The Five Things You Didn't Know You Needed to Hear

I wanna update you on some things, have a little fun with the news, do some hit or run headlines.

I'm not gonna tell you his name since you won't recognize it, but you know, it's like everyone else on Dancing with the Stars.

You don't really know them either, so.

You know, Ashton Kutcher, I was talking about this earlier, you know, good local boy Ashton Kutcher helped raise $30 million in donations for Ukrainian refugees, and then he kept the money and yelled, you've just been punked.

It's a show we used to have.

Pete Davidson has been replaced on the upcoming Blue Origin space flight.

You know, in order to ensure that things turn out exactly the same, they chose a spider monkey.

HBO Max and Discovery Plus are merging their streaming services, so look forward to shows like Sex and the Shark Week.

William Shatner.

Kirk from Iowa, Captain Kirk's from Iowa.

He turns 91 today, and these days he's boldly going about four times a night, I believe.

You know, Russell Wilson's Bronco jersey is the best-selling in the NFL.

Meanwhile, the NFL's best-selling straight jacket continues to be Antonio Brown's.

LeBron James is now number two on the NBA's all-time scoring list.

It's an easy number to remember, since number two also describes how the Lakers are playing.

Not good, not good.

A list of the most common lost skills and hobbies, including handwriting, reading maps, and keeping our opinions to ourselves.

Santa Barbara, California declared a Chick-fil-A public nuisance due to long lines at the drive-thru.

You know, they also declared Chipotle a public nuisance due to the long lines at the bathroom.

Ten strangers created a chain to donate kidneys so that everybody got a compatible organ.

How's that?

You know, and here I'm thinking I'm a hero when I pay for the guy's latte and the car behind me.

You know, it's nothing, apparently.

You know, today is National Goof-Off Day, or as those of us in radio call it, Tunes Day.

You know, 5G puts a big drain on your iPhone battery, you know, and speaking of things that are extremely draining, you know, what's the latest on the feud between Kim and Kanye, huh?

That's a little more draining.

Researchers say COVID can lead to mental health issues.

Weird, I had COVID and feel great, and so does the Rainbow Dragon I'm riding.

And finally, Russia officially banned Instagram and Facebook, not because they don't want people making anti-government posts.

They just couldn't take any more Kanye Kim and Pete drama.

Well, no kidding.

Same with all of us.

There you go.

You're hit and run headlines on a Tuesday morning.

And now, the waters wake up call with this morning's five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

So getting your news from the town drunk.

All right, listen up!

All right, so picture yourself a thief.

You're not really a thief, but just picture yourself a thief.

And you're in Miami, Florida.

Hey, that brings up Miami Vice.

But anyway, I'm...

I'm just concentrating on TV themes too much.

Burglar, thief, Miami, Florida.

Let's say you were gonna go rob a shoe store and you were stealing pairs of shoes.

You'd want the right and the left.

Am I correct?

Okay, well this guy ended up stealing only left shoes.

He needs another career, this guy.

But this is the owner, uh, Johann Alvarez pleading with the thief.

to please bring the shoes back.

The thing about it is that they took a bunch of left shoes.

Just come forward and drop off the shoes.

Just leave them here.

I don't need to turn them over to the cops.

I don't care about that.

I pray that God put some sense into them and they just do the right thing at least.

Yeah.

Please return the left shoes.

What are you going to do with all those left shoes anyway?

Moving on, Bridal Party.

was taking pictures in downtown Pittsburgh, and we haven't had one of these stars, you know, randomly show up in a photo bomb for a while.

Well, this time, Tom Hanks.

How would you like that?

You're getting married, you're doing the bridal party, and there, uh, Tom Hanks, he randomly showed up and he asked to join in.

So, of course, they said, yes!

So Tom's in Pittsburgh filming a movie, and here's the bride.

This is Grace Gualtney, and she's talking about this little surprise that she got from Tom Hanks.

She's like, hey, I'm Tom Hanks.

I would love to get a photo with you.

And I immediately just, like, froze, and I was just looking around like I didn't know what to do.

It's his voice, I think.

Like, you see him, and then he, like,

start speaking and he's like, he looks so beautiful.

Like I'm so happy for you.

He was talking in my ear, I was thinking of Toy Story.

I had a moment before the ceremony and we were holding hands and like going back to back so we wouldn't see each other and I was like, I just met Tom and I had to sneak that in real quick.

I'm sure a lot of other Pittsburgh brides would love for him to photobomb their shots.

I would like Tom Hanks to photobomb anything that involves me.

Everybody likes Tom Hanks.

All right, how about this?

You remember if you have kids, grandkids, whatever, and the kids leave Legos on the floor and you step on a Lego, there's nothing worse, right?

Well, there was a guy, he modified a vacuum to pick up and sort Lego bricks.

I mean, sadly, this isn't something, you know, that we can buy yet.

I'm hoping.

I'm still hoping.

But it's based off the... I don't know if you ever saw the office scene.

The Suck-It.

That is actually the name of his vacuum.

It's the Suck-It to suck up the Legos.

Here is the original scene, though, that he based this off from the office.

I want to tell you about a business idea I have.

No kids leave their toys everywhere.

So this...

is a vacuum.

It's like a shop-back type of thing.

Teaches kids how to pick up their own toys.

Baseball gloves, a hacky-sacks, drumsticks.

Pits it up.

So the kid's making the noise to

pick

it up?

No, no, no, that's the vacuum note.

Other guy from Dunder Mifflin, Arnie from Research, he's gonna drop the prototype.

It's like a shop-back.

I'd buy that in a heartbeat so hopefully this Lego guy puts this off and then we can all buy it sometime somewhere I'll let you know and finally you need to know that it is national goof-off day you know I mean personally I celebrate every day you know I mean look what I'm doing we're just talking TV themes here do you know who the goof-off god is the one we all just worship and celebrate of course it's gotta be it's gotta be Ferris Bueller right

When you just mind your pees and cues, Buster, and remember who you're dealing with.

Bueller.

Ferris Bueller.

And there you go.

Those are the five things you didn't know you needed to hear on a Tuesday morning.

They tell me you're some kind of entertainer.

Don't get your

hopes up.