Hit and Run Headlines 6-28-2024

I'm about ready to start the hit and run headlines and a big thanks to Ibane.

Ibane is sitting in the crowd of the fake studio audience this morning.

Is everybody ready to go?

You can hear Ibane in there.

Thanks for sitting in, Ibane.

Let's roll with it.

So there's been a jump in Florida shark attacks.

Disney World isn't the only place in Florida that costs an arm and a

leg.

See,

I've been agrees

with me.

American Airlines flight attendants may strike for better pay.

Why?

Well, if there's one thing flight attendants should be used to, it's making

peanuts.

El

Chapo's wife is out of prison and will resume her modeling career.

Just be sure to check her out in the Snorts Illustrated swimsuit issue.

There's a study that finds that Americans are eating healthier diets.

Even Army Hammers switched to only eating

vegans.

There

was a massive outage for US customers of AT&T, T-Mobile, and Verizon who are traveling abroad.

Hopefully those kinks will be worked out by the day after the election when half the country moves overseas.

Oh

my goodness.

Scientists determined when Neanderthals and humans had sex and exchanged DNA.

It was when Arnold told the maid, Maria's not home.

That's right.

So today is National Food Truck Day.

So let's all get carbon monoxide poisoning while we stand on burning hot asphalt waiting for soggy truffle tots.

Oh my goodness.

So five hour energy has a new caffeinated barbecue sauce.

Because I don't already spend enough time on the can after eating a rack of

ribs.

Oh right.

Peewee, Peewee's out there now too.

Ivan and Peewee, that's a hell of a laugh combination there.

The German company Bosch,

made by Whirlpool.

When they heard the news and made Whirlpool workers head spin and left them really agitated, they just don't want to be left out to dry.

Yes.

Yes.

McDonald says its test of a plant-based burger called the McPlant has failed.

That's a bummer.

Now where am I going to eat healthy for

God's sake?

So

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie announced they're doing a new reality show, which I think signals the arrival of the fourth and final horsemen of the

apocalypse.

I didn't think that was that funny, really.

I can't stop laughing.

Jeremy Allen White plans to do his own singing for the upcoming Bruce Springsteen biopic.

He's having his throat sandpapered as we

speak.

Yes, yes.

So Mel Brooks turns 98 today.

Ivan, stop it.

Mel Brooks turns 98 today and is somehow more mentally and physically fit than both of our presidential

candidates.

And

finally, Gary Busey.

Gary Busey turns 80 tomorrow.

But honestly, he doesn't look a day over decomposed.

Not a day

over decomposed.

All right.

All right, that's all I've got.

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