Mental Health Monday

to girl Jazz Tyler you are officially tapped in on this Monday afternoon and y'all already know what Monday means around here it is mental health Monday before we happen to the segment for today I want to again send a huge shout out to everyone who attended the truth family Fest this weekend had an amazing time like anytime we're able to meet

our listeners in person and put names with faces is always a pleasure.

It was some amazing food.

Apparently, you know, my brother Ray Nitty has a new addiction to ice cream and cookies.

Ray was walking around.

He had four cookies, four things ice cream and a cookie in his pocket.

Bro, we gotta figure out some different sponsors next year so we can make sure a race day on his diet plan.

But no, shout out to the whole crew.

Ben, Jammin' with Ben, Shannon, Ray, CeCe, Homer, Bailey, Beagle.

It was an amazing event, man.

We really, really enjoyed ourselves.

Shout out to all of the vendors who were there.

I even got a free massage.

Yes it did, yes it did.

Got me a good old massage.

It was well needed.

So yeah, shout out to everyone who attended the Truth Family Fest.

There was a lot of different events happening this past weekend, community events, and I love to see it.

There was so much going on, so many resources spreading around the entire city.

And it was just beautiful, man.

It was a day that felt good.

The sun was shining just overall an amazing weekend.

So again, today is Mental Health Monday.

You guys already know that...

Whenever I present something to you, I'm not talking at you I'm talking with you because this is advice for myself and this is something that I've either worked on already or I'm currently working on and obviously a lot of these topics are they you know our personal to a certain degree Not specific to a situation, but as a human being we all have faced different issues when it comes to mental health for me specifically

The past, really this year has been rough.

I lost an uncle in April, lost my daughter's best friend in May, lost someone else who was close to me, and then two weeks ago, really a week ago, lost two people back to back.

So while going back to work because school started, while having a freshman in college, while having an adult.

young black male as a son in this city in a nine-year-old, right?

Two jobs.

It's all types of things that's happening in my life, in you guys' life, to where I truly believe that we have to talk through some of the things that we're dealing with silently.

And the reason why I do want to tap into a lot today is because whether it's work, whether it's relationship or parenthood, we all are struggling with something mental-wise.

Always always aren't willing to talk about it openly.

Um, and it's okay.

So again, if you are in your car at work, wherever you are, um, you know, let's have this conversation.

Let's be authentic with each other and let's try and work through it.

Um, so I want to, I want to do something a little different with the mental health today.

Um, I was thinking about how we always talk about peace, especially on social media.

Everything is protect your peace, cut them off.

Y'all know my favorite word.

I'm blocking them, right?

Like I'm eight feet tall in a paint.

Block, block, block, right?

Get rid of everybody with bad energy.

Leave the job.

Leave the relationship.

Stop talking to the friend.

Go where you are celebrated.

And I have to tell you, you know, some years back.

I did this so much and looked up and was like, my life is empty because I didn't kick everybody out, right?

And it made me realize that I can't control what other people do, but I can control what I do.

And there are absolutely situations where walking away is the healthiest decision by far, right?

There are certain environments that are just simply unhealthy.

There are abusive relationships.

There are friendships that have run its course.

There are jobs that ultimately aren't worth losing yourself over.

But most importantly, real life is a lot more complicated than a meme because sometimes you just can't leave.

Right?

You just have to stick through it.

And ultimately, the reason being is because, A, you know, you have to mature in certain situations.

B, if you're spiritual, you already know you got to walk through the fire.

You have to walk through the fire because there is a lesson in it and the lesson sometimes.

isn't necessarily pertaining to the person on the opposite end, but rather you, the lesson is for you alone.

You might have somebody at your workplace who gets underneath your skin because of whatever reason, but you have to remind yourself, hey, I have a mortgage, I have children, I got rent, bills, responsibilities, right?

You can't walk into work at 9 in the morning, get irritated at 9.17 and then quit at 9.23 because Facebook or Instagram told you to protect your peace.

And some of y'all would love to, absolutely.

And let's be honest, somebody that's listening right now probably has typed their resignation email in their head multiple times, right?

Knowing exactly what you're going to say, how you're going to say it, who you're going to tell off, so on and so on.

But grown up life.

says, adulthood says, what are we actually going to do?

And that's the conversation I want today.

How to protect your peace when you have to remain where you are, right?

Again, that's work, that's motherhood, fatherhood, friendships, relationships, all of the above.

How do you protect your peace when the person aggravating you outranks you if we're talking workplace?

How do you protect your peace when the stress isn't coming from an enemy, but it's coming from being a parent, right?

We know you can't block your children.

Now, I go on moments where I will mute my family group chat for a certain amount of time if my children are in their words overstimulating me.

Absolutely.

Listen, don't bother me after this time.

Figure it out.

The only person that's excluded from that is my baby, Callie Wally.

because she's perfect.

She absolutely does no harm whatsoever.

So she gets the bypass.

But the moral of the story is you can't resign from parenthood because somebody is getting on your nerves, right?

How do you protect your peace when it's your friend?

How do you protect your peace when it's someone you love?

How do you protect your peace when there are unanswered questions in a relationship and your mind keeps trying to solve something that nobody has actually explained to you?

And the bigger question is is peace really peace?

If everyone around you has to behave perfectly for you to have it meaning

It does not matter where you are in the world.

It does not matter where you are physically, right?

You should be able to have a sense of peace internally that cannot be disrupted by anyone, even if they're attempting to, uh, antagonize you because let's be clear.

There are people who have spirits inside of them and they don't even understand that they have spirits inside of them.

And they have insecurities and they have thoughts that replays in their minds.

They have assumptions, all of these things.

And then they create, it's called delusion.

They create whatever they create in their head because of how they're feeling.

And then they take it out on you, right?

Some of y'all deal with this with family members, with lovers, with friends.

And at the end of the day, the greatest lesson I was ever taught was...

No matter where I go, the peace should remain inside of me.

I should be able to be peaceful in every situation, in every environment, especially when it comes to things being sent to attempt to destroy my peace, right?

So think about that for a minute.

If I can only be peaceful when everyone likes me, when everyone understands me,

When everyone responds how I want my children cooperates my partner communicates perfectly my friends never disappoint me and nobody ever at work ever challenges me then that's not peace.

That's environment control Right and none of us controls life like that and that's a harsh reality.

You cannot control the behavior of others, right?

that goes back to the Let Them Theory that we talked about a couple of weeks ago.

If you guys haven't checked out that show, go to 101.70 on YouTube, tap in and check out the Let Them Theory, where you're allowing people to just be themselves.

Obviously, you're not allowing them to mistreat you, but you are initially allowing them to be themselves.

So today we are talking about what I call protecting your peace without abandoning your position.

That position is at work, that position is as a parent, relationships, friendships, and most importantly, the position within yourself.

Because sometimes the battle isn't removing the difficult situation.

Sometimes the battle is making sure the difficult situation doesn't remove you from you.

Let me say that again.

Sometimes the battle isn't removing the situation, right?

Sometimes the battle

is making sure that the difficult situation does not remove you from you, meaning that whatever is sent to destroy your peace, it is not allowing you to act out of character, right?

And this is actually connected to the mental health news right now.

There was a new research highlighted a few days ago examining occupational health.

And one of the conclusions really caught my attention.

The message basically said, when people's mental health is suffering because of work, we cannot always put the entire responsibility on the employee to fix themselves.

In other words, maybe breathing exercises aren't the whole answer if the environment itself is unhealthy.

Maybe telling someone to practice self-care doesn't solve a toxic management issue.

Maybe sending someone to counseling doesn't automatically fix an organizational culture that keeps creating stress.

And that is important because we have turned mental health into this thing where every solution is directed to that individual, right?

Your stress, meditate, you're burnt out, take a vacation, you're overwhelmed, journal, you're irritated, breathe.

Um, life is not that simple, right?

All great practices, obviously.

And we're going to talk about those things today, but sometimes the correct question is simply, what is happening around this person that keeps requiring them to recover?

What is happening around this person that is requiring them to recover?

That's different because I don't want anybody listening today thinking that protect your peace means except in mistreatment.

It does not.

I can regulate myself and address inappropriate behavior at the same time.

I can pray and document, you understand?

I can meditate and establish a boundary.

I can protect my mental health and recognize when something in my environment needs to change.

And at the end of the day, both of these things can be true.

We're gonna finish this conversation when we come back.

My good brother, brother Z, is gonna take us to break so we can pay some bills.

Do not touch that dial to Girl Jazz Tyler, one-on-one, seven and truth.

Just like that.

And just like that, we are back.

You are officially tapped in on one-on-one, seven and truth, the award-winning one-on-one, seven and truth with Girl Jazz Tyler.

And today is mental health.

Mondays, right?

We are talking work.

We are talking, uh, parenthood, friendships, uh, relationships, all of the, but before we went to break, um, I was stating that we have to understand what is happening around us, right?

Understand it, um, address our feelings, understand what's going on and how to maneuver through it instead of creating a false scenario in our head just to...

have a reason to walk away, right?

And I think for black women specifically, this conversation gets a little bit deeper because sometimes, and I know for me, this is not the case for everybody, but I have had this experience.

Sometimes we are told we are strong.

So often that strength becomes an expectation instead of a compliment.

You got it, Jazz.

You'll figure it out.

You strong.

You always bounce back.

You always make a way.

And sometimes the strong woman is sitting there thinking, OK, but who said I wanted to have to be strong every five minutes, right?

And this is this hit home hits home for me because this is something that I'm told often.

Yes, you're so strong.

You're so this, you're so that.

So much to the point where subconsciously you begin to adapt this, right?

Now naturally, it's a part of your DNA.

It's a part of your nature.

You, you know, life bring experiences that forces you to have to be strong.

It's not by choice, right?

It's because you don't have a choice.

But ultimately, I think the thing that the worst thing you can do, especially with black women who are single mothers and doing this alone is to tell them that they got it and stay strong, right?

That's not a compliment because you're telling me to stay in a mental space of not addressing what I'm really feeling because I need to be strong.

We all have to have moments where we are vulnerable, right?

And let's be clear, it's not easy being vulnerable these days because people like to use it against you or people like to take advantage of it, right?

So that adds another barrier, another layer when it comes to the mental health piece because now you're like, I don't want to talk to nobody about what I'm going through because I'm afraid that they're going to throw it in my face if ever there's an argument or because they may use this to their advantage to benefit them and take advantage of my vulnerability.

Sometimes, and simply sometimes I just don't want another lesson.

Sometimes I don't want another character building experience.

I've been through so many, right?

Sometimes I don't want another obstacle that supposedly prepares me for something.

Sometimes I just want Monday to be peaceful or Tuesday to be peaceful, right?

Can this day just mind its business?

Can everybody at work just do their job?

Can the kids find their own charger?

Can my friend answer a straightforward question with a straightforward answer?

Can everybody just act normal for one day, right?

Initially, these are the thoughts when you wake up.

Today's going to be a good day.

That's why I talk about the affirmations so much.

When I wake up, I spew out affirmations.

I have my students spew out affirmations consistently because there are so many things that sent.

your way that is unexpected and maybe sent your way to destroy your peace.

But because we cannot control that, we have to develop mechanisms that helps us keep our center when everybody else decides that they have lost theirs.

And that's what we're going to.

We're going to talk about the science.

We're going to talk about practical techniques.

We're going to talk about boundaries.

We're going to talk about workplace stress, parenthood stress, friendship stress.

relationship stress and I'm bringing some spirituality into this as well because sometimes there's a mental health uh there's the mental health work that I can do and then there's the spiritual work for surrendering what I cannot do and those are two different things and I need both I can't speak for everybody I'm not talking about a specific religion or whatever the case may be but nine times out of ten you cannot have one without the other

So wherever you are listening to today in the car or at work or if you're getting the kids together at home I just want you to think about one question.

What has been taken up too much space in your mind lately?

I just had this conversation with my sister over the weekend about being intentional when it comes to

the thought process, making sure, especially for creators and people who may have ADHD or people who have multiple things going on at one time, it seems almost impossible.

It seems almost impossible to have a clear mind because there's always something that needs to be done.

From the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, there's always something that needs to be done.

Always someone that you have to talk to.

There's responsibilities.

There's so much.

So it is difficult to have just a time of the day where you can just sit back and think without any distractions whatsoever.

Right.

Again, when we're talking about.

mental health, when we're talking about all of relationships, workplace, parenthood, all of the above.

The most important thing, first and foremost, is to obviously put you first.

And the reason why I say that is because your children, they can't operate correctly, right?

Or in a positive manner, if you are not in a good headspace.

That job, if you stretch yourself so much to the point where you passed away, God forbid, they're going to replace you.

That's the reality, right?

You always have to put yourself first if that relationship is is taxing on you and is bringing so much chaos and confusion mentally emotionally and sometimes physically Right, you have to put you first and putting you first doesn't necessarily mean that you have the right to dismiss reality.

I Am a person who my life is peaceful at this age

because I've been through so much in my life.

And you guys have heard me talk about it multiple times.

I was sexually assaulted as a child.

I've had breast cancer.

I've been divorced and going through breast cancer recovery at the same time.

I have to deal with, in different positions I've had, I have to deal with the battle, the ego battle with men and sometimes older black women.

When you're dealing with your children,

They when they become a certain age, they try to test you to the best of their ability.

For whatever reason, right?

Sometimes you have friends who purposely do things because they feel the way or they're insecure.

And these are people you may know for have known for years and maybe not.

But at the end of the day, you have to put yourself first.

And what does that look like?

That looks like sitting down with yourself and having a conversation and being realistic about things, holding yourself accountable first.

You have to, like, I am so big on self-accountability because it's something that teaches me, right?

If I can sit there in the moment and say, all right, Jazz, take a look at everything from an objective point of view.

Put yourself in this person's shoes, that person's shoes.

and then stay in your shoes and try and figure out where you went wrong first before you take a look at where everybody else went wrong.

And one or two things happen.

The first one is, if I find out that I am in the wrong, then I have to suck that up.

That's called being an adult.

That's called being mature, right?

Not creating false scenarios in my head to try and lie my way through something or justify my behavior I have to check myself first, but number two if I find out after checking myself that I was not in the wrong I'm standing on that Wrong is wrong and right is right Ultimately though the most important thing that I explained is self-accountability sometimes

We have this thing of, you know, protecting our peace means that we want to get rid of any of everything or any of everyone who was sent to destroy it.

But you can't have the game without the game.

You can't have one without the other.

There has to be a balance.

There's always good versus evil.

And everything you've read, everything you watch, just the way the world is in general, that's life.

So if there was nothing sent to destroy you or anything sent to test you, how will you know what you're made of?

You have to equip yourself to hold yourself accountable, but also to walk through the fire so that you can come out untouched.

It's all a learning lesson.

And sometimes I'm really understanding, especially the closer I get to God, the more I understand that it's all a test for me.

Sometimes it is a test for other people because some people don't know the anointing that you have over your life and that you are not to be touched.

It says, do not touch my prophets and do them no harm.

And some people are so egotistic.

that they think their titles and their relationship with you, the entitlement.

I've known her for this many years, or I'm her supervisor, or my mama, she gonna do whatever I ask.

The entitlement and the ego often makes them forget that there is another realm that you can see, and some people are highly favored.

So, A, you have to be careful when you come for certain people, right?

But also,

You don't know what someone is going through.

We all are trying to maneuver through life, right?

With no guy, no blueprint.

We all are trying to maneuver through this thing called life.

And the only thing we can do is check ourselves first because what you don't want to happen is you don't want to put yourself in a situation that's going to force you to react a certain way and then there's consequences behind it.

We got to go to break coming back.

I want to stay on the work.

part, right?

Because new occupational health research is basically saying something workers have been screaming for ever.

Sometimes you aren't feeling to cope.

Sometimes the environment needs to change.

We are going to unpack the difference between learning emotional regulation and being expected to emotionally regulate yourself through someone else's dysfunction.

And I have a question for my sisters, especially how many extra jobs are you performing at that aren't listed anywhere in your job description?

We're getting into the emotional labor next.

It's Mental Health Monday.

Do not touch that dial, Shagrug Jazz Tyler.

One on one, seven in truth, it's Shagrug Jazz Tyler.

You are officially...

Tap back into Mental Health Mondays.

And before the break, I mentioned this new research coming out around occupational health.

The reason it stood out to me is because it challenges something that I think happens constantly, right?

Somebody is struggling at work.

They are stressed.

They are burnt out.

Maybe they are anxious every Sunday night before Monday comes.

And maybe they are starting to dread.

Opening their emails, maybe they find themselves becoming physically tense every time a certain person names appears on their phone.

And what do we immediately say?

You need better coping mechanisms.

Maybe.

But what if they are coping with something that shouldn't be happening in the first place?

We're talking mental health, we're talking work, we're talking parenthood, relationships.

Friendships, all of the above.

Right now, we're going to focus on work, and then we're going to tap into how to navigate through the mental health when it comes to parenthood, relationships, and friendships as well.

This research highlighted this month essentially argues that workplaces need to look at the organizational factors affecting employee well-being instead of treating everyone mental health problems solely as something happening only inside of that individual employee.

So think about how those two differ, right?

Question one is why can't Jasmine handle stress better?

Question two is why does this workplace keep creating conditions that require Jasmine to recover from it?

Now we're having a real, a different conversation, a real different conversation because mental health cannot become a tool people use to normalize unhealthy environments.

I don't want somebody telling me to breathe through something they have the ability to stop doing.

You keep stepping on my foot and every time I say you're standing on my foot, you say, have you tried meditation?

No, move your damn foot.

Then I meditate.

How about that?

Both things can happen at the same time.

And I think the difference between the two is when we talk about protecting our peace, sometimes people here just ignore everything.

No, some situations need to be ignored and some situations need to be documented.

Some need conversation.

Some need management.

Some need HR.

Some may require somebody eventually leaving the environment.

Wisdom is learning the difference.

Let me tell you something.

By day, I teach on average 80 to 90 students.

From 7.30 in the morning, 8 o'clock in the morning to 3 o'clock in the evening, I run across 80 to 90 students.

And 90% this year are freshmen.

And we all know how freshmen are very immature, right?

Very, very, very immature.

And some staff members don't have experience working with youth of that age more so than working with, for say, let's say a junior or a senior.

So they automatically think whatever is going to happen for the freshman, I mean, the junior or senior is going to happen for the freshman or you should approach it that way.

No, you cannot.

It's two completely different age group, two completely different things.

What I mean by that is when people start imposing what works for them,

because it works for them on you.

And then get upset when it doesn't work for you, that becomes a problem.

What works for you don't necessarily work for me.

You cannot look at everything with the one book mechanism.

Like it's, hey, all rules apply to everybody.

No, that's not the case.

That is not the case.

People deal with things differently.

People have different experiences.

People have different beliefs.

And when you combine all of those things together,

They start to show and this becomes especially complicated when the person creating the problem has more institutional power than you Maybe it's a supervisor.

Maybe it's somebody with seniority.

Maybe it's somebody with the title Maybe everybody loves them.

Maybe they've been there 20 years and you've been there two months That changes the emotional calculation because now you are not only dealing with behavior You are thinking can they affect my position?

Well people even believe me

Will speaking up make it worse?

Am I going to be labeled as difficult?

Am I making this up?

Should I say something?

Should I not say nothing?

And that mental calculation itself becomes labored, right?

Especially if you are someone who has been in certain industries for quite some time, male dominated industries to be exact as a woman.

When you are in male dominated, dominated industries.

You tend to become a little bit more structured.

And I don't like the word aggressive, especially when it comes to black women.

But for the lack of a better word, some people may take it as aggression, when really it's not.

It's just you about your business and your zero tolerance.

And you have to be that way because when you're working around majority men, right, there's little games that they play their egos, the pride, all of this stuff.

So you have to maneuver a certain way.

Then sometimes you end up in positions where you're working around women and it becomes very catty, right?

And you have to deal with things a certain way.

But at the end of the day, you should never ever question whether or not.

what your feeling is real, because it's a feeling.

What you can do is identify what you're feeling in that moment, take a step back, analyze it, analyze the situation to its entirety, and then figure out how to approach it going forward.

So let's talk, I wanna talk to my sisters.

I wanna talk to the black women, right?

Because many of us know this feeling.

You are trying to determine how direct you can be with somebody.

without them calling you aggressive.

Somebody else can slam their notebook down and they are just passionate.

You close yours a little slightly too hard and all of a sudden you're hostile, right?

Hey, I was just organizing my paperwork and then sometimes you start editing stuff or let me soften the email, let me add an explanation point so they know I'm friendly.

You ever put that like an explanation point at the end of a sentence and you didn't think anything of it and they just take it.

the wrong way.

Why?

I remember one day I was texting T.I.

and Philly.

We had a group chat and I put exclamation after a couple of sentences and Philly text me like, why are you yelling?

And tip like, yeah, why are you yelling?

I'm like, I'm not yelling.

I put the exclamation point to say like, hey, yeah, like I'm excited or you know, like, yeah, it's excitement, not yelling.

But I was unaware that there were, I guess, courtesy.

Right?

When it comes to text, I had no idea.

And again, it could be something as simple as that.

I'm guilty of that, right?

Somebody can say something and I'll take it completely out of context.

And it's like, no, I didn't mean it that way.

They're not responsible for how I think.

I'm responsible for how I think.

So I can't be upset with them.

I have to check within myself first.

So you put that explanation point after that, right?

And there's another part of workplace, I'm sorry, and that becomes the issue.

Then there's another part of workplace mental health we don't always discuss, that's the constant monitoring.

You start reading every room.

Who spoke?

Who didn't?

Who looked at you?

Who didn't look at you?

Why do they call a meeting?

And why do they say it like that?

Why wasn't I included?

Why was I copied?

Why wasn't I copied?

Why didn't she walk past me without speaking?

Why did he mumble something?

It's just so many different things, right?

And the reality is people are in their own worlds.

May not even be thinking about you.

May not you like.

Like sometimes people are not focused on you or you are not living rent-free in their head.

They're just in their own world.

And we get offended by that, right?

Again, this is something that I'm guilty of.

If I walk past somebody that normally speaks to me and they don't speak to me, I'm going to naturally be offended.

And then...

I start feeling away, only feeling to be like, man, I didn't even see you right there.

I'm sorry.

I had so much going on in my mind.

I'm trying to find this.

I'm trying to figure this out.

This person calling me at the same time.

And then you step back and be like, dang, I feel bad because I thought that this person was acting funny towards me.

But really, he going through something in his mind.

He has a lot going on that it wasn't intentional.

So now your brain has become corporate security you are monitoring everything in the danger in that Follows you home.

You don't stop watching for the next problem even when there is no problem happening that can exhaust you That can exhaust you so here's practice number one today.

I call it the behavior over motive when something happens

deal with what you can actually identify instead of spending hours determining motive.

For example, oh, she's jealous of me.

Ask yourself what happened.

Well, she interrupted me three times during this meeting.

Okay, that's behavior.

Instead of saying, oh, she's trying to sabotage me.

What happened?

Information I needed was not forwarded to me on three occasions.

That's behavior.

Instead of they don't want me here, what happened?

I was excluded from these specific communications.

Now we have facts.

And I'm telling you, that shift can protect your mental health because proven motive is exhausting.

You don't live in their mind.

You don't actually know every reason someone behaves a certain way.

And sometimes you are right.

Let's be clear.

Sometimes you are right.

Sometimes maybe they are jealous.

Maybe they are intimidated.

Maybe they are being malicious, but you still don't have to spend hours.

Psycho analyzing them You need to know what happened doesn't require action and what's the appropriate action and then move on That's all you have to do.

You don't have to spend you ever caught yourself and remember something like I should have said this No, you're doing too much.

You are doing too much when we come back.

We are going to finish this conversation

Coming up at the five o'clock hour, we are going to go on forward, tap into the relationship piece, the friendship piece, the parenthood, all of the above.

Do not touch that dial.

It should grow a jazz title of one on one, seven of truth.

101.7 is true.

This is your girl Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct and it is mental health Mondays.

We are having this conversation because again, we all know that.

There are multiple things going on in everyday life, right?

There's a time where you can turn up.

There's a time where we have a good time.

There's a time where we have information, but we have to make sure that we start our week off and our day off with checking our mental health first.

And before we went to break, we were talking about how to protect your mental health in the workplace.

Now we're going to move a little bit into parenthood, right?

Because that's extremely important.

But before we do,

Um, I want to introduce a spirituality in this again.

This is not religion and spirituality.

If it don't apply, let it fly.

Discernment does not mean paranoia.

If I discern that something doesn't feel right without allowing that feeling to become a full-time investigation, then I'm okay.

I can say, God, show me what I need to see and help me not invent what isn't there.

That's a mature prayer.

Because sometimes when we are already hurt or activated, we start connecting dots that may not actually connect.

And other times that pattern becomes crystal clear.

So if you are a person who is deeply rooted in spirituality and you understand what I'm talking about, sometimes you can confuse your discernment for emotions.

Those are two completely different things.

Now, when I discern, my discernment is typically never off.

But what I've learned is,

that sometimes that's the problem.

Sometimes that's the problem and sometimes it's not meant for you to speak about what you know inside because the facts that the creator gives you is not anything that someone else could understand unless they are on the same level.

So back.

School is back in session.

We have new schedules, new teachers, new classmates, new routines, transportation, homework, activities, so on and so on.

Everybody waking up early, gotta rush out the door.

And mental health professionals have been talking this month about anxiety around going back to school, right?

One pediatric psychologist recently made a point that I liked.

When I was looking this up this past weekend, the goal for parents isn't necessarily to eliminate every bit of anxiety is teaching children you can feel anxious and still cope with what's in front of you.

So parents, that's not only a lesson for the children.

This is a lesson for us as well, because think about how much of parents and becomes trying to eliminate every uncomfortable emotion for our children's lives.

We don't want them scared.

We don't want them disappointed.

We don't want them nervous.

We don't want them hurt.

We don't want them embarrassed, right?

And obviously we want to protect our babies, but emotional resilience doesn't mean I never experienced discomfort.

It means I learned that discomfort does not mean I'm incapable.

That's a major lesson your child can say I'm nervous about school and instead of don't be nervous There's something to be nervous about maybe is I understand that you are nervous because new things can feel uncomfortable what part feels the hardest and These are simple things right these are things that we're like.

Yeah, you know, that's not important, but I'm telling you it is I'm telling you from not only a parent stance, but as an educator

There are so many different students that I have personally who have no social skills whatsoever.

They have not been equipped with social skills, and we all know how awkward it can be transferring to a new school or coming from middle school to high school.

Especially in today's society, you have to enter a space that is new to you.

You have to enter a space where you are in a higher grade, so there's more expectations, right?

There's all types.

Can I make new friends?

Can I not?

There are so many different things that our babies go through mentally when it comes to preparing for school.

And we don't pay attention to it because we just know we got to go to work and they have to go to school.

And then when a principal and the teachers get to calling you because they misbehave you or something is happening, you can't put two and two together where they've already tried to talk to you and tell you that something was wrong when school first started.

Not necessarily something, somebody did something to them, but they were nervous or they felt uneasy or they feel uncomfortable in this environment and then we ignore it.

For me personally, my children going back to school was always nerve-wracking because A, safety, right?

There's a lot that's happening.

School shootings fighting all of the above, right?

But most importantly, it's the social skills piece.

It's how they interact with other students, how they interact with the teachers, how well do they get along with their classmates.

That plays a major part.

That plays a major part.

And why is that important?

Because if they don't got it together, you're gonna have to leave work early to go pick them up.

You can act like it's not a big deal, but it is.

You're gonna get those phone calls, those emails, those text messages.

If you on class, dojo, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Right?

So our baby's mental health matters while they're in school as well because it affects us also.

Nobody has time to be on the phone with teachers 24-7.

You have to start addressing these things ahead of time and I'm gonna be honest with y'all.

I don't know if y'all been paying attention or researching it, but suicide rates for high school students is at an all-time high.

I can't make this up.

At some point, we have to make sure that our students, our children, are prepared mentally before they, school to them is like work to us.

Think about how you feel when you walk in a workplace.

You don't want to feel anxious or uneasy so why shouldn't them going into school not feeling that matter that should matter it does matters and We don't have enough conversations about it and then we wonder why our children act the way that they do because no one is No one sees them.

No one is seeing what's going on inside of them.

We're so busy caught up in what we have going on and you have a lot of parents that's like

You can't tell me how to raise my kids.

You can't tell me nothing about who know my kids better than me.

Some of y'all don't know y'all babies at all.

Some of y'all don't know who y'all children is whatsoever.

Let alone what they're feeling.

You ever seen those posts like somebody, you know, took their own life?

I didn't understand.

I don't understand.

I bet you don't.

Because you didn't take the time to look beneath the smiles and everything else.

All you're doing is paying attention to I got to go to work.

I got to pay the bills.

Everything isn't about money Everything isn't about you So when you pour mental when you pour into your mental health make sure that you are also Pouring into your children's right now on another note We know everybody's scheduled

We know everybody's sizes, doctor's appointments, who need, what for school, what permission slip needs to be signed, all of the above.

And the most, right?

I don't know about Charlie Y'all House, but I'm so sick of these kids going through these chargers.

Every five minutes.

Ma, can I see a charger?

Ma, can I use your charger?

Ma, let me get your charger.

Ma, my battery on 2%.

Ma, I'm in the middle of a game.

Leave me alone.

Mental health.

It's real in the household when you have children because you don't have time for yourself.

But that's motherhood.

You are carrying all of this invisible data in your head and then you are going to work.

And then you come home from navigating adults at your job and walking to a house full of people who need something from you.

And sometimes you don't have one answer, two answers.

You don't have an answer at all.

That doesn't mean you don't love your children.

For the woman who feels guilty being tired of being needed does not mean you are tired of your children Those are two completely different things you can deeply love motherhood and still need 20 minutes where nobody says your name You know that you are depleted when you start hearing mama, right?

And it's a different type they say it in different type of ways ma ma

Mama mama Now that's the emergency mama Right when you hear that mama mama that means something is wrong Nor at least you assume something is wrong and nine times out of ten is not even like oh my gosh.

What's going on?

Oh Can I have some juice?

What you didn't did or listen at the end of the day us women We do feel guilty and sometimes the man do too when it comes to raising children

because we need time to ourselves.

Y'all better do like me.

I want a bathroom quick to get away from my kids.

I don't even be having to use the bathroom.

I'll just go in the bathroom.

That's the only place.

When they get to calling my name too much, I'm going right to the bathroom.

I promise you, ain't gotta do a number one or two, but I'm gonna act like I do so they can leave me alone.

Listen, Linda, listen.

Leave me alone, right?

Leave me alone.

When possible, I know every household is different.

Before you fully move from employee mode to mom mode, give yourself transition.

Maybe 10 minutes in the car, maybe one song, maybe changing clothes immediately, maybe a quick shower, maybe sit silently, maybe go to the bathroom like me.

But allow yourself to have a transition.

Y'all, please hear me when I say this.

This is something that we don't really talk about.

Because you are going from one job to a next, being a mother or a father or a guardian is a job.

And we hop in these modes so frequently, and then next thing you know, whatever piss you off at work, you're taking it out on the children.

Or if your children did something to you by the time you dropped them off at school, you taking it out on your coworkers.

Allow yourself to have a transition time when you are hopping from one mode to the next.

Because that's how you create better outcomes for both parties.

We're going to continue this conversation when we come back.

Do not touch that dial.

It should grow, Jazz Tyler.

to girl Jazz Tyler, you are officially tapped in on this Monday afternoon and y'all already know what Monday means around here.

It is mental health Monday.

Um, before we hop into the segment for today, um, I want to again send a huge shout out to, um, everyone who attended the truth family fest this weekend had an amazing time.

Like anytime we're able to, um, meet.

our listeners in person and put names with faces is always a pleasure.

It was some amazing food.

Apparently, you know, my brother Ray Nitty has a new addiction to ice cream and cookies.

Ray was walking around.

He had four cookies, four things ice cream and a cookie in his pocket.

Bro, we gotta figure out some different sponsors next year so we can make sure a race day on his diet plan.

But no, shout out to the whole crew.

Ben, Jammin' with Ben, Shannon, Ray, CeCe, Homer, Bailey, Beagle.

It was an amazing event, man.

We really, really enjoyed ourselves.

Shout out to all of the vendors who were there.

I even got a free massage.

Yes it did, yes it did.

Got me a good old massage.

It was well needed.

So yeah, shout out to everyone who attended the Truth Family Fest.

There was a lot of different events happening this past weekend, community events, and I love to see it.

There was so much going on, so many resources spreading around the entire city.

And it was just beautiful, man.

It was a day that felt good.

The sun was shining just overall an amazing weekend.

So again, today is Mental Health Monday.

You guys already know that...

Whenever I present something to you, I'm not talking at you I'm talking with you because this is advice for myself and this is something that I've either worked on already or I'm currently working on and obviously a lot of these topics are they you know our personal to a certain degree Not specific to a situation, but as a human being we all have faced different issues when it comes to mental health for me specifically

The past, really this year has been rough.

I lost an uncle in April, lost my daughter's best friend in May, lost someone else who was close to me, and then two weeks ago, really a week ago, lost two people back to back.

So while going back to work because school started, while having a freshman in college, while having an adult.

young black male as a son in this city in a nine-year-old, right?

Two jobs.

It's all types of things that's happening in my life, in you guys' life, to where I truly believe that we have to talk through some of the things that we're dealing with silently.

And the reason why I do want to tap into a lot today is because whether it's work, whether it's relationship or parenthood, we all are struggling with something mental-wise.

Always always aren't willing to talk about it openly.

Um, and it's okay.

So again, if you are in your car at work, wherever you are, um, you know, let's have this conversation.

Let's be authentic with each other and let's try and work through it.

Um, so I want to, I want to do something a little different with the mental health today.

Um, I was thinking about how we always talk about peace, especially on social media.

Everything is protect your peace, cut them off.

Y'all know my favorite word.

I'm blocking them, right?

Like I'm eight feet tall in a paint.

Block, block, block, right?

Get rid of everybody with bad energy.

Leave the job.

Leave the relationship.

Stop talking to the friend.

Go where you are celebrated.

And I have to tell you, you know, some years back.

I did this so much and looked up and was like, my life is empty because I didn't kick everybody out, right?

And it made me realize that I can't control what other people do, but I can control what I do.

And there are absolutely situations where walking away is the healthiest decision by far, right?

There are certain environments that are just simply unhealthy.

There are abusive relationships.

There are friendships that have run its course.

There are jobs that ultimately aren't worth losing yourself over.

But most importantly, real life is a lot more complicated than a meme because sometimes you just can't leave.

Right?

You just have to stick through it.

And ultimately, the reason being is because, A, you know, you have to mature in certain situations.

B, if you're spiritual, you already know you got to walk through the fire.

You have to walk through the fire because there is a lesson in it and the lesson sometimes.

isn't necessarily pertaining to the person on the opposite end, but rather you.

The lesson is for you alone.

You might have somebody at your workplace who gets underneath your skin because of whatever reason, but you have to remind yourself, hey, I have a mortgage, I have children, I got rent, bills, responsibilities, right?

You can't walk into work at 9 in the morning, get irritated at 9.17 and then quit at 9.23 because Facebook or Instagram told you to protect your peace.

And some of y'all would love to, absolutely.

And let's be honest, somebody that's listening right now probably has typed their resignation email in their head multiple times, right?

Knowing exactly what you're gonna say, how you're gonna say it, who you're gonna tell off, so on and so on, but grown up life.

says, adulthood says, what are we actually going to do?

And that's the conversation I want today.

How to protect your peace when you have to remain where you are, right?

Again, that's work, that's motherhood, fatherhood, friendships, relationships, all of the above.

How do you protect your peace when the person aggravating you outranks you if we're talking workplace?

How do you protect your peace when the stress isn't coming from an enemy, but it's coming from being a parent, right?

We know you can't block your children.

Now, I go on moments where I will mute my family group chat for a certain amount of time if my children are in their words overstimulating me.

Absolutely.

Listen, don't bother me after this time.

Figure it out.

The only person that's excluded from that is my baby, Callie Wally.

Because she's perfect.

She absolutely does no harm whatsoever.

So she gets the bypass.

But the moral of the story is you can't resign from parenthood because somebody is getting on your nerves, right?

How do you protect your peace when it's your friend?

How do you protect your peace when it's someone you love?

How do you protect your peace when there are unanswered questions in a relationship and your mind keeps trying to solve something that nobody has actually explained to you?

And the bigger question is is peace really peace?

If everyone around you has to behave perfectly for you to have it meaning

It does not matter where you are in the world.

It does not matter where you are physically, right?

You should be able to have a sense of peace internally that cannot be disrupted by anyone, even if they're attempting to, uh, antagonize you because let's be clear.

There are people who have spirits inside of them and they don't even understand that they have spirits inside of them.

And they have insecurities and they have thoughts that replays in their minds.

They have assumptions, all of these things.

And then they create, it's called delusion.

They create whatever they create in their head because of how they're feeling.

And then they take it out on you, right?

Some of y'all deal with this with family members, with lovers, with friends.

And at the end of the day, the greatest lesson I was ever taught was...

No matter where I go, the peace should remain inside of me.

I should be able to be peaceful in every situation, in every environment, especially when it comes to things being sent to attempt to destroy my peace, right?

So think about that for a minute.

If I can only be peaceful when everyone likes me, when everyone understands me,

When everyone responds how I want my children cooperates my partner communicates perfectly my friends never disappoint me and nobody ever at work ever challenges me then that's not peace.

That's environment control Right and none of us controls life like that and that's a harsh reality.

You cannot control the behavior of others, right?

that goes back to the Let Them Theory that we talked about a couple of weeks ago.

If you guys haven't checked out that show, go to 101.7 and Truth on YouTube, tap in and check out the Let Them Theory, where you're allowing people to just be themselves.

Obviously, you're not allowing them to mistreat you, but you are initially allowing them to be themselves.

So today we are talking about what I call protecting your peace without abandoning your position.

That position is at work, that position is as a parent, relationships, friendships, and most importantly, the position within yourself.

Because sometimes the battle isn't removing the difficult situation.

Sometimes the battle is making sure the difficult situation doesn't remove you from you.

Let me say that again.

Sometimes the battle isn't removing the situation, right?

Sometimes the battle

is making sure that the difficult situation does not remove you from you, meaning that whatever is sent to destroy your peace, it is not allowing you to act out of character, right?

And this is actually connected to the mental health news right now.

There was a new research highlighted a few days ago examining occupational health.

And one of the conclusions really caught my attention.

The message basically said, when people's mental health is suffering because of work, we cannot always put the entire responsibility on the employee to fix themselves.

In other words, maybe breathing exercises aren't the whole answer if the environment itself is unhealthy.

Maybe telling someone to practice self-care doesn't solve a toxic management issue.

Maybe sending someone to counseling doesn't automatically fix an organizational culture that keeps creating stress.

And that is important because we have turned mental health into this thing where every solution is directed to that individual, right?

Your stress, meditate, you're burnt out, take a vacation, you're overwhelmed, journal, you're irritated, breathe.

Life is not that simple, right?

All great practices, obviously.

And we're gonna talk about those things today.

But sometimes the correct question is simply, what is happening around this person that keeps requiring them to recover?

What is happening around this person that is requiring them to recover?

That's different because I don't want anybody listening today thinking that protect your peace means except in mistreatment.

It does not.

I can regulate myself and address inappropriate behavior at the same time.

I can pray and document.

You understand?

I can meditate and establish a boundary.

I can protect my...

1017

the

truth is your girl Jazz Tyler a huge thank you to everyone who came out and supported truth family Fez 2026 special thanks to educators credit union American family insurance Milwaukee public schools artists working in education city of Milwaukee DC WS AB core core Ascension

Then tap in MKE for helping making this event possible, and to our vendors, volunteers, listeners, and families for showing up and supporting our community.

From all of us at 1-on-1-7, the truth, thank you Milwaukee.

If you are just now joining us, we are talking about mental health.

It's Mental Health Mondays.

There's a lot that's happening.

Obviously, we always have a good time, have real conversations, but again, if you are just now tuning in.

There's been a lot that's been going on and we just need to do a mental health check today, right?

We are losing people constantly.

There's things happening at work.

A school is starting back.

There's so many different things going on and everybody is just having a good time kind of dealing with their own emotions without talking about it and that's never healthy.

Um, so we're talking about work.

We're talking about parenthood.

We're talking about relationships and friendships and some coping mechanisms or things we can do to kind of, uh, work through it.

And prior to going to break, I was explaining to parents out there, right?

We wear so many different hats from work to parenthood to all of the above, but have you ever thought about a transition when you move from one thing to the next?

So when you get off work, we just hop fully in mother mode or father mode.

Without allowing ourselves a brief moment to say let me deal with Whatever I was dealing with that work in this moment in this five or ten minutes to myself So that I can assure ensure that I don't take that out on my household and vice-versa When it comes time for you having to drop your child your child or children off at school in the morning and something happens, maybe they spilled

Breakfast all over their uniform and you can't turn around and take them back home Now you're upset and you go to work, but you haven't gotten out of mommy mode or daddy mode Now you're taking whatever you're going through out on your co-workers.

There has to be some type of Transition in between.

I want to double back and go back to the work scenario, right?

Somebody can hold authority over your position without having to hold authority over your identity

I'm gonna say that again.

Somebody can have authority over your position without having authority over your identity.

Maybe they supervise you, maybe they evaluate you, maybe they are senior leadership, maybe they can assign work, maybe they can make your professional life more difficult.

Those things matter.

We should not pretend that power dynamics are not real, but their title does not determine your worth.

Their opinion about you does not confirm your identity.

Their attitude towards you does not get to rewrite everything that you already know about yourself.

And that's important because when somebody with authority appears to dislike us, sometimes we begin shrinking ourselves before they even ask us to.

You start questioning everything.

Maybe I shouldn't speak during the meeting.

Maybe I shouldn't wear this.

Maybe I'm too loud or I was spoken.

Maybe I'm too confident.

Maybe I need to change how I talk and maybe I should just stop overall sharing ideas.

Hold on a minute.

We have to separate professional feedback from internalized rejection.

This came about because I have a lot of friends who are in call center.

They work in a call center, and I've worked in a call center before.

And when you are in those type of environments, people genuinely take their titles like to the head, to the chest, all of the above, right?

Like in corporate America, the titles is unbelievable in all reality.

But I understand that.

I know that about that workplace.

I know that there is levels and structures and some people are just used to doing things a certain way.

You just gotta kinda suck it up, right?

So, here's some accountability.

And again, these are things that has worked for me in the past and these are things that may work for you.

If I receive valid feedback about my performance, I should consider it.

I need to.

That is called maturity.

But if I begin dismantling my personality because I desperately need someone to like me Now we've crossed into something completely different Everybody ain't gonna like you and that's one of the hardest forms of adulthood Realizing that being a good person does not guarantee universal approval.

You can be kind and somebody doesn't like you You can be professional and somebody still don't like you

You can mind your business and somehow somebody will still find your business fascinating, right?

You'll be like, I wasn't even talking and they are still irritated.

Now what?

That's the real question because you cannot force somebody into liking you.

When you try, you hand them an enormous amount of power.

Now your piece depends on whether they smile today, whether they've spoken to you.

whether they've complimented you, whether their emails sounded warm, like you are literally just emotionally checking their temperature all day.

And that is extremely exhausting.

So I want to give you something.

Stop auditioning for people who have already decided how they want to view you.

You understand what I'm saying?

They've already made up in their mind how they feel about you what their prejudgements are of you and there's nothing you can do your story don't matter Your heart how pure your heart is doesn't matter There's nothing that matters because they're going to think and feel however they choose and you have to allow them to You can remain open to legitimate feedback and you can remain respectful you can remain collaborative

but stop auditioning.

You don't need to perform your innocence every single day.

You don't need to code switch 24-7.

You don't need to constantly explain yourself unless clarification is actually needed.

And this is where we have to learn the difference between being accountable and being controlled by perception.

Accountability says, if I'm wrong, I'll correct it.

Perception says,

I need everybody to see me the way I see myself.

That is impossible.

It is impossible for you to view yourself, the world, the way that the world views you, right?

So let's say somebody at work does something that feels intentionally disrespectful.

The first thing you must do is pause, not because you are weak, but because you need a strategy.

Emotion wants immediate relief.

Strategy wants the best outcome.

Those are not always the same thing.

I don't care what line of work you are in.

If you drive school buses, if you drive a truck, if you're a teacher, if you are a consultant, whatever it is, it applies, especially if you are in corporate America.

I worked for a waste management.

I worked for the president of the office of the corporate office of coals.

I've worked for the city of Milwaukee and elected official.

I've worked for a corporate for many different years, for many of years.

And I've had experiences in every role that I had.

And I had to take those experience and learn, right?

Which is why I am in the positions I'm in now.

Because I had to learn from my mistakes.

You've now taken a workplace problem and created evidence for your own emotional environment because you keep trying to audition.

What you should be doing is

protecting your future you, right?

What does the future me need to do right now?

I've dealt with racism in the workplace.

I've dealt with harassment in the workplace.

I've dealt with egotistic men in the workplace.

I've dealt with women who are intimidated by me in the workplace.

I've dealt with so much in the workplace.

And you will be a fool to sit there and say,

That don't happen or that doesn't matter whatever the case may be because we're at work during the week, spending time with these people more than we are with our own children.

Just like our babies are at school, spending time with them more than they are spending time with us.

Think about it.

By the time you get up and go work at eight hour shift and you get off of work, you got to pick your babies up, go home and cook, help them with their homework.

And next thing you know, they getting ready for bed.

You don't even have time to have a conversation with them.

So to assume that the people you are around with at work, that it doesn't matter is not a huge thing.

It is because you are giving, you are investing your life, your emotions, your mental, everything into this environment for eight hours a day.

So you have to make sure that you are protecting the future you the future me may need Documentation the future me may need a witness the future me may need a calm email The future me may need to go home and sleep before answering or responding to an email The future me may eventually need to update my resume But what future me rarely needs is a beautifully written three paragraph angry text at 11 30 8 p.m Right saved in your notes saved on your app

Say then your laptop.

And spiritually, this is where restraint becomes powerful.

Right.

We often.

We often think power is saying the thing.

Sometimes power is being fully capable of saying it and deciding it would serve no purpose.

We have brother love on the line.

Are you there?

Yes, I'm here.

Hey, how you doing?

Happy Monday, Jack.

Happy Monday.

Thank you so much for tapping in.

I was waiting on you to call Brother Love.

What's the word?

Yes, I just want to say you're doing a good job.

And just on this mental Monday, I just hope everybody just feel warm and welcome and just stop the violence.

Yeah.

And you know, I just

I just want everybody to feel rejuvenated and exhilarated.

And let's just start back to being one again.

Yes, absolutely.

I second that.

How's your mental health today, Brother Love?

Excellent, Jazz.

I think I got my mojo back.

Come on now.

That's what we like to hear.

Do you have a positive affirmation for today?

Typically, I'll say like...

What is yours?

My affirmation is, you know, I'm reading a book, Command Your Morning, and I'm just commanding my morning, and I'm just going to be positive, motivational, inspirational, and I'm just going to love everybody because it's enough evil, it's enough violence in the world, and I just want to

bring some good to this world before God call me home.

Absolutely.

Thank you for that.

I want to look that book up.

Thank you so much for that, Brother Love.

When we come back, we are going to finish this conversation.

We are talking about mental health in the workplace, parenthood, relationships, friendships, all of the above.

It's

your girl, Jazz Tyler, one on one, seven of truth.

One-on-one, seven-in-truth, it's your girl, Jai Tyler.

We are live and direct at the award-winning one-on-one, seven-in-truth at the beautiful American Family Insurance Studio in the heart of downtown Milwaukee.

I got my good brother, brother Z. Meachie Meach is in the building.

We are having a conversation today on Mental Health Mondays.

This came about because of conversations I've been having all week, well, last week with loved ones, but also just with myself, right?

We always have a great time on tapped in when it comes to real conversations, commentary, kicking back, talking mess, right?

But we gotta do a mental health check every now and again because people are losing people.

You have work, school is starting back.

So there's a lot of different things that we are doing.

dealing with that we don't necessarily talk about.

And I wanted to bring some of these situations up.

We've been talking about work, mental health in the workplace.

We've been talking about mental health when it comes to parenthood.

And we're also going to talk about it when it comes to friendships and relationships as well.

Before we get back into how back into this, there is a scripture principle about being slow to speak and slow to anger.

And when I'm talking with you all, I'm talking with myself as well when I say this, whether you are deeply religious or simply spiritually grounded, there's wisdom in that.

Slow doesn't mean silent forever.

Slow means my emotions don't dictate my timing.

And that's powerful because somebody else's chaos should not control when and how you speak.

So if you are dealing with the difficult workplace dynamic right now, here's your assignment.

Stop asking only why are they doing this and ask what response best protects my piece, my reputation, my work and my future.

So I also want to talk to you all about how you leave a situation physically, but you are still there.

And this is across the board, right?

We're only utilizing the workspace.

analogy for right now, but you can't tell me that there hasn't been a situation where something was constantly on your mind bothering you, right?

You get home, you take your shoes off, you warm your food up, you, you know, indulge in whatever activities.

You know, me personally, I got to pour me a glass of prosecco.

All right.

Um, everything is technically fine.

And suddenly your brain said, you know what you should revisit.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

Not at all.

remember when she said remember when he said it brings you to that moment of like when you get into a argument with your spouse and you like dang I should have said that in argument you start coming up with all different types of versions of what you should have said but you couldn't think of you didn't think of it in that moment

When does your brain turn into a podcast producer at night?

On episode 47, things jazz should have said at 10.15 this morning.

And then you replay it in different versions, different endings.

Now in version three, you had the perfect comeback, but in version seven, everybody in the meeting was applauded.

Stop it.

Stop it.

This mental replay has a name in psychology when it becomes repetitive negative thinking And it feels productive because you're thinking but thinking and solving are not always the same thing Sometimes you are not solving anything.

You are just reopening the emotional wound over and over Right.

So here's the practice the clockout ritual.

I hate the word ritual by the way

So we're not going to say ritual, we're just going to say the clockout practice.

Before you leave work or shortly after your workday ends, do four things.

One, externalize what is an offision, a finish.

Write it down.

If there's a tax tomorrow, write it down.

If you need to follow up, write it down.

If there's something you need to document, document it.

Your brain sometimes keeps recycling information because it's afraid that you'll forget.

Putting it somewhere else is reliable.

So instead of saying, hey, I got to do the, and I'm not talking about keeping up with your calendar because we already know that, but it's the small things.

I need to have a conversation with so-and-so, or this is the idea I have.

Whatever the case may be, good or bad, write it down and put it up.

Ask whether action is possible tonight.

Ask yourself that.

Can you, is there anything I can do about it right now?

If not, then it gotta go.

If there is a situation that I can't get to by the time I get home that's pertaining to work and I can't do it in that moment, it has to go.

It has to leave my mind.

It cannot occupy the space in my brain because what that is going to do is force me into feeling a certain way when I get to work the next day, whether that's good or bad or not being able to focus on what I need to focus on or being present and not being present.

Right you got your babies at home your man or your woman and your mind is just all over the place And you're still not there.

You're there physically But mentally you are still not there because you are so worried about whatever it is Else it is that you have going on inside of the workplace, right?

Think about this When actors are done acting they leave the stage

When athletes are done performing, they leave the basketball court or the stadium.

When doctors are done with the surgery, they leave the hospital.

And when teachers are done teaching, we leave the classroom.

So your body, you have to train your body and nervous system to realize I am not in that environment right now.

I am not in that environment right now.

And then say a release phrase.

I have done what today required.

Tomorrow will receive tomorrow's energy.

You understand?

I have done all I can do for today.

I'm gonna deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

It's not gonna take my energy.

It's not gonna take my sleep.

It's not gonna take my dinner with my family.

I'm gonna deal with it when I deal with it.

But right now, I have done everything that I can do and that's gonna have to be good enough.

And if you are a spiritual person, God, I am releasing what I cannot fix tonight.

There's something powerful about saying it out loud because sometimes, spiritually, we say we trust God, while mentally, we continue to hold on to the baggage.

It's a lot of air cabadoos out here, a lot of bag ladies, and bag men.

Constantly walking around, not physically with bags, but it's just so much baggage because you won't let stuff go.

Say God, I put it in your hands Then 30 seconds later You actually give it back Done overthinking Done beat myself up about what it could or should it's done replan things done creating done working just leave work at work Surrender is difficult because overthinking gives the illusion of control

Surrender is difficult because overthinking gives the illusion of control If I keep analyzing it, maybe I'll discover something Maybe I can predict what they'll do and maybe I can prevent another problem.

Those are control issues That's something that I'm actually dealing with right now Like being able to being afraid of the unknown

Not controlling people but having control over my thoughts to where something gotta make sense because if the math ain't math then I'm not sure how I'm gonna take it and that's not necessarily a good thing So it better make sense to me.

That's my thought process But that's the thought process of someone who has been in survival mode all of their lives since they dealt with

Things sent to harm them as a child and now as an adult, we are trying to live true nation.

We are in the space of living, but we're still carrying mechanisms inside of us as if we are surviving.

And when you are in survival mode, it's by any means necessary.

And people who ain't surviving don't understand it or people who never had to survive can't relate.

That is where the problem lies.

Sometimes we've been in survival mode so long that peace feels irresponsible Right, you finally have a quiet evening and your brain starts looking for a problem.

What did I forget?

Who ain't caught me y'all know what I'm talking about you just sitting there ain't got nothing to do kids going spouses gone Everybody's doing something and you just at home like okay

Well, what should I do?

Should I watch some TV?

Should I read a book?