Best of Hit and Run Headlines: Week of 2-26-2024

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

apartment?

Hey, it's Mike Waters from the Waters Wakeup Call.

How are you?

It's the end of another week and every day this week I've kept you up to date on all your current events with Hit and Run headlines.

And you know, I think I covered everything from the AT&T outage to Toyota's recall of 280,000 vehicles, the awesomeness of Caitlyn Clark.

And starting this week, every Friday, I am going to be going through the entire week of the Hit and Runs and find the cream of the crop.

Yes, there is a cream.

of the crop, I had to dig for it, but I found it.

So hey, let's do it.

The best of hit and run headlines for the week of February 26th.

Apple is warning people to stop putting wet iPhones in bags of rice.

Instead, if your phone gets wet, Apple says you should just buy three new

ones.

smart earrings that track body temperature or you can avoid looking like an idiot and just use a rectal thermometer that's

I think that's a no-brainer.

Three people on Long Island stole $640 worth of ice cream from a 7-Eleven.

Authorities said if they keep up their life of crime, they are on a rocky road to nowhere.

Rocky

road?

Well, all the jokes can't be good.

You've got to expect that once

in a while.

Good point.

Keep that in mind.

AT&T says last week's massive outage was caused by an internal glitch.

AT&T, the Southwest Airlines of phone

companies.

For the first time in 50 years, America has a vehicle on the moon.

It's a self-driving Tesla that was aiming for downtown Cleveland, but still.

No, it's the Odysseus Lunar Lander.

It began transmitting from the moon, which tells me the Odysseus Lunar Lander does not use AT&T.

At one point,

At one point the lunar lander tipped over on the moon's surface and even though it's laying on its side it can still communicate.

So basically Odysseus is like David Hasselhoff after happy hour.

A Maryland couple set a world record by attending 135 concerts in one year.

I asked how they'll celebrate and the couple said, what?

We have no idea what you're saying.

There's a new study that says the number of women who are psychopaths may be far greater than previously thought.

Now, this is a new study.

This isn't me saying that.

A new study says the number of women who are psychopaths may be far greater than previously thought.

And I'd like to take a moment to thank Taylor Swift and The Barbie Movie for helping to point them out.

But I knew there's no way any normal person could get that unreasonably angry.

about having to put a toilet seat down.

I just didn't.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go call my wife and tell her I'll be fixing my own meals from now on.

Thank you very much.

A fire broke out at a chimney manufacturing plant in Pennsylvania.

Oh, the damage was through the roof.

That's right, through the roof.

Okay, thank you.

Thanks for the courtesy laugh there, I appreciate it.

Researchers found toxic waste off the coast of Los Angeles.

The good news is the radioactivity killed the bacteria in all the raw sewage, so work for everybody.

A former Boeing employee explained to a reporter why he won't fly on a 737 Max plane.

And I haven't read the interview, but I'm just gonna go out on a limb and guess it has something to do with

not wanting to be sucked out of an emergency exit, plummet through the sky, and splatter into a billion pieces.

I'm just guessing.

Today is

National Pancake Day.

And if a pancake house near you isn't offering a promotion, report them to the Batter Business Bureau.

Batter Business.

Thanks for the dad joke laugh.

I appreciate that.

Taylor Swift's dad allegedly assaulted paparazzi in Australia.

I'm kidding.

Taylor Swift doesn't have a dad.

She was placed on this planet by God.

So after having the worst season in the NFL last year, the Carolina Panthers are raising ticket prices.

Apparently they have inside information that one of their players will be dating Taylor Swift by next season.

Well, yesterday is leap day and these things only happen every four years.

You ready?

Uh, your barber changing that blue water he puts combs in.

I think that's once every four years.

Your dentist updating the magazines in his waiting room.

That's also,

uh,

Starbucks refreshing the pastries in their display case.

All right, anyway, moving on.

A new study says female psychopaths are surprisingly common.

I'm sure the study was conducted by observing my wife toss out a fridge full of beer after I forgot to clean the garage.

I'm sure that's probably where that stemmed from.

82% of U.S.

adults are hopeful about their future.

The remaining 18% read the news.

For the first time ever, two humpback whales were observed having sex and they were both males.

Researchers apparently caught them during their annual trip to a humpback mountain.

Apple, and I didn't even know they had plans for this, but they've canceled now these plans to build a self-driving electric car.

Turns out no one wants a car that freezes every 10 miles and forces you to reboot it.

Now instead they've decided to focus on changing charger connections so people will have to keep buying new iPhones Now that is more like what they probably would be doing

PlayStation is laying off 900 employees.

On the bright side, I always liked looking on the bright side.

Now they'll have more time to play video games.

Obesity is linked to poor memory.

Specifically, you forget to exercise.

Kim Kardashian's mobile phone game is ending.

At its peak, it was the second most popular thing you could watch her do on your iPhone.

Did you know that dogs get depressed if you skip their walk?

It's true, unless that walk was to the vet to get their berries locked off, you know.

Then it's a wash.

Oh, we gotta talk about Caitlyn Clark.

Oh man, and enjoy her as a Hawkeye while you can.

Next stop, number one pick in the, and I don't know quite how to pronounce this word, I'll spell it for you, W-N-B-A.

So way to go Caitlyn Clark.

You know I went to kindergarten with Caitlyn Clark.

No, no, really I did.

We did snack time together and at snack time I could tell she was gonna be great at basketball.

She would drink juice and she would dribble everywhere, dribble onto her shirt, the table.

Sorry Caitlyn, I know you're listening.

A survey found that 71% of people say white bread is best for toast.

The other 29%?

Not racist.

Parents are upset after their children were left in tears over a Willy Wonka type experience that did not live up to their expectations.

Did these people not see the movie?

I mean, what did they expect?

It's not real good for the kids in the movie either, so...

And finally, yesterday was the birthday of Dr. John Kellogg, the inventor of corn flakes.

And I don't know if you knew this, but he first served corn flakes to his mental patients in Battle Creek, Michigan.

And they didn't care for them, but they were cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

Thank you.

That's all I

got.

Weekday mornings, 5.30 to

10.

Ah,

apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?