Alright, let's have a little fun with the news and do a little hit-and-run headlines.
So Sunday, like I say, Mother's Day, Prince Charles will give his mother what he always does.
A cup of tea with an untraceable amount of arsenic.
Heartwarming.
The U.S.
is recycling just 5%, just 5% of our plastic waste.
The rest of it goes into oceans, landfills, and Courtney Cox's face.
Scientists say Mars rocks retrieved by NASA may contain, but they recommend wiping them down like we do gyms.
Not the best day to be on a Zoom call with Jeffrey Tubin, but it's your decision.
The Dow Jones plunged over a thousand points yesterday.
It dropped faster than Dave Chappelle on stage at the Hollywood Bowl.
And yesterday was Cinco de Mayo.
I hope you celebrated accordingly.
And if you didn't put your name on a liver transplant waiting list this morning, you just didn't celebrate right.
The premiere, Top Gun Maverick, was held on an aircraft carrier, which is why all future Nicholas Cage movies will premiere on a wrecked train.
A rep for Dave Chappelle called the attack on him at the Hollywood Bowl unfortunate and unsettling.
Coincidentally, the exact same words audience members use after seeing carrot top.
David Letterman sits down with Will Smith on his new season of his Netflix talk show, but the interview was taped before the Oscars, so Dave isn't wearing a catcher's mask, so who knows what's gonna happen.
Jordan Peele revealed the trailer of his new horror movie titled, Nope.
to an audience at CinemaCon.
It's pretty scary.
Not as scary as looking at your 401k balance this morning, but still, it's pretty scary.
Bob Seeger, one of my faves, turned 77 today.
Happy birthday, Bob.
And these days, his only night moves are a result of an enlarged prostate.
And finally, the Kentucky Derby is tomorrow.
The winner eventually goes on to a stud farm.
The losers go on to Taco Bell burritos.
There you go, your in-run headlines for a Friday morning.
You got the water's wake up call.