HIT AND RUN HEADLINES 3-24-2023

Oh boy, there's some stuff going on in the world.

Have you noticed that?

A lot of stuff.

Yeah, experts are cautioning that AI will leave humans with nothing to do but sit around.

That's right, it's going to turn the world into a visit to grandma's house is basically what that means.

The fruit roll-up people are warning consumers not to eat the plastic.

Don't stop eating the plastic, will you?

Yes, that's where we are in this country, and we think we're going to survive long enough for climate change to kill us, but I don't know.

I don't know if it'll last that long.

So a top Russian security official warned of a possible nuclear apocalypse, as has been foretold in hundreds of 80s movies.

So today is National Cocktail Day.

Happy Cocktail Day to you.

Lindsay Lohan is enjoying a martini whiskey sour old-fashioned margarita, gimlet, and Mai Tai.

No word on whether she's aware it's National Cocktail Day or not.

Wallet Hub, Wallet Hub, named McAllen, Texas, the most obese U.S.

city.

While fast food owners there call it the most lucrative U.S.

city, if you know what I mean.

And by the way, they are so obese that they also came in second.

Well, it's big.

It's Texas.

What do you expect?

A new study shows lengthy marriages ward off multiple choice, A, dementia, B, cancer, or C, happiness.

No, no, no.

Mrs. Waters, not us, not us.

Everybody else, not us.

Three cladiator movies are currently in the works.

Three of them.

And before you mock Hollywood for its lack of originality, aren't you in line for, uh, John Wick 4?

Huh?

Be honest.

All right.

And finally, after a Southwest Airlines captain got sick mid-flight, a pilot from another airline who just happened to be on the plane helped land it.

Hey, I know it sounds far-fetched, but, uh, I am serious and don't call me Shirley.

Yeah, alright, well that's all I got.