5 Things You Didn't Know You Needed to Hear

And now, the waters wake up call with this morning's five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

So getting your news from the town drunk.

Alright, listen up!

Alright, so for days we've been wondering, is Tiger Woods gonna be playing at the Masters?

Is he not?

I don't know, the tournament starts tomorrow, you know, but here's what Tiger says about it.

Well, as of right now, I feel like I am going to play.

As of right now, my recovery has been good.

I've been very excited about how I've recovered each and every day.

And that's been the challenge.

That's why I came up here and tested out for 27 holes.

But it's the recovery.

How am I going to get all the swelling out and recover for the next day?

So we've got another day of nine more holes and then come game time.

How exciting is that?

You know there's nothing more exciting than the Masters.

Time again for...

The Masters.

Players' shirts and hats emblazoned with logos from private planes and investment companies that most middle class people will never deal with because it's The Masters on CBS.

Oh, sorry, is that over?

Sorry about that.

Yeah, Master's is, I don't know, tomorrow or something.

Anywho, you know, it's a well-known fact that drinking coffee, it keeps you regular, all right?

I'll just leave it at that.

Or, you know, we could say number two.

But would you believe that we have no idea why?

And scientists don't even know why.

Someone was talking to a few experts about this, and we have no idea.

We still don't know what exactly causes that reaction.

And they don't think it's just the caffeine

because decaf, not that I've ever drank that, can also do it as well.

So it might have something to do with other compounds in coffee, but the two leading theories on why coffee can make you rush to the bathroom, it might cause contractions in your colon.

And there was a study in 98 found coffee might stimulate colonic motor activity.

There's a new line for you that you probably never heard before.

Colonic motor activity within minutes of drinking it.

It might make us produce more stomach acid as well.

So that could be, that could be why.

But the mystery continues.

Hey, you know, I was reading about a town in England.

You know what they did?

They removed 1000 daffodils from a park to make sure kids don't eat them.

Do kids eat daffodils?

I mean, really?

I mean, they are toxic.

They could technically kill you if you ate a ton of them, especially the bulbs.

But some people think it's an overreaction.

This park has always had them.

There's never been a problem.

One person mocked the whole thing and asked, you know, what they'd do next.

You know, make sure kids never get stung by killing all bees ever.

Crossing guard.

She's in New York.

She was in the middle of doing her job Monday morning when she suddenly got hit by a flying glass bottle Well, luckily she's okay, but it turned out a 30 year old man named Tyreek Martin threw it at her So cops caught this guy, you know about 45 minutes later They asked why he did it and he just said chucking bottles at unsuspecting people is just something he enjoys doing, you know, it's just

You know, it passes the time.

He likes doing it.

But he specifically said he tries to aim for their face, and this is not the first time he's done something like this.

He's been arrested at least 70 times for various reasons, including drug charges and assault.

Most recently, he got arrested last May for hitting a two-year-old boy in a stroller with a suitcase.

This guy is a sick individual.

So this kid ended up with a small welt under his eye.

Thankfully, it wasn't more serious.

But it turns out Tyreek had an active warrant for not sticking to a plea agreement from the suitcase incident.

So now he's looking at serious jail time.

Well, good!

You do something like that and your membership to the human race should just be denied.

And finally, can you believe that people are actually getting Oscar slap tattoos?

The Will Smith Oscar slap, it's been, you know, the talk of America for the last week or so and now it's becoming a part of some people's personal decorations.

So there are several tattoo artists around the country saying people are coming in to get the moment tattooed onto their body.

So Oscar Aguilar Jr.

shared a video on his Instagram of his finished product which had almost 15,000 views as of yesterday with some calling it unnecessary, childish, and so dumb.

I'd like to agree with the guy who said so dumb.

Absolutely.

I agree with that.

So there you go.

Those are the five things you didn't know you needed to hear on a Wednesday morning.