The, Not Great, But Best He Could Come Up With from Last Week

Who used all-

Oh, the

Wi-Fi!

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

Well, hey, howdy, K-PASA.

What's going on?

It's Mike Waters from the Waters Wake Up Call, and this is the not great, but best I could come up with from last week.

podcast so we're gonna go back on last week and most of the great stuff is really you because I mean I pretty much depend on you to help me out I can't do this show by myself you know that I think that's obvious so I come up with stuff that we can talk about and whether it's tunes day when and Wednesday throwback Thursday or what have you I like a little interaction with you like I always say it gets very lonely in this small studio just me and forky my plastic

But when you call, oh, it feels like I got a party in here, you know?

So what say we get this party rolling and go back to Monday?

Remember what we were doing on Monday?

We celebrated the 59th anniversary of the Ford Mustang.

It made its flashy debut in, what was it, April 17th, 1964 at the New York's World's Fair.

I heard from a guy who was there at the World's Fair.

1964 where they debuted the Mustang and he did some things and well, we'll we'll chat with him coming up

But first, I gotta get a little something in with the sponsor, because I need a little bit of money for Record Store Day, which happens tomorrow.

So as soon as I get some money for records, we'll talk to this fine gentleman from New York.

We'll do that right after

this.

That's a lot of pulp.

These ain't your granny's orange juice, so get pulped up.

I like to gulp that pulp.

With orange juice, super pulp.

Available at a gas station near you.

Extreme choking hazard.

Well, that sounds great.

I hope that's not just a load of pulp fiction.

I hope that's absolutely true.

I love me some pulp.

All right, back to what we were doing here.

We were talking about the Mustang this last Monday and the fact that it turned 59.

April 17th, 1964, the Ford Mustang premiered at the 1964 World's Fair in New York, and you were there.

I

went on my eighth grade class trip to the 1954 World's Fair.

And the Ford exhibit was Mustang that you could sit in and it kind of pulled you along like a ride.

You actually got to ride in a Mustang then.

When there

was... Yeah, the 64 World's Fair.

I

lived in New York and it was our eighth grade class trip.

Wow.

And I'll bet you remember every second from that trip.

The funny thing is I talked to a friend of mine the other day and they drove from Iowa to New York.

Wow.

To go to

the World's Fair.

Oh, no.

Oh,

I'm sure that was devastating.

Well, anyway, I can certainly hear the New York accent in your voice.

So how's life in

Iowa?

Yeah, it

sounds like.

Well, what a great thing you do.

Thanks for what you do.

So it's called Miracles in Motion?

I will.

Swisher, Iowa.

All right.

Miracles in motion.

Swisher, Iowa.

And man, thanks for that 1964 World's Fair story.

I guess you've gone from one kind of Mustang to another kind of Mustang.

Wow, that's why you're on the radio.

Imagine the day I had a 66 and a half fast pack.

And how was that?

I could kill it at a bridge.

I enjoyed it.

So what happened?

Well, you know how it is on a Friday night.

Friday night, you're driving a Mustang.

Hey, let's be cool and try some car stuff before you know it along comes a bridge out of nowhere.

Probably wasn't even there like 10 minutes ago.

I never seen it.

No, I think it was.

the bridge's fault to tell you the truth.

That's right.

It just jumped right out there, Mike.

Ding Dong's minding his own business.

Did you tell the officers that?

Or did you just flee the scene?

What happened?

What was

the... Well, I just kind of flee the scene.

Why do you think I just knew that?

Ding Dong.

Why do you think I knew that?

Leave it to Ding Dong.

Ah, the Mustang.

Never owned one always wanted to.

I'll be lucky if I ever own one with all the taxes I have to pay this year.

But anyway, that will lead us

to Tuesday.

Tuesday was also tax day, so of course we're going to combine those and we'll get into that right after some Earth Day fun facts.

It was Saturday, April 22nd, you know.

The top fun facts about Earth Day.

Number five, it was started in 1970, probably by some lady who wasn't wearing a bra.

Number four, it's a great time to shop at Whole Foods, since all the annoying white people will be gathered in some park to talk about bees.

Number three, it's our way of thanking the earth for that special gift it's given us.

Weed.

Number two, planning a tree in your backyard is not only good for the environment, it's a great way to cover up those shallow graves.

And number one,

A lot more people would celebrate if they turned it into one of those holidays where you get presents.

Presents?

Yeah, and you know what I'd like for Earth Day?

A Mustang!

Alright, alright, I'm done.

Now on with the hit and

runs!

So scientists found evidence that humans used hallucinogens 3,000 years ago.

That evidence?

Tommy Chong.

Anxious dogs may have brains closer to humans.

And here's a sign your dog's anxious.

The only commands he knows are sit, shake, and change smoke.

Come on, boy.

Today is Dutch American Friendship Day.

Well, I'm sorry, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I befriend those clogs sporting bike-loving windmill huggers I'm telling you.

So there was a black bear in Canada broke into a car and drank 69 cans of orange soda, cola, and root beer.

Though, not surprisingly, the bear left all the Mountain Dew intact.

Of course he did.

Warming ocean waters continued to be a threat to the coral of the Great Barrier Reef, which is good news for the Just OK Barrier Reef and the competitive World Barrier Reef standings.

MIT conducted a study to discover the best way to twist off the top of Oreos.

In response, Arizona State conducted a study of quantum physics.

Although I always wanted to be an oriologist, you know?

OK, all right.

So crime writer Ann Perry died at age 84.

Her cause of death is listed as either her butler, ex-husband, or son who stood to inherit a fortune.

Courtney Kardashian turns 44 today.

Courtney isn't really saying how she'll celebrate her birthday, but she will just as soon as the writers give her today's script.

Then...

So, as you know, he celebrated 420 this past week.

You know, it's the day when stoners across the country come together to forget why they came from across the country to come together in the first place.

And fun marijuana fact, William Shakespeare smoked pot.

We know this by his famous line, doobie or not doobie, that is the question.

Or was that the doobie brothers who said that?

It's known as the stoner's holiday, although most of the stoners I know are on permanent holiday if you know what I mean.

Here's another fun marijuana fact for you.

Pot is legal in North Korea.

And evidently no one there smokes more than Kim Jong-un's barber.

Pot smoking among seniors is increasing.

which is why your grandma is busy knitting decorative bong koozies.

And in a new study, marijuana helps symptoms in 87% of Parkinson's patients.

The other 13% left the study still not understanding why anyone would enjoy a fish concert.

No kidding, man.

So, uh, Best Buy laid off hundreds of workers.

The fact you only go to Best Buy to look at something you then buy on Amazon is probably why.

Customs officials in Belgium destroyed 2,400 cans of Miller High Life because it has the slogan, the champagne of beers.

And it's not even from the champagne region of France.

And to be fair, in addition to not being champagne, Miller High Life is barely beer.

We all celebrate Earth Day.

You know, I refuse to celebrate it until they give wind and fire their own holiday.

I'm sorry.

And don't forget to plant a seed for every plant you smoked on 420.

Hey, did you know this?

Here's a fun fact.

The average American generates 4.5 pounds of trash a day, which is mostly just bed, bath, and beyond mailers.

And finally, a convicted murderer who was executed in Mississippi had a last meal that consisted of 29,000 calories.

That's right, he requested half a KFC double down.

Yeah, think about it, think about it.

There you go.

That's all I got.

Anyone else feel like they've been hit and run by the IRS?

Which brings me to Toonsday, and last Toonsday was Tax Day, so we had a little fun with that.

So without any further ado, I present IRS The Musical, and we'll get into Toonsday right after this taxing message.

Now, an ordinary kid on taxes.

My mom asked, what do you know about taxes?

I said, like the state was to Alamo, she said, no, taxes.

Where you work from money, and the government then takes them.

That sounds totally sus.

Mom said, with taxes, if you clean your room for five bucks, you'll only get 350.

Man, what could I buy with that?

Half a fruit snack?

Mom said the only way to get out of taxes is to die or be a rich white guy.

So, as of today, I identify as a rich white guy.

Thank you.

This has been an ordinary kid on taxes.

And on with Tunes Day and Tax Tunes.

Mike, Mike, good morning.

I hope you don't have to pay too much in.

I know you do some hard work out on the roads.

They're doing the road construction.

Are you getting money back this year?

Nope.

Ah, hell.

I get the state back, but the federal's gonna end up taking the state.

So

you know, it's like the government is eating itself.

That's kind of what that is.

It's consuming itself.

It just seems a little cannibalistic to me.

I'm sorry.

It's not right.

Nope.

Here, I get the picture.

Yeah, first you're dealing with the angry drivers who have to slow down because of the construction, and I'm sure sometimes you're getting fingers and other things, and then the money you get, you gotta give it back to Uncle Sam.

Do you have a particular song you would like to dedicate to the IRS?

Yes.

Money, money, money by Abba.

Money, money, money.

Always funny.

You know, three monies is always better than one, as long as you're getting...

payback but if you're paying in it's not so good.

But you only get a payback if you're poor so be happy.

Yes well I'm poor so I guess I should be getting something back.

Well I did.

All right well drinks are on you then.

Absolutely come on over.

I think that's exactly what we need for tax day.

Absolutely.

Oh, that was taxing, wasn't it?

Well, that brings us to Wandom Wednesday and man, did we get Wandom this past Wednesday and we started off doing some Mad Libs.

You remember Mad Libs?

When you'd have that, there's like a story and there'd be blanks in the story and just the parts of speech that you would need for those blanks and then you would ask someone, uh, give me a noun, they'd give you a noun, you just fill it in.

The story would just become ludicrous.

So somebody's gotta give me two nouns and two verbs.

Penguin?

Penguin, all right.

Artichoke.

Penguin and artichoke.

I gotta give you lots of wind and cred for that.

Okay, now I need a couple of verbs.

Punt.

Punt.

Great, all right, one more.

Saunter.

Saunter?

Yes.

Good lord, when was the last time you actually used the verb saunter?

Every day.

Really?

No.

I wonder how many people actually know what saunter means anymore.

This is educational.

It is educational.

Okay, so plugging in penguin, artichoke.

Hello, my name is Penguin.

You punted my artichoke.

Prepare to saunter.

Oh, Princess Bride.

Princess Bride, yeah, hello.

My name is Inigo Mantoya.

You kill my father.

Prepare to saunter.

Prepare to saunter.

And Wednesday was also National Cat Lady Day, and I spoke with Mrs. Waters, and I'm afraid she may become a cat lady, maybe earlier than expected.

You know, I don't think you can technically call yourself a cat lady because the stereotype of a cat lady is someone who lives all alone with I don't know like 37 cats For me to just someday.

Oh, where did where did your husband go?

And it'll be a mystery and in my place there are now 37.

Well, I guess 36 cats 37 with Jimmy Mittens

Yeah

to get a bigger place, I think.

And you know, I think we may have to put that off for a couple of years.

All right, how about Throwback Thursday?

I believe that follows random Wednesday, and Throwback Thursday was also 420.

So I got some pretty good stories from you, but first, I would like to do the five things you didn't know you needed to hear from the week, the five, what I think best stories of the week.

I'm gonna give those to you with the five things coming up right after

this.

dying, healthcare is soaring.

So get ready for the medical mall, featuring all your favorite stores now restructured to take care of your health needs.

There's Gap in your teeth dental, famous foot surgeons, prescription barn, appendectomy and Fitch, bath and body parts.

And don't forget to stop in the food court at Pandemic Express or get a facelift at Skinna Bun.

There's also vasectomy secret, JC Prostate, Creighton Steril, and blood sponge bath and beyond.

And on your way out, stop by the limit.

All right,

I think we have to start off.

Thing one.

on Monday and this was a crazy story and substitute teachers.

We all had them and some of them were cool, some of them were not cool, some of them you could just put anything over on them.

Well this one is a different kind of substitute teacher.

This is in Texas and maybe facing some legal trouble after she turned her middle school classroom into a fight club.

So the only reason she was caught is because a student took video of

the incident.

And this is a parent of one of the students of that class, Beatriz Martinez, explaining how she feels about what happened.

Can you imagine as a parent how she felt?

I was devastated.

I was like, I couldn't watch the full video.

I had to stop it multiple times because I didn't think it was real.

I said, this must be a prank.

This is not real.

Who in their right mind?

Because I trust my child to go to school, but I also trust

the staff to keep my kids safe.

We all kind of count on that, don't we?

Hey, these substitute teachers today.

All right, thing two, this comes from Tuesday and it involves a Philadelphia pizza delivery man who is a hero getting a lot of praise for tripping a suspected car thief that was running from the cops.

So at that point, police were able to apprehend the suspect.

So this is Tyler Morel, our hero, talking about why he decided to help the cops stop this alleged

thief.

Honestly, feel like I did what anybody else would do.

I stuck my leg out and caught a pretty nasty bruise on it, but it is what it is.

I'll survive.

We were high-fiving, honestly.

We were celebrating together a little bit, but I felt good about it, and I think they were happy to have an extra hand or foot to help them out, you know?

Yeah, thank God, thank God for that.

Thing three comes from Wandom Wednesday, and it was about David's Bridal, filed for bankruptcy again.

I have their latest ad right here, and it sounds like they didn't have much money for a jingle,

but...

David's Bridal has learned a lot of brides and I want to be informal or buy wedding gowns at thrift stores.

Ain't that nice?

We hope you have a nice wedding wearing hand-me-downs.

But if you still want to buy a new dress, we're located at, well, you know where we're located.

You're well aware of where we're located.

And just for the record, yes, some of you were too big for the dress.

If you're hoping to get married and go to David's Bridal, sorry.

Thing number four comes from throwback Thursday and it's actually fall down Thursday according to this story, but

Police had to take very drastic measures to arrest this guy.

Guess where he's from?

Yes, Florida.

He was hiding in his sister's attic for four hours to avoid getting arrested.

Well, this is his sister, Jamie Floor, talking about the damage that was done to her house until her brother fell out of the ceiling into a bedroom and, of course, onto a floor.

I

did not answer it right away.

I was afraid my brother was going to get arrested.

He was not coming down.

He played possum.

They threw...

that they were going to hoist dogs up there.

They completely knocked in all of those panels in my backyard and they came and got my hose and they put the hose through there and they squirted into my attic.

I'm not going to find him out.

I love him, but I'm not.

I don't have the money to do so.

I need to worry about fixing my home.

Yeah, no kidding.

Your brother fell out of the ceiling and the cops were destroying things.

Man, that's insane.

Don't move to Florida.

All right, thing five comes from Florida.

That's right, two Florida crazy stories in a row.

I just want to give you an idea.

A couple of ideas why you should never move there.

All right, this woman in Riverview, Florida, she shared a very disturbing video of her neighbor.

and her neighbor crazy, crazy, crazy punching a hole through her fence and launching into a crazy rant that included saying your kid is going to die.

Oh my God,

Florida.

Through the thing what you're doing.

Yeah, you are artificial and Disgusting and you know what your kid is going to die and I don't have to do anything I'm just gonna watch and smile as it happens and watch

Yes.

It's

currently 5 p.m.

on a Saturday in

April.

And this woman lives

next to me in Riverview,

Florida.

And she's going on a rampage.

She

just punched a

hole

through my fence.

This is made of artificial.

She's trying

to put, OK, so we're going inside right now.

Yeah, bring your kid inside.

I think that's a brilliant idea.

And I think that's five

things.

What the hell were those things?

Five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

Okay, where are we?

We're over the hump of Wandom Wednesday.

We're through the five things.

Throwback Thursday.

That's what we gotta do.

And throwback Thursday was 420.

And I got some pretty good stories from

you.

Well, you know, my first wife, you know, decided to have some one night.

And all she could talk about that, she was in love with Spock.

Let it nemoi, Mr. Spock?

Yeah, Spock.

She was just in love with us.

All she could talk about that night.

What

what was it the ears or?

Wow, that's that's funny.

I would think if you're smoking the last thing you would want is anyone who is logical

Maybe

It depends on who this is.

Could be the voice in my head.

I don't know.

My buddy told me you were taking orders for $420.

Well, it's not $420 yet.

Well, I guess it is all day, isn't it?

What am I?

What am I high?

You're such a dope.

I know.

Well, that's kind of the celebration today is dope, isn't it?

Well, they tell me your name is Michael Waters.

Yes.

I have some plants that need taking care of.

Like water

plants.

Yeah, and when you say taking care of, what are you talking about?

Grow life.

grow lights

secret electric bill

well I don't do much with electric bills I'm a DJ I don't have any money so I can't pay any bills

you give me nice dreams when you're on the radio

thanks teach appreciate that

talk to my buddy here

okay

hey man

hey

You

know, I think we've already done that request makes me think of I think you're in the movie up in smoke George Lopez George.

Yeah, Gilo.

I think his friends calling All right, so we're gonna let the haze kind of calm down that that's been created in the studio from these these other people obviously and We're going to check in with a sponsor one last time and then we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk about Prince and hanging out so I'll give you all the details on

on that right after

this.

Maybe if I

get a thousand more sponsors on, I could afford that.

Hey, that brings us to Friday, last but not least, and we were talking about Prince because it was the seventh anniversary of his passing, and it was National Hanging Out Day, so we're talking about the old

hangouts.

And somebody heard the song, stopped, told me how good the song was, and we had a moment over a print song.

And isn't that what Prince's songs were all about, was making a connection?

That's what music's all about, really.

So you made a friend at Walmart that day.

Made a friend in the Walmart parking lot.

Did he have his robe on?

Was he one of those Walmart people?

No.

I think this guy was pretty normal.

Booty shorts?

None of the above, just the Zubas.

What the heck is a Zubas?

I want to call them pants, but if you're not wearing Zubas, then you're just wearing pants.

Oh, pants.

The mullet of pants, or the crocs of pants.

I'm definitely going to look that up afternoon.

So where'd you hang out back in the day?

The Lazy Age.

The Lazy Age.

Yeah, everybody went to the Lazy...

Why was this H, particular H, lazy?

I don't know.

No, you had no idea.

You were way too lazy to find out.

Yep.

Yeah, it's an H, whatever.

They were really nice, though.

The people were really nice.

Good, but that has me wondering, is H the laziest letter in the alphabet?

Or is there even a lazier letter?

What?

How about the letter G?

I can't see that.

It's a joke?

It's a very bad joke that I found out.

Because it sounds like lethargy like your lethargic lazy Yeah, it wouldn't be a because a for effort Yeah, maybe if you put E and Z together those are the laziest of all letters.

Oh, did you say see no?

I'm gonna have to look for the lazy H probably I'll only find it online, but there we go.

There's the week in a nutshell the not great

But best I could come up with from last week from Mustangs to tax day tunes day tax tunes I think is what I meant to say the Wandom Wednesday Mad Libs cat lady mrs. Waters Throwback Thursday and 420 and hanging out and Prince and that's a week man.

That's a week right there We'll do it again next week and again.

Thanks for listening to the not great, but best I could come up with from last week

Have a great rest of your weekend or whenever you're listening to this have a great rest of that Every Monday through Friday 5 30 to 10 right

here Who used all the Wi-Fi

apartment life, bad wi-fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?