementia?
The medical issues that happen,
the different treatment options,
the treatment options that go along
with what the goals of care are.
And I teach you how to define
what your person's goals of care are now
and into the future.
And then it's also about,
I also teach what happens to people
from a medical standpoint as they're aging.
Because people living with dementia
often times live for a decade or more.
And they're going to have medical emergencies
and need for unplanned care
just like everybody else.
Issues with the heart,
having appendicitis,
I had a client who had appendicitis,
people have the flu,
people have pneumonia,
they're just the normal things that happen
to all of us as we age.
But it's more challenging in dementia,
so I explain how it could be
and how people figure out treatment options.
So is the course,
I thought if I read it correctly,
it's something that you can do at your own pace.
Yeah, so it goes out,
it does get delivered to you over eight weeks
because I try not to fire host people.
Sure.
It has a process.
But after the eight weeks,
you have lifetime access to it.
So if something came up because often it does,
you can pause and then go back to it.
So the way I envision it is you,
well, the way it works is you actually create
a decision plan based on your person's individual risk
or the decisions that you're going to be most likely
to have to make.
That's one benefit of it.
And another thing is that it's actually
access to a doctor explaining all of these medical problems
where you can pause and rewind and so that.
So let me ask you this.
Is it something that I need to do as the caregiver?
Or is it a course that I can buy for my parents and say,
do this, please?
So the way that it's set up
is for the decision makers of people living with dementia.
I have had people that have somehow met me in my local community
who have purchased it to use for their aging parents
because I do teach like medical issues in general.
But it is designed for someone who is speaking on behalf
of a person living with dementia.
Every single video in the course talks about how
this is different in dementia.
Could you use it to plan for yourself
or an aging parent?
Yes, you could.
But that's not how.
That's not the intention of it.
So I don't want to give any false pre-Texas.
Sure.
That it would help with everybody.
All right, fair enough.
Your website had a ton of great resources on it.
So I want to encourage everyone to go there,
let people know one last time,
Brittany, how they can find you.
Yeah, I would just recommend that you go to
beliammd.com.
And if you want to freebie,
if you go to beliammd.com forward slash three mistakes,
you can get a guide for avoiding the top three mistakes
as a decision maker for your person living with dementia.
Wonderful.
Well, I will make sure to post that on my Facebook page.
And when we come back next,
I'll be talking with Alison Ronning,
uh, end of life doula.
You are listening to the empowered caregiver,
and I am your host, Liza Helen Brand.
I'm here now with Alison Ronning of
Sulfedio Care Consultation
and End of Life doula services.
Alison provides end of life doula services
where she honors her clients' wishes
and provides comfort and guidance
during some of the most challenging times.
Welcome, Alison.
Thank you.
Yeah, Alison, my first question for you
that I'm dying to ask,
no pun intended is what led you to this work?
Great question.
Well, I was a therapist for almost 16 years prior to this.
And so getting really comfortable with sitting with people
and some of their deepest darkest most personal moments,
a lot of emotions, such an array of emotions
and being able to sit with them,
validate those emotions, move through those with them
to be able to get to the other side.
So that was my first foundation.
Last year, I lost both my parents.
They both passed away in my mom in March and my dad in November.
So walking them through that,
feeling very alone, feeling like I didn't have a whole lot of support,
feeling like I was just in unknown territory.
I learned a lot about what I needed and what I didn't get.
And I gathered all of my experiences up and thought to myself,
I can help people moving forward,
feel more supported, more educated,
not so afraid,
whether it's the patient or their family,
to really feel like we can do this
because we've got each other,
we've got a whole host of support.
Well, I am so sorry for your loss.
I can't even imagine.
Thank you.
But this seems like an extremely valuable service.
I read on the national end of life,
Dula Alliance.
They said there was nearly 1300 death Dula members across the country.
They didn't have a date attached to that.
But they did say that in 2019,
there were only around 260.
So can you tell me more about how this fairly new type of health care profession
came to be?
Well, I'd like to point out the fact that we've been taking care of our loved ones
at the end of their lives for since the beginning of time.
Sure.
And forever.
And so when that medical model and new research and new studies came into play,
some of that very personal connective time with our loved ones,
when they're dying, was kind of removed from our hands.
You know, people are dying a lot more often in hospitals,
when they'd really prefer to be dying in their own homes,
surrounded by their families and with the things that they know and love.
And so what I'm doing is,
and what we're doing as end of life Dulas,
is really putting that sacred time with one another back in the hands of families
and their loved ones.
So I'd venture to say it's been going on for a really long time.
It dropped down a little bit because of medical research and hospitals kind of coming about.
But I think it's still really important for people to learn how to care for their loved ones
throughout the entire process.
Absolutely.
And at what point would it be appropriate to bring in end of life Dula?
That's a really great question.
People ask me that all the time they're like, well, end of life.
Does that mean like they're going to die tomorrow?
That's the end end, right?
And I'm like, whoa, we can do so much amazing work with people.
If we can get referral way ahead of time, you know,
when somebody gets their diagnosis of a terminal illness,
that's a great time to be able to slow down, take a breath,
and think about the support you need and think about,
if you know about us,
hey, end of life Dulas are there from start to finish.
So I like to say as soon as possible,
connect with an end of life Dula in your community,
because I think about the shock phase when somebody gets a terminal diagnosis,
that is like their world crumbling around them,
what they thought they knew about who they were,
what their life was going to look like.
And so when we think about an end of life Dula,
being able to be there and sit with people and their families
in this new territory that they just didn't know
was ever going to be kind of a thing for them,
that can be powerful to sit and earn that trust,
and create that safe space for people to be able to,
we're going to move forward with this,
whatever this looks like, but we're going to do it together.
After that shock phase, there's a phase where people can really start
to conserve their energy, and they've got a lot of space to do
legacy projects, writing down stories,
doing audio recordings of stories, going through pictures,
making collages.
There's just so much stuff that in that phase of end of life
that people can harness and connect with their loved ones.
And so if you have an end of life Dula there,
saying, you know, do you want help writing your eulogy?
Do you want help writing your obituary?
It can be your voice coming through,
and I just can help you write it down,
and we can get it ready and get it done for you.
When they have that energy and that headspace
to be able to do that powerful work,
it can really add to that acceptance and peace of the end of life.
And then you know as people transition,
as people transition into more of the after dying,
that's another sacred, sensitive space for patients and families
where it can be full of the unknown fear,
maybe regret sadness.
There's just so many feelings that people go through
at the end of life that if you have someone there
to bridge the gaps where maybe palliative care,
hospice care can't do some of the social emotional spiritual
things that an end of like Dula can do,
because we've got the time.
That's an important thing that also adds to that acceptance,
and that peace not be able to peacefully let go.
That makes a ton of sense.
And you know, I just have a bazillion and one thoughts
running through my head that I didn't even think I didn't even
knew existed until right now.
So I am Liza Helen Brown.
I'm the host of the Empower caregiver,
and I am talking with Alison Ronnie of Sulfago Care
Consultation and End of Life Dula Services.
So, you know, I think despite people's best intentions,
I'm sure not all things get handled well.
And since I was talking with my last guest,
Dr. Brittany Lamb, about how people can be prepared to handle
emergency medical situations with a loved one,
I just wanted to ask,
what can family members do to make this extremely painful
time less difficult?
Do you have just some general tips or advice?
Absolutely.
To be able to have support to be as authentic,
and open and honest with each other as possible,
it can be so, so helpful.
I think about a hallmark of being able to have a peaceful
ending is to be able to give forgiveness and get forgiveness.
So people can get in that space where they can say to each
other, I know we heard each other,
or you heard me,
but I love you so much,
and I don't want you to go holding on to that kind of energy.
I forgive you, and I love you.
Not everybody gets there, right?
And sometimes the end of life is not peaceful,
and there's maybe some lack of acceptance.
But if people can move towards that space to be really honest with,
I'm sad, I'm scared,
I'm hurting right now,
and to be able just to share that with each other,
that can be really helpful for somebody to be able to let go
and move on,
and advocate for yourselves,
and for your loved one who is dying,
sometimes that's scary.
Should I pipe up? Should I say something?
I'm kind of nervous to say something.
If you're able to have a support person like an end of life
dual of their cheering you on and say,
hey, you can ask these things,
you absolutely can have these concerns and voice them.
That's important because there are no dualvers.
So if you're able to at least say we asked,
we brought it up because it was important to us,
that can give people a peace of mind,
that we did everything we could,
we loved our person as much as we possibly could,
and we advocated for ourselves and for them.
Well, those sound like some amazing,
deep personal conversations.
And to me,
just that I could just feel a sense of closure with it,
you know, with it.
And like you said, the legacy,
what a way to be able to remember
your loved one and what a way for your loved one
to know how you feel and think too, you know,
so that the on-seds are said.
And if I got that correct,
you are able through your services to navigate or facilitate
some of those harder conversations.
Absolutely, absolutely.
And it's really about being delicate and curious and thoughtful,
where just because I have thought some feelings
and, you know, some info I'd love to give,
it's not always the right time.
And so to just really be able to sit back with gentleness
and true curiosity and caring,
then I can maybe start to facilitate a little bit
of those conversations.
Well, what about this?
It would be lovely to end on a warm, loving,
being by a note.
But some people have some real issues.
I mean, some real disagreements,
some real things dividing them.
Is that something that you can tackle?
Or how do you get to a place where you can be both be at peace?
And you're absolutely right.
It's not like the movies where just like people will leave in peace
and their families figure out their conflict within like a half hour, right?
It's just not always like that.
And so to be able to say,
I wonder what it would be like if we had this conversation outside of the room.
You know, people can fight over their loved one who's laying here,
dying in their bed.
So to kindly put it out there,
I wonder what we could do to move this conversation out of here
because this space is really a need of peace.
It's a need of some quiet.
Sometimes it works.
Sometimes it doesn't.
Another thing is that not all patients go in peace.
They have unresolved issues.
I think about,
I think about veterans at the end of life.
Some veterans really struggle with post traumatic stress disorder.
Continued feelings that are just so intense and strong that not everybody
will find a peace.
What I like to do,
what I like to share with family is to own that and say,
you weren't able to find the peace you wanted.
And I acknowledge that and I validate that.
What I can do for you is speak your name when you're gone.
And I can try and do good in your name to help you find that peace.
And sometimes that's all we can do is what we can do moving forward
to help bring that person peace by honoring them, celebrating their life,
doing good deeds in their name to help that peace be fulfilled.
Even ones are not here anymore.
Well, you know,
you had mentioned earlier about starting this process
and some people don't have the opportunity to even go through this process.
But I did see on the, I believe it was the international
Dulo service website.
I can't remember exactly that you can work with Dulo's after death as well.
Is that correct and what,
what does that look like?
That's true.
And when I think about like immediately after someone has died,
Dulo's if they're comfortable,
and if families are comfortable can provide after care services
when it comes to cleaning the body,
dressing the body of their loved one,
helping prepare them for transport,
whoever that might be,
or helping move them to a different room in the home
if they're going to do an at home celebration or awake.
So being able to help with that immediate need is there.
I also think it's really important to be able to do bereavement care
to be able to keep checking in on people
and not just, you know, three months after
because you might be able to see a person at three months,
but six months, nine months,
you can see a very different person.
Absolutely.
You are listening to the empowered caregiver
and I am speaking with Alison Ronnie of the Sulfago Care Consultation
and End of Life Dulo services.
When we come back, we will talk more about
how to make a peaceful and loving transition with your loved ones.
You are listening to the empowered caregiver
and I am your host, Liza Helen Brand.
I'm here now with Alison Ronnie of Sulfago Care Consultation
and End of Life Dulo services.
Alison provides End of Life Dulo services
where she honors her clients' wishes
and provides comfort and guidance
during some of the most challenging times.
Okay, so Alison, I confess during commercial
that I am just like trying to hold it together right now.
I had no idea all these emotions and ranges of emotions
and things I never thought that I would think of
are coming to mind.
So I just need to take a minute to clear my head.
And so this is how I do it.
The company name is Sulfago, right?
Okay.
Sulfagio.
Sulfagio.
So many times.
So if I can just get back to my happy space,
we can continue on.
So I have Alison Ronnie from Sulfagio Care Consultation
and End of Life Dulo services.
Actually, that means that means something
that you explained to me earlier.
Can you let listeners know where the name came from?
Yes.
So Sulfagio frequencies, it's spelled S-O-L-F-E-G-G-I-O.
And there are specific kind of frequencies
that when listen to their tones,
it's not like lyrical music,
but their tones and certain tones.
Some of the higher ones can lead to feelings
of increased calm, increased balance,
feeling more open to your emotions,
and more open to different experiences.
So when I listen to them personally,
I get those feelings.
I get that sense of calm and grounding and balance.
And so I thought,
what a great tool to be able to use
with the people I work with,
even as a background sounds,
to be able to kind of balance out a room,
get that energy kind of flowing
in a really positive direction.
And so I thought, you know, I work with the soul.
I work with not just the person's body,
but I work with their soul too.
So I did a little plan words.
So Sulfagio, I spell it S-O-U-L-F-E-G-G-I-O,
because I really think it's important
to put that soul of the person
in the center of the room.
So that's where I came up with it.
I love it.
Thank you for sharing that.
Thank you.
So I was on the International End of Life
Dula Association website,
and there were two things in the long lists of services
that you provide that really stuck out to me,
because like I shared,
there's just so much right now
that I've not thought about before ever.
And one was, and I know you spoke to these a little bit earlier,
but one was the meaning of the dying person's life legacy.
What does that look like?
You know, that's an amazing space to be in with a person.
When it's the person who is at the end of life,
to people say,
tell me about your life.
Tell me about how you brought meaning to the world,
how you brought meaning to other people,
how they brought meaning to you,
and you just see people's eyes light up,
and they love to share those stories.
And that's another piece of that acceptance
and that being able to let go in a more peaceful manner
is to be able to do that life review,
share those stories, record those stories,
make sure they live on long before we're gone.
To be able to say,
I was here and I did something meaningful,
I had a purpose,
I had passion for something.
And this is why I want to tell you
because it's been so important to me.
So to be able to share those stories
and keep that legacy and that storytelling going,
it decreases people's fear of missing out.
I'm going to miss out on so much,
I'm going to miss out on birthdays and graduation.
What if people forget about me?
If they have those archives,
those legacy projects,
to be able to go back and read or listen to,
and to talk about,
this is how I want to be remembered.
You know, maybe on the anniversary of my death,
I want you to go out,
have a barbecue in my name,
do these things in remembrance of me,
let me keep living on through what you get to keep doing.
Those are the kinds of legacy projects
that can be so transformational for people
at the end of their life.
I love that.
And I think you answered my next question
unless there's anything else that you wanted to do,
that you wanted to expand on it.
And that was the second thing that I saw on the website
that really caught my eye.
I was to incorporate new traditions or rituals
to mark special moments.
Again, what does that look like?
Or can you give examples of what people are running?
Absolutely.
Well, I think about,
you know, there's services out there
that if you and your family would like to set it up,
you are able to write a special message
or have a special message written on a card
for, let's say, your grandkids
for the next 10 years of their lives.
So every year your grandkids get a birthday card
from you saying,
you know, I love you so much.
Love, grandma, or grandpa.
And it decreases that fear of missing out
and it makes sure that you are still in the room
for that youngster and you get to still be part of things.
Now, everybody chooses to have a funeral
or a celebration of life.
But maybe it's about making their favorite
baked good.
You know, every year on my mom's birthday,
we're going to bake a carrot cake
because it was her favorite.
She doesn't get to enjoy it with us,
but her energy, her spirits in that room
when we're baking it and when we're enjoying it together
as a family.
Those are some really personal things
that if you're able to have those conversations
with your loved ones,
we can make that happen.
Well, you know, I love that you say that.
Of course, this whole time I'm thinking about mine, right?
What am I going to do?
Yeah.
And the only thing I could come up with
is I'm going to have this list,
like this nagging mom list of all the things
that I want you to do to celebrate me on, you know,
whatever day it is that I choose.
And then what my kids have to do is they have to come together
and they all have to do is read this list.
Mom, you want us to do it.
Nope, not going to happen.
You know what?
And then they can go about their way.
Because I have a feeling like,
that's kind of about as good as it's going to get for me.
I don't know.
But I just want to...
You know what?
There's no perfect way to do it.
It's your way and your wishes
and to be able to at least share those with your family members
so they can go out and hopefully connect with you in that way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, is there anything else in these last few moments
that I'm missing that you really want to share?
You know what we need to do?
Is we need to let people know how they can find you?
Absolutely.
So I do have a Facebook page.
The keyword is,
so Fesio, so S-O-U-L-F-E-G-G-I-O.
My picture will pop up right there.
I give a lot of my own personal experiences.
I find that that's one of the best ways to connect with people
is not just give information that I might find somewhere
but really say,
hey, this happened to me
and this is my emotional experience with it.
I know how tough it was for me
and I don't want it to be as tough for you as it was for me
so I want you to have support.
So to be able just to share a lot of vulnerability
and authenticity with people
has been a great way to connect.
Well, I'll make sure that I put that up on my Facebook too
so people that are watching or excuse me, listening
can find out where they can find you
and how they can connect
and how they can take part of your amazing services
that you offer.
You provide great services to society so needed.