Wednesday, August 26, 2026 (Hour 3)

Transcript

Wednesday, August 26, 2026 (Hour 3)

Tap-In with Jazz Tyler · Wed Aug 26, 2026

you

Milwaukee is your girl, Jazz Tyler.

You are officially tapped in on this Wednesday.

I hope that everybody had an amazing day.

I'm kicking back with my good brother, brother Z. We have a full show for you guys.

There is a lot that is happening.

However, I want to get into obviously news.

But then a better discussion towards the five o'clock hour.

We have a serious first hour today and I want to stay right here at home because Milwaukee has several developing stories that deserves more than a headline.

We are starting with the Department of Emergency Communications and the investigation into delayed 911 response involving a 99 year old woman.

Nearly three hours passed between the first call for help.

and the arrival of emergency crews.

Damn.

Two quad takers have now resigned and a dispatcher is receiving additional training.

Then we are talking about another violent weekend in Milwaukee police investigated six shooting locations that left one person dead and several injured with victims ranging from just one years old to the age of 35.

We also have a brand new Marquette Law School poll in the Wisconsin's governor's race.

David Crowley is currently leading above Tom Tiffany of 49 to 44 among likely voters, but among all registered voters, the race is currently tied at 44% each.

So we are going to talk about what actually decides this race, affordability, crime, schools,

turn out national politics or something else entirely.

Now, I also have an urgent message alert about an eight year old that is missing.

However, um, I was just recently updated that shout out to Tori Lo that she has been found.

However, the question is, why was she found with the people she was found with?

We're going to dig into that and what that looks like for youth, our youth out here.

And before we leave the news hour, I'm going to close the loop on the garage and the no Milwaukee rap list.

We talked about it yesterday.

I'm not doing yesterday's conversation again.

I made my position clear, but I released a statement and I want Milwaukee to hear exactly where I stand in my own words.

Then at five, we are going to completely reset.

I seen on social media that.

Sierra recently sparked a conversation about men who have a lot of female friends and whether or not that can be a red flag, but I'm not interested in the elementary version of that conversation.

Can men and women be friends?

Of course they can.

I want to go somewhere much deeper.

What happens when two adults

Generally, we're platonic friends for years.

No hidden motives, no secret affairs, no waiting for an opportunity.

And then the emotional meaning of that relationship changes.

Was attraction subconsciously there all along?

Can attraction generally develop later?

What happens if the timing is complicated?

What does an ex deserve?

What does friendships deserve?

and what does healing require?

And can people become so afraid of making the wrong decision that they refuse to examine a legitimate possibility?

That's after five.

First, let's get into this news.

So I want to begin with that story I was talking about that's concerning everybody.

Whether or not you are an elder, we all have elders in our family, right?

So I couldn't imagine my mom having to wait.

when she's in need and has an emergency.

Listening to the call, we're not listening to the call, but reading about the 911 call, I believe this is like the second time that this has happened within the past couple of months in the city of Milwaukee.

You obviously don't call 911 because you are mildly inconvenienced.

You call because there is something that has exceeded your ability to safely handle it yourself.

So on July 22nd, a third party medical alert company contacted Milwaukee's Department of Emergency Communications regarding a 99 year old woman.

Minutes later, the company called again.

During that call, audio captured a man threatening the woman.

Still, first responders were not sent.

Nearly three hours after the first call, the woman herself was able to call 911.

She had been attacked and suffered serious injuries.

Today, Milwaukee's Department of Emergency Communications announced personnel actions following its internal investigation.

Two call takers resigned and one dispatcher is receiving additional training.

Now, personnel consequences matter.

We all know that training matters and procedures matter as well.

But I want us to think beyond the employment decision.

Imagine being 99 years old and believe that help is coming.

And then imagine waiting.

Hour one goes by.

Hour two goes by.

Hour three goes by.

Every sound in the house matters differently when you are waiting on somebody to save you So my question is not simply who made the mistake my question is what does accountability look like?

What does accountability look like when a citizen does exactly what society tells them to do call for help and the system fails to deliver that help Because replacing an employee can address

personnel training can address procedures but neither one automatically restores public trust and trust is the currency of emergency services the next time an elderly Milwaukee resident calls 911 and hears help is on the way do they hear that sentence with the same confidence that's what the city of Milwaukee has to repair

If you call 911 and help doesn't come, who should ultimately be accountable?

The employee, department, leadership, city government, or the entire chain.

Now, again, even if you aren't an elder, we have elders in our family and we know elders as well.

At the end of the day,

Nobody should ever be in a situation like that, despite of what the age is.

I get that, I do wanna say this, because I always try not to be biased and I always try to, you know, advocate on both sides.

At the end of the day, nobody should have to wait three hours when they are in need, right?

And I get that the representatives, the 911 dispatchers,

that they receive an amount of costs per day that anyone can never imagine unless you are working inside of a call center.

And those costs can range from something as simple as, you know, someone failed down and hurt themselves to obviously something, you know, way worse.

But my problem is, even as a dispatcher, even if I receive all types of costs throughout the duration of me working.

At some point, you being humane, especially when it comes to an elderly person has to kick in, right?

Ultimately, this is why you took the job.

You took the job because you felt the need to assist with the safety of the citizens and the constituents in the city of Milwaukee.

So if there is indeed a step that you missed during training or if you are unsure, your job is to.

Obviously stay on the call, but alert whoever it is that you need to alert as soon as possible, right?

Also to follow up I Have I don't think I've ever had to call 911 and request an ambulance, but I can imagine that The dispatcher, you know, typically stays online with that person.

So if you have a 99 year old

uh elderly woman calling stating that someone is attacking her and you can hear the attacker in the background why wouldn't you stay on that call and obviously you know we're busy i get it i understand it but three hours is insane and it makes me question the communication between departments how long does it take for

The the ambulance to, you know, get the dispatch, it goes inside of the system.

The police, you know, report all of these things.

Are they going to send out police officers at the same time that the ambulance is coming?

Or is it the fire trucks?

What is the protocol?

Right?

What is the policy?

What is the procedure?

At the end of the day, yes, you have to follow it, but you should follow being humane first.

And there's something about this story that just doesn't sit right with me because there's no way I can sleep at night or look myself in the mirror knowing that an elderly lady at the age of 99 years old who apparently did not have anyone in her family living with her or around her to assist her is being physically attacked by someone.

And then it takes three hours for them to arrive.

Where was the dispatcher during the three hours?

I don't understand that process.

My heart goes out to the elderly woman, and I genuinely hope that she seeks some type of justice, but again, we gotta do a better job.

I wonder what happened to where one of them got fired or quit and the other one, they're just gonna do training.

I'm interested in...

learning what that was about.

We got to go to break coming back.

We are staying with public safety.

Milwaukee is reporting progress in violence reduction.

But this past weekend involved six shooting locations, one person killed and several injured.

One of those victims was just one years old.

So here's the question, Milwaukee.

When the stats say violence is improving, but families still experience weekends like this.

Does the community actually feel safer?

We are going to talk about that next.

Do not touch that down.

She girl, Jazz Tyler, one on one, seven the truth.

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she girl, Jazz Tyler, we are live and direct at the award winner.

One on one, seven the truth in the beautiful heart of downtown Milwaukee.

Before we went to break, we were talking about the violence in the city.

Milwaukee police has investigated six weekend shooting locations that left one person dead and several injured.

The victims range from one years old to 35 years old.

And I want to be careful with this conversation because two things can be true at the same time.

If shootings and homicides are declining overall,

that progress absolutely should be acknowledged, right?

We don't have to manipulate facts because one weekend was horrific, but stats measures incidents, right?

They don't always measure fear.

You can tell a mother that the violence is down, but if she is still afraid to let her child play outside her lived experiences of safety hasn't necessarily changed.

You can also show someone a chart.

But if they are still hearing gunfire outside of their home, that chart may feel very far removed from their reality.

And when a one year old child becomes a shooting victim, people don't experience that emotionally as a percentage.

So Milwaukee has to be mature enough to hold two truths, right?

Yes, measurable progress matters.

And yes, what happened this weekend is still unacceptable.

Those statements don't contradict each other.

However, the real goal can't simply be getting one number down.

The goal has to be getting to the point where residents can actually feel the difference in their everyday lives.

And I wholeheartedly support that, right?

Because, again, two things can be true at the same time.

The problem that I have is when there is...

a lot of shootings or a lot of violence that's happening around the city and then the city officials come and say, hey, the violence is decreasing.

Well, I'm not disagreeing with you, but I'm not sure if the timing of that message is appropriate, especially when you are dealing with families who are losing someone as young as one years old.

No one wants to hear.

Someone who recently lost someone due to violence does not want to hear that the crime is down.

They want to hear about what you're going to do to prevent the crime.

So again, two things can be true at one time.

However, it's all about the timing, right?

We can't make it subjective to say, hey, I know how I can only imagine how it feels as a city leader to really be doing the work, right?

And obviously anyone in elected official seat or position does not have the ability to completely eliminate crime.

We all know this.

But again, it goes back to.

Let's hear more about solutions to decrease the crime whether the fact that whether then here rather than hearing The crime has already decreased while families are still out here morning and going through the things that they're going through More prevention

more police, more youth programming, more accountability at home, better economic opportunities, a different relationship between neighborhoods and government.

All of these conversations continuously pops up whenever we have a situation where there are multiple shootings during the weekend.

And we also know that the weather plays a huge part in that as well.

But again, at the end of the day, the reality is crime will never end.

That's the reality, right?

But another reality is making sure that everybody plays their part.

One of the things that I continue to say is do not wait until it's your child before you choose to act.

That don't mean you have to be on the front lines.

That doesn't mean you have to protest and march and, you know, so on and so on.

But you still should be active in your community.

Don't wait until you are affected directly before you want to take action.

It's important because at the end of the day, we all have a responsibility when it comes to the safety of this city.

Everybody that lives in this city has a responsibility.

We have a caller on the line.

Brian, are you there?

Hello, Brian?

Okay.

Yes,

I can hear you.

Thank you so much for tapping in.

How are you?

I'm pretty good.

I just want to say a few things for you coming off.

I'm kind of old school, so bear with me.

Absolutely.

I think.

I think to solve this problem.

What has

to be done is we gotta stop listening to these old, tired stories.

that have messed up society.

I just got to say, your youth,

or your

age and younger, have messed up good folks' societies.

I just said where it is.

Not you personally, but your generation are now and below you have messed up black society.

So

let me ask you this mr.

Brian So I have

a question for you mr. Brian

When you say my generation, can you be specific about the age group that you are referring to?

14

to 38.

Okay.

So you believe that my generation is included inside of dismantling the city or the culture in the society?

Yeah, it tracks.

But the age of 14 to 38 is complete trash.

You got restaurants shutting down, you got societies that don't have to stay there.

Anywhere, you got a garage shut down, you got a whole city kitchen house because of the way you guys act, based on rap, based on the culture.

So let me

ask you a question, Mr. Brian.

What were you guys doing in the 70s when Rick James was out and everybody was doing coke?

Okay,

thank you so much for tapping in with us, you know, I'm hey listen at the end of the day, um You know

I understand why people feel the way that they feel, especially if their generation is not a part of our generation and everybody is entitled to their own opinion.

I personally don't believe that one generation has, you know, done or like we can't just blame it on one or two generations as far as what is happening.

It is a ripple effect.

Right.

And the reason why I say that is because a.

The generation that is above the generation that's above me, meaning those who are in their 70s, 60s, and 50s, they grew up, well actually the 70s and 60s, they grew up during the civil rights movement.

They grew up during a time where their parents migrated from the South or they were in the South and they had to deal with things that we didn't deal with, right?

Which ultimately led to a different type of parenting style.

And when you were growing up in that timeframe, there were certain restrictions, certain things, the state, the culture, the society over Rogers wasn't safe for black people, right?

Then you have the generation that's under them.

which will be the people who are in their late 40s and 50s.

Might I add that generation, majority of the black men in that generation was a part of the mass incarceration in the 94 crime bill, which means that there was an entire generation removed.

And that's where the translation was lost, right?

So now we're fast forward into my generation, the babies of the 80s babies.

the 80s babies who were either raised in the 80s and 90s or born in the 80s and raised in the 90s.

And I like to say that my generation, for the most part, we are doing very well given the fact that a lot of us had to deal with bills in our name before we were of age.

A lot of us had to deal with parents who got caught up in the crack epidemic or the heroin epidemic.

Any war on drugs that has been caused and oppressed.

on oppressed people, right?

There are so many different challenges that we had to deal with, not to mention coming up in a generation where technology didn't exist, then technology was created and now we're currently living in society where technology exists, right?

So you have all of these different generations that were, you know, that grew up differently.

in different times with different understandings, different parenting styles, all of the above.

And then we sit here and we criticize generations by saying that this generation is trash, this generation is trash, this generation messed it up for everybody, as if the same thing that is going on now wasn't going on back then.

Everything that's happening now is no different than the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, or the early 2000s.

The only thing that changed was the drugs.

The type of drugs, okay?

In the 50s and 60s, you had people on hair rye.

The 70s too.

70s and 80s, you got crack and coke, right?

These children today are dealing with pills they are dealing with Lean you know different types of substances which ultimately can alter your mind not to mention the music is different But that's by design as well.

So I say that to say we have to be very careful Especially as elders right that doesn't solve the problem when I hear an elder say that the generations under them has completely destroyed society

It makes me question what have you done to prevent that?

What role have you played in society?

Have you attempted to talk to someone of the younger generation?

Have you even attempted to try to understand what they are facing?

And this isn't the blame game.

I'm not going to do that.

I'm simply asking because a lot of times people who don't have any type of rapport with the generation under them are so quick to judge them.

We have no idea what these babies are going through.

I just got done talking to Tori and he was updating me on an eight-year-old girl that was missing.

In all actuality, nobody took her.

She ran away with a 12-year-old and a 15-year-old who are part of the system.

But if you see that 12-year-old and that 15-year-old and that eight-year-old girl on the streets, you're automatically going to assume that somebody is not parenting their children.

or that these children are wild or that they are off the chain, not knowing that these kids are in foster care.

These babies have no home.

They don't have food.

They don't have anywhere to go.

They really are out here getting in how they live.

But because you are so stuck in your ways of viewing everybody the same way, you automatically assume that they are a part of the problem.

Let's finish this conversation when we come back from break.

It should grow a jazz tie, the 1017, the truth.

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I believe she starts.

uh yeah september 12 yep so before we went to break we were talking about um i'm live for y'all because i really don't like parts of our brothers he killed

We're talking about the state of the city of Milwaukee as it pertains to violence, right?

And we had an older gentleman, Mr. Bryant, caught in it.

And let me be clear, at 38, I am very respectable.

I respect my elders.

There is no way, Mr. Bryant, if you are listening, that I would ever disrespect you in any manner.

But I am a grown woman.

And I am entitled to my opinion, and because you listed my generation specifically, I feel the need to respond.

And one of the issues that I believe that we have, this is one of the main issues when it comes to generations, is that everybody blames the generation that's under them.

The problem with that is...

The things we all have been dealing with when it comes to oppression as black people has not changed.

The only thing that the system hasn't changed.

The only thing that has changed is the time and the type of drugs, the type of music, right?

But the agenda at hand for the masses of the people has not changed.

And we have to be mindful of that.

We have to understand the amount of work that has went into completely dismantling generations, right?

There is work that has been put into these systems to make sure that our generations are the way that they are now.

Are we a part of the problem?

Absolutely.

But again, I've said this before, um, earlier this week or last week, when you look at the amount of years that has gone into the oppression of black people, you cannot subtract that by two to three generations.

All right.

We're talking hundreds of years of agendas and motives.

System set in place to completely dismantle generations to come, right?

And then you want us to fix it in 30 days or a year or two.

No, that's not how this works.

That's not how this works.

We're so busy going back and forth about which generation is in the wrong that we're still not properly preparing to make sure the generations that comes after us do not have to deal with what we are currently dealing with.

We still falling for the Okie Doke We still are not and when I say we I'm not talking about um, oh Yeah, I gotta trust fun for my children Or I'm gonna leave my children a house or I'm gonna leave my children some businesses Right.

Yes.

That is you but that's subjective.

I'm talking about the community overall when these people set these systems systems into place They wasn't just thinking about how it was going to benefit just them and their family No

It was about their race, their ethnicity overall.

That is the problem that we have.

What are we doing to make sure that the systems that are set in place to continuously dismantle our generations, what are we doing about it?

Other than going back and forth blaming it on one generation, right?

And it's crazy because my generation really, we're successful.

Like we be out the way.

We don't be involved in a lot of stuff.

I'm not saying that's the case for everybody, obviously, in my generation.

Also, there are a lot of youth who don't be involved in the things that you see.

It reminds me of what we were talking about yesterday, Brother Z, when they say no Milwaukee rap music and how people are so easily quick to just bunch us up all into one box.

You are the same.

Your entire tighter generation is trash.

That's crazy.

I've never heard someone say that before.

And most definitely if our generation was to say that the older generation is trash, we want to get chewed out.

And there's a lot of things we can talk about when it comes to the older generation and the way that they move, right?

And the things that they do.

And because they were taught that, that they think is normal, no.

That's why we are stuck now trying to break generational curses because of your generation.

Because of the things that, because of the uncle who was touching on his niece.

Okay?

Because of the parents that was on crack cocaine or heroin.

Right?

Because y'all done whooped y'all kids so much, beat them with extension cords and switches.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't get a whooping.

I believe in absolutely

You know, at that time, you got to be careful nowadays in whooping children, but some of y'all used to beat your children.

So there's a lot that we can talk about when it comes to different generations, right?

And again, I mean this in the most respectful way.

However, as a grown woman and a mother who has two adult children.

What I don't condone is blaming one generation Or multiple generations on the way that things are because there's a lot of things that go into and that's why I love my people so much I Love my people so much because and I give my people grace because I understand that a lot of us don't even We don't even comprehend all of the things that we have been through as a whole

Everybody is so worried about them themselves.

They're very subjective.

They're worried about them and their families only.

They're not looking at the entire picture and everything that has.

I always give my people grace because I understand that a lot of us don't view it that way.

Right?

You may not know why you act the way you do, but I know why.

I know what oppression does.

I know what oppression does to our people.

I know what systems and institutions does to our people.

Therefore, yes, do we make mistakes?

Evidently we do.

But if something is already set up in place, that means that we never had a fair shot to begin with.

So it is extremely unfair to say that all of these generations under us, under you guys,

have caused these issues given the amount of battles that we have had to face and was not properly prepared to face.

The real truth in reality is, yes, are we messed up?

We all are messed up.

But at the end of the day, we are dealing with generations who are rebels and they have misguided anger.

Absolutely.

But things are different.

The schools are different.

Society is different.

Life is different.

Bills are different.

Everything is different.

Be a part of the prod the solution and not the problem shout out to the chat Marty says Jazzy Tyler hit different that is hilarious not Jazzy Marty got to be careful Don't let the evil or the money trap me when you see me.

You better highlight me Yes, indeed.

Yes indeed.

He also said that drugs guns alcohol diseases killed us in the 60s 70s big time nothing new under the sun is just dressed up differently

Amen to that.

That's all I'm saying.

All I'm saying is that we all have been dealing with the same thing for quite some time now, right?

Yet we still try to find ways to nitpick with these different generations because we don't like what's happening, right?

And I love having these conversations with older adults, primarily because I need them to understand what these generations are dealing with, right?

And I need them to also remember y'all ain't no saints.

Y'all was back popping cooch back in the day to smoke and crack a tool and doing hair on or hustling pimping Everything you name it under the sun.

Y'all was outside too Y'all was outside too.

Y'all music just sounded back.

She's a very fake girl Come on now

Every day we're back in the day is the things we are dealing with now The only difference is the music was different the respect was different But it's still the same It's still the same the system the same systems were set into place as well So no no generation is better than the other are some generations slightly misguided absolutely But again

to call an entire two to three generations trash.

It's like, oh, don't forget that if you don't be a part of the solution, these are going to be the generations that have to take care of the elders.

Like, yeah, not why you all in retirement mode.

I'm talking about they're going to be running the world.

So now I'm going to speak to my generation and the generation above me.

Yes, it's important for us to be part of the solution because the generations under us are going to be taking care of us when we become elders.

So if you feel as if it's not your responsibility, I'm sorry, my friend, you are sadly mistaken.

You are indeed insane in the membrane.

It is all of our issues, right?

All of our issues.

When we come back, I want to tap a little bit onto the eight-year-old that was missing.

primarily because it wasn't the typical missing case that you guys will automatically assume.

There are some things that we need to discuss.

Do not touch that down.

We got to go pay some bills.

Brother Z, take us to break the sugar, Jazz Tyler.

In short, it's your girl Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct.

Before we went to break, I was touching on the generations, but also the eight-year-old young lady who was missing.

So I believe it was yesterday.

or the day before yesterday, in the news, it went out that there was an eight-year-old who was missing, right?

And ultimately, when you see this, you automatically think, man, somebody snatched her up, or what happened, right?

I happened nine-year-old, so I couldn't imagine getting that phone call, God forbid.

But apparently, an eight-year-old young lady was missing, right?

And she was found safely.

But...

Her gone missing.

Yes, that was an issue but what was even more concerning was the fact that she was found with a 12 year old in a 15 year old and These young ladies that she were found with apparently are in the system the 12 year old her sister is currently in DT and they all ran away They all ran they was outside all night long Right

So who's to blame?

We say the parents we can't blame the parents evidently they weren't doing something right I don't know the situation with the parents, but I'm just giving my opinion based off of the fact that they are currently in the system But we can't blame the parents because the parents obviously weren't doing right So this the state picked the babies up and put them inside of a system and inside of the system

And currently, if I'm not mistaken, they are in either a foster home or a group home, whatever it is, at the end of the day.

The fact that an eight-year-old ran away with not only a 12-year-old but a 15-year-old is mind-boggling.

Because the first question you want to ask is, what is going on with the group homes and the foster care system?

So much to the point.

And let me be clear.

Again, I have to advocate because I used to work at a youth shelter.

And I know that a lot of these children, some of them have issues.

Some of them have IEPs or anger issues.

Some of them don't have any issues at all.

And you can't control all of them, right?

Especially if they aren't taking medication, if the medication is needed.

So somebody is bound to run away, right?

But again, why are they running away?

What is the court issue?

I couldn't imagine finding this eight-year-old child with a 12-year-old and a 15-year-old.

The reason why I am purposely reiterating that is because these are the types of situations that our babies are dealing with in the city of Milwaukee in the state of Wisconsin.

I'm not saying that's the case for all youth that age, but at the end of the day, this is what we are dealing with.

This is what we are dealing with and apparently the youth When you see all of these missing cases and this is something that we've known for quite some time now, but I'm not sure if we knew that it was You know this series that a lot of these kids have created their own system their own runaway system right so parents my call to action to you is Make sure you are checking your basement your house wherever your child can sneak another child into

because harboring a missing child is a crime.

Harboring a missing child is one thing if the child says, hey, I'm 18, right?

It's another thing if the child is not an adult and they are actively missing.

So and then the community, if you see something that don't look right because you can't tell me that nobody's seen.

an eight-year-old child with her book back with a 12-year-old child and a 15-year-old child just out in the middle of the night.

Evidently one person did it because they called, but how many more people prior to that seen these babies?

That right there is a problem.

That right there is a...

problem.

Uh, Marty says, uh, each black generation is getting better and better.

Y'all smarter than your parents.

Thank you so much, Marty.

I truly appreciate that.

Moving on to yesterday's topic, right?

Before we leave the news hour, I want to close the loop on something we spent, uh, two to three hours talking about yesterday and that is the garage.

Um, a leaked no playlist associated with the Brady Street establishment included dozens of black rap and hip hop artists and specifically stated no Milwaukee rap.

The garage has said that the goal was to avoid music referencing violence and guns and create a more leaked, I'm sorry, a more relaxed atmosphere, but acknowledge that creating a list of artists was the wrong approach.

Ownership has also said that the list was created without its approval.

Yesterday, I told y'all exactly how I feel about it.

Today, I'm not going to spend another hour asking whether or not Milwaukee artists should be offended.

Because I am a Milwaukee artist and I am most definitely offended so what I did instead was release the statement because I wanted my position represented clearly in my own words So we received a lot of cause yesterday

And a lot of those calls were from obviously the older generation who kept saying, hey, if you don't like it, don't go there.

Stop wanting to be accepted by these people knowing that they don't like us and they don't want us around and so on and so on.

And I think that the entire point was missed.

The point is not that we are looking for acceptance.

The point is that it's disrespectful and it's prejudice.

No matter how you put it, and right is right and wrong is wrong.

So anyone who thinks the concern surrounding the garage is about wanting acceptance is missing the point.

This is not about whether one establishment chooses to play Milwaukee rap.

It's about the principle behind publicly singling out an entire city's rap culture.

Businesses have every right to control the environment of their establishment, including the age of.

the attendees and the type of music they chose to play.

But there is a difference between being selective about content and broadly labeling Milwaukee rap as something that should not be played.

Milwaukee artists have invested years into their craft, built legitimate careers and worked to have our music recognized in our own city.

To reduce all of that work to a blanket, no Milwaukee rap.

statement was distasteful and disrespectful to the artists, DJs, producers, and supporters who have helped build Milwaukee's hip hop culture.

This isn't about needing validation from the garage or any other establishment.

Milwaukee's culture does not require anyone's permission to exist.

It's simply about respect.

And when something becomes public, the response and accountability should just be that.

And that is where I stand.

I am leaving yesterday's argument there.

Milwaukee artists do not need to spend every day proving that Milwaukee culture deserves respect.

We know what we built.

We've been doing the work.

And again, I'll reiterate it.

It has nothing to do with the fact that we want to be accepted because this isn't something that we haven't dealt with before.

We've dealt with it on Water Street back in the day with brothers in Bar-Louis and different establishment when it came to our attire.

Right.

We've dealt with it on multiple occasions, not just in the city of Milwaukee, but the state of Wisconsin.

But again, for those who are not understanding, we are not trying to be accepted, but we will be respected.

We put in a lot of work, a lot of blood, sweat and tears went into this grind so that we can have some type of music scene here in the city of Milwaukee.

And I get it.

Everybody don't listen to the same music.

We understand.

Right.

But let me be clear.

Not every artist make the same type of music either.

And a lot of these artists are benefiting from the work that has gone into situations where we can have our music played inside of the bars or the clubs, right?

Might I add, there are very successful artists who are benefiting from DJs playing their music in the club on the radio station or just simply supporting them, period.

You can't go to a Los Angeles and say don't play no LA rap music.

You can't go to Atlanta and say don't play any Atlanta rap music, boldly, and do it, right?

So why do you have to do it here?

Why are we doing it here?

You are setting a trend to other establishments that it's okay to treat the music artist a certain way and it's not.

It's not okay.

Whether you respect the industry or not, it doesn't matter.

It's our culture and we own it.

You don't have to be a part of it, but goddamn it again, it's ours.

They take everything from us, right?

Y'all already oppressed us.

Y'all already put us in situations to where you bunch us up into one category.

Leave our culture alone, man.

Y'all didn't bought all the record labels everything and now y'all complaining about music being played in the bar and Brother Z is someone who DJs on Brady Street as well.

So it's not just the artists who are offended.

It's the DJs also Respect the culture man respect the music people really out here taking this serious.

This is how they feed their families.

I Don't really care about whether it was leaked

On purpose or not at the end of the day somebody made it.

I'm gonna tell you what I do believe I believe that whoever runs that portion of that establishment gave that list to the DJ and the DJ leaked it Hey, y'all, let me show y'all what's going on here.

Let me show y'all how they really getting down and then whoever is over there PR decides to you know, fluff us up Hey, that's not what we meant.

You know, it wasn't like it wasn't like that.

We didn't approve it and

out of here.

Whether you wrote it or not, something happened.

A transaction happened, a situation, a conversation happened with that DJ that made you say, hey, we don't want this type of music.

And shout out to whoever it was that did leak it.

Because had that not happened, we would have still been spending our money at this location.

No one damn well, they do not want us there.

So again, stop disrespecting Milwaukee rap music culture.

and step to the side.

If it's not for you, it's not for you.

But that does not give you a right to single us out, right?

All right, so Milwaukee, we are going to leave the news right there because it's Wednesday.

It's Hum Day.

Listen, it's been a long week for me.

And when we come back at five, I'm intentionally starting on an entirely different conversation.

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by pretending there's some perfect seg between municipal government violence, politics, the garage and what we are about to discuss.

There isn't.

This is just simply a new hour, a new conversation.

So Sierra recently had people talking after she acts.

Whether a man having a lot of female friends is a red flag.

Now, the internet did what the internet always does and reduce a conversation to one sentence, but her actual position was more interesting.

And that's exactly why I want to move beyond the question everybody always asks.

Can men and women really be friends?

Absolutely.

I don't need two hours for that.

I have men in my life whom I love deeply.

Handsome men.

Good men, men I respect.

And if somebody told me tomorrow that I had to date some of them, I would immediately seek medical attention.

Absolutely not, right?

Um, however, that does not mean that, uh, there aren't situations, you know, where you may be attracted eventually to someone that you consider a friend, right?

And we're going to talk about that.

Do not touch that down.

Let's have a good time.

Milwaukee is your girl, Jazz Tyler, one of one seven, the truth.

My mom has decided to learn to paint and she's good.

When that's now into creative cuisine and I've already put on

One on one

seven the truth is your girl Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct and we are having a conversation about friends who turns and who turns their friendship into relationships.

Part five of this is knowledge changes, a relationship, even when behavior doesn't.

Marty says, sacred dishonest people create their own problems.

That's their way out.

Bye Felicia.

And you are not lying.

He also said that I should write a book.

I should, shouldn't I?

There may be a book on the way.

No, in all seriousness.

I think that this is a very important topic because we have to normalize it being okay to date friends.

I don't mean the friends that you really consider as your brother or sister because that is just nasty.

I have bros, like real bros that's not blood related that I would absolutely throw up thinking about dating them.

But there are people, right, that come into your life as a friend.

And it's up to you to decide if, ultimately, if you made the wrong decision by placing them inside of that category.

You made the decision to say that they were your friend without even first acknowledging if something is there or what it is, you automatically did it because of whatever reasons.

Maybe it was a defense mechanism.

Maybe you had a situation going on at that time.

But at the end of the day, oftentimes we miscategorize people.

And then we end up in situations that is not lucrative for us constantly thinking about the woulda, coulda, shoulda, right?

And here's something I don't think people consider.

Once attraction becomes mutually acknowledged, the question is no longer simply should we date.

The first issue is that knowledge itself changes relationships.

So maybe a hug means nothing, maybe a compliment means nothing, maybe spending time together means nothing, but once two people openly acknowledge attraction, behaviors that once carried, one meeting can begin to carry additional meanings.

It doesn't make the past inappropriate, but it most definitely changes the future.

Now, both people know there is another possibility in the room, and I think that's why let's just go back to how things work is sometimes unrealistic.

You can absolutely choose friendship, but you aren't choosing the exact same friendship because both people possess information they did not have before.

So now the relationship may need new boundaries, not because anybody did anything wrong, but because it's emotionally context, the context has changed, right?

So now you find yourself in a situation to where you're like, hey, what does this look like going forward, right?

Like.

Let's say you are attracted to someone who is your friend.

They may actually be the perfect person for you, right?

But for whatever reason, you know that is going to cause a lot of issues or you just simply don't want to ruin the friendship.

That's when you have to be real with yourself.

It can never go back to how it used to be, right?

It can never go back to how it used to be.

So what is the new define?

What does the new defined friendship look like going forward?

And I'm not let me make this clear fellas.

I'm not talking about friends with benefits Because I know exactly somebody was gonna say that somebody was gonna text me email me hit me up on Instagram and say what about friends with no Absolutely not

If we have already discussed and admitted and acknowledged how we feel about each other and that there is an attraction, not just sexually, but like, hey, I want you in every single way.

But ultimately we have conversations in the side that is just not the best time, the time maybe longer is just not the best decision to make ultimately, right?

It doesn't mean you can't be friends, but you most definitely can't be friends with benefits.

That defeats the whole purpose.

Saying let's just go you know be friends or go back to how it used to be you can't go back to how things used to be because now I like you friend Hey, big head now.

I'm looking forward towards the tour I'm looking forward to the good morning text the good night text right the hey, how are you?

Let's go have lunch.

Let's do this.

Let's do that.

How do you begin to be around this person without being attracted to them mentally, physically and emotionally, right?

Do you have enough discipline to do so?

Do you love them enough to say, you know what?

I love you and me enough to have discipline and say, I can't do this.

We cannot cross the lines.

But ultimately, you have to determine what those new boundaries look like.

It's okay to discuss what you are feeling.

You are human, especially if it's not bothering anybody.

If it is not causing disruption, if you're not in relationship, if it's not causing issues, yes, tell them, talk about it.

That's what friends are for.

But understand that you are not choosing the exact same friendship because both people possess information that they didn't have before the relationship need new boundaries and these new boundaries and Let's be adults about the sexual part, too

Because sexual attraction doesn't invalidate emotional love.

Sometimes people get uncomfortable acknowledging that the friendship has developed sexual tension because they think doing something doing so cheap is the emotional part of it.

It doesn't.

And it don't have to.

Sexual attraction is information too.

It's not instruction.

That's important enough to say again.

Sexual attraction is information.

I can desire somebody and still decide not to have sex with them.

Actually, if something matters deeply enough, I'm not going to, right?

I'm not going to.

I like you too much to crack you and never call you again, because I'm a dog.

Is that CC back there laughing, brother Z?

I like you enough not to one night stand you.

I like you enough to say, hey, you know what?

I care about you so much.

I wouldn't dare put it on you and not call you the next day like I was somebody else and act as if it never happened.

Not because it wasn't good, but just because I'm not going to involve my emotions, right?

And when I just said that I wasn't talking about me, when I said I was a dog.

I can desire somebody and still decide not to have sex with them.

Actually, again, if it matters most to me, I won't because if all we have is sexual chemistry, boundaries will eventually expose that.

So let's take intimacy off of the table, right?

Can we talk?

Can we laugh?

Do we intellectually stimulate one another?

Can we tolerate uncertainty?

Can we communicate without turning everything into sex?

Do I like who you are when desire isn't being fed?

Right?

Those are adult questions.

Those are indeed the questions you should be asking.

Uh, Marty says, Jazz, there are rules to engagement big time.

Absolutely.

There is.

Absolutely.

But again, the moral of the story is we have to begin to have these healthy conversations because at a big grown age, you should not still be behaving, still be behaving the way that you do, right?

You should not be playing games, finessing people or pulling people into a web that they didn't ask to be a part of all because A, you're greedy.

You feel entitled like you don't have to have conversations and like you could do whatever you want with whoever you want There are a lot of people men and women out here Who play these types of games and there are people who will let them right?

Y'all seen it multiple times He been cheating with this person for so many years or she's been messing around with this person for so many years What was it in the closet was that our Kelly the closet series?

If I'm not mistaken that had something to do with what we're talking about today, right?

Kelly Price said she wasn't friend of mine, but she also say as we lay Go either way it can go either way But the moral of the story is we have to have logic over emotions, right?

In the event you are attracted to your friend I'm not talking about Somebody that you consider as

a real brother or a sister, right?

Not somebody that you just threw in that category for defense purposes.

Not somebody that you grew up with, y'all struggled together, not none of that.

But if you have a genuine friend of the opposite sex, and as time goes on, you see the person that they've become is the person you always knew that they would be.

And you get to check in the boxes, hold on now.

I'm sitting here talking about what type of woman I want.

She checked all the boxes.

I'm sitting here talking about what type of man I want and he checked all the boxes and has been sitting in front of my face this entire time What what is why can't I partake in that right?

Why don't I deserve somebody like that in my life?

It's not my fault if you fumbled the situation It's not my fault if you are not together at the end of the day I am entitled to be me and I'm not saying

Friends who are in relationships, I'm not condoning cheating.

I'm not condoning sneaky links.

I don't have the mental capacity to deal with more than one person.

I don't.

Everybody gonna get cussed out.

I don't have that time.

But I'm talking about a real friend, a genuine friend that never had motives, never had any hidden agendas, never tried you, never any of those things.

Things happen.

That's that's the truth.

This is the first time I will admit Fellas I get it now.

I do I get it things happen, right?

What the order all the fellas say you get it until it happens you Get it until a guy says hey, it just happened it Yeah, I and me my face going across your face just happened to we got to go to break

Coming back, I want to challenge one of our favorite words, discipline.

We praise people for being able to control their emotions as we should, but can emotional discipline become emotional avoidance?

Can somebody be so determined not to make another mistake that they refuse to participate in anything that they can't completely control?

And what does attachment psychology say about that?

Let's talk about it after this break.

It should grow.

Jazz Tyler, one on one, seven the truth.

One on one, seven the truth.

It should grow.

Jazz Tyler, we are live and direct looking to discover and support local businesses in our community.

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Milwaukee is your girl, Jazz Tyler.

You are officially tapped in.

If you are just now joining us, we are talking about friendships that turns into relationships.

Marty in the chat says, no, I'm sorry, Babar says, go ahead and spill the beans.

What beans, Babar?

There are no beans to spill.

This is hypothetical.

There are a lot of people dealing with

This situation is something that we need to discuss, right?

So before we went to break, I was introducing part six of this segment, emotional discipline or emotional avoidance, right?

Self-control is very attractive.

Let's establish that.

Adults who cannot regulate themselves end up creating chaos, hence why I keep expressing the need to have conversations like adults.

Every impulse doesn't need an action.

Every feeling doesn't need an expression.

Every attraction doesn't deserve access.

But psychologically, avoidance can wear very respectable clothing people.

Avoidance doesn't always look like somebody running away screaming.

Sometimes it says, I'm being responsible.

I'm protecting the friendship.

I don't want things to get messy.

I'm thinking about everybody involved and every one of those sentences can be completely true.

But avoidance acts a different question.

If all of those complications disappeared tomorrow, would you still be afraid?

It isn't the timing.

It isn't the friendship.

If I move toward you.

Now I can lose you differently.

As a friend, I know the rules.

As a romantic partner, I don't.

As a friend, you are safe.

As a romantic possibility, you are capable of rejecting me, disappointing me, exposing me, and changing a relationship that I already value.

So sometimes staying just friends isn't merely about preserving the friendship.

Sometimes it's about preserving the predictability, right?

Now we get into attachment and control.

One reason people struggle after difficult relationships is that uncertainty starts feeling dangerous.

You begin to tell yourself, I'm never doing that again, right?

And that boundary can initially be healthy, but there's a difference between learning from pain and reorganizing your entire life around avoiding pain.

Because intimacy requires uncertainty.

There is no healthy relationships.

Where somebody can promise you in advance that you won't be hurt, that's impossible.

The adult question is whether the person and the relationship have enough emotional resources to handle hurt differently.

Can we properly communicate?

And if so, are we able to repair?

Are we able to hold ourselves accountable in each other accountable without being offended?

Can we tolerate vulnerability without punishing each other?

Right?

I talked about this the other day.

Don't get the throwing stuff up in your spouse's face that they told you when they were vulnerable because you have a heated argument and you find out they did something that hurt you and now you want them to feel how you feel.

That is childish and that is unfair.

Sometimes what you are looking for isn't somebody who guarantees that they'll never hurt you.

Is somebody with whom hurt doesn't automatically become destruction, right?

And let me give the hesitant person credit too, because sometimes not pursuing somebody immediately is deeply loving them.

If I know I am emotionally stable, if I know I got feelings for you, but I don't have the mental capacity to be who you need me to be in that moment, I'm going to step away.

And that does not mean that it's rejection.

I'm actually trying to save you and I'm trying to save myself from myself as well.

That is what we call emotional responsibility.

But then there's another question as well.

Does responsibility and restraint have an expiration point?

Because eventually healing should move you toward greater capacity.

If 12 months from now you are still saying, I can't believe.

Uh, that this has happened and I can't do this for XYZ Then perhaps the old relationship is still holding power over the new possibility And at that point you have to ask whether you are healing or if you are maintaining distance.

Oh my gosh Are you healing or are you maintaining distance, right?

Again at the end of the day, um

Yes, Marty, I agree.

You have to be careful who you invite into your world.

But a lot of situations that are negative when it comes from dealing with someone and whatever else that they have going on can be prevented if we do these things.

If we act the way that I am speaking of, right?

Be real with yourself.

You have to have some type of discipline.

Now, I'm not saying that the discipline will ultimately determine.

That you don't want to be with this person that doesn't have to be the case I'm just saying the discipline is important because it helps you think in a logical state instead of emotionally When you are emotional and you are dealing with a situation like this You have to look at all angles.

Who is this going to affect?

And what is the consequences behind this?

There are people involved or there are people who have been involved where this could you know hit them a little differently And let me give the hesitant person credit when it comes to this as well Having the courage to say listen This is the truth

This is where I'm at.

This is what I'm going through.

And I don't want to pull you into this because I value our friendship too much.

Or if the other person say, hey, I understand what I'm feeling and I know what we could be, but because I respect you, I don't even want to try.

I don't even want to risk the friendship.

That is fine too.

And you have to be okay with that.

You have to be okay with that.

So I want to end I want to bring in the spiritual aspect of this because Y'all know how I am right?

I can't just talk in the flesh Especially a person like me because everything I do I pray about it first and I meditate on it and I follow my discernment I used to just I used to ask God to confirm and add what I was already feeling Whether it was right or wrong and I no longer do that, right?

It's important to me Yes, I believe in God and because I believe in God I think we should be extremely careful about Assigning God's name to every emotion.

We don't know how to explain Strong chemistry is not automatically confirmation Timing isn't confirmation being familiar with someone isn't confirmation One and somebody badly doesn't mean that God sent them

Let's be responsible with that, but I also don't believe faith means being passive People say if God wants it to happen, it'll happen.

Well, sometimes but there's a lot of things God place in front of us that still requires a decision How well have you learned from your past mistakes?

Everything is a test

An opportunity can be available and you can decline it.

A door can open and you can refuse to walk through it.

A relationship can have potential and two frightened people can absolutely sabotage it.

Free will did not disappear because something might be meaningful.

Discernment, you have to use your discernment.

If you know that despite of...

the temptation, the lust, the love, whatever category you choose to put your emotions in.

If you know and have an understanding that my discernment is telling me not to, and you still choose to do it anyways, then you better be equipped to deal with whatever consequences come behind that.

Everybody wanna ask,

Uh, why didn't it happen before when we're talking about long-term friendships become becoming, um, attraction?

Maybe because it wasn't the assignment.

Maybe five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years ago, the relationship was supposed to be the friendship.

Maybe you were not emotionally equipped for one another romantically.

Maybe you needed to know each other without desire interfering.

Maybe you needed separate experiences.

Maybe you needed to observe each other's character without trying to possess each other.

Maybe the friendship wasn't the waiting room for the relationship.

Maybe the friendship was valuable by itself.

And then life changed.

And this is important because I don't want to romanticize the past and say, see, God had you secretly waiting for each other.

No, no, no, no, no.

Maybe nobody was waiting.

Maybe nobody was longing.

Maybe you genuinely served a completely different purpose in each other's lives.

And now another possibility has emerged.

The existence of possibility doesn't mean destiny.

It simply means possibility deserves honest examination.

Maybe you genuinely served a completely different purpose in each other's lives.

A lot of times we like to think, hey, it wasn't meant then.

It may be meant now.

It may not be meant.

Or maybe it was meant then.

Maybe it's meant now.

Either way, you have to use your discernment.

We're going to talk about what that looks like when we come back.

Do not touch that dial with your girl, Jazz Tyler, one-on-one, seven to truth.

Life's better with American family insurance because we know you love working weekends.

Brother Z, gentlemen, you are officially tapped in, one-on-one, seven-to-truth award-winning, one-on-one, seven-to-truth with your girl, Jess Tyler.

Shout out to the chat, Marty says.

Nut cases, unhealed people need to come with a side effect warning label.

I agree, Marty.

Um, he also said to my experience are real.

They look so blessed and beautiful buyers.

Be aware.

Listen, people come packaged up with their representatives.

Baby, let me tell you.

And by the time you, uh, I'm mask, all of those layers, they'd be a whole nut case.

I promise you.

Before we went to break, we were talking about utilizing discernment when it comes to making real life decisions.

And although we've had a great conversation about friendships that turns into relationships, I really, really want to be very clear and serious when I talk about this, because oftentimes we don't understand that when we continue to make decisions that are not meant to be made, we stay in the repeated cycle.

Right you ever been in a situation where you like I just went through the same thing last year is because you Continuously do the same thing you aren't understanding that you aren't passing the test If you are a person who knows how to decide you have to utilize it properly, right?

So how do you do that?

When it comes to this specifically, I think you remove the things capable of distorting the answer, right?

So remove the urgency if it's real.

Why does it have to happen tomorrow, right?

Remove the intimacy.

Just temporarily.

Can the connection breathe without physical gratification?

You want to remove competition with the ex.

And ladies, I'm talking specifically to you because subconsciously, unconsciously, these are things that we do.

And what's going to happen is you'll end up becoming a pick me type of woman.

You're in competition with someone who does not, you don't live rent-free in their head.

You're trying to up them.

Because you want this person.

Oh, we're friends.

I've known him longer or I know him in a way.

She know, cut that out.

Remove that.

Right.

Are you interested in this person when you are not angry at somebody else?

Remove the loneliness.

How do you feel when your life is stable?

Remove your ego.

Would you still want this if nobody knew?

If either one of you didn't know, is it something that you still will want?

you have to remove the fantasy.

Do you actually know this person?

In this case, friendship gives you an advantage because the answer may genuinely be yes.

But then you have to ask yourself, does this connection make me more honest, more peaceful, more accountable, more emotionally mature, or does it require secrecy, chaos, and somebody else humiliation in order to exist?

Those are some hard truths.

Let me tell you, and those are things that we don't sit down and have conversations about because we're always operating in our feelings.

What they say, get out your feelings and get in your back.

We're always operating in an emotional stance, constantly impulsive, being impulsive, right?

You don't have real conversations with yourself.

Some people actually get a kick out of this.

Some people have become so accustomed to chaos and confusion, and I've said this multiple times too, so much to the point where peace is not normal for them.

Some people will take a person attempting to reject you as rejection when all actuality they're saying, hey, I respect you enough and love you enough not to pull you into any chaos and confusion.

And some people use that as an excuse because they're afraid, right?

They are afraid you are this is uncomfortable.

This is something that they can't predict is again.

It goes back to the uncertainty.

I Know what I'm gonna get over here.

That's why I still did boy double over here.

I know what's over here.

I don't have to question it, right?

I Don't know what's on this other side though.

Could it be something amazing?

Absolutely.

Could it be something chaotic and and confusing?

Absolutely as well

But it's up to you to discern to use your discernment remove the ego remove the emotions and think logically Does this make sense?

Right, and I'm not just talking about In an objective manner where you're constantly considering everybody else but yourself.

What makes you happy?

Right, what is it that you want in a partner?

Do you see yourself going with this other person or do you see yourself going somewhere with with the person who is your friend?

You have to figure it out You have to literally discern enough to where you can make a conscious decision because sometimes that decision can be life-changing Sometimes opportunities only come once in a lifetime and you have to determine am I willing to risk this

relationship to make someone else comfortable or am I willing to suffer or someone else suffer while I go off and live the life that God wanted for me?

Or it could be vice versa, whichever scenario, right?

Either way, you have to use your discernment.

Inaction is also a choice.

So one of the biggest myths

and relationships is that there is a safe option.

There usually isn't.

People like to say, don't explore it, protect the friendship.

OK, that's a decision.

But it isn't consequence free because once two people know.

There are mutual feelings, refusing to explore them creates its own reality.

Maybe eventually the feelings fade fine.

Maybe the friendship is no longer fine.

Maybe one person moves on and the other realizes too late that what they thought they were protecting was already changing.

And that's possible too.

So I don't believe the decision is risk versus safety.

Which risks are you willing to accept?

the risk of exploring something that may fail or the risk of never knowing whether someone or something meaningful could have existed.

Again, it's up to you to determine which one makes the most sense.

We have to be adults in adulthood, guys, for real.

And when I say this, I mean this.

So in a such a serious manner because there are so many black women out here who are inferior Or who practically hate another black woman over a man There are a lot of men out here who dislike men over a woman, right?

Don't know them even if they are familiar with them.

They still feel away because of relationships

Right how many of y'all and be real with yourself?

You don't have to say it out loud You don't have to call in or hit the chat, but how many of y'all have Ended a relationship and then as soon as your ex get with somebody you feel the way towards his new woman or Her new man don't even know him but you feel the way It's because ultimately there was no closure ultimately that person feels disrespected

And sometimes that's not the case.

Some people just don't have the emotional maturity to accept that things don't work.

Some people like to control the situation so much to the point where if you do something to them, they will constantly hold it over your head and make you feel bad and make you feel like being happy is the wrong choice.

That's not true.

But again,

There are so many situations from domestic violence to black women hating black women over a man black man hating black men over a woman When there are simple conversations and emotional maturity that needs to happen in our community It is okay to be a human being and to have feelings right Because you will be a lot to sit there and say that there's somebody right now you may be in a relationship and still got feelings from

for your high school sweetheart.

You're not going to say it out loud because you don't want to disrespect your spouse.

It does not mean that those feelings aren't real.

It does not mean that it's not a reality.

You're just making the decision by using your discernment not to act on that reality.

But it still exists.

It still exists.

You have to have these conversations with yourself so you can make better decisions, right?

Like Marty said earlier sometimes one night can cost you a lifetime whether it be somebody give you a permanent disease whether it be you got a baby on the way Whatever whether it be abusive relationship that can end your life Decisions and relationships matters

The decisions that you choose to make matters.

And at this age, we all should be trying to build.

We all should be trying to not look for, but we should be wanting a partner that we can navigate life through that can be our friend.

I don't know if you guys pay attention to older people or have older relatives that have been married for quite some time.

But the first thing that they're gonna tell you is that they've remained friends throughout the years Because when you are friends first that comes first And you actually have to live up to that standard what I mean by that is if stuff get hard and Something happens the first thing you have to place in your mind.

This this is and was my friend first So let me approach it like I would approach my friend.

That's how you keep the humility

That's how you remain humane.

That's how you remain your individual self Okay, you did something.

Yes, it hurt me.

You did something to me, right?

But because I'm your friend and I understand you let's talk about it It don't mean that I'm gonna be with you.

It don't mean that I got to deal with you But I want to help you become a better person because that's what real friends do and that's what real love is But again, it goes back to emotional maturity

How mature are you in your emotions to where you can accept the fact that something may or may not work?

You can accept the fact that, hey, yes, this person did move on with somebody that was considered to be their friend, but it was no harm intended.

It wasn't on purpose.

At the end of the day, again, you have to make that decision, but you also have to remove your feelings and start to think logically.

We got to go to break when we come back.

We're gonna wrap this up And we're gonna talk about exploration.

It does not mean possession.

All right This may be where adults make relationships harder than necessary Let's talk about it when we come back as your girl Jazz Tyler one on one seven the

truth

We

are coming to the end of the show, but before we go, we still have one more thing to talk about, a couple of things.

We're talking about for those who are just now joining us, friendships that turns into relationships.

Not sneaky links, not people cheating or anything like that, but genuine friendships.

that turns into relationships.

So I was saying that exploration does not mean possession, right?

Exploration does not have to mean we are together now.

It doesn't have to mean intimacy.

It doesn't have to mean posting each other.

It doesn't have to mean announcing anything.

Sometimes exploration is simply two people becoming intentional about the conversations they are already having.

What does that look like?

What is this?

What are you feeling?

What am I feeling?

What are we afraid of?

Are we emotionally available?

What boundaries do we need while somebody is healing?

What will make this unhealthy and what will make it worth exploring?

That's exploration.

Nobody is demanded ownership.

Nobody is making promises.

They are not ready to keep.

But nobody is insulting the connection by pretending that nothing is happening.

And I think that middle space takes maturity because it requires you to tolerate uncertainty without immediately resolving it through sex, a relationship title, or withdrawal, right?

So this is the line that I really, really need you guys to listen to, all right?

If somebody tells me I care about you enough not to pull you into something toxic, I'm telling you I can respect that's on a whole different level.

I promise I can because that tells me that you are thinking beyond your desire, but I would also hope that person asks themselves.

Am I protecting this person from my chaos?

Or am I protecting myself from the possibility that something healthy may require me to become emotionally available again?

That's not for you to answer, it's for that person to answer.

And those are not the same thing.

Maybe the answer genuinely is, I just need time.

Beautiful, wonderful, amazing, take the time.

But time should produce clarity.

See, healing should increase capacity.

Reflection should teach you something.

When we talk about healing, the purpose of healing isn't to become so protected that nobody can ever reach you again.

The purpose is to become healthy enough to choose differently when something worthy of choice appears.

So you don't have to rewrite yesterday to acknowledge today.

And here's what I'm taking away from today's conversation.

If two people were genuinely friends, let the friendship have been real.

Don't rewrite it because something changed.

That was my friend.

This is my friend, my genuine friend.

Okay, cool.

If somebody loved an ex, let that love have been real too.

Don't rewrite that.

If somebody caused pain on it, don't use a new connection to escape accountability.

If you are not healed, don't make another person responsible for healing you, right?

I say it all the time.

We don't need no projects.

People be like, I'm a healed person.

I think that I attract people who need to be healed.

A bull ish, you's a lie.

People, when you are a natural healer and you attract people that need to be healed, it's because there's something in you that you have not healed.

Don't be delusional and fool yourself into thinking that you were put here to fix everybody.

You do not need project after project after project.

That is not the case.

If you are constantly attracting people that need to be healed, it's because there's something inside of you that you have yet to heal.

So again, if you are not healed, don't make another person responsible for healing you.

If sexual attraction has developed, don't pretend that it hasn't.

But also, don't allow intimacy to make a decision your emotional life isn't ready to make.

Be real with yourself.

Hey, I can't do this with you because I know that I'm gonna fall in love with you and we are already determined that that won't be healthy for either of us, right?

If the former partner is hurt by the optics, have compassion.

Don't humiliate them.

Don't antagonize them.

Don't subtly behave like their relationship meant nothing.

But also understand this.

Respect for the past and truth about the present are capable of existing together.

That's called adulthood.

Maybe the friendship was platonic.

Maybe the previous relationship was real.

Maybe the love for the ex was real.

Maybe the mistakes were real.

And maybe these new feelings are too, right?

One truth does not automatically erase another.

But the question is what these two people do with what they know now?

And if I'm being spiritually responsible, I'm not going to tell you every unexpected connection is God.

But I will say this don't become so loyal to your understanding of yesterday that you leave no room for God or life or growth to reveal something you couldn't have recognized yesterday.

Sometimes discernment means walking away and sometimes discernment means waiting.

Sometimes discernment may simply mean having enough courage to stop denying the possibility exits.

You don't have to chase it.

You don't have to possess it.

You don't have to rush it.

Maybe all you have to do initially is just to tell the truth.

Something between us change.

Something between us change.

And let time test it.

Let the healing process test it out.

Let the boundaries, the absence in ordinary life test it.

Because if this is only loneliness, time will expose it.

If you are, in fact, just a rebound, stability will expose that.

If this is only about sex, boundaries will expose that too.

If you say, hey, I don't think it's a good idea.

And then they don't want to talk or they move change now because that's all they wanted.

It's going to expose itself.

If it requires secrecy, somebody's humiliation or emotional chaos to survive their character.

will expose it.

But if that does settle, baby, let me tell you, if everybody has had room to heal, if nobody is trying to replace anybody, if nobody is trying to escape somebody, if nobody is competing with the memory, and these two people still find themselves connected intellectually, they have an emotional safe space, they're physically attracted to each other.

and genuinely curious about what another version of their relationship can look like, then maybe the mature thing isn't automatically saying yes, but perhaps it isn't automatically saying no either.

Maybe it's simply saying this deserves to be considered on its own merits, not convicted because someone else's history.

That's where I'm leaving it at.

Some people are meant to remain friends.

Some friendships change and probably should but the determining factor shouldn't simply be fear of what people think guilt about what happened before or anxiety about what could go wrong It should be truth character timing healing Compatibility and the willingness of two adults to approach something precious without being reckless with it, right?

You don't have to force what's possible

But you shouldn't automatically fear it simply because you didn't see it coming.

We get scared of things that come out of nowhere, including me.

But guess what?

Life is short.

I've been through a lot of my life.

And one thing's for show, two things for certain.

Jazz gonna be happy, man.

I deserve to be happy.

Truth nation, you all deserve to be happy.

So take these things into considerations, right?

Into consideration, think about it, sit on it, dwell on it.

Try and figure out if this person is emotionally mature enough to have these conversations so that you can begin to make better decisions in your life.

If the goal is to marry and to be with someone forever,

then you want to make sure that you are doing your part, you are doing your due diligence, right?

And also don't hold on to something that you walked out of mentally a long time ago just because you don't want to hurt somebody.

Everybody deserves to be happy and loved, and there is a way to have both.

She girl, Jazz Tyler, be sure to tap in tomorrow, 4 p.m.

to 7 p.m.

Monday through Friday.

Truth Nation, thank you guys so much for your time.

I love you all.

Truly have a safe evening.

I will see you tomorrow.

God willing.

Peace.

One-on-one, seven is true.

This is your girl, Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct.

Hey, listen, it's a new hour in Milwaukee.

It is hump day, the middle of the week, and I don't want to talk about anything depressing anymore.

I'm sure there's many things to talk about every day when it comes to that.

We are going to switch gears.

It's a new hour.

I want to begin with an assumption that I think we rarely challenge, right?

We meet somebody and immediately begin categorizing them, right?

And it's crazy because I just told my oldest daughter this, that you have to stop automatically calling people your friend until they prove themselves worthy of being your friend.

But we always categorize them.

Right?

Hey, this is my friend.

This is my co-worker, associate, family, potential partner, or just somebody I'm not interested in.

Either way, we provide them with the label, right?

And we create these mental categories because human beings need structure.

So categories simplify social life, but here's the problem.

People are not categories.

They are dynamic.

And relationships between people are dynamic too.

Yet when it comes to male-female friendships, we act like whatever category somebody entered your life in has to remain that category permanently.

And if somebody you met as a friend, then apparently friendship is supposed to be a life sentence.

So if I meet somebody and I'm like, hey.

I'm gonna friends on you and I'm gonna put you I'm gonna list you as my friend.

Apparently, they're they're just supposed to be my friend forever, right?

And if attraction ever develops later, somebody says, see?

We knew y'all weren't really friends.

Why?

Why does that exist?

Now.

We get to retroactively redefine what existed then, right?

That's intellectually lazy to me.

If I love somebody platonically.

for five years and develop romantic feelings in year six.

That does not automatically mean years one through five were fraudulent.

It means that in year six, I was introduced to new information, experiences, maturity, emotional awareness, all of the above.

And this is where wrong relationships become interesting because attractions isn't simple, right?

It's not all you find.

Physical beauty matters, obviously.

But adult attraction can become an issue, right?

It can become an issue if you are not real with yourselves.

Sometimes you are attracted to somebody because you have watched them become the person that you knew they would become, right?

You watch how they handled pressure.

You watch how they handled disappointment.

You watch how they treated people when there was nothing to gain.

You watch their mistakes.

You watch their growth.

You watch how they parent.

how they build, what happens when they lose something, whether or not they operate in ego or humility, right?

You've seen different versions of them throughout the years.

And one day you realize, hold on, hold on a minute.

The qualities I have been appreciating in this person as a friend are the same qualities I keep saying I want in a partner.

Yes, time to have a conversation.

That's different from secretly less than after somebody four.

Five years, right?

That's recognition.

Something else that's interesting about friendships turning romantic is dating is often built around presentation.

So when somebody is interested in you romantically, you meet the representative first and y'all know exactly what I'm talking about.

You go on a date and they put on a best behavior, right?

Do everything possible to try and wind you over primarily because you don't know them.

Y'all don't know anything about each other, so it's easy to have this representative.

And they can be whoever it is that they want to be in their mind, right?

Everybody is not going to show up on date number one saying, hi, I'm terrible at conflict.

I disappear emotionally when I'm overwhelmed and I have unresolved attachment issues and my credit score needs prayer.

I don't know, I'm a tourist.

I think tourist is maybe that type of person.

Not me, I'm just saying, but no one is coming on the first date being completely transparent as knowing they a hot mess.

Nobody's gonna do that, right?

You get the polished version.

But what happens when it's a friend?

The friendship often removes the audition.

Your friend isn't trying to get the job.

So you've already seen things that the romantic partner Don't always see until months later, right?

This is why it's so easy for people who are familiar with each other to have a serious relationship and I am guilty of it not necessarily the friendship part but I'm guilty of Being more comfortable with someone I am familiar with right.

I rarely ever want to talk to anybody

I'm not familiar with if I can't do I don't want to do a background check.

I don't I don't have time I'm telling you I used to be the lead detective in my marriage Asked my friends that I was so cold.

They be like, how you do that girl?

That's too stressful.

I don't have time trying to figure things out Most definitely not with someone that I don't know Especially in the city of Milwaukee because everybody and they mama know everybody in most importantly, I always say

Be careful when you ask people about somebody because you're going to get a different response depending on who you ask.

My loyalty towards this person is not the same as this person.

So depending on who you ask, you're going to get two separate answers.

You're going to get two separate answers, right?

I don't like representatives.

I don't like the polished version of somebody.

I don't like any of that, right?

I want to see the flaws.

I want to know the flaws.

I want to know where you lack.

We all lack because then I would know where to pick it up at, right?

And obviously dating would be so much easier if people would take or remove the representative, remove the mask.

So you've already seen things in your romantic partner that, I'm sorry, you've already seen things that the romantic partner doesn't always see until months later, right?

You've seen this person disappointed when they're frustrated.

that they're dependable, all of the above.

So when attraction develops after friendship, perhaps one component of that attraction is something dating culture rarely gives up front.

That's evidence.

It gives you evidence.

And maybe that explains why sometimes somebody who never made your heart race initially becomes increasingly attractive after years of knowing their character.

I always talk about character.

Always.

See?

There's a lot of good-looking men out here, right?

There's a lot of men with money.

There's a lot of men who are successful.

And obviously, I've worked around many of them, right?

Still do.

However, that doesn't matter.

What does your character look like?

Can you go to sleep at night?

Can you look yourself in the mirror after that day ends?

What is your morals?

What are your principles?

And when you build friendships,

These are the things that you see at the gate, right?

You're not gonna, even if you have a new friend, you're not gonna see it automatically just like you won't see it with someone that you're dating.

But as time progresses, you begin to learn these things about them, right?

Because adult attraction isn't always instant recognition.

Sometimes it's accumulated recognition.

And I think that we underestimate that.

That's one of the biggest problems.

Ultimately, I believe that

I believe the whole we should be friends first.

Absolutely.

And I understand it a little better at this age.

Marty says, thank God you don't eat pork.

No, I don't eat pork, Marty.

But every now and again, I might ask for some bacon.

I don't know, man.

That's that's a little difficult.

But in all seriousness, I wholeheartedly understand two things at this age.

I understand that it is important to be friends with someone first.

because you get to know them and then you get to ultimately decide based off of what you have learned if this is someone that you would like to move forward with.

And that's fair, right?

That's way easier than, you know, risking it all for somebody that you don't know, somebody that you just met.

But I also understand, too, in the same breath that, hey, sometimes stuff just happens.

So ladies, don't beat me up when I say this.

But fellas, we all be like, I don't know, it just happened.

I get it.

I promise I get it.

I understand it wholeheartedly.

Sometimes things just happen, right?

And you don't have an explanation, right?

Are you wrong in that, in that sense?

Maybe, maybe, especially if a temptation is involved, so on and so on.

But at the end of the day, sometimes things, things do happen and.

That doesn't make you wrong, right?

Especially if you've covered the bases.

If you don't owe anybody an explanation, if you don't owe anybody your loyalty, whatever the case may be, which that's how my mind operates.

If I don't owe you anything, I promise you, I'm not giving you an explanation about nothing.

Jazz gonna do what jazz wanna do because jazz deserves to be happy, right?

But it's a fine line when it comes to the friendships.

Ultimately, it will dig a little bit deeper later on.

But the fine line is because everybody around you, including exes and everybody else is going to be like, hey, let me go back and start calculating some things.

I need to figure out.

Uh, when, when this started, now I need to think about when you said his name or when you said her name and the conversations and, you know, it went from Haces to, uh, you're not your dating, you know, the math ain't math.

And so evidently y'all had to be messing around this entire time.

And that is simply not true.

That is not always the case.

Sometimes things just happen.

And you know what?

I am okay with that.

At this big grown age, I am OK with that as long as it does not go against what I stand for, right?

As long as it does not go against what I stand for, I'm OK with things just happening the way that they happen.

And sometimes that's OK, too.

And you know why?

Primarily because you may miss out on something that's for you if you are constantly stuck in the mind frame of being afraid of what was.

There's a big possibility that you can miss out on whatever it is God has for you because you feel obligated to Stay back or stay in the past, right?

I said yesterday.

It's 5 11 August 26 5 10 p.m.

August 26 no longer exists It does not exist anymore.

It's just a memory and that's going to fade eventually as well, right?

It doesn't exist.

We gotta go to break when we come back, wanna take a call, and I also want to deal with the psychological question because there are two competing theories here.

One theory says if you are attracted now, something was probably buried subconsciously all along.

The other says no attraction can genuinely be created by new circumstances, new emotional intimacy, and personal growth.

But there is a third possibility that that is much more dangerous.

Sometimes emotional vulnerability can imitate romantic compatibility.

So how do you tell the difference?

Let's tap into it after this break.

It's your girl Jazz Tyler.

One on one, seven, the truth.

One on one, seven, the truth.

It's your girl Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct.

We have a caller on the line.

Kendra, are you there?

I am.

Can you hear me?

Yes, I can.

Thank you so much for tapping in.

Hey, friend.

Hey,

boo.

How do you feel about the conversation we are having today, girl?

Spill the tea.

Well, I'll say this.

I would want my lover to be my best friend.

Come

on.

I mean, I think it's worth trying it out.

I mean, if this person has been in your life for five years,

you must think highly of them.

You know, they think highly of you and if you guys are coming to each other with these feelings now that have surfaced, that have never been, I think that's a great thing.

I think it's a great thing for relationships to eventually evolve.

And if y'all on the same page, then how could it hurt?

What do you think the negative is pertaining to?

situations like this, because we know we can go either way.

What is your stance on the wrong way?

I would say the only central thing that that would that could be bad is, you know, if if the person is in being 100% honest with what they want in that connection and y'all lose y'all friendship.

That I mean, that is where something can go if they're not really ready for what they're asking for.

Then don't ask.

Don't ask.

Don't ask.

You got to be ready.

If you don't tell me, you got feelings for me and you, you know, and you, you see me differently in a way that we could be romantically involved, then you got to mean what you say and you got to put that action in action, you know?

So, I mean, because you don't want to lose that friendship, you know, because you weren't ready for something like just, just.

If you don't take the risk, take the risk and be intentional.

Yes.

Yes, indeed.

Thank you so much, Kendra.

I received that.

You're welcome.

I hope that True Nation receives that as well.

That was a great point of view.

So if two people have known each other for, let's say, you know, five years, six years, whatever the case may be, and an attraction suddenly appears, I think we make

a mistake when we insist only on one explanation.

So human beings love a retrospective storytelling.

Once we know the ending of something, we go backward and reinterpreted everything as evidence.

So two friends eventually get together and everybody goes, I always knew something was going on between them and you are wrong.

Sometimes you didn't know.

You simply know now and you are editing the past using information from the present.

So psychologically, there are several possibilities.

One possibility is subconscious attraction.

I am obsessed with understanding my subconscious mind because nine times out of 10 when we are acting out of emotion.

It's due to the subconscious and not just the conscious or both of them meeting together, right?

Maybe somebody had feelings that never entered consciously, right?

Because the person was in psychologically categorized as available.

Maybe one of them was in a relationship.

Maybe they both were.

Maybe there was simply no reason to examine the friendship romantically, right?

That's plausible.

But there's another possibility.

The feelings actually weren't there.

People change, preferences change, relational needs change, experience changes, what we find attractive.

There are things I valued in a man at 25, baby, that let me tell you at 38, that same type of man could never, you understand?

And there are qualities I may not have appreciated enough then that I understand completely different as a grown as woman.

Okay, peace becomes attractive first and foremost reliability becomes attractive Protection becomes attractive emotional intelligence becomes attractive right somebody capable Somebody being capable of hearing you without becoming defensive is highly attractive Someone who presents doesn't require a performance based on whatever the case may be that is attractive

And if my needs change while somebody I already know is also evolving, I can begin perceiving that person differently without having lied about how I previously perceived them.

That is where we go wrong.

We are allowed to grow, right?

We are allowed to grow.

Now, if it's a situation where you guys have been messing around, you know, what they call it sneaky links and all of that stuff, that's one thing.

But if it was a genuine friendship and there's never been any motives, no flirting, no anything, it's harmless, right?

Then that's something completely different.

It's not premeditated.

There is no motives.

There is no hidden agendas, right?

It just happens.

And naturally, because they are your friend, obviously you care about them to some capacity already.

Right?

So it's not as if you don't have a friendship.

Now, I will be careful using the word platonic.

I'm very careful when I say platonic friendships because platonic still is a sense of intimacy.

It's just not physical.

Right?

So when people were around saying, I have a platonic friendship with this guy or a platonic friendship with that woman, to me, ultimately, there is, you know, an understanding like what was understood don't need to be said.

There's something there.

But you guys just want to admit it.

And in psychology, we sometimes talk about the relational schemas.

Basically, the mental frameworks we use to understand relationships and what we expect from different people.

So think of it this way.

Your mind has already created a file for somebody.

You've already friends on them.

Hey, that's my friend, right?

I'm good for that.

And I have to let me be clear because I am a woman who is in a male dominated industry, right?

I have to automatically friends on people, not because I'm attracted to them, but because, hey, hey, I have eight brothers, right?

Really 10.

I grew up around boys, right?

Obviously I was a tomboy and I work in a male dominated industry.

So, being around men that look good, smell good, that's nothing.

That's the norm, right?

That is the norm.

So, ultimately, it goes back to categorizing people.

Hey, this is my friend.

This is my co-worker.

This is my BFF.

This is my sister.

Either way, you are putting them in some type of filing system, right?

So, behavior gets interpreted through the friendship file.

They compliment you?

Oh, that's just my friend.

They check on you, girl.

That's just my friend.

They invite you to lunch.

Girl, that's just my friend.

There's no romantic meaning attached because that isn't the framework you are using.

But human relationships sometimes produce new information.

So maybe one conversation becomes more emotionally intimate.

Maybe you both...

are in different stages of your life.

Maybe one person says something that changes the other person's awareness, and maybe circumstances cause you to look at a familiar person outside of the familiar framework.

And suddenly, what happens?

That's my friend, and I'm attracted to this person coexist.

That's what make it disorienting.

Right?

Because nothing necessarily happens externally first.

Sometimes your internal interpretation changed.

And now your mind has to reconcile two truths.

This person may indeed be my friend.

But at the same time, I desire this person.

Right?

I desire this person.

So what do people often do?

I am guilty of this.

They try to eliminate one.

Because we believe that both cannot exist.

And let me be clear, that is a defense mechanism, but a healthy defense mechanism.

Because you have to be able to understand that everything that everything that you like or feel is not meant to be pursued.

Just because you know something is there, just because you know it's real, just because you can see the potential and you understand that, hey, if we team up, oh, baby, it's going down.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to pursue it.

That's where the logic over emotions come in act, right?

It's difficult.

It's difficult to admit to yourself that you are attracted to somebody that you have considered as your friends for so many years because now you're starting to question yourself.

Hold on.

Was I feeling this the whole time?

And was I lying to myself?

Skip lying to other people because it ain't nobody business.

Have I been lying to myself?

Have I been telling myself whatever it is that I need to in order to you know, mask what I'm genuinely feeling, right?

You try to eliminate one.

No, we are just friends or we must have secretly always wanted each other.

But maybe neither extreme is accurate.

Maybe adulthood requires being capable of saying the relationship was one thing.

Now I am experiencing something additional.

I don't even know what that means yet.

That's a much more emotionally intelligent position.

But now I am going to challenge the romantic interpretation because something feeling real doesn't automatically tell you why it feels real.

Suppose somebody is leaving a relationship, right?

They are open, meaning like they are vulnerable.

Maybe they were responsible for some damage.

Maybe they were hurt too.

Maybe they still love their former partner or maybe they are grieving and then they spend time with a longtime friend.

There is tremendous psychological comfort during transition when you are with somebody that you are familiar with.

This person already understands you.

This person there is no explaining who you are or your personality, right?

There is no starting over from scratch and and obviously there are things that you guys will have to relearn about each other because again You are meant to grow daily, right?

They've already discriminated.

I'm sorry demonstrated loyalty and that emotional safety can become incredibly powerful when the rest of your emotional life feels unstable Oftentimes when friends

our, you know, end up in relationships is because somebody was lacking in something or somebody was going through something.

And they ended up connecting at a time where they both needed each other in ways that they didn't understand.

And I can't say whether or not that's right or wrong, right?

Because the heart wants what the heart wants.

But at the same time, we still have to be logical.

You have to be logical and you have to be able to sit down and have a conversation about it.

And this is where two adults have to ask themselves a very sophisticated question.

Has the friend become romantically significant or has the friend become emotionally regulating?

Those aren't necessarily the same thing.

Sometimes the safest person in the room can become the most attractive person.

in that room because your nervous system is exhausted.

That doesn't make the attraction fake, but it does mean you should stop, think, and examine it before building a relationship around it.

After the break we are ahead, adding the person nobody wants to talk about the ex because here is where it gets ethically complicated.

If two longtime friends eventually become romantic shortly after one person's relationship is, people are going to rewrite the history.

Let's talk about it, Milwaukee.

833-212-1017.

I want to hear from you with your girl, Jazz Tyler, 101.7 The

Truth.

Take a shot of this Hippotron, and it's gonna be young.

The

IP, they got way too crowded.

One-on-one, 7 to Truth.

It's your girl Jaz Tyler.

We are Live and Direct.

And we are talking about friendships and relationships.

Please make sure that you like and subscribe to our YouTube channel, One-on-one, 7 to Truth.

And follow me on social media, The Jazzy Effect.

That's T-H-E-J-A-Z-Z-I-E-F-F.

Shout out to the chat.

Marie says, it's hard to gain a true friend without deception and secrets.

So be careful.

No coming back from crossing the line.

It is not worth it.

Trying to be in a relationship with someone that knows all your secrets is a big risk.

I'm good on that discipline is a gift worth having.

And one night of passion can leave you with a lifetime of pain, baby.

You better believe it.

However.

However It doesn't always have to end that way right this is where I think we need emotional maturity on all sides So we are going to talk about the X if the X has a right to hear feelings to their feelings And not their version of the facts right?

Supposed to people have been

Again, we're talking about friends.

You've been friends for quite some times.

Nothing sexual happened.

Nothing romantic happened.

No boundaries were crossed while one of them was in a relationship or while both of them were in a relationship.

And then that relationship ends.

And later on, the friendship develops into something else.

Now, imagine if you were the ex.

Are we going to be grown here?

No pettiness.

This is serious because people are truly dealing with this.

And I'm probably questioning everything.

If I was the ex, I'm looking backward.

Again, I'm thinking about stuff from two or three years ago, right?

The way you looked, how you said the name, how you said her name, how you described her, when her name pops up on your phone, what's your reaction?

I'm literally going through everything all over in my mind, right?

Because the present has now changed my interpretation of the past and that emotional reaction makes complete sense to me.

And I think sometimes the new couple can become so defensive about proving they did nothing wrong that they become insensitive to how painful the optics are.

You don't have to be guilty to understand someone else's pain.

That's important.

You can say, hey, nothing happened between us.

And I understand why you seeing us together now would hurt, right?

But compassion is not a confession.

And that's where the line matters.

I am not going to admit to betrayal that didn't happen simply because the eventual outcome resembles the thing that you were afraid of.

We cannot prosecute the past using evidence that only exists in the present.

That's not fair.

That's not fair to that person.

And that's not fair to you.

If the friendship was appropriate during the relationship, that's all that matters.

If no boundaries were crossed, no one was disrespected and the attraction developed afterwards, that's all that matters.

Now, if there was some type of emotional cheating, that's a different conversation.

If there was some flirtation, that's a different conversation.

If somebody was keeping that friend around purposely because they wanted to wait until they got they shot,

That's a different type of conversation, and you have to own that, right?

But sometimes a person really was just your friend, and later they weren't.

Human relationships can be complicated without being dishonest.

And this raises the question, I think, is much harder than whether the ex will be upset or not.

What moral responsibility do we have to people after our romantic relationship with them ends?

Not legal responsibility, not emotional responsibility, right?

So let's say you hurt somebody.

Let's say you cheated in your previous relationship or they cheated on you.

Now the guilt enters the equation.

You may sincerely still love that person you hurt and you may recognize that what you did made them feel away, right?

And somehow it seems like moving forward, you're still doing the wrong, right?

It can feel like, how can I be happy knowing that I did this person that way?

Even though those two situations are not connected whatsoever.

But does accountability require self-denial?

That's where I think guilt and responsibility can become confused, right?

Healthy guilt says, I did something wrong.

I need to learn from it, repair what can be repaired and change my behavior so that the next person I'm with does not have to experience what I just put my ex through.

Unhealthy guilt can become, because I did something wrong, I am no longer entitled to what is meant for me.

And those aren't the same statements, right?

Those are not the same statements.

And again, it gets.

Very sticky and very tricky because oftentimes when situations like this happen and apparently it happens more often than normal.

But when situations like this happens, there's a lack of emotional maturity.

There's always emotion over logic instead of logic over emotion.

First and foremost, we understand that anytime you are cheating on your spouse, especially if it's with a friend, you're dead wrong.

Period.

Point blank.

Right?

Then there's the people who say we can't help who we love Absolutely, but you can choose whether or not if you want to entertain it and I think the most healthiest thing to do is to have conversations Everybody is not ready for conversations.

Can you imagine like I'm gonna be transparent I grew up a little different My daddy was the man and my mama was that girl so much to the point that I've seen my mama work

With her baby daddy wife, okay?

I've seen her talk to my back my dad other baby mama Other baby mama's in no issues and they old school.

So yes things are they all was working in in the part together They wasn't messing with him at the same time, but no one cared because we're all adults right We're all adults there has to be conversations when you remove the emotional side of things

and you begin to have logical conversations, then you begin to accept someone as a human being, first and foremost.

Secondly, you also understand that we don't own anybody, baby, especially if we are not married.

You don't own the rights to nobody.

You can only experience them.

You don't come here in the world with nobody unless you're a twin and you don't live with nobody.

You are only experiencing them.

And one of the issues that we face in relationships overall is that we expect for people to be the way that we want them to be instead of respecting them as an individual human being, right?

We are two individuals.

You have your own individual life.

I have my own individual life.

The only thing we can do that is healthy is to merge those lives together and figure out how to navigate through this thing called life.

That's it.

It doesn't owe explanations, requirements, or anything.

And if you are a spiritual person, then you most definitely know how it works in that realm as well.

But first, we have to remove the feelings.

And I'm not just talking about having a conversation with the ex.

No, have a conversation with your friend.

Be like your friends, right?

Y'all should be able to talk about anything.

If you notice that the feelings are changing,

whether you are in a relationship or not, hey, can we talk about this?

Can we talk through this so that we both can make the best decision for both of us?

Because A, you don't want to ruin the friendship just based off of emotions, right?

Again, when you know somebody and you know what type of person they are, it's so easy to be the Lulu.

It's so easy to be delusional because you begin to create scenarios of the future in your head of how good y'all will look together or This personality his personality matches minds or she understands what I've been through She's been there for me at times when nobody else was so on and so on all all of those are great But all of those are emotions

Remove the emotions and take a look at everything from a logical stance.

Who does this affect and how does it affect them?

Right?

What comes with this?

If we decide to make that decision, what comes with it?

What's all attached to it?

Right?

And let's be clear.

You know your friend better than anybody.

So if your friend is a dog.

Why you think just because you're friends that they're not going to be a dog to you?

If you know that she she was around here, you know cheating on her ex, what makes you think that she's not going to cheat on you?

If she didn't bust in his windows, why would you think so on and so on?

And I'm not saying that's the case, but I'm just saying that's the purpose of having a conversation because, A, you don't want to destroy the friendship, but B, you want to be true about what it is that's happening.

And in the perfect world, you'll be able to have a conversation with your ex too.

Hey, I wasn't expecting this.

Stuff just happens, right?

You know, you know him.

He's a great person.

You've seen him a couple times.

You all chopped it up a couple times.

He's not a bad person.

So deep down, you will see why I will want him too.

But the emotional side of you won't allow you to admit that.

Because you're still holding on to something that does not exist We got to go to break break coming back

This may be the most important part of today's conversation.

If you hurt your former partner, do you owe that person your future?

And if you don't, how do you move forward without behaving as though what happened to them doesn't matter?

Then I want to talk about something else adults rarely admit.

Sometimes we cause something bad timing.

Well, what we are actually experiencing is fear.

That's next one on one seven, the truth.

One on one, step in the truth.

It's your girl, Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct.

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Happy hump day.

It's your girl, Jazz Tyler.

You have officially been tapped in and we are talking about when friendships turns into relationships.

I want to hear from you.

A-3-3-2-1-2-1-0-1-7.

Shout out to the chat.

Marty says keep them exes in the rear view is not going to last stop giving energy to people that is not Worth it.

They think they own you big time and Netflix and chill hits Don't it ain't no chilling going on with Netflix though.

Huh, Marty?

Um in all seriousness

This next segment, you can honor an ex without remaining emotionally married to them, right?

So I think there is a distinction between honoring somebody and remaining emotionally governed by them.

A former relationship can matter deeply.

A person can still matter to you and you can still love them.

And I think that's where people get confused because we treat love like evidence that two people should remain together.

It isn't always.

Sometimes love survives compatibility.

Sometimes love survives trust.

Sometimes it survives the relationship itself.

You can love somebody and know that the relationship the two of you created is unhealthy.

That's one of the most painful realities of adulthood.

So if someone says, hey, I still love my ex, my immediate response isn't, then you should go back.

That is petty.

And that is so immature.

But my question would be, what does love require?

Does it require reconciliation, accountability, forgiveness, distance, right?

Relationship is a decision.

At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you.

And when you are in situations again,

It doesn't matter how long you've been together.

It could be a month and it doesn't work.

It could be five years and it doesn't work.

I think the healthiest approach to this is understanding that we all are human beings, right?

People like to say, and I'm one of those people, but I stand on it.

People like to say, my love has no limits.

I love unconditionally.

There is no conditions with my love, right?

But that is false, majority of the time.

Because as soon as a situation arises that you know is going to be painful, you do place restrictions and boundaries on that love, right?

You place expectations on that love.

If someone that you love does something to you, now a lot of times, whether it's a man or a woman, they want you to prove before getting back with them why you love them and that it won't happen again, right?

Instead of sitting down having a realistic conversation about

What has actually transpired?

I'm not saying you got to take them back if something happened if y'all decided it wasn't working not just because of cheating But because of whatever reasons right maybe you guys just weren't compatible But sitting down having a honest conversation about it If that's really your friend should help right it should help it works Be an adult be mature enough to say hey, this is where I went wrong

Then I don't know why I did it or this is why I did it, right?

And yes, I still have feelings for you.

Yes, I still love you and either I'm okay with seeing if we can rekindle it or I am no longer Exploring that as an option.

I think it's time that we you know go our separate ways now what gets even trickier is Depending on how mature you are

If you are in a situation, this is messy.

This sounds like a reality show, brother Z. I don't know, man.

Um, if you are in a situation where let's say, uh, you are attracted to someone who has been your friend and there is no, um, no evidence, there is no, you know, history of you guys interacting, being intimate, flirting or anything like that.

And you guys give it a shot.

Are you okay with.

that person, um, remaining friends with their ex whom they just broke up with.

Talk about, uh, what did Jayda say?

An entanglement, right?

Um, and there's another thing I think wrong people, adults should be capable of doing.

We should be able to move, uh, towards something new without turning the old person into a villain.

And for some reason, we love to do this to make ourselves feel better.

So when the relationship ends, a new relationship begins and suddenly you just get to bashing your ex, right?

They were horrible.

She didn't cook or clean or, you know, he ain't putting it down how he should be.

But what happened all those years you all was together, you wasn't saying that.

Don't do that.

It's not required and it's not needed and it's immature, right?

Maybe somebody did make some serious mistakes and maybe there was real love and real dysfunction Why does a new person need the old relationship to have been meaningless?

right I actually You know if I'm in a situation like that where a guy is bashing his ex.

That's a red flag for me That is a red flag a because I don't I mean I'm not here to talk about

your past relationships unless you're asking my opinion or advice on a specific situation, right?

But in the event the conversation does come up and a man says, hey, that person mattered to me.

That relationship taught me something.

I hurt them in ways I regret.

They hurt me in ways that I had to heal and we still may not belong together.

I respect that because at least you're honest, right?

And you're not playing a blame game and utilizing it as a self-defense or a defense mechanism.

Oftentimes, we always paint the villain of our exes because we feel like it's going to make the situation better, and it doesn't.

Then separately, something different may be developing with somebody else.

those troops can sit in the same room without fighting each other.

It is okay for you not to hate your ex while finding new love.

It is okay to acknowledge that, hey, this may not work and I love this person dearly, right?

But I found somebody else, right?

That is okay.

What's not okay is when you are not real with all parties about it.

Right?

Or if you know that is something that is going to linger on and cause conflicts and confusions and you say nothing, then you are wrong.

Then you are wrong.

But at the end of the day, you don't owe nobody nothing unless you're all married.

You don't owe nobody any explanation, anything like that.

I mean, you can do it because you're a kind person.

But you cannot allow past situations to dictate.

your future, unless you are still involved in those past conversations.

I'm sorry, situations.

The question for the person who is hesitating.

This is where it gets interesting.

So if you are the person who recognizes feelings for a long time friend, but you are hesitating because your previous relationship is emotionally unresolved, I don't think anybody should tell you to forget about your ex.

That is irresponsible.

But I do think you owe yourself an honest examination.

Why is the hesitation there?

What is it protecting?

Is it protecting your healing?

That's good.

Is it protecting your former partner's dignity?

That's good as well.

Is it protecting the friendship from rebound behavior?

Ding, ding, ding, that's very important.

Or is the hesitation protecting you from having to become vulnerable once again, right?

Those can sound similar.

I don't want to hurt nobody.

Maybe you don't but sometimes What's embedded in that sentence is and I don't want to risk being hurt either That's the piece that we don't always want to admit We don't always want to admit but all of this in the point of this conversation is for you to analyze yourself

We talked about it earlier this week, the method of pause, not the pause that you guys hear on social media, but actually pause and stop and identifying what you are feeling, accept what you are feeling and finding the best solution possible instead of solely operating out of emotion.

And you can apply this method to any point of your life, but I think oftentimes when we look at situations like DV situations or women acting a fool or men acting a fool because they Refuse to let someone who has already let them go or who has done things to show them that They want to let them go They miss out on communication they miss out on being real with each other in about the situation because everybody is so caught up in what has happened

and what is about to happen.

Instead of sitting down, understanding that we all are human beings, we all make mistakes, we all have our own individual selves, and most importantly, let them.

You can't control somebody.

You don't know what God has for somebody else.

Some of y'all be standing in the way of other people's karma or your own karma, right?

Sometimes we think that if we get into certain situations that there may be some type of backlash, well, sometimes if you don't get in that situation, there's going to be backlash.

It just depends on how you view it and whatever your God tells you.

At six, I want to talk about what happens after both friends know, because now the relationship has changed.

You may decide not to date, you may decide not to have intimacy, you may decide not to pursue anything, but can two adults genuinely return to psychological innocence after they've already faced each other and admitted, yes, I feel it too.

Let's talk about it when we come back at the six o'clock hour.

Do not touch that dial one on one seven, the truth.

One on one

seven the truth is your girl Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct and we are having a conversation about friends who turns and who turns their friendship into relationships.

Part five of this is knowledge changes, a relationship, even when behavior doesn't.

Marty says, sacred dishonest people create their own problems.

That's their way out.

Bye Felicia.

And you are not lying.

He also said that I should write a book.

I should, shouldn't I?

There may be a book on the way.

No, in all seriousness.

I think that this is a very important topic because we have to normalize it being okay to date friends.

I don't mean the friends that you really consider as your brother or sister because that is just nasty.

I have bros, like real bros that's not blood related that I would absolutely throw up thinking about dating them.

But there are people, right, that come into your life as a friend.

And it's up to you to decide if, ultimately, if you made the wrong decision by placing them inside of that category.

You made the decision to say that they were your friend without even first acknowledging if something is there or what it is, you automatically did it because of whatever reasons.

Maybe it was a defense mechanism.

Maybe you had a situation going on at that time.

But at the end of the day, oftentimes we miscategorize people.

And then we end up in situations that is not lucrative for us constantly thinking about the woulda, coulda, shoulda, right?

And here's something I don't think people consider.

Once attraction becomes mutually acknowledged, the question is no longer simply should we date.

The first issue is that knowledge itself changes relationships.

So maybe a hug means nothing, maybe a compliment means nothing, maybe spending time together means nothing, but once two people openly acknowledge attraction, behaviors that once carried, one meeting can begin to carry additional meanings.

It doesn't make the past inappropriate, but it most definitely changes the future.

Now, both people know there is another possibility in the room, and I think that's why let's just go back to how things work is sometimes unrealistic.

You can absolutely choose friendship, but you aren't choosing the exact same friendship because both people possess information they did not have before.

So now the relationship may need new boundaries, not because anybody did anything wrong, but because it's emotionally context, the context has changed, right?

So now you find yourself in a situation to where you're like, hey, what does this look like going forward, right?

Like.

Let's say you are attracted to someone who is your friend.

They may actually be the perfect person for you, right?

But for whatever reason, you know that is going to cause a lot of issues or you just simply don't want to ruin the friendship.

That's when you have to be real with yourself.

It can never go back to how it used to be, right?

It can never go back to how it used to be.

So what is the new define?

What does the new defined friendship look like going forward?

And I'm not let me make this clear fellas.

I'm not talking about friends with benefits Because I know exactly somebody was gonna say that somebody was gonna text me email me hit me up on Instagram and say what about friends with no Absolutely not

If we have already discussed and admitted and acknowledged how we feel about each other and that there is an attraction, not just sexually, but like, hey, I want you in every single way.

But ultimately we have conversations in the side that is just not the best time, the time maybe longer is just not the best decision to make ultimately, right?

It doesn't mean you can't be friends, but you most definitely can't be friends with benefits.

That defeats the whole purpose.

Saying let's just go you know be friends or go back to how it used to be you can't go back to how things used to be because now I like you friend Hey, big head now.

I'm looking forward towards the tour I'm looking forward to the good morning text the good night text right the hey, how are you?

Let's go have lunch.

Let's do this.

Let's do that.

How do you begin to be around this person without being attracted to them mentally, physically and emotionally, right?

Do you have enough discipline to do so?

Do you love them enough to say, you know what?

I love you and me enough to have discipline and say, I can't do this.

We cannot cross the lines.

But ultimately, you have to determine what those new boundaries look like.

It's okay to discuss what you are feeling.

You are human, especially if it's not bothering anybody.

If it is not causing disruption, if you're not in relationship, if it's not causing issues, yes, tell them, talk about it.

That's what friends are for.

But understand that you are not choosing the exact same friendship because both people possess information that they didn't have before the relationship need new boundaries and these new boundaries and Let's be adults about the sexual part, too

Because sexual attraction doesn't invalidate emotional love.

Sometimes people get uncomfortable acknowledging that the friendship has developed sexual tension because they think doing something doing so cheap is the emotional part of it.

It doesn't.

And it don't have to.

Sexual attraction is information too.

It's not instruction.

That's important enough to say again.

Sexual attraction is information.

I can desire somebody and still decide not to have sex with them.

Actually, if something matters deeply enough, I'm not going to, right?

I'm not going to.

I like you too much to crack you and never call you again, because I'm a dog.

Is that CC back there laughing, brother Z?

I like you enough not to one night stand you.

I like you enough to say, hey, you know what?

I care about you so much.

I wouldn't dare put it on you and not call you the next day like I was somebody else and act as if it never happened.

Not because it wasn't good, but just because I'm not going to involve my emotions, right?

And when I just said that I wasn't talking about me, when I said I was a dog.

I can desire somebody and still decide not to have sex with them.

Actually, again, if it matters most to me, I won't because if all we have is sexual chemistry, boundaries will eventually expose that.

So let's take intimacy off of the table, right?

Can we talk?

Can we laugh?

Do we intellectually stimulate one another?

Can we tolerate uncertainty?

Can we communicate without turning everything into sex?

Do I like who you are when desire isn't being fed?

Right?

Those are adult questions.

Those are indeed the questions you should be asking.

Uh, Marty says, Jazz, there are rules to engagement big time.

Absolutely.

There is.

Absolutely.

But again, the moral of the story is we have to begin to have these healthy conversations because at a big grown age, you should not still be behaving, still be behaving the way that you do, right?

You should not be playing games, finessing people or pulling people into a web that they didn't ask to be a part of all because A, you're greedy.

You feel entitled like you don't have to have conversations and like you could do whatever you want with whoever you want There are a lot of people men and women out here Who play these types of games and there are people who will let them right?

Y'all seen it multiple times He been cheating with this person for so many years or she's been messing around with this person for so many years What was it in the closet was that our Kelly the closet series?

If I'm not mistaken that had something to do with what we're talking about today, right?

Kelly Price said she wasn't friend of mine, but she also say as we lay Go either way it can go either way But the moral of the story is we have to have logic over emotions, right?

In the event you are attracted to your friend I'm not talking about Somebody that you consider as

a real brother or a sister, right?

Not somebody that you just threw in that category for defense purposes.

Not somebody that you grew up with, y'all struggled together, not none of that.

But if you have a genuine friend of the opposite sex, and as time goes on, you see the person that they've become is the person you always knew that they would be.

And you get to check in the boxes, hold on now.

I'm sitting here talking about what type of woman I want.

She checked all the boxes.

I'm sitting here talking about what type of man I want and he checked all the boxes and has been sitting in front of my face this entire time What what is why can't I partake in that right?

Why don't I deserve somebody like that in my life?

It's not my fault if you fumbled the situation It's not my fault if you are not together at the end of the day I am entitled to be me and I'm not saying

Friends who are in relationships, I'm not condoning cheating.

I'm not condoning sneaky links.

I don't have the mental capacity to deal with more than one person.

I don't.

Everybody gonna get cussed out.

I don't have that time.

But I'm talking about a real friend, a genuine friend that never had motives, never had any hidden agendas, never tried you, never any of those things.

Things happen.

That's that's the truth.

This is the first time I will admit Fellas I get it now.

I do I get it things happen, right?

What the order all the fellas say you get it until it happens you Get it until a guy says hey, it just happened it Yeah, I and me my face going across your face just happened to we got to go to break

Coming back, I want to challenge one of our favorite words, discipline.

We praise people for being able to control their emotions as we should, but can emotional discipline become emotional avoidance?

Can somebody be so determined not to make another mistake that they refuse to participate in anything that they can't completely control?

And what does attachment psychology say about that?

Let's talk about it after this break.

It should grow.

Jazz Tyler, one on one, seven the truth.

One on one, seven the truth.

It should grow.

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Milwaukee is your girl, Jazz Tyler.

You are officially tapped in.

If you are just now joining us, we are talking about friendships that turns into relationships.

Marty in the chat says, no, I'm sorry, Babar says, go ahead and spill the beans.

What beans, Babar?

There are no beans to spill.

This is hypothetical.

There are a lot of people dealing with

This situation is something that we need to discuss, right?

So before we went to break, I was introducing part six of this segment, emotional discipline or emotional avoidance, right?

Self-control is very attractive.

Let's establish that.

Adults who cannot regulate themselves end up creating chaos, hence why I keep expressing the need to have conversations like adults.

Every impulse doesn't need an action.

Every feeling doesn't need an expression.

Every attraction doesn't deserve access.

But psychologically, avoidance can wear very respectable clothing people.

Avoidance doesn't always look like somebody running away screaming.

Sometimes it says, I'm being responsible.

I'm protecting the friendship.

I don't want things to get messy.

I'm thinking about everybody involved and every one of those sentences can be completely true.

But avoidance acts a different question.

If all of those complications disappeared tomorrow, would you still be afraid?

It isn't the timing.

It isn't the friendship.

If I move toward you.

Now I can lose you differently.

As a friend, I know the rules.

As a romantic partner, I don't.

As a friend, you are safe.

As a romantic possibility, you are capable of rejecting me, disappointing me, exposing me, and changing a relationship that I already value.

So sometimes staying just friends isn't merely about preserving the friendship.

Sometimes it's about preserving the predictability, right?

Now we get into attachment and control.

One reason people struggle after difficult relationships is that uncertainty starts feeling dangerous.

You begin to tell yourself, I'm never doing that again, right?

And that boundary can initially be healthy, but there's a difference between learning from pain and reorganizing your entire life around avoiding pain.

Because intimacy requires uncertainty.

There is no healthy relationships.

Where somebody can promise you in advance that you won't be hurt, that's impossible.

The adult question is whether the person and the relationship have enough emotional resources to handle hurt differently.

Can we properly communicate?

And if so, are we able to repair?

Are we able to hold ourselves accountable in each other accountable without being offended?

Can we tolerate vulnerability without punishing each other?

Right?

I talked about this the other day.

Don't get the throwing stuff up in your spouse's face that they told you when they were vulnerable because you have a heated argument and you find out they did something that hurt you and now you want them to feel how you feel.

That is childish and that is unfair.

Sometimes what you are looking for isn't somebody who guarantees that they'll never hurt you.

Is somebody with whom hurt doesn't automatically become destruction, right?

And let me give the hesitant person credit too, because sometimes not pursuing somebody immediately is deeply loving them.

If I know I am emotionally stable, if I know I got feelings for you, but I don't have the mental capacity to be who you need me to be in that moment, I'm going to step away.

And that does not mean that it's rejection.

I'm actually trying to save you and I'm trying to save myself from myself as well.

That is what we call emotional responsibility.

But then there's another question as well.

Does responsibility and restraint have an expiration point?

Because eventually healing should move you toward greater capacity.

If 12 months from now you are still saying, I can't believe.

Uh, that this has happened and I can't do this for XYZ Then perhaps the old relationship is still holding power over the new possibility And at that point you have to ask whether you are healing or if you are maintaining distance.

Oh my gosh Are you healing or are you maintaining distance, right?

Again at the end of the day, um

Yes, Marty, I agree.

You have to be careful who you invite into your world.

But a lot of situations that are negative when it comes from dealing with someone and whatever else that they have going on can be prevented if we do these things.

If we act the way that I am speaking of, right?

Be real with yourself.

You have to have some type of discipline.

Now, I'm not saying that the discipline will ultimately determine.

That you don't want to be with this person that doesn't have to be the case I'm just saying the discipline is important because it helps you think in a logical state instead of emotionally When you are emotional and you are dealing with a situation like this You have to look at all angles.

Who is this going to affect?

And what is the consequences behind this?

There are people involved or there are people who have been involved where this could you know hit them a little differently And let me give the hesitant person credit when it comes to this as well Having the courage to say listen This is the truth

This is where I'm at.

This is what I'm going through.

And I don't want to pull you into this because I value our friendship too much.

Or if the other person say, hey, I understand what I'm feeling and I know what we could be, but because I respect you, I don't even want to try.

I don't even want to risk the friendship.

That is fine too.

And you have to be okay with that.

You have to be okay with that.

So I want to end I want to bring in the spiritual aspect of this because Y'all know how I am right?

I can't just talk in the flesh Especially a person like me because everything I do I pray about it first and I meditate on it and I follow my discernment I used to just I used to ask God to confirm and add what I was already feeling Whether it was right or wrong and I no longer do that, right?

It's important to me Yes, I believe in God and because I believe in God I think we should be extremely careful about Assigning God's name to every emotion.

We don't know how to explain Strong chemistry is not automatically confirmation Timing isn't confirmation being familiar with someone isn't confirmation One and somebody badly doesn't mean that God sent them

Let's be responsible with that, but I also don't believe faith means being passive People say if God wants it to happen, it'll happen.

Well, sometimes but there's a lot of things God place in front of us that still requires a decision How well have you learned from your past mistakes?

Everything is a test

An opportunity can be available and you can decline it.

A door can open and you can refuse to walk through it.

A relationship can have potential and two frightened people can absolutely sabotage it.

Free will did not disappear because something might be meaningful.

Discernment, you have to use your discernment.

If you know that despite of...

the temptation, the lust, the love, whatever category you choose to put your emotions in.

If you know and have an understanding that my discernment is telling me not to, and you still choose to do it anyways, then you better be equipped to deal with whatever consequences come behind that.

Everybody wanna ask,

Uh, why didn't it happen before when we're talking about long-term friendships become becoming, um, attraction?

Maybe because it wasn't the assignment.

Maybe five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years ago, the relationship was supposed to be the friendship.

Maybe you were not emotionally equipped for one another romantically.

Maybe you needed to know each other without desire interfering.

Maybe you needed separate experiences.

Maybe you needed to observe each other's character without trying to possess each other.

Maybe the friendship wasn't the waiting room for the relationship.

Maybe the friendship was valuable by itself.

And then life changed.

And this is important because I don't want to romanticize the past and say, see, God had you secretly waiting for each other.

No, no, no, no, no.

Maybe nobody was waiting.

Maybe nobody was longing.

Maybe you genuinely served a completely different purpose in each other's lives.

And now another possibility has emerged.

The existence of possibility doesn't mean destiny.

It simply means possibility deserves honest examination.

Maybe you genuinely served a completely different purpose in each other's lives.

A lot of times we like to think, hey, it wasn't meant then.

It may be meant now.

It may not be meant.

Or maybe it was meant then.

Maybe it's meant now.

Either way, you have to use your discernment.

We're going to talk about what that looks like when we come back.

Do not touch that dial with your girl, Jazz Tyler, one-on-one, seven to truth.

Life's better with American family insurance because we know you love working weekends.

Brother Z, gentlemen, you are officially tapped in, one-on-one, seven-to-truth award-winning, one-on-one, seven-to-truth with your girl, Jess Tyler.

Shout out to the chat, Marty says.

Nut cases, unhealed people need to come with a side effect warning label.

I agree, Marty.

Um, he also said to my experience are real.

They look so blessed and beautiful buyers.

Be aware.

Listen, people come packaged up with their representatives.

Baby, let me tell you.

And by the time you, uh, I'm mask, all of those layers, they'd be a whole nut case.

I promise you.

Before we went to break, we were talking about utilizing discernment when it comes to making real life decisions.

And although we've had a great conversation about friendships that turns into relationships, I really, really want to be very clear and serious when I talk about this, because oftentimes we don't understand that when we continue to make decisions that are not meant to be made, we stay in the repeated cycle.

Right you ever been in a situation where you like I just went through the same thing last year is because you Continuously do the same thing you aren't understanding that you aren't passing the test If you are a person who knows how to decide you have to utilize it properly, right?

So how do you do that?

When it comes to this specifically, I think you remove the things capable of distorting the answer, right?

So remove the urgency if it's real.

Why does it have to happen tomorrow, right?

Remove the intimacy.

Just temporarily.

Can the connection breathe without physical gratification?

You want to remove competition with the ex.

And ladies, I'm talking specifically to you because subconsciously, unconsciously, these are things that we do.

And what's going to happen is you'll end up becoming a pick me type of woman.

You're in competition with someone who does not, you don't live rent-free in their head.

You're trying to up them.

Because you want this person.

Oh, we're friends.

I've known him longer or I know him in a way.

She know, cut that out.

Remove that.

Right.

Are you interested in this person when you are not angry at somebody else?

Remove the loneliness.

How do you feel when your life is stable?

Remove your ego.

Would you still want this if nobody knew?

If either one of you didn't know, is it something that you still will want?

you have to remove the fantasy.

Do you actually know this person?

In this case, friendship gives you an advantage because the answer may genuinely be yes.

But then you have to ask yourself, does this connection make me more honest, more peaceful, more accountable, more emotionally mature, or does it require secrecy, chaos, and somebody else humiliation in order to exist?

Those are some hard truths.

Let me tell you, and those are things that we don't sit down and have conversations about because we're always operating in our feelings.

What they say, get out your feelings and get in your back.

We're always operating in an emotional stance, constantly impulsive, being impulsive, right?

You don't have real conversations with yourself.

Some people actually get a kick out of this.

Some people have become so accustomed to chaos and confusion, and I've said this multiple times too, so much to the point where peace is not normal for them.

Some people will take a person attempting to reject you as rejection when all actuality they're saying, hey, I respect you enough and love you enough not to pull you into any chaos and confusion.

And some people use that as an excuse because they're afraid, right?

They are afraid you are this is uncomfortable.

This is something that they can't predict is again.

It goes back to the uncertainty.

I Know what I'm gonna get over here.

That's why I still did boy double over here.

I know what's over here.

I don't have to question it, right?

I Don't know what's on this other side though.

Could it be something amazing?

Absolutely.

Could it be something chaotic and and confusing?

Absolutely as well

But it's up to you to discern to use your discernment remove the ego remove the emotions and think logically Does this make sense?

Right, and I'm not just talking about In an objective manner where you're constantly considering everybody else but yourself.

What makes you happy?

Right, what is it that you want in a partner?

Do you see yourself going with this other person or do you see yourself going somewhere with with the person who is your friend?

You have to figure it out You have to literally discern enough to where you can make a conscious decision because sometimes that decision can be life-changing Sometimes opportunities only come once in a lifetime and you have to determine am I willing to risk this

relationship to make someone else comfortable or am I willing to suffer or someone else suffer while I go off and live the life that God wanted for me?

Or it could be vice versa, whichever scenario, right?

Either way, you have to use your discernment.

Inaction is also a choice.

So one of the biggest myths

and relationships is that there is a safe option.

There usually isn't.

People like to say, don't explore it, protect the friendship.

OK, that's a decision.

But it isn't consequence free because once two people know.

There are mutual feelings, refusing to explore them creates its own reality.

Maybe eventually the feelings fade fine.

Maybe the friendship is no longer fine.

Maybe one person moves on and the other realizes too late that what they thought they were protecting was already changing.

And that's possible too.

So I don't believe the decision is risk versus safety.

Which risks are you willing to accept?

the risk of exploring something that may fail or the risk of never knowing whether someone or something meaningful could have existed.

Again, it's up to you to determine which one makes the most sense.

We have to be adults in adulthood, guys, for real.

And when I say this, I mean this.

So in a such a serious manner because there are so many black women out here who are inferior Or who practically hate another black woman over a man There are a lot of men out here who dislike men over a woman, right?

Don't know them even if they are familiar with them.

They still feel away because of relationships

Right how many of y'all and be real with yourself?

You don't have to say it out loud You don't have to call in or hit the chat, but how many of y'all have Ended a relationship and then as soon as your ex get with somebody you feel the way towards his new woman or Her new man don't even know him but you feel the way It's because ultimately there was no closure ultimately that person feels disrespected

And sometimes that's not the case.

Some people just don't have the emotional maturity to accept that things don't work.

Some people like to control the situation so much to the point where if you do something to them, they will constantly hold it over your head and make you feel bad and make you feel like being happy is the wrong choice.

That's not true.

But again,

There are so many situations from domestic violence to black women hating black women over a man black man hating black men over a woman When there are simple conversations and emotional maturity that needs to happen in our community It is okay to be a human being and to have feelings right Because you will be a lot to sit there and say that there's somebody right now you may be in a relationship and still got feelings from

for your high school sweetheart.

You're not going to say it out loud because you don't want to disrespect your spouse.

It does not mean that those feelings aren't real.

It does not mean that it's not a reality.

You're just making the decision by using your discernment not to act on that reality.

But it still exists.

It still exists.

You have to have these conversations with yourself so you can make better decisions, right?

Like Marty said earlier sometimes one night can cost you a lifetime whether it be somebody give you a permanent disease whether it be you got a baby on the way Whatever whether it be abusive relationship that can end your life Decisions and relationships matters

The decisions that you choose to make matters.

And at this age, we all should be trying to build.

We all should be trying to not look for, but we should be wanting a partner that we can navigate life through that can be our friend.

I don't know if you guys pay attention to older people or have older relatives that have been married for quite some time.

But the first thing that they're gonna tell you is that they've remained friends throughout the years Because when you are friends first that comes first And you actually have to live up to that standard what I mean by that is if stuff get hard and Something happens the first thing you have to place in your mind.

This this is and was my friend first So let me approach it like I would approach my friend.

That's how you keep the humility

That's how you remain humane.

That's how you remain your individual self Okay, you did something.

Yes, it hurt me.

You did something to me, right?

But because I'm your friend and I understand you let's talk about it It don't mean that I'm gonna be with you.

It don't mean that I got to deal with you But I want to help you become a better person because that's what real friends do and that's what real love is But again, it goes back to emotional maturity

How mature are you in your emotions to where you can accept the fact that something may or may not work?

You can accept the fact that, hey, yes, this person did move on with somebody that was considered to be their friend, but it was no harm intended.

It wasn't on purpose.

At the end of the day, again, you have to make that decision, but you also have to remove your feelings and start to think logically.

We got to go to break when we come back.

We're gonna wrap this up And we're gonna talk about exploration.

It does not mean possession.

All right This may be where adults make relationships harder than necessary Let's talk about it when we come back as your girl Jazz Tyler one on one seven the

truth

We

are coming to the end of the show, but before we go, we still have one more thing to talk about, a couple of things.

We're talking about for those who are just now joining us, friendships that turns into relationships.

Not sneaky links, not people cheating or anything like that, but genuine friendships.

that turns into relationships.

So I was saying that exploration does not mean possession, right?

Exploration does not have to mean we are together now.

It doesn't have to mean intimacy.

It doesn't have to mean posting each other.

It doesn't have to mean announcing anything.

Sometimes exploration is simply two people becoming intentional about the conversations they are already having.

What does that look like?

What is this?

What are you feeling?

What am I feeling?

What are we afraid of?

Are we emotionally available?

What boundaries do we need while somebody is healing?

What will make this unhealthy and what will make it worth exploring?

That's exploration.

Nobody is demanded ownership.

Nobody is making promises.

They are not ready to keep.

But nobody is insulting the connection by pretending that nothing is happening.

And I think that middle space takes maturity because it requires you to tolerate uncertainty without immediately resolving it through sex, a relationship title, or withdrawal, right?

So this is the line that I really, really need you guys to listen to, all right?

If somebody tells me I care about you enough not to pull you into something toxic, I'm telling you I can respect that's on a whole different level.

I promise I can because that tells me that you are thinking beyond your desire, but I would also hope that person asks themselves.

Am I protecting this person from my chaos?

Or am I protecting myself from the possibility that something healthy may require me to become emotionally available again?

That's not for you to answer, it's for that person to answer.

And those are not the same thing.

Maybe the answer genuinely is, I just need time.

Beautiful, wonderful, amazing, take the time.

But time should produce clarity.

See, healing should increase capacity.

Reflection should teach you something.

When we talk about healing, the purpose of healing isn't to become so protected that nobody can ever reach you again.

The purpose is to become healthy enough to choose differently when something worthy of choice appears.

So you don't have to rewrite yesterday to acknowledge today.

And here's what I'm taking away from today's conversation.

If two people were genuinely friends, let the friendship have been real.

Don't rewrite it because something changed.

That was my friend.

This is my friend, my genuine friend.

Okay, cool.

If somebody loved an ex, let that love have been real too.

Don't rewrite that.

If somebody caused pain on it, don't use a new connection to escape accountability.

If you are not healed, don't make another person responsible for healing you, right?

I say it all the time.

We don't need no projects.

People be like, I'm a healed person.

I think that I attract people who need to be healed.

A bull ish, you's a lie.

People, when you are a natural healer and you attract people that need to be healed, it's because there's something in you that you have not healed.

Don't be delusional and fool yourself into thinking that you were put here to fix everybody.

You do not need project after project after project.

That is not the case.

If you are constantly attracting people that need to be healed, it's because there's something inside of you that you have yet to heal.

So again, if you are not healed, don't make another person responsible for healing you.

If sexual attraction has developed, don't pretend that it hasn't.

But also, don't allow intimacy to make a decision your emotional life isn't ready to make.

Be real with yourself.

Hey, I can't do this with you because I know that I'm gonna fall in love with you and we are already determined that that won't be healthy for either of us, right?

If the former partner is hurt by the optics, have compassion.

Don't humiliate them.

Don't antagonize them.

Don't subtly behave like their relationship meant nothing.

But also understand this.

Respect for the past and truth about the present are capable of existing together.

That's called adulthood.

Maybe the friendship was platonic.

Maybe the previous relationship was real.

Maybe the love for the ex was real.

Maybe the mistakes were real.

And maybe these new feelings are too, right?

One truth does not automatically erase another.

But the question is what these two people do with what they know now?

And if I'm being spiritually responsible, I'm not going to tell you every unexpected connection is God.

But I will say this don't become so loyal to your understanding of yesterday that you leave no room for God or life or growth to reveal something you couldn't have recognized yesterday.

Sometimes discernment means walking away and sometimes discernment means waiting.

Sometimes discernment may simply mean having enough courage to stop denying the possibility exits.

You don't have to chase it.

You don't have to possess it.

You don't have to rush it.

Maybe all you have to do initially is just to tell the truth.

Something between us change.

Something between us change.

And let time test it.

Let the healing process test it out.

Let the boundaries, the absence in ordinary life test it.

Because if this is only loneliness, time will expose it.

If you are, in fact, just a rebound, stability will expose that.

If this is only about sex, boundaries will expose that too.

If you say, hey, I don't think it's a good idea.

And then they don't want to talk or they move change now because that's all they wanted.

It's going to expose itself.

If it requires secrecy, somebody's humiliation or emotional chaos to survive their character.

will expose it.

But if that does settle, baby, let me tell you, if everybody has had room to heal, if nobody is trying to replace anybody, if nobody is trying to escape somebody, if nobody is competing with the memory, and these two people still find themselves connected intellectually, they have an emotional safe space, they're physically attracted to each other.

and genuinely curious about what another version of their relationship can look like, then maybe the mature thing isn't automatically saying yes, but perhaps it isn't automatically saying no either.

Maybe it's simply saying this deserves to be considered on its own merits, not convicted because someone else's history.

That's where I'm leaving it at.

Some people are meant to remain friends.

Some friendships change and probably should but the determining factor shouldn't simply be fear of what people think guilt about what happened before or anxiety about what could go wrong It should be truth character timing healing Compatibility and the willingness of two adults to approach something precious without being reckless with it, right?

You don't have to force what's possible

But you shouldn't automatically fear it simply because you didn't see it coming.

We get scared of things that come out of nowhere, including me.

But guess what?

Life is short.

I've been through a lot of my life.

And one thing's for show, two things for certain.

Jazz gonna be happy, man.

I deserve to be happy.

Truth nation, you all deserve to be happy.

So take these things into considerations, right?

Into consideration, think about it, sit on it, dwell on it.

Try and figure out if this person is emotionally mature enough to have these conversations so that you can begin to make better decisions in your life.

If the goal is to marry and to be with someone forever,

then you want to make sure that you are doing your part, you are doing your due diligence, right?

And also don't hold on to something that you walked out of mentally a long time ago just because you don't want to hurt somebody.

Everybody deserves to be happy and loved, and there is a way to have both.

She girl, Jazz Tyler, be sure to tap in tomorrow, 4 p.m.

to 7 p.m.

Monday through Friday.

Truth Nation, thank you guys so much for your time.

I love you all.

Truly have a safe evening.

I will see you tomorrow.

God willing.

Peace.