THE WATERS WAKE-UP CALL-O-WEEN PODCAST

Good evening!

This is Mike Waters broadcasting dead from the very creepy KOKZ Studios.

You know actually I wanted to just check in and say thanks and as we wrap up creepy season and soon to get into the even creepier season.

Well, that's a good incident.

So I was thinking to wrap up spooky season and put it in a burlap sack to be buried six feet beneath the ground.

I put together the most terrifying bits of the water's wake-up call Creepy Season starring you and, to a lesser extent, me.

But before we get started with our spine-chilling anthology of the dead, an important message from HR about the office Halloween party.

since we have people of that name working for the company.

No dressing is the opposite sex as that would be mocking the company's trans policy.

No dressing is anything quote unquote sexy.

Nothing political like dressing as the president's drool nurse.

Nothing satanic or religious.

Nothing COVID related including bats, fangs, doctors or nurses.

Sugarless candy will be provided no nuts plus soft drinks and water.

I'll be dressed as a giant candy corn again.

See you at the party.

It's gonna be a lot of fun.

Wow, you know, I think I'm gonna go as somebody ditching the party.

All right, but let's let's talk scary movies.

Which is the

scariest?

Nobody

has said it yet.

Everybody

floats down

here.

I hate that.

I just hate it.

Are you talking about the new it movies?

No, original one.

Yeah, with Harry, somebody and John Ritter.

Yes, and John Boy.

That's right.

John Boy was in it.

Yeah.

And Tim Curry is the clown.

Tim

Curry.

I think

they should make a sequel, but do it differently.

Put periods between the I and the T, and then one after the T, and have all of these computer guys dressed as clowns, and all they'll tell you is, have you tried rebooting?

Have you called to help

them?

Yeah, it's the sequel, I.T.

Hello, I.T.

Have you tried turning this off and on again?

And a favorite?

The classic movie is Pumpkin Head.

I don't know if I've ever seen Pumpkin Head.

Oh,

Mike, it's awesome.

You gotta watch

it.

Really?

When did that come out?

It's

been

out for a long time.

Yeah.

There's Pumpkin Head and then there's the sequel to Pumpkin Head, and they are both awesome.

I'll bet the sequel is Pumpkin Head 2.

Yes.

See?

I didn't even know, but I'm going to have to check out Pumpkin Head now.

Yes.

Do it.

Hi.

I have

to say the worst

So when

you had kids later on, did you name one of them Damien?

So your kid names their kid Damien?

Did they do it to mess with you because they knew that the Omen for you was really terrifying?

His middle name is Omen 2, then...

Then we have

a problem.

Then we have a problem.

If your kid is Damien Omen 2, and then last name, then I would say that they're messing with

you.

Yeah,

that's right.

Children of the Corps.

Yeah, that's kind of a disturbing flick.

Well, it's disturbing and something that could actually happen.

Yeah, the kids taken over and part of that was filmed in Iowa too.

So that that could probably disturb and bother you.

So does the name Malachi just put you into a paralyzing fear?

Well, let's hope there's nobody named Malachi listening because if so, I think we're both dead.

I swore I would never have children and I would never eat corn again.

Hey, we're gonna go from scary movies to the scariest words ever spoken.

We'll do it right after a word from Thanksgiving.

I'm Thanksgiving,

but I approve this message.

October 31st, vote no on Halloween.

Halloween supports dangerous roving gangs of children going door to door to get their fix.

When it comes to health care, Halloween doesn't care.

Under Halloween, tooth decay rates have doubled and instances of child obesity have skyrocketed.

Halloween is deceptive.

Sure, it may look like a sexy firefighter, but don't count on Halloween if your house is burning down.

And Halloween is not.

A legal holiday.

If Halloween had its choice, it would allow for more illegal holidays to invade and take over your calendar.

Don't be tricked.

Halloween is no treat.

This October 31st, vote no on Halloween, paid for by Thanksgiving.

Alright, well thanks for that.

And it is still scary season there, turkey.

So let's talk about now the word more than any other that creeps you

out.

Okay

If your daughter is dating a spike spike is the scariest word in the English language Well, how old is your daughter?

You

don't want your 15 year old dating a spike Do you want to give me spikes address and I'll go over chat with him if you know what I'm

saying

So

this was a while ago.

Do

you

know what ever happened to spike?

You

know, make

sense

Lawyer spike.

Yeah, and now spike for the prosecution

Yeah, I'll

consider that one

word

Yeah, if your name is Harvey and you've had too much to drink and your, uh, maybe Harvey Carbanger is even, even a scarier, scarier word.

Yeah, or Harvey Carcrasher.

All right,

I think we can all agree, you know, when drunk driver is considered one word, there are few that are more alarming, chilling, creepy, eerie, horrifying, intimidating, shockings, spooky,

blood-curdling, hair-raising, horrendous, spine-chilling, unnerving words.

Ever.

I'm gonna have to go clean up my chair now, thanks a lot.

You're welcome very much.

And by the way, is ex-wife one word or two?

Oh well, anyway, what's your scary word?

The word mortgage?

Oh man.

That is

scary.

Does

it really?

Is that serious?

Death pledge.

It's a good

Halloween word.

Yeah, I'm sure everybody's screaming across eastern Iowa right now

You

know nothing is scary than that word especially when delivered by an actual accountant All right, let's get another one in here.

Hey, how you doing?

Oh, I'm doing just fine.

I'm late for work, but that's

okay

You didn't get yelled at?

No.

They got a system.

Okay, good.

Good.

That's good to know.

I was worried about you there for a second, because I'm telling you right now, fired and unemployment are very scary words.

And thank goodness those two don't apply to you, but what is your scary word?

Sister-in-law.

Sister-in-law.

Oh boy.

Seriously, I've

had two.

Not good, huh?

Well, no, I've had more than two, but I've had two that were really, you know, winners.

He

said sarcastically.

Yes.

Anyway, I learned if I could keep a civil tongue with them, I could carry on the conversation with the devil himself.

Well, sorry to hear about your devil in laws, but what we have coming up, we're going to describe what we do for a living in the creepiest

possible way.

So that's coming up here in just a matter of moments, but I had a listener call asked a very interesting question.

So we'll do that right after we check in with our devil in laws, a.k.a.

our creepy

sponsors.

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I

know you've just been in suspense and and on the edge of your seat for this, uh, this trivia question.

So let's get to it.

All right.

Ask your question.

Let's hear what it is.

Special Halloween trivia.

You know, there was two TV shows that came out in 1964 a week apart.

Do you want to know the name of them or do you want to check it out on your own and could make it a quiz?

Pretty sure I know it, but let's give somebody else a chance and they could win a lifetime supply of

Mike Watter's belly lint.

Very, very nicely done.

Do you want to take advantage of the lifetime supply of my belly lint?

Well, I was actually hoping to contribute to the collection you have for your next follow.

You're a belly lint collector as well?

Sure.

Now, see, that's really scary.

Here I am joking about it, and I'll bet you're serious.

Yes, sir.

Two of the finest scary comedies that have ever hit the airwaves.

That thing.

Yeah,

thing.

Thank you, thing.

Creepy stuff, man.

Well, look at that.

We all learned something.

Isn't education fun?

That's a rhetorical question.

You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.

All right, on with our next topic.

We're describing what we do for a living in the creepiest way

possible.

I have no idea what this is.

What do you do man?

I'm a pastor.

Oh, you're a pastor.

Oh

Oh, well now, yeah, now it all makes sense.

I know, right?

Yeah, it went from really creepy to, you know, really nice.

Yeah, I know, right?

That's great, man.

That's awesome.

Awesome,

man.

Have a great one.

Thanks for what you do.

All right, how

about you?

Oh, for my job, I deliver dead animal carcasses to everybody.

Dead animal carcasses, eh?

Yeah.

So are you a, are you some kind of food delivery driver?

Maybe pizza delivery or something like that?

No, this is a meat man.

You know, meat man.

alone can sound kind of creepy.

Oh, these are terrifying.

Let's take another one.

Describe what you do for a living

creepily.

in a big scary vehicle that takes high-speed curves and frequent sudden stops and bone jarring, washboard, gravel roads.

Oh, gravel roads.

Stop.

I give them this thrill ride and then drop them off to be in a prison for eight hours.

A prison?

And when they come out, we do it all over again.

well you are

a monster what are you doing driving the kids to juvie what do you do at prison come on I knew it I knew it

all

along I didn't think you were a juvie guy well of course you are sir okay how about you what creepy things do you do at

work

Well,

you know what they say, they say, a friend will help you move, a real friend will help you move a body.

My

friends will help you move and you know.

And everything else, right?

And everything else, that's right.

You must be a grave digger.

Truck driver.

We all, we deliver dirt.

Oh, dirt, okay, so you'll supply the dirt.

That's right.

A very interesting prospect, because I've got a couple of people.

I'm not gonna say their names on the air, but...

Hello?

Did I freak you out?

Hello?

You're still there?

Oh, I'm finished, alright.

I think my heart can take one more.

Are

you my

ex-wife?

Other than my ex-wife, I don't have a gas.

Do you cackle like that at the children?

And what I do is pretty creepy as well.

I'm a disembodied voice that invades your airspace, seeping in to your computers and your cars, maybe even every room in your house.

And if I stop talking, dead air.

Yeah, just like that.

Just like that.

All right, one more topic.

We have to save the best for last.

So we'll talk about scary tunes right after we invade this guy's head and a word from our sponsor.

And now

it's time for another episode of a few seconds inside a man's head.

Hey, it's me.

Give me a favorite.

Give me a straw for my beer.

Thanks.

I knew wearing the gorilla suit and mask was a bad idea for this Halloween party.

The man of my heart.

Stupid!

And that was another episode of A Few Seconds Inside a Man's Head.

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Now, more than ever, it's important to select the right Halloween supplier for this country.

October 31st is just around the corner.

Let your voice be heard.

All

right, let's get into it.

Let's talk scary tunes.

And by the way, if you're listening to this before the morning of October 31st, 2022, make sure you tune in on Monday morning and we've got a new list of scary, scary tunes.

And if you're listening years in the future, if you could find me and call me and just

let me know if it was the end of the world or what happened because I have a feeling that I'll probably miss that information.

Seems like something that I should probably know if that happens.

So I would appreciate

that.

What was it about the song?

Because it's really kind of a happy, fun tune.

Kind of happy fun.

It's kind of sexy.

Well, yeah, reach out and grab you.

I don't know what it was.

You know, it's just one of those odd things.

Well, I want to play that song and I want you to put yourself back in your 12 year old self and listen to it.

Well, I'm not going

to turn down the radio.

Well,

don't do that.

Turn it up.

And then the rest of your life's troubles will be out of the way.

That one abracadabra incident that traumatized you to the extent where I don't want to

say wrecked the rest of your life, but it certainly made it more difficult.

So I'm thinking if you put yourself now in that 12-year-old, then you'll hear it and then you'll be cured.

That could be.

Yeah.

You might be

right.

My scary song from the 70s is an instrumental which still scares the ever-loving crud out of me.

And I hear it every time I go in the water.

Oh.

The theme from

Jaws?

Yeah, do you know that goes through your head

when you're out

there in the middle of the ocean?

Yeah Well, you know sometimes with jaws and this is in the summer, of course They'll have a drive-in which is on a beach and then you're out on an inner tube with your legs dangling in the water and they show jaws How creepy would that be?

Me neither.

I know I'd lose a toe.

I know I would

And it

reminds me of the 70s Vikings who are called the purple people eaters.

Yeah, I'm a Patriots fan myself.

I don't know anything about the Viking.

Why are

you a Patriots fan?

Well, I owe it all to a Miami Dolphin fan.

What?

Back in 1973, the new family moved into the neighborhood and one of the boys wore his

I gotta say,

that's a pretty good story.

Perfect.

That is awesome.

I love that.

It's a good song.

It is a good song.

You know where the ferry is going, don't

you?

That's

right.

So maybe we should play don't play the fairy man into like renegade or something

You

are you are a compliment professional with what you do aren't I aren't I?

Thank you for calling and lying and requesting a great song.

That's what I do Swamp which that was also my first wife was really yeah, I was gator hunting like I do sometimes and I found myself in this swamp and here was the

lady in the swamp and I saved her and she seemed nice at the time and then, boom, I found out she was a swamp witch.

Hey, listen, I got a joke for you.

Oh, good.

Alright, knock knock.

Who's there?

Ah.

Ah-hoo.

Ah-hoo!

I should have done it right.

I just went, ah-hoo.

I think it's in my contract that the week of Halloween, I have to play Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon.

At least 19 times.

I think is what it is.

And actually it's in my contract because it's Iowa Law.

I think terrifying Tuesday, I mean, especially when he says he'll rip your lungs out, Jim.

Yeah.

Pretty terrifying imagery there.

I know, I know.

And there he is, a Trader Vicks.

What would you do if you saw him at Trader Vicks?

I guess I would just tell him how nice his hair was.

Yeah, I would ask who his stylist was.

There you go.

All right, you gotta end on a joke.

You just have to.

So there we go.

And if you do see a werewolf of London in Trader Vicks, make sure you buy him a pina colada because he loves pina coladas at Trader Vicks.

But I would say that's just about impossible to do here in eastern Iowa.

But I wish you luck regardless.

So that's it.

Creepy season 2022.

We still have Halloween on Monday.

It is if you're listening before October 31st, 2022.

And again, if you're listening years after, just make sure you find me, you call me, and let me know if the world has ended yet.

So we had our joke, and now we have to go out singing.

Let's have a song about the worst Halloween candy ever.

All right.

Smell you later.

Have a great Halloween.

Bye-bye.