One on one
seven the truth is your girl Jazz Tyler.
We are live and direct and we are having a conversation about friends who turns and who turns their friendship into relationships.
Part five of this is knowledge changes, a relationship, even when behavior doesn't.
Marty says, sacred dishonest people create their own problems.
That's their way out.
Bye Felicia.
And you are not lying.
He also said that I should write a book.
I should, shouldn't I?
There may be a book on the way.
No, in all seriousness.
I think that this is a very important topic because we have to normalize it being okay to date friends.
I don't mean the friends that you really consider as your brother or sister because that is just nasty.
I have bros, like real bros that's not blood related that I would absolutely throw up thinking about dating them.
But there are people, right, that come into your life as a friend.
And it's up to you to decide if, ultimately, if you made the wrong decision by placing them inside of that category.
You made the decision to say that they were your friend without even first acknowledging if something is there or what it is, you automatically did it because of whatever reasons.
Maybe it was a defense mechanism.
Maybe you had a situation going on at that time.
But at the end of the day, oftentimes we miscategorize people.
And then we end up in situations that is not lucrative for us constantly thinking about the woulda, coulda, shoulda, right?
And here's something I don't think people consider.
Once attraction becomes mutually acknowledged, the question is no longer simply should we date.
The first issue is that knowledge itself changes relationships.
So maybe a hug means nothing, maybe a compliment means nothing, maybe spending time together means nothing, but once two people openly acknowledge attraction, behaviors that once carried, one meeting can begin to carry additional meanings.
It doesn't make the past inappropriate, but it most definitely changes the future.
Now, both people know there is another possibility in the room, and I think that's why let's just go back to how things work is sometimes unrealistic.
You can absolutely choose friendship, but you aren't choosing the exact same friendship because both people possess information they did not have before.
So now the relationship may need new boundaries, not because anybody did anything wrong, but because it's emotionally context, the context has changed, right?
So now you find yourself in a situation to where you're like, hey, what does this look like going forward, right?
Like.
Let's say you are attracted to someone who is your friend.
They may actually be the perfect person for you, right?
But for whatever reason, you know that is going to cause a lot of issues or you just simply don't want to ruin the friendship.
That's when you have to be real with yourself.
It can never go back to how it used to be, right?
It can never go back to how it used to be.
So what is the new define?
What does the new defined friendship look like going forward?
And I'm not let me make this clear fellas.
I'm not talking about friends with benefits Because I know exactly somebody was gonna say that somebody was gonna text me email me hit me up on Instagram and say what about friends with no Absolutely not
If we have already discussed and admitted and acknowledged how we feel about each other and that there is an attraction, not just sexually, but like, hey, I want you in every single way.
But ultimately we have conversations in the side that is just not the best time, the time maybe longer is just not the best decision to make ultimately, right?
It doesn't mean you can't be friends, but you most definitely can't be friends with benefits.
That defeats the whole purpose.
Saying let's just go you know be friends or go back to how it used to be you can't go back to how things used to be because now I like you friend Hey, big head now.
I'm looking forward towards the tour I'm looking forward to the good morning text the good night text right the hey, how are you?
Let's go have lunch.
Let's do this.
Let's do that.
How do you begin to be around this person without being attracted to them mentally, physically and emotionally, right?
Do you have enough discipline to do so?
Do you love them enough to say, you know what?
I love you and me enough to have discipline and say, I can't do this.
We cannot cross the lines.
But ultimately, you have to determine what those new boundaries look like.
It's okay to discuss what you are feeling.
You are human, especially if it's not bothering anybody.
If it is not causing disruption, if you're not in relationship, if it's not causing issues, yes, tell them, talk about it.
That's what friends are for.
But understand that you are not choosing the exact same friendship because both people possess information that they didn't have before the relationship need new boundaries and these new boundaries and Let's be adults about the sexual part, too
Because sexual attraction doesn't invalidate emotional love.
Sometimes people get uncomfortable acknowledging that the friendship has developed sexual tension because they think doing something doing so cheap is the emotional part of it.
It doesn't.
And it don't have to.
Sexual attraction is information too.
It's not instruction.
That's important enough to say again.
Sexual attraction is information.
I can desire somebody and still decide not to have sex with them.
Actually, if something matters deeply enough, I'm not going to, right?
I'm not going to.
I like you too much to crack you and never call you again, because I'm a dog.
Is that CC back there laughing, brother Z?
I like you enough not to one night stand you.
I like you enough to say, hey, you know what?
I care about you so much.
I wouldn't dare put it on you and not call you the next day like I was somebody else and act as if it never happened.
Not because it wasn't good, but just because I'm not going to involve my emotions, right?
And when I just said that I wasn't talking about me, when I said I was a dog.
I can desire somebody and still decide not to have sex with them.
Actually, again, if it matters most to me, I won't because if all we have is sexual chemistry, boundaries will eventually expose that.
So let's take intimacy off of the table, right?
Can we talk?
Can we laugh?
Do we intellectually stimulate one another?
Can we tolerate uncertainty?
Can we communicate without turning everything into sex?
Do I like who you are when desire isn't being fed?
Right?
Those are adult questions.
Those are indeed the questions you should be asking.
Uh, Marty says, Jazz, there are rules to engagement big time.
Absolutely.
There is.
Absolutely.
But again, the moral of the story is we have to begin to have these healthy conversations because at a big grown age, you should not still be behaving, still be behaving the way that you do, right?
You should not be playing games, finessing people or pulling people into a web that they didn't ask to be a part of all because A, you're greedy.
You feel entitled like you don't have to have conversations and like you could do whatever you want with whoever you want There are a lot of people men and women out here Who play these types of games and there are people who will let them right?
Y'all seen it multiple times He been cheating with this person for so many years or she's been messing around with this person for so many years What was it in the closet was that our Kelly the closet series?
If I'm not mistaken that had something to do with what we're talking about today, right?
Kelly Price said she wasn't friend of mine, but she also say as we lay Go either way it can go either way But the moral of the story is we have to have logic over emotions, right?
In the event you are attracted to your friend I'm not talking about Somebody that you consider as
a real brother or a sister, right?
Not somebody that you just threw in that category for defense purposes.
Not somebody that you grew up with, y'all struggled together, not none of that.
But if you have a genuine friend of the opposite sex, and as time goes on, you see the person that they've become is the person you always knew that they would be.
And you get to check in the boxes, hold on now.
I'm sitting here talking about what type of woman I want.
She checked all the boxes.
I'm sitting here talking about what type of man I want and he checked all the boxes and has been sitting in front of my face this entire time What what is why can't I partake in that right?
Why don't I deserve somebody like that in my life?
It's not my fault if you fumbled the situation It's not my fault if you are not together at the end of the day I am entitled to be me and I'm not saying
Friends who are in relationships, I'm not condoning cheating.
I'm not condoning sneaky links.
I don't have the mental capacity to deal with more than one person.
I don't.
Everybody gonna get cussed out.
I don't have that time.
But I'm talking about a real friend, a genuine friend that never had motives, never had any hidden agendas, never tried you, never any of those things.
Things happen.
That's that's the truth.
This is the first time I will admit Fellas I get it now.
I do I get it things happen, right?
What the order all the fellas say you get it until it happens you Get it until a guy says hey, it just happened it Yeah, I and me my face going across your face just happened to we got to go to break
Coming back, I want to challenge one of our favorite words, discipline.
We praise people for being able to control their emotions as we should, but can emotional discipline become emotional avoidance?
Can somebody be so determined not to make another mistake that they refuse to participate in anything that they can't completely control?
And what does attachment psychology say about that?
Let's talk about it after this break.
It should grow.
Jazz Tyler, one on one, seven the truth.
One on one, seven the truth.
It should grow.
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Milwaukee is your girl, Jazz Tyler.
You are officially tapped in.
If you are just now joining us, we are talking about friendships that turns into relationships.
Marty in the chat says, no, I'm sorry, Babar says, go ahead and spill the beans.
What beans, Babar?
There are no beans to spill.
This is hypothetical.
There are a lot of people dealing with
This situation is something that we need to discuss, right?
So before we went to break, I was introducing part six of this segment, emotional discipline or emotional avoidance, right?
Self-control is very attractive.
Let's establish that.
Adults who cannot regulate themselves end up creating chaos, hence why I keep expressing the need to have conversations like adults.
Every impulse doesn't need an action.
Every feeling doesn't need an expression.
Every attraction doesn't deserve access.
But psychologically, avoidance can wear very respectable clothing people.
Avoidance doesn't always look like somebody running away screaming.
Sometimes it says, I'm being responsible.
I'm protecting the friendship.
I don't want things to get messy.
I'm thinking about everybody involved and every one of those sentences can be completely true.
But avoidance acts a different question.
If all of those complications disappeared tomorrow, would you still be afraid?
It isn't the timing.
It isn't the friendship.
If I move toward you.
Now I can lose you differently.
As a friend, I know the rules.
As a romantic partner, I don't.
As a friend, you are safe.
As a romantic possibility, you are capable of rejecting me, disappointing me, exposing me, and changing a relationship that I already value.
So sometimes staying just friends isn't merely about preserving the friendship.
Sometimes it's about preserving the predictability, right?
Now we get into attachment and control.
One reason people struggle after difficult relationships is that uncertainty starts feeling dangerous.
You begin to tell yourself, I'm never doing that again, right?
And that boundary can initially be healthy, but there's a difference between learning from pain and reorganizing your entire life around avoiding pain.
Because intimacy requires uncertainty.
There is no healthy relationships.
Where somebody can promise you in advance that you won't be hurt, that's impossible.
The adult question is whether the person and the relationship have enough emotional resources to handle hurt differently.
Can we properly communicate?
And if so, are we able to repair?
Are we able to hold ourselves accountable in each other accountable without being offended?
Can we tolerate vulnerability without punishing each other?
Right?
I talked about this the other day.
Don't get the throwing stuff up in your spouse's face that they told you when they were vulnerable because you have a heated argument and you find out they did something that hurt you and now you want them to feel how you feel.
That is childish and that is unfair.
Sometimes what you are looking for isn't somebody who guarantees that they'll never hurt you.
Is somebody with whom hurt doesn't automatically become destruction, right?
And let me give the hesitant person credit too, because sometimes not pursuing somebody immediately is deeply loving them.
If I know I am emotionally stable, if I know I got feelings for you, but I don't have the mental capacity to be who you need me to be in that moment, I'm going to step away.
And that does not mean that it's rejection.
I'm actually trying to save you and I'm trying to save myself from myself as well.
That is what we call emotional responsibility.
But then there's another question as well.
Does responsibility and restraint have an expiration point?
Because eventually healing should move you toward greater capacity.
If 12 months from now you are still saying, I can't believe.
Uh, that this has happened and I can't do this for XYZ Then perhaps the old relationship is still holding power over the new possibility And at that point you have to ask whether you are healing or if you are maintaining distance.
Oh my gosh Are you healing or are you maintaining distance, right?
Again at the end of the day, um
Yes, Marty, I agree.
You have to be careful who you invite into your world.
But a lot of situations that are negative when it comes from dealing with someone and whatever else that they have going on can be prevented if we do these things.
If we act the way that I am speaking of, right?
Be real with yourself.
You have to have some type of discipline.
Now, I'm not saying that the discipline will ultimately determine.
That you don't want to be with this person that doesn't have to be the case I'm just saying the discipline is important because it helps you think in a logical state instead of emotionally When you are emotional and you are dealing with a situation like this You have to look at all angles.
Who is this going to affect?
And what is the consequences behind this?
There are people involved or there are people who have been involved where this could you know hit them a little differently And let me give the hesitant person credit when it comes to this as well Having the courage to say listen This is the truth
This is where I'm at.
This is what I'm going through.
And I don't want to pull you into this because I value our friendship too much.
Or if the other person say, hey, I understand what I'm feeling and I know what we could be, but because I respect you, I don't even want to try.
I don't even want to risk the friendship.
That is fine too.
And you have to be okay with that.
You have to be okay with that.
So I want to end I want to bring in the spiritual aspect of this because Y'all know how I am right?
I can't just talk in the flesh Especially a person like me because everything I do I pray about it first and I meditate on it and I follow my discernment I used to just I used to ask God to confirm and add what I was already feeling Whether it was right or wrong and I no longer do that, right?
It's important to me Yes, I believe in God and because I believe in God I think we should be extremely careful about Assigning God's name to every emotion.
We don't know how to explain Strong chemistry is not automatically confirmation Timing isn't confirmation being familiar with someone isn't confirmation One and somebody badly doesn't mean that God sent them
Let's be responsible with that, but I also don't believe faith means being passive People say if God wants it to happen, it'll happen.
Well, sometimes but there's a lot of things God place in front of us that still requires a decision How well have you learned from your past mistakes?
Everything is a test
An opportunity can be available and you can decline it.
A door can open and you can refuse to walk through it.
A relationship can have potential and two frightened people can absolutely sabotage it.
Free will did not disappear because something might be meaningful.
Discernment, you have to use your discernment.
If you know that despite of...
the temptation, the lust, the love, whatever category you choose to put your emotions in.
If you know and have an understanding that my discernment is telling me not to, and you still choose to do it anyways, then you better be equipped to deal with whatever consequences come behind that.
Everybody wanna ask,
Uh, why didn't it happen before when we're talking about long-term friendships become becoming, um, attraction?
Maybe because it wasn't the assignment.
Maybe five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years ago, the relationship was supposed to be the friendship.
Maybe you were not emotionally equipped for one another romantically.
Maybe you needed to know each other without desire interfering.
Maybe you needed separate experiences.
Maybe you needed to observe each other's character without trying to possess each other.
Maybe the friendship wasn't the waiting room for the relationship.
Maybe the friendship was valuable by itself.
And then life changed.
And this is important because I don't want to romanticize the past and say, see, God had you secretly waiting for each other.
No, no, no, no, no.
Maybe nobody was waiting.
Maybe nobody was longing.
Maybe you genuinely served a completely different purpose in each other's lives.
And now another possibility has emerged.
The existence of possibility doesn't mean destiny.
It simply means possibility deserves honest examination.
Maybe you genuinely served a completely different purpose in each other's lives.
A lot of times we like to think, hey, it wasn't meant then.
It may be meant now.
It may not be meant.
Or maybe it was meant then.
Maybe it's meant now.
Either way, you have to use your discernment.
We're going to talk about what that looks like when we come back.
Do not touch that dial with your girl, Jazz Tyler, one-on-one, seven to truth.
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Brother Z, gentlemen, you are officially tapped in, one-on-one, seven-to-truth award-winning, one-on-one, seven-to-truth with your girl, Jess Tyler.
Shout out to the chat, Marty says.
Nut cases, unhealed people need to come with a side effect warning label.
I agree, Marty.
Um, he also said to my experience are real.
They look so blessed and beautiful buyers.
Be aware.
Listen, people come packaged up with their representatives.
Baby, let me tell you.
And by the time you, uh, I'm mask, all of those layers, they'd be a whole nut case.
I promise you.
Before we went to break, we were talking about utilizing discernment when it comes to making real life decisions.
And although we've had a great conversation about friendships that turns into relationships, I really, really want to be very clear and serious when I talk about this, because oftentimes we don't understand that when we continue to make decisions that are not meant to be made, we stay in the repeated cycle.
Right you ever been in a situation where you like I just went through the same thing last year is because you Continuously do the same thing you aren't understanding that you aren't passing the test If you are a person who knows how to decide you have to utilize it properly, right?
So how do you do that?
When it comes to this specifically, I think you remove the things capable of distorting the answer, right?
So remove the urgency if it's real.
Why does it have to happen tomorrow, right?
Remove the intimacy.
Just temporarily.
Can the connection breathe without physical gratification?
You want to remove competition with the ex.
And ladies, I'm talking specifically to you because subconsciously, unconsciously, these are things that we do.
And what's going to happen is you'll end up becoming a pick me type of woman.
You're in competition with someone who does not, you don't live rent-free in their head.
You're trying to up them.
Because you want this person.
Oh, we're friends.
I've known him longer or I know him in a way.
She know, cut that out.
Remove that.
Right.
Are you interested in this person when you are not angry at somebody else?
Remove the loneliness.
How do you feel when your life is stable?
Remove your ego.
Would you still want this if nobody knew?
If either one of you didn't know, is it something that you still will want?
you have to remove the fantasy.
Do you actually know this person?
In this case, friendship gives you an advantage because the answer may genuinely be yes.
But then you have to ask yourself, does this connection make me more honest, more peaceful, more accountable, more emotionally mature, or does it require secrecy, chaos, and somebody else humiliation in order to exist?
Those are some hard truths.
Let me tell you, and those are things that we don't sit down and have conversations about because we're always operating in our feelings.
What they say, get out your feelings and get in your back.
We're always operating in an emotional stance, constantly impulsive, being impulsive, right?
You don't have real conversations with yourself.
Some people actually get a kick out of this.
Some people have become so accustomed to chaos and confusion, and I've said this multiple times too, so much to the point where peace is not normal for them.
Some people will take a person attempting to reject you as rejection when all actuality they're saying, hey, I respect you enough and love you enough not to pull you into any chaos and confusion.
And some people use that as an excuse because they're afraid, right?
They are afraid you are this is uncomfortable.
This is something that they can't predict is again.
It goes back to the uncertainty.
I Know what I'm gonna get over here.
That's why I still did boy double over here.
I know what's over here.
I don't have to question it, right?
I Don't know what's on this other side though.
Could it be something amazing?
Absolutely.
Could it be something chaotic and and confusing?
Absolutely as well
But it's up to you to discern to use your discernment remove the ego remove the emotions and think logically Does this make sense?
Right, and I'm not just talking about In an objective manner where you're constantly considering everybody else but yourself.
What makes you happy?
Right, what is it that you want in a partner?
Do you see yourself going with this other person or do you see yourself going somewhere with with the person who is your friend?
You have to figure it out You have to literally discern enough to where you can make a conscious decision because sometimes that decision can be life-changing Sometimes opportunities only come once in a lifetime and you have to determine am I willing to risk this
relationship to make someone else comfortable or am I willing to suffer or someone else suffer while I go off and live the life that God wanted for me?
Or it could be vice versa, whichever scenario, right?
Either way, you have to use your discernment.
Inaction is also a choice.
So one of the biggest myths
and relationships is that there is a safe option.
There usually isn't.
People like to say, don't explore it, protect the friendship.
OK, that's a decision.
But it isn't consequence free because once two people know.
There are mutual feelings, refusing to explore them creates its own reality.
Maybe eventually the feelings fade fine.
Maybe the friendship is no longer fine.
Maybe one person moves on and the other realizes too late that what they thought they were protecting was already changing.
And that's possible too.
So I don't believe the decision is risk versus safety.
Which risks are you willing to accept?
the risk of exploring something that may fail or the risk of never knowing whether someone or something meaningful could have existed.
Again, it's up to you to determine which one makes the most sense.
We have to be adults in adulthood, guys, for real.
And when I say this, I mean this.
So in a such a serious manner because there are so many black women out here who are inferior Or who practically hate another black woman over a man There are a lot of men out here who dislike men over a woman, right?
Don't know them even if they are familiar with them.
They still feel away because of relationships
Right how many of y'all and be real with yourself?
You don't have to say it out loud You don't have to call in or hit the chat, but how many of y'all have Ended a relationship and then as soon as your ex get with somebody you feel the way towards his new woman or Her new man don't even know him but you feel the way It's because ultimately there was no closure ultimately that person feels disrespected
And sometimes that's not the case.
Some people just don't have the emotional maturity to accept that things don't work.
Some people like to control the situation so much to the point where if you do something to them, they will constantly hold it over your head and make you feel bad and make you feel like being happy is the wrong choice.
That's not true.
But again,
There are so many situations from domestic violence to black women hating black women over a man black man hating black men over a woman When there are simple conversations and emotional maturity that needs to happen in our community It is okay to be a human being and to have feelings right Because you will be a lot to sit there and say that there's somebody right now you may be in a relationship and still got feelings from
for your high school sweetheart.
You're not going to say it out loud because you don't want to disrespect your spouse.
It does not mean that those feelings aren't real.
It does not mean that it's not a reality.
You're just making the decision by using your discernment not to act on that reality.
But it still exists.
It still exists.
You have to have these conversations with yourself so you can make better decisions, right?
Like Marty said earlier sometimes one night can cost you a lifetime whether it be somebody give you a permanent disease whether it be you got a baby on the way Whatever whether it be abusive relationship that can end your life Decisions and relationships matters
The decisions that you choose to make matters.
And at this age, we all should be trying to build.
We all should be trying to not look for, but we should be wanting a partner that we can navigate life through that can be our friend.
I don't know if you guys pay attention to older people or have older relatives that have been married for quite some time.
But the first thing that they're gonna tell you is that they've remained friends throughout the years Because when you are friends first that comes first And you actually have to live up to that standard what I mean by that is if stuff get hard and Something happens the first thing you have to place in your mind.
This this is and was my friend first So let me approach it like I would approach my friend.
That's how you keep the humility
That's how you remain humane.
That's how you remain your individual self Okay, you did something.
Yes, it hurt me.
You did something to me, right?
But because I'm your friend and I understand you let's talk about it It don't mean that I'm gonna be with you.
It don't mean that I got to deal with you But I want to help you become a better person because that's what real friends do and that's what real love is But again, it goes back to emotional maturity
How mature are you in your emotions to where you can accept the fact that something may or may not work?
You can accept the fact that, hey, yes, this person did move on with somebody that was considered to be their friend, but it was no harm intended.
It wasn't on purpose.
At the end of the day, again, you have to make that decision, but you also have to remove your feelings and start to think logically.
We got to go to break when we come back.
We're gonna wrap this up And we're gonna talk about exploration.
It does not mean possession.
All right This may be where adults make relationships harder than necessary Let's talk about it when we come back as your girl Jazz Tyler one on one seven the
truth
We
are coming to the end of the show, but before we go, we still have one more thing to talk about, a couple of things.
We're talking about for those who are just now joining us, friendships that turns into relationships.
Not sneaky links, not people cheating or anything like that, but genuine friendships.
that turns into relationships.
So I was saying that exploration does not mean possession, right?
Exploration does not have to mean we are together now.
It doesn't have to mean intimacy.
It doesn't have to mean posting each other.
It doesn't have to mean announcing anything.
Sometimes exploration is simply two people becoming intentional about the conversations they are already having.
What does that look like?
What is this?
What are you feeling?
What am I feeling?
What are we afraid of?
Are we emotionally available?
What boundaries do we need while somebody is healing?
What will make this unhealthy and what will make it worth exploring?
That's exploration.
Nobody is demanded ownership.
Nobody is making promises.
They are not ready to keep.
But nobody is insulting the connection by pretending that nothing is happening.
And I think that middle space takes maturity because it requires you to tolerate uncertainty without immediately resolving it through sex, a relationship title, or withdrawal, right?
So this is the line that I really, really need you guys to listen to, all right?
If somebody tells me I care about you enough not to pull you into something toxic, I'm telling you I can respect that's on a whole different level.
I promise I can because that tells me that you are thinking beyond your desire, but I would also hope that person asks themselves.
Am I protecting this person from my chaos?
Or am I protecting myself from the possibility that something healthy may require me to become emotionally available again?
That's not for you to answer, it's for that person to answer.
And those are not the same thing.
Maybe the answer genuinely is, I just need time.
Beautiful, wonderful, amazing, take the time.
But time should produce clarity.
See, healing should increase capacity.
Reflection should teach you something.
When we talk about healing, the purpose of healing isn't to become so protected that nobody can ever reach you again.
The purpose is to become healthy enough to choose differently when something worthy of choice appears.
So you don't have to rewrite yesterday to acknowledge today.
And here's what I'm taking away from today's conversation.
If two people were genuinely friends, let the friendship have been real.
Don't rewrite it because something changed.
That was my friend.
This is my friend, my genuine friend.
Okay, cool.
If somebody loved an ex, let that love have been real too.
Don't rewrite that.
If somebody caused pain on it, don't use a new connection to escape accountability.
If you are not healed, don't make another person responsible for healing you, right?
I say it all the time.
We don't need no projects.
People be like, I'm a healed person.
I think that I attract people who need to be healed.
A bull ish, you's a lie.
People, when you are a natural healer and you attract people that need to be healed, it's because there's something in you that you have not healed.
Don't be delusional and fool yourself into thinking that you were put here to fix everybody.
You do not need project after project after project.
That is not the case.
If you are constantly attracting people that need to be healed, it's because there's something inside of you that you have yet to heal.
So again, if you are not healed, don't make another person responsible for healing you.
If sexual attraction has developed, don't pretend that it hasn't.
But also, don't allow intimacy to make a decision your emotional life isn't ready to make.
Be real with yourself.
Hey, I can't do this with you because I know that I'm gonna fall in love with you and we are already determined that that won't be healthy for either of us, right?
If the former partner is hurt by the optics, have compassion.
Don't humiliate them.
Don't antagonize them.
Don't subtly behave like their relationship meant nothing.
But also understand this.
Respect for the past and truth about the present are capable of existing together.
That's called adulthood.
Maybe the friendship was platonic.
Maybe the previous relationship was real.
Maybe the love for the ex was real.
Maybe the mistakes were real.
And maybe these new feelings are too, right?
One truth does not automatically erase another.
But the question is what these two people do with what they know now?
And if I'm being spiritually responsible, I'm not going to tell you every unexpected connection is God.
But I will say this don't become so loyal to your understanding of yesterday that you leave no room for God or life or growth to reveal something you couldn't have recognized yesterday.
Sometimes discernment means walking away and sometimes discernment means waiting.
Sometimes discernment may simply mean having enough courage to stop denying the possibility exits.
You don't have to chase it.
You don't have to possess it.
You don't have to rush it.
Maybe all you have to do initially is just to tell the truth.
Something between us change.
Something between us change.
And let time test it.
Let the healing process test it out.
Let the boundaries, the absence in ordinary life test it.
Because if this is only loneliness, time will expose it.
If you are, in fact, just a rebound, stability will expose that.
If this is only about sex, boundaries will expose that too.
If you say, hey, I don't think it's a good idea.
And then they don't want to talk or they move change now because that's all they wanted.
It's going to expose itself.
If it requires secrecy, somebody's humiliation or emotional chaos to survive their character.
will expose it.
But if that does settle, baby, let me tell you, if everybody has had room to heal, if nobody is trying to replace anybody, if nobody is trying to escape somebody, if nobody is competing with the memory, and these two people still find themselves connected intellectually, they have an emotional safe space, they're physically attracted to each other.
and genuinely curious about what another version of their relationship can look like, then maybe the mature thing isn't automatically saying yes, but perhaps it isn't automatically saying no either.
Maybe it's simply saying this deserves to be considered on its own merits, not convicted because someone else's history.
That's where I'm leaving it at.
Some people are meant to remain friends.
Some friendships change and probably should but the determining factor shouldn't simply be fear of what people think guilt about what happened before or anxiety about what could go wrong It should be truth character timing healing Compatibility and the willingness of two adults to approach something precious without being reckless with it, right?
You don't have to force what's possible
But you shouldn't automatically fear it simply because you didn't see it coming.
We get scared of things that come out of nowhere, including me.
But guess what?
Life is short.
I've been through a lot of my life.
And one thing's for show, two things for certain.
Jazz gonna be happy, man.
I deserve to be happy.
Truth nation, you all deserve to be happy.
So take these things into considerations, right?
Into consideration, think about it, sit on it, dwell on it.
Try and figure out if this person is emotionally mature enough to have these conversations so that you can begin to make better decisions in your life.
If the goal is to marry and to be with someone forever,
then you want to make sure that you are doing your part, you are doing your due diligence, right?
And also don't hold on to something that you walked out of mentally a long time ago just because you don't want to hurt somebody.
Everybody deserves to be happy and loved, and there is a way to have both.
She girl, Jazz Tyler, be sure to tap in tomorrow, 4 p.m.
to 7 p.m.
Monday through Friday.
Truth Nation, thank you guys so much for your time.
I love you all.
Truly have a safe evening.
I will see you tomorrow.
God willing.
Peace.