All righty, well, let's let's talk about all this craziness happening like like for instance scientists This is weird scientists are saying that the t-rex had lips I know you're picturing a t-rex right now with big red lips.
I don't know kissing you or something Well, maybe not maybe not that although I had a grandmother.
Oh never mind
But you can see them yourself, these T-Rexes with lips.
See them, honestly.
Just Google dinosaur with lips.
And just be skipping all the photos of Mick Jagger.
Gotta have Mick Jagger.
All right.
Chipotle has agreed to pay $240,000 to two dozen workers.
That's nice.
And they can finally afford to add guacamole to their burritos.
It's about time.
A Milwaukee man said he's been forced from his home after too many cars kept running into it.
This guy had too many cars running into his home.
Luckily, a friend has offered him a new crash pad, so... Disney has started to enact its plan to lay off 7,000 workers.
And it's bad, too.
As of this morning, 75 of the 101 Dalmatians have filed for unemployment.
I don't know what kind of a Mickey Mouse operation they're running around there, but I don't like it.
I don't like... April is Stress Awareness Month, which means your 25-year-old coworker will feel justified complaining about the stress of waiting for an Uber when their phone's about to die.
And you'll feel oh-so-sorry for them, won't ya?
The CDC is warning Americans not to eat raw cookie dough due to a salmonella outbreak.
And here with the rebuttal, please welcome marijuana.
So the guy who sued Gwyneth Paltrow over a skiing accident lost, and he says he's going to regret it forever.
Luckily, Gwyneth sells a candle for that, so he doesn't have to worry for long.
As Gwyneth Paltrow, as she left her ski trial, she whispered to this guy who tried to sue her.
She says, is it A?
I wish you well.
B. God is great.
Or C. I sell garbage to naive white women.
C. Adam Sandler's new movie, Murder Mystery 2, sent him to the hospital for hip replacement.
Unfortunately, after spending all that money, he's still not even remotely hip.
A new James Bond...
One story is being written as we speak in which Bond must thwart plans to disrupt King Charles's coronation.
That's true.
And it introduces a brand new villain, Octamagan.
Or, or Octamarkle.
Oh, you like that one better, I guess.
And, uh, finally, Alec Baldwin, 65 today.
Happy birthday, Alec Baldwin.
He's very grateful to still be here, especially when so many people he's known aren't, and sometimes because of him.
And by the way, there's a strict dress code for everyone attending his party, Kevlar.
All right.
And, again, happy birthday, Alec.
That's all I got.
I never saw him, but he's basically hitting me.