WANDOM WEDNESDAY: PLAN YOUR EPITAPH DAY!

Can I

tell you something that happened last night that just about drove me crazy and I think you can relate to this I was I don't know 9 9 30 I'm usually asleep by about 8 o'clock.

I'm sleeping and all of a sudden I hear

You know what?

You know what that is, don't you?

And it's a smoke alarm.

So I thought, okay, I'm a guy.

I can change and solve this smoke detector business.

I'm going all over the house and we got about four or five smoke detectors in the house.

And first I go to the bedroom one.

I notice that the entire system, it's a system of smoke detectors.

So it's not like one going off.

It's like every single one of them.

is going off.

They are beyond loud, like, you know, like the sound I just played you, this one.

That's nothing compared to what I was hearing around the house.

So I'm going and every single one is making this noise.

So I reach up and I take it off and take the batteries out and I have to go and do this for four or five of them.

I take one out, it's still going, two out still going, three, four, five.

Take all the batteries out and it's still driving me crazy.

Still doing that over and over and over.

It's like being shot in the head with this loud piercing noise.

So I'm going crazy.

Mrs. Waters is going crazy.

We're running all over the house trying to figure out what this is.

All the batteries are out.

OK, now what?

Do we just hit them all with a hammer?

Jimmy Mittens, our cat, just keeps going meow.

Meow, please turn it off.

It was like, you know, it was a different kind of meow.

Like, he was desperate.

He was just being driven crazy by this damn beep.

So finally I thought okay.

Well, you know, it's hanging by these wires So I unhooked the wires and again I had to unhook every single one all four or five of these things So I got all done and it stopped beeping finally But then the chirping began You know the little chirps you hear from the smoke detectors and that just drives you crazy because you don't know where it's coming from and I knew where it was coming from because I had all of the smoke

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Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.

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That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

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Now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

Hey

waters here from the waters wake-up call this toon's name morning.

We were talking rebel tunes Rock and roll is that what you used to rebel kiss

my first Alan back in the 70s yeah

Oh No rowdy Yeah, you bad boy

I

think a lot of a lot of people our age heard that about kiss I mean I even heard lies from grown-ups that and maybe you heard this too I think a lot of people were saying this kiss stood for nights in Satan's service and it was a total lie did you ever hear that yes no they're not they just want to rock and roll online party every day dad

being gone I crank my music up just annoy us

yeah my dad would come in and actually

Well, good

morning, good morning!

How are

you?

well

you know okay but you know after our creepy discussion yesterday about the very freaky revolution number nine on the white album I had to listen to it all night last

night

I was.

I would have gotten up and turned it off.

I had it on loop while I was streaming it.

Oh, there you go.

Yeah.

And I was too scared to get up and do anything.

So I just kept playing and I kept getting more and more scared.

So there was less and less chance I was going to get up and turn it off.

And you really tired this

morning, aren't you?

I am.

Man, let me tell you.

Yeah.

Yeah,

so I'm tired and I'm a little dizzy still.

Yeah.

Big

sense.

Oh,

bang bang shoot shoot.

Yeah.

Right.

So, uh, why don't we do it in the road and happiness is a warm gun.

You

know, I was thinking when you brought up the Beatles, how do you rebel with the Beatles?

But you picked real good tunes to rebel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No one will be watching us.

Why don't we do it in the road?

So Agnes, your rebel tunes were the ones by the hair bands, right?

So true.

What did your parents think about Agnes back then?

I don't know what they thought.

Your parents weren't like mine?

I mean, my parents told me what they thought of me all the time when I was a teenager.

My parents would say things like, I'm disappointed in the way you're acting.

You had a rotten attitude.

I wanted to stay out late.

Yes.

And

they didn't seem to understand that I

I knew better than they did about the world's ways.

Now, you were like 15, 16.

You were old and worldly at that point.

I knew it all.

I always say, and I love this expression, the less you know, the more you think you know.

You know, like maybe at 15, 16, you think, oh, it'd be easy just to live on my own.

I'd get a job, and then I'd pay my bills with the money I make for my job, and everything would be easy.

Some of these kids actually go and they try it on their own, and then they realize that you have to be responsible.

And then they realize, wow, I'm really dumb about this being an adult thing.

So true.

Yeah.

My rebel tune mainly to adjate my mom was under my thumb.

Under my thumb?

The girl who once had me down?

Yeah.

You know, it's absolutely a song about taking control of somebody, but you really don't think of that as a rebel tune.

But gosh darn it, you've discovered it was, and that is a great rebel tune.

I wish I'd known that when I was

15.

Well,

thanks for

listening

and I'm pretty much just giving you more Kalmanur is what I'm doing

You sound like a rebellious young man.

I was, when I was a motorhead, the group deafenwolf.

Born to be wild, that's what you felt like.

You nailed it.

And they had some other really good tunes too.

It wasn't just born to be wild magic carpet ride.

Back in my time, I had an 8-track tape player, so that's what I had.

I'd stick that in that car, and boy, the way we'd go.

It's so funny you mentioned that, because just this morning, I saw this clip from Modern Family.

Oh.

Phil and Claire are cruising along in this old car.

I think it was Claire's.

and they come across an eight track player.

He takes the eight track, he puts it in, it's born to be wild, he starts singing to the song and the most wrong lyrics you could even think of.

I can only

imagine.

Weekday mornings, 5.30 to

10.

all the Wi-Fi!

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

Hey, it's Mike Waters from the Waters Wake Up Call.

We were talking about all kinds of stuff for Wandom Wednesday this morning, including planning our epitaphs.

My wife always asked me what I'd like to do, and I said, I'd always like to go to hell.

You'd like to go to hell?

That's where all the bad girls are.

Oh, Iron Man.

I hear it's not a great place.

You know, I don't hear good things.

It doesn't get good Yelp reviews, so I don't know.

I don't know if you should even think about going there.

I

like the bad girls.

Well, you'll find

them, but I think you find other things too.

Like they've got just terrible service.

Well, it's not mine.

It was my

husband.

Okay.

I told him I was going to put on there.

We were married three years ago.

that's right.

It's on Ringo's album

cover.

There was also rumored back in the day that there was a band called Klaatu, and they were rumored to be the Beatles.

I mean, it wasn't, but they sounded kind of

beatlesque.

Yes, and I wanted to know if you knew about Mel Blank's epitaph.

That's all folks.

Yes,

I

love that.

It's great.

What are you going to put on your epitaph?

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to put on yet.

Got to think of something clever, though.

I've heard of people putting cookie recipes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rodney Dangerfield has, uh, there goes the neighborhood on his.

Yeah.

He would.

I

know.

Hilarious man.

Hilarious man.

Yeah.

Some people are so clever.

I

know.

They really

are.

Anyway, you have a

great day and get back to work.

Mr. Water!

Da-da-dad!

How are ya?

This cruising through Hayawatha!

Do you see the Hayawatha Watertower from where you are in the truck?

No, I don't see the Hayawatha Watertower.

You're gonna have to work on that there, uh, Twukka Todd.

And it's even funner to say if you put Wandom Wednesday with it.

Hayawatha Watertower, Wandom Wednesday.

Oh, wow.

I know.

So what would be on your, uh, your epitaph, Twukka Todd?

Holy crap, water ride!

Holy crap, water

ride!

Wouldn't be mine, but I got a couple here for you.

All right,

cool.

Had a lot of listeners and played a lot of songs.

Just keeping their days updated, moving along.

I was here for a while, but no need to cry.

I took the stairway to heaven up into the sky.

All right, that's awesome, man.

And then the short version of it played a lot of songs and had a blast.

Now I'm gone, so the world will kiss my ass.

I like that.

I like the one with the better.

I do

too, right to the

point.

That's right.

That's

right.

I was

thinking, I love those.

I was thinking from Live and Local to Dead Air.

There

you go.

That's good too.

Those are awesome, man.

Thanks

for

thinking about me

dead.

No, never.

I'm just glad to have you on the end of my other end of the radio every morning, Alyssa.

Keep really going.

Well, I thank you for being there, man.

I really do.

Thanks.

And thanks for calling.

No

problem.

Have

a great

day.

Could you give me one favor?

Maybe?

I'll give you a maybe.

Okay.

Let's play one Christmas song.

Uh, really already?

I know.

I know it's after Halloween.

And you know, there's still the debate.

Which one, dare I ask?

Busy sidewalks.

Busy sidewalks?

Really?

Busy?

I don't know, man.

Say what?

We'll do it in a month.

Do you have your lights up?

Do you have your tree up?

Do you have all that stuff going on?

Oh, no.

I'm waiting for Thanksgiving.

Hey, me too.

So call me back

then.

How are you doing?

Good.

How are you doing, man?

Okay.

I have two thoughts.

One is the right time to start Christmas music is about December 24th.

Okay.

And then on the other hand, oh, do you happen to know how long crazy on you is the time track is for that record?

Oh, it's four minutes 52.

450.

That

is the exact time it takes for me to make my daily drive from my kids pool to the coffee shop.

5 30 to 10.

We'll

see you next week.

Thank

you.

4 minutes and 52 seconds.

Plus the walkers back announced for crazy on you.

Beautiful.

Day mornings.

5 30 to

10.