Who used all the Wi-Fi?
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.
Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
It's
November, you know.
It's National Pet Cancer Awareness Month, which means it's probably a really, really good time to get your pet a cat scan.
Hey, just in case you didn't know, we gained an hour this weekend.
But if you listen to this show for the next 60 minutes, you'll just lose it
united flight to Chicago was delayed after flight attendants got into a fight.
Gets worse, they were fighting over how drunk the captain
German man got drunk at a bar, fell out a window, broke into a butcher shop, and got caught inside eating sausages, which is either the most Florida thing a German man's ever done, or the most German thing a Florida man has ever done.
I haven't really made
up
my mind yet.
A cafe in Dubai is selling a $1,000 cup of coffee.
What could have possibly made them think that's good business?
Oh, oh yes, Starbucks.
think that's what they're selling a cup of coffee for now.
Roughly.
Anna Diarmus says she broke up with Tom Cruise because it didn't feel right that he needed a high-charat dinner.
Well, you know, the Dodgers won the World Series, residence celebrated by burning down the rest of Los
The Toronto Blue Jays apologized to their fans, and because their fans are Canadian, well, they just apologized back.
After attending Game 4 of the World Series at Dodger Stadium, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle watched the rest of the series at home, where they were still booed.
It didn't matter.
So an Indian kids in Maryland.
This is sick man kids in Maryland found needles in their trick-or-treat bags Oh, it gets much worse.
They also found raisins 9% of Americans have had sex with their boss that jumps to a hundred percent
if they're self-employed.
There's now a turkey and gravy-flavored Oreo.
I know it's unbelievable I'm going to repeat that.
There is now a turkey and gravy-flavored Oreo cookie.
It coincides with the unveiling of Oreo's new slogan, We Hate You, so here.
Madison went Instagram official with her boyfriend.
Did you hear?
Did you hear?
Oh, it's exciting.
Yeah, when you go Instagram with your boyfriend, man, it's serious.
So yeah, she went Instagram official with her boyfriend, or as Angelina Jolie put it while centering her crosshairs, target locked.
Kelly Osborn posted a video of her son biting the head off a toy bat.
That's so irresponsible.
I mean, when the kid tries to bite the head off a real one, he won't be expecting it to fight back, right?
run headlines.
So, uh, Naked Man.
chased people inside a Virginia Walmart.
And by the way, it's under investigation now by the FBI's naked person in a Walmart division.
That's right.
There's so many incidents that they had to have an actual naked person in a Walmart division.
A Florida teacher, you know, this is going to be crazy, right?
A Florida teacher came to school high on cocaine.
Kids were suspicious when they saw what he described as, oh, it's just powdered sugar from my morning donut.
That's all.
And the fact that movie day, by the way, was starface.
Today is National Men Make Dinner Day.
You know, I'll just make what I do every night.
I'll pop some spaghettios in the microwave for me and open a can of friskies for Jimmy the Mittman Mittens and I've done my job.
There's a guy selling ads on his tuxedo to help pay for his wedding.
Here's the weird thing, that man is Travis Kelsey.
I didn't know they needed the money.
Alaska is the most stressed state in the US.
You know I bet Colorado has something that will help them mellow out just a little bit.
Ask them.
The US economy added 42,000 private sector jobs last month, which is more than was expected.
It's not that the number is good.
It's more about the fact that we have greatly lowered our expectations.
Kim Kardashian says she uses chat GPT to study for law exams.
It's an example of artificial intelligence helping no
a movie based on Monster Mash on the song.
We all know it's in the works, apparently.
As for Monster Hash, well, you can find that anytime inside Woody Harrelson's pipe.
Tom Petty's Malibu mansion sold for $11 million.
So the realtor had this to say to prospective buyers still stopping by, don't come around here no
had to, I'm sorry.
Several Miss Universe contestants walked out of an event after one of the officials called Miss Mexico dumb.
The head of the pageant said contestants must be treated with respect and dignity.
Of course, until the swimsuit competition rolls around and anything goes.
I don't know if you heard this, only 6% of Americans think their IQ is below average, only 6%.
Which means that 94% of us are lying to ourselves.
And I have some signs your IQ isn't quite as high as you think.
Like the only thing you got on your SAT was drool.
Your nickname at work is idiot.
So I was reading about this guy in Minnesota.
He was spotted naked.
Minnesota man, come on.
You shouldn't be acting like Florida man.
Right?
Anyway, anyway, this Minnesota man was spotted naked while operating a chainsaw.
But I would still rather live next to him than a, say, a pickleball court.
Seven in ten Americans feel pressure to be happier than they are during the holidays.
And that's why Santa Claus takes Lexa Pro Ho Ho.
Sorry, sorry.
Mexican President Claudia Scheinbaum was groped in public by a man who appeared to be inebriated.
Luckily, she was able to push him away before he got south of the border, so glad for that at least.
The former Department of Justice employee who threw a sandwich at a federal agent has been found not guilty.
Of assault, his lawyer successfully argued that the charges did not cut the mustard because they were total baloney and the prosecution was substandard.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for the fake laugh.
Let's see here.
Oh, hold on.
Moving on.
Moving on.
A Florida man.
And that should have been the guy with the chainsaw and the naked.
But this Florida man pulled a knife on someone, taking too long in a public restroom because he had to use it.
And ironically, he said, cut the crap for the night, you see.
Only 6% of Americans think their IQ is below average, a claim
that's easily debunked by the number of people who watch Bachelor in Paradise.
Kim Kardashian's new Hulu show has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but a 100% rating on Ripe Melons, so that's something to rest your head on.
Steve Martin and Martin Short, or as I like to call them, Steve Martin Short, are going on tour in 2026.
and it'll be sponsored by Werther's Original and Vicks Vapo Rub.
Yeah, Meghan Markle will star in an Amazon movie.
It's her first acting job since she denied marrying Prince Harry for his money.
The Goonies is getting a Lego set, but it retails for $50, so Corey Feldman can't afford one, unfortunately.
And finally, Journey is going to be calling it quits after a final North American tour next year.
So it's official, you can stop believing.
And also, tickets go on sale tomorrow for their 2028 reunion tour, because that's what they do.
Last tour, now let's do a reunion tour, make more money.
And with that, that's all I got.
Light waters with the waters we go calm on 1-0-5-7.
Hey Okzi.
Hi, I was classic here.