Just Let Them…

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What's up, Truth Nation?

Welcome back to Tap In with your girl, Jazz Tyler.

If you are just now tuning in, today's conversation has been one for the books.

We've talked about the let them theory.

We've challenged some of the biggest relationship myths we've inherited.

But I think this next conversation is where a lot of us are going to see ourselves.

So I am opening up the phone lines A332121017.

My question to you all, Truth Nation, is have you ever been in love with someone's potential instead of accepting their reality?

I don't mean just romantic relationships, I mean friendships, business partners, family members, all of the above, right?

Sometimes we become so emotionally invested in the version of a person that we hope they'll become so much to the point that we ignore who they are right in front of us.

And, you know, again, we don't need projects, right?

We don't necessarily need projects.

We don't necessarily need someone who doesn't see their self-worth, right?

And when we're talking about dating for, when we're talking about dating for potential, there's two sides of it, right?

Before we went to break, I explained those two sides.

One side is you see the potential in someone who doesn't see the potential in themselves.

The other side is you see the potential in someone who sees the potential in themselves and they are working towards whatever it is that they, you know, whoever it is that they're supposed to be.

So the question is, how long is too long to wait for someone's potential to become a reality?

Is it six months, two years, 10 years, or do you simply not wake?

I also mentioned something called the sunk cost fallacy.

It simply means the more time we've invested in something, the harder it becomes to walk away.

Not because it's healthy, not because we don't want to believe the time was wasted, right?

How many of y'all always stay in situations?

Oh, that's been my best friend for 30 years But they treat you the person you've known for two years treat you better than the person you've known for 30 years, right?

How many people stayed up and stay in unhappy relationships?

Man, we built this business together.

I was there from the beginning when he ain't have nothing She was there when my mama died, right?

Sometimes letting go isn't losing sometimes

Letting go is literally just making room.

And at the end of the day, when you're dating for potential, you're doing a disservice to yourself because you are living in La La Land.

You are living in a land that does not exist and it is very very very dangerous Especially when you are dealing with people who know that right?

So we've talked about a lot of red flags today.

I mentioned before in a jokingly way I used to love red flags.

Don't ask me why but I did Let's talk a little bit about the green flags So here's my list number one green flag for those who don't know what a green flag is It's the opposite of red flag.

It is something that is good

What is something that men and women do when it comes to dating that is a green flag for you?

The first one for me is they keep their word.

There is absolutely nothing like a person, let alone a man who keeps his word.

A man who says, hey, this is what I'm going to do.

This is what I want to do.

And then he actually does it.

And a man who say, hey, this is what I'm going to do.

And this is what I want to do.

And if something pops up, he still finds a way to communicate that, hey, this came up, but let me make it up to you, right?

Either way, a man who can keep his word is a green flag for me.

Number two, this is more so with friends.

They celebrate your wins without making it about themselves.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone?

a family, a friend, maybe even a spouse.

You know, sometimes there are weird relationships where people makes being competition with them, but have you ever had a conversation with someone?

Every time y'all talk about your accolades or what you have going on and it's all positive, they flip the story and make it about them.

And this is not an attack.

on anyone.

And the reason why I say that is because, again, this is real life, real conversations.

These are all things that I used to do.

And I used to do them unintentionally, right?

I would be having a conversation with someone and they would bring something up about them.

And then I would be like, oh, yeah, me too.

Or a matter of fact, I just ABCD.

So much to the point where they began to act away and I'm like, what's the problem?

Because it's not about you, Jazz.

You gotta keep it real with yourself.

You have to start supporting people in a way to where everything is not about you.

And what I mean by that is I never tried to make it about me, but subconsciously I would do it to find a common ground to say, hey, I can relate.

That was my way of saying I can relate.

But it's not going to always come off that way, right?

So again, the green flag is when you're having conversations with your friends and you're talking all good stuff and they just let you have your moment.

They don't make it about them.

I love that.

Number three, when they apologize without adding, but you did this, but you said, but you promised.

I can't stand a but you, but you, but you ASS Negro.

I cannot stand it.

I cannot stand a person who always have a rebuttal after an apology.

So a green flag, another green flag for me is if this man can apologize without flipping it and saying, well, I apologize, but if you didn't do this, then I wouldn't have done that because that's not self accountability.

My fourth green flag is you never ever have to wonder where you stand.

Oh my gosh.

This is the icing on the cake for me.

Reassurance, consistency, all of that, direct communication.

When a person lets you know where you stand, there's nothing like it because, again, it goes back to the let them theory and the fear of uncertainty.

If you are uncertain about something, you're going to react in an impulsive way.

And then that triggers you to then begin to, you know, build a wall or move out of fear.

So being around someone or being with someone who, uh, let you know, never leaves you wonder, wondering where you stand.

And ladies, specifically to my sisters, I'm just going to keep it real with y'all, right?

If that man is telling you he too busy or if that man got every excuse in the books, that is a form of him telling you where you stand.

where he stand, where you stand in his life.

You just have to be 100 with yourself.

We talked about it earlier, the fact that we give grace to everyone else except for ourselves.

We are so understanding.

I understand why you had to cancel.

I understand why you, you know, this happened because you're going through this.

I understand, I understand.

But sometimes that understanding or those actions is not meant for you to understand.

Sometimes those actions are trying to tell you where you stand.

But you're under it.

You can't see it because you're not paying attention and my fifth and final green flag is They bring peace and no confusion God is not of chaos and confused fusion.

No folly.

No foolishness, right?

This is another way for you to know No matter if it's work.

No matter if it's a relationship friendship, whatever when you are around people

And there is an extreme amount of chaos, but we're not talking about organized chaos.

We're not talking about chaos in a setting of things happen, right?

We know that's life.

Things are going to happen and you have to learn how to maneuver through them.

But there are just simply some people that comes with so much destruction that's attached to them to the point where every time you talk to them, something is happening.

There's a problem.

There's drama.

Right.

There's an argument or something bad is going on in their life.

You know, this happened.

My house, whatever the case may be, is just always chaos and confusion.

When that is not a part of the picture, that is a green flag for me.

When you come to the table with all your ducks in a row, when you come to the table with as a grown man or, you know, as a best friend, whatever the case may be, when you just are a part of my life and there is absolutely no.

Chaos and confusion that is such a beautiful feeling because again, we all are grown No one wants to be a part of that No one wants to be a part of the riffraff Especially if you come from a place like me We grew up in an environment where it was constant chaos and confusion So earlier we mentioned that during the let them theory as well a lot of people who grew up in environments where is it it is chaotic

Peace is uncomfortable for them.

They don't know how to accept it because all they know is chaos and confusion So when you bring a certain amount of peace It actually disrupts them it makes them feel like something is off like something doesn't seem right, right?

That's not cool, man That is not cool at all.

We got to go to break

Um, when we come back, we are going to, uh, continue this conversation and have, uh, let's be honest segments.

Specifically for my ladies, I want to hear from you.

Um, 833-212-1017.

Do not touch that dial.

It's your girl Jazz Tyler.

101.7 is the truth.

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Welcome back to the tap in with your girl, Jazz Tyler.

Listen, today, if you are joining us, we've spent this afternoon talking about boundaries, self-worth, consistency, and the stories we've been talking about love.

But this last hour,

Um, we gotta loosen up a little bit primarily because it's all jokes.

It's all funny games.

But, you know, when I bring you these conversations, I bring them to you from an authentic version, right?

In an authentic way.

Um, these are real life scenarios, real life situations that I myself or someone I'm close to have gone through, but typically.

I, myself, something that I've been through along my healing journey that I love to share with you all.

And with everything that's happening in the world, we still have everyday life.

And while we are constantly distracted by the ways of the world and the weight of the world,

Um, it's not often that we get a chance to have these real conversations where we can continue to, you know, work on ourselves and just become a better version of ourselves.

So again, if you are joining us today, I've been talking about something called the let them theory.

Um, I was growing on social media the other day and I ran across this, uh, this, um, uh, Instagram posts.

And the let them theory says that if someone wants to act a certain way, let them, if they misunderstand you, let them, if they don't talk to you, let them, or if they treat you inconsistently, let them, not because it doesn't affect you, but because their actions already give you information about who they are and what they want.

Instead of forcing things, you accept the reality that you can't control everything like how someone feels, how they show up, or how you want them to choose you.

By choosing to let

them you start to see things more clearly you start to learn to choose yourself your standards your boundaries and it helps you see people for who they truly are so with that being said I want to um tap into uh the let's be honest uh segment primarily because I just want us to be vulnerable and to be true uh when it comes to these conversations shout out to the chat

My other elephant says, jazz, that sounds transactional.

This why relationships do not last.

Most of the people I am close to are there because of who they are, not because of who they are and what they bring to the table.

So dating for potential is not transactional.

If I'm understanding what you're saying, when we're talking about not dating for potential, we're talking about not dating for potential based off of the potential you see in someone.

Because oftentimes we date for potential

And the person we're dating don't even understand who they are, right?

That means you're pouring into an empty cup.

You're pouring into someone and you're investing into someone based off of what you know they can be.

It's the same saying as a lot of people there.

When I was younger and I was doing music, I took it serious, but I didn't understand it to this entirety because I could not see what everyone else that I was around could see in me.

This is why they begin to invest in me.

This is why they begin to pull me close to them I thought they just wanted me to make it but they seen something in me But I messed up so many times and made so many mistakes because I did not see in me what they had seen in me That's what happens when we date for potential in that aspect Right when you get with the woman or a man and you see the potential in them

but they don't see it in themselves.

So you begin to create these false narratives of a life or a person you want them to be when they have not shown you or proved to you that that's the person they are trying to be.

The other side of that is you can also date for potential, but you can date for potential with someone who understands that they have potential.

You can date for a potential when you're dating someone who understands who they want to be.

So if someone comes to me and say, hey, yeah, you know, I'm about to open up this business.

OK, you got your LLC?

Oh, no.

But my guy said, da, da, da, da.

And you like him and you like the way he move and you like the way he look.

But all he told you was what he wanted to do, right?

That's dating someone who may have potential.

He may have some potential.

Then you have someone that comes along and say, I'm trying to open up this business.

I just left from the city hall.

I went to the licensing committee.

They approved my license.

Now I got to go through this.

I have to wait on this other division to come down and get me this.

And then once this is done, now I need to go and hire this person and that person.

They're telling you a plan.

They're telling you that they see the potential they have within themselves, right?

So you have two different forms.

of dating for potential.

The dating for potential that I'm talking about us to avoid is dating people because we see something in them, right?

That's a project.

That's a project.

I don't care how you put it.

It is.

You're dating someone based off of delusion, especially if they have not shown you that they know their worth and that they have potential.

My other elephant always also says well to be honest after getting the cookie most gentlemen bill so this should already be known Yeah, that's that's the truth to like again If it don't apply let it fly Um, so we're talking about the let them theory and I want to do this segment called let's be honest because I feel like we are living in a world where a lot of people are delusional self-accountability

I'm all about self-accountability, so ladies, I'm coming to you first.

What is the one thing women need to stop doing in relationships?

And be honest, A332121017, you can hit me up on Instagram at the Jazzy Effect, that's T-H-E-J-A-Z-Z-I-E, E-F-F-E-C-T, or hit the chat.

Hit the chat line.

What is one thing that women need to stop doing in relationships?

A couple of examples that I put together just based off of my past experiences is expecting for men to read our minds.

Listen, I don't know who I'm talking to, okay?

But y'all know exactly what I mean when I say that.

I know y'all see a lot of the social media posts and the jokes where the couples, they like, you know, she got an attitude, she's not talking, all he do is go and get her some food and then she start back talking.

That's how we treat everything.

We feel like you should automatically read our mind and to be fair, to a certain degree, you should.

But ladies, that is not fair.

You cannot expect for a man to read your mind.

That's a part of miscommunication as well.

We're always advocating for a man to be clear communicators.

We need reassurance.

We need you to tell us.

We don't understand.

You have to express your emotions, but we do the same exact thing.

We always expect for a man to read our mind like they're just supposed to know, right?

Half of them can't even...

They will lose their head if it wasn't on a body.

How do you expect for them to read our mind?

I'm serious.

And if you're married or you have been married or in a long time committed relationship, you know exactly what I mean.

It's a lot of men out here who depend on their women because they are a part of their flow and their structure their day to day.

It's a lot of great relationships, a lot of great women out here who help keep their man on track.

And it's a lot of men who know that.

So if it's hard for them to stay on track with little stuff during the day, what makes you think they're psychic?

They can't read your mind.

We have to stop doing that.

The other thing is testing people instead of communicating.

I am extremely guilty of this.

I don't do it anymore, but I used to, right?

All right, cool.

I'm gonna do this to see what he gonna do.

Girl, them is games.

Those are games and we don't play games.

Another thing that women need to stop doing is saying I'm fine.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

I'm fine.

OK, we sitting here watching Netflix and eating and you going to have an attitude the whole time like who wants to sit next to you with an attitude?

Cause if I was him, I'd be like, I'm going, I'm going in the man cave.

I'm going in the bedroom or I'm going by my God house.

I'm not about to sit around this.

If something is bothering you, say it and say it without being in your feelings.

Say it in a way where it's like, Hey, this is how you made me feel.

Right?

And, and I know I'm opening up Pandora's box when I say that because it's a trick question.

When a woman say I'm fine and and and act and we really not Oh, baby.

It's a lot that we want to unpack It is a lot that is a dangerous question to ask Are you okay?

What's wrong with you?

Not are you okay?

But what's wrong?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I'm fine No, you're not what's wrong.

Do you really want to know because what she's going to do is bring up something from earlier that day?

She gonna bring them something that was stuck in her back in her mind, too Like you ever been in a situation in the argument or a disagreement where you like dang I should have said this so now I got to figure out a way to say it because it's still bothering me Be careful with that one fellas.

Be careful with that.

Um Ignoring our own standards because we are afraid to start over Man listen

That is something that women most definitely that we have to stop doing in relationships Ignoring our own standards because we are afraid to start over Right.

It is scary starting over especially in today's day and age it is extremely scary, but I Will rather be by myself and know who I am instead of settling for a relationship to be what someone else want me to be which is someone I'm not

That don't work for me.

Never lower your standards.

Never lose yourself in a relationship if you are that wife or that mom and You know, you're like, hey, I had dreams but now I know baby still live those dreams You may not have to push them as hard as you did before you came became a wife or a mother But you still need to be your own individual self.

So does a man Again, this is also a part of the let them theory

Meaning you have to let people be who they are individually, right?

It's healthy to be in a relationship with someone and you allow them to be themselves and you're yourself and then you figure out a way to make it work You have to figure out a way to make it work All right We got to go to break to take another to pay another bill when we come back Fellas it's your turn.

What's one thing men need to stop doing?

In relationships and trust me when I tell you this is

You know, I was with the ladies, but I'm with y'all too, fellas.

I got y'all back too.

Don't touch that dial.

It's your girl Jazz Tyler, 101.7, the truth.

This is nothing against the fellas.

This is actually me defending the fellas, right?

Um

And the reason why I say that is because I know oftentimes we attack the men, but I am telling you men from a woman's point of view as your sister, so you will know what to do.

So here's my list of some things that men should stop doing when it comes to relationships.

Calling vulnerability weakness.

And again, understand that this stems from something that's deep rooted.

A lot of men, especially men of color, were brought up not to express their emotions.

Right?

Or when they do, they end up becoming hurt.

So it makes them extremely hard body, right?

Like you can see the emotion inside of them, but it makes it extremely difficult for them to express themselves.

And a lot of times, ladies, I'm going to be honest because when I was younger, I used to do this and this is so not cool.

A lot of men call vulnerability weakness because

Every time you get into a argument, you bring up something that they tell you that was sacred to them when they were in a vulnerable moment.

Now, they view that as a sign of weakness and they no longer want to communicate how they feel.

You cannot do that.

You cannot throw things in your man's face that he has told you in confidence when he was being vulnerable, right?

And at the same breath, fellas.

If you forgive her for that, you can't continue to hold her to that and then just completely stop expressing how you feel.

Another thing that men should stop doing in relationships is waiting days to communicate, right?

Obviously, this is for the couples who don't live together.

Don't wait days to communicate when you feel when something is happening because an idle mind is the devil's playground.

And a lot of times, instead of saying, you know what?

I think that we should take a couple days to regroup.

I need to reflect, you need to reflect, you know, and then we bring it back together so that we can continue to have a healthy relationship instead of just completely not saying anything.

I don't know if that's just a man thing, like, but it seems like it, and it feels like it.

It feels like whenever something heavies or heavy comes along or some type of confliction happens,

It seemed like men just go days without communicating for whatever reason.

Um, another thing fellas, thinking that consistency is optional.

Come on now.

Somebody call in a three, three, two, one, two, one, zero, one, seven.

Cause we're going to talk about it today.

Men, you have to stop thinking that consistency is optional.

And this is for the woman that you don't want to get away.

This is for the woman that you know that you care about, that you know you want to be with, the one that you want to be with, and you may be a little scared.

You may be apprehensive depending on what type of woman she is and the situations that you've been in.

But one thing is for showing two things for certain.

When you are in the mind frame of thinking that you don't have to be consistent all the time, that's a red flag for women.

Because all we want is consistency.

We want consistency and we want to we want to feel like that we want to feel that reassurance, right?

We have a caller on the line.

Dion, are you there?

Yeah.

Thank you so much for tapping in with us.

How are you?

I'm welling you.

I am well.

That's good.

I'm calling about the comment as far as the no contact how.

the male many times won't speak to you if they have something on their mind if they're upset about something.

That's part of control.

And basically, I'm sorry.

I agree.

Yeah, that's part of control and many women, ladies don't understand that.

But basically the man wants you to give in and call them first or if they were in the wrong.

They want you to call them and apologize if you're in the wrong when it was really them in the first place.

Yes.

It's part of manipulation and brainwashing.

Yes.

Come on, Dion.

Talk about it.

I agree.

It is.

And it happens so often, so much to the point that if we're not careful, we will get caught up in that, thinking that they're trying to be vulnerable or they're just upset.

But no, they're really trying to manipulate the situation.

Exactly, exactly.

That is a

great point of

view.

And then some men that are messing around and doing what they shouldn't be doing, they act as if they forget what the conversation was before or what happened before because they deal with so many people, I don't care if it's just two people, they don't want to get confused and get the conversation mixed

up.

Yes, yes.

Oh, aren't they so sloppy?

So happy because women have

great memories intuition.

Yes.

And intuition.

And I'm going to tell you ladies out there listening, you need to use your

discernment.

Yes.

Yes.

Thank you so much, Dionne.

We talked about that earlier, too, with the discernment on how sometimes we confuse excitement with anxiety.

I'm sorry, anxiety with excitement, right?

We think that whatever we're feeling is butterflies, when in all actuality, it's telling you to run.

Mass destruction, run, run, stage left exit, get out of here.

This is not butterflies.

Baby, these are bumblebees.

We got another caller on the line.

The caller, are you there?

Yes, Jazz, I am here.

Thank you so much for tapping in with us.

And you were on point with many of the things that you said.

Because if you are intentional and consistent, most people, men or women will be more consistent with the person that they don't want to get away.

So the things that Dion was saying is behavior of someone who is willing to take a chance on you getting away.

Do you agree?

I agree wholeheartedly.

Because

if I need to control you, then you're probably not the person for me.

Because you're maybe you're not doing maybe that attempt is Because maybe you're not communicating in a respectable way that a man or a woman would go silent

so

the control would be self-control in many instances and so I think their relationships are so specific

that

every instance would be different, but if you keep in mind just

Being a good person and treating people the best that you can and paying attention to people that will only intensify with the person that you consider the most special.

And that's my take on this situation.

Absolutely.

Thank you so much for tapping in with us today.

The caller in.

You heard it from the horse's mouth, right?

I love when we get opinions from both men and women, mature men and women who actually understand because this is the truth and people are tired of playing games out here, right?

There are a lot of people who are in relationships or situationships or just a situation in general where there is just too many games being played.

Again, the

calling, vulnerability, weakness, waiting days to communicate, thinking that consistency is optional.

These are not options.

Two other things on my list is avoiding difficult conversations.

And Dion actually tapped into this a lot.

A lot of men, when something happens, especially if they know that they've wronged you, they try ways to avoid the conversation, which means that they lack accountability.

It means that

Whenever something and this is a red flag So if you are not committed in your dating or if you are in the beginning of a relationship and you are dealing with the man who?

likes to avoid having difficult conversations run Because at the end of the day when something happens he's not going to be able to properly communicate that with you and he is going to find a way to release it It's just not going to be with you again.

It goes back to the let them theory, right?

And it goes back to what the college just said.

Your actions will always speak and show exactly who you are.

People actions expose them.

If they are not willing to be consistent, if they are not willing to sit down and respect you enough to have a conversation, baby, they showing you exactly who they are.

The last thing on this list for me is confusing pride with strength.

There are a lot of prideful men out here who are operating in ego.

And they confuse that with being strong.

I'm a strong man.

I have strength.

I have a backbone.

No, you have pride.

You have pride and you have ego.

And pride and ego is a perfect recipe for self-destruction.

A prideful man cannot lead properly, right?

Because everything that you do is going to be out of emotions.

Everything you do is going to be out of self-gain.

It's not going to have anything to do with the relationship overall, right?

You cannot be with someone.

You cannot be with a man who feels like pride is strength and who does not know the difference between the two.

Here's what I love the most about this conversation.

Nobody's perfect.

This isn't men versus women.

It's all of us trying to become

Healthier people and obviously there are people men and women on this earth who will refuse to be the healthiest version of themselves Because being the trash version of themselves benefit them more right so evidently This is not for them But for to to the people to the men and women the brothers and sisters out there Who are trying daily to be a better version of themselves?

I am one of those people

And it's a lot of work.

It's a lot of self-accountability.

It's not a trend.

It's a lifestyle.

You have to, in order to be the best version of yourself, you have to tap into a place inside of you that is so uncomfortable.

And you have to begin to have these conversations with yourself and with other people so that you can understand what you're dealing with.

And it also helps you with stopping the same cycle over and over and over.

We all know that one family member or that one friend or that one relative who's just like constantly dealing with the same type of people.

Every time you turn around, he always dealing with a Negro who ain't ish.

Or he always got some chick that's, you know, hot in a ass, okay?

They constantly attract the same type of people or deal with the same type of people.

because they refuse to become the healthier version of themselves.

All right, we got to go to one last commercial break.

When we come back, I am going to leave you with today's final thought.

Do not touch that dow should girl jazz Tyler one on 1.7 the

truth.

It's time for me to regulate.

For sure.

Observe, and you ain't going back.

No, no, no.

We got to show these motherfuckers what's up, though.

This is for the

honey.

He's still

super soft.

I don't want to be here.

101.7 the truth.

You are officially tapped in, Milwaukee.

Thank you all so much for tapping in with us today, man.

We had an amazing conversation about the let them theory in again.

You guys are not just listeners to me.

You are family, right?

We are family.

And in your family, everybody got that one auntie, that one uncle, the one cousin, you know, you got a various amount of different people.

And at the end of the day, that's how we have to view the community, right?

That's how you give grace to your people.

We all are here to learn.

We all are here to be the healthiest versions of ourself while we are on this earth.

So I want to...

Tap into my final thought today.

A couple of different things as it pertains first and foremost to let them theory.

There's three things that I want you to.

Here's my call to action.

Three things I want you to think about.

Um, certainty, human beings naturally chase certainty.

That's why rejection hurts so much because our brain doesn't just lose a person.

It loses the future.

It imagined with them.

Sometimes we are not grieving the relationship.

We are grieving the possibility.

Maybe you are not missing them.

Maybe you are missing the version of life you thought you were going to have.

Giving yourself grace.

That's what you have to do.

Stop being delusional.

And it sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

Stop creating false scenarios in your head because you like this man.

Stop creating false scenarios in your head because you like this woman.

Don't date them based off of who they could potentially be if they have not shown you already that they understand the potential that that sits within them.

Um, familiar ele-erity.

We often confuse familiar ele-erity with compatibility.

That word gonna kill me today.

I'm sorry.

I'm talking too fast.

See y'all here!

Back out!

My mind,

my

brain, my mouth is moving faster than my brain.

You need to read.

Just because I went to public schools.

No, just play.

Just because someone feels familiar doesn't mean that they are healthy for you.

Sometimes they remind us of old wounds, old chaos, old disappointments.

And because it feels familiar, we mistake it for love.

Again, the key word is feel.

Get out your feelings, right?

That saying of lean not on your own understanding is it because of any other reason other than the fact that you don't have the discipline or clarity to make proper decisions because you are constantly thinking with your heart.

Right.

And then we also talked about the sunk coast fallacy.

There is something called the sunk coast fallacy and it simply means that the more time we've invested into something, the harder it becomes to walk away.

Not because it's healthy, but because we don't want to believe that it was time wasted, right?

How many times you stayed in a friendship with someone who was your friend for 30 years, but the person you've been friends with for two years treats you better than the person that you've known your whole life.

It's always quantity over quality with us when it should be quality over quantity.

I can't leave him because we've been together for 30 years.

I don't know what I'm going to do without him.

No.

It's time, when it's time to walk away, it's time to walk away.

So we spend so much of our life trying to become enough for other people, enough to be chosen, enough to be loved, enough to be appreciated, enough to be remembered, but somewhere along the way we forgot to ask, am I being enough for myself?

Today wasn't just about telling anybody to walk away.

It wasn't about giving up on people.

It was about recognizing the difference.

between fighting for a relationship and fighting against reality.

Sometimes relationships deserves another conversation.

Sometimes it deserves counseling.

Sometimes it deserves patience.

And sometimes it deserves grace.

Sometimes if someone is grieving, you have to give them grace.

If they're healing, you have to give them time.

And if they're trying, you have to encourage them.

But if someone has consistently shown you that they do not value your presence, you gotta believe them.

Then you get to decide what protecting your peace looks like.

By choosing yourself doesn't mean you stop loving other people.

Let me say that again.

By choosing yourself, that does not mean that you have stopped loving other people.

Sometimes it simply means that you finally started to love yourself too.

And as you head home tonight, I want you to think about that.

And I want you to pour it into the people that love you, right?

Your children, your parents.

Reach out to the friend who's been on your mind.

Tomorrow is not promised at all.

Tomorrow is not promised.

That's why you cannot spend your time on people places and things that do not matter We don't have a lot of time on this earth and if you Map out your day-to-day life minute by minute hour by hour This is an exercise that I've done for myself.

I've sat down and went through every hour of the day

One day during the week one day on the weekend how much of my time is being spent to someone else and That's someone else is they worthy of this amount of time that I'm spending Right Let me know I Had to let myself know I had to look and see look at it on paper and take a look and say hold on just how I budget my bills

I have to budget my life.

Just how you budget your bills, you have to budget your life.

You have to budget your time.

We don't have time to waste.

I'm not in the business of having or tending to transactional relationships or situationships.

That means me no good because time, my time is valuable.

My presence is valuable.

The more time I spend on something or someone that is not for me the less time the person I should be spending time with that doesn't get it and This doesn't just apply to relationships.

This is in general.

This is overall right When we are spending time in rooms and on things that doesn't matter we are out of alignment And when you're out of alignment

You cannot receive whatever it is that the creator has for you because you're distracted.

Don't allow people to be a distraction.

If you're in a situation ship or a relationship and everything that we've talked about today resonates with you, this person is not being consistent.

This person is not making time to have difficult conversations.

This person is going days without communicating.

This woman is, you know, finding faults in you or she's throwing things in your face that you told her in confidence or she agrees with the whole happy wife, happy life mentality.

That's the situation that you don't belong in.

So again, to take it back to the top with the let them theory.

If someone misunderstands you, let them.

If someone does not choose you, let them.

If someone chooses not to support you, let them.

If that family member that's been jealous their whole life over something that happened in the 80s slanders your name and gossip about you, let them.

Because at the end of the day, I choose me.

I'll rock with me because I know I'm solid.

And all you're doing is proving my point.

But most importantly,

There's a different type of piece behind the let them theory.

There's a piece because again, you don't have to play the actions matching the words game.

I'm not going to play that game with you.

I'm not going to allow you to tell me something and then I have to wait a certain amount of time to see if you're going to do it.

Because if you're doing that, your actions are already showing me why I need not to be dealing with you in the first place.

People will expose themselves.

You just have to step back and let them Stop getting in the way trying to force them to choose you stop getting in the way trying to force them to communicate or or Give them a version of you that they cannot offer because you see the potential in them That they don't even see within themselves And then you wonder why you around here tired exhausted don't got no energy

Don't want to have fun don't want to do anything because you are so busy giving what's inside of your cup for other people My people we gots to do better We gots to we gots to do better.

So I leave y'all with that man

Thank you all so much for tuning in.

Tomorrow, we got a special guest in the building.

This is my dear sister, Sheena Scarborough.

She is the mother of the deceased Shadee Robinson Rest in Peace, baby girl.

We're going to sit down and have a conversation with her about Shadee Robinson's case as well as chime in on the Nolan Wells case as well.

You do not want to miss this interview at five o'clock p.m.

Listen, as always, Truth Nation, I love y'all.

Thank you all so much for tapping in.

and make sure y'all tune in tomorrow morning for the morning show with Homer Blow and Bailey Cummins followed by Sherwin Hughes, and then headed into the lunch break with my good brother Ray Nitty and Shannon, maybe Shannon, followed by The Great Vine and then double back with your girl Jazz Tyler, tapped in 4 p.m.

to 7 p.m.

Monday through Friday.

Peace and love, Truth Nation, y'all have an amazing

evening.

Ain't no way I'm mistakenness Those ain't my shoes under the bed Those ain't my capy and my head over thinking again But I know I ain't blind

Who been laying where I

lay?

Who been calling you fake?

Those ain't my shoes under the bed

Don't even try to explain Whoa, yeah You been movin' different lately Phone on solid screen face down daily Singin' side, roll away from me Now it's makin' sense, yeah It's hard to crazy, yeah Got a sin in the air, I don't wear In that size right there, yeah that ain't

fair

Pick em up, yeah I know they ain't mine Now you got me questioning all

Tryna play it cool, but I know what it is Ain't no way I'm mistakenness Those ain't my shoes under the bed, yeah

Even tried.

Welcome back to Tap Being with your girl, Jax Tyler, on the award winning 101.7 in truth.

If you are just joining us today's conversation has been incredible.

We've been talking about the leptom theory, not as just a dating trend, but as a lesson in self worth boundaries and acceptance.

Do not forget to like and subscribe to our YouTube channel and shout out to the chat.

Sherwin says,

He does not agree with the happy life, happy wife.

I don't either.

If there's any husbands out there who are currently experiencing this and you have been affected by the happy wife, happy life, please call 833-212-1017.

He says, Jazz, would you ever marry again?

Absolutely would.

I absolutely would.

I am not a woman.

I am a lover girl.

I am a woman.

You know, I believe that in order to move through life into completed, uh, you know, the way that you should, you have to have your counterpart.

Um, Marty says, I've been there, done that.

She ran through my bank accounts, talked to random, took random dudes around my children, be careful who you love.

I had her in a sub suburbs in Burlington, Wisconsin, good credit.

And she still fumbled the bag.

Man, listen, it's all bad, Marty.

Uh, we got a caller on the line.

Sam, are you there?

I am here.

Can you hear me, Jess?

Yes.

Thank you so much for tapping in with us.

How are you today?

I'm doing pretty good.

I want to address a couple of things.

One is listening every night and letting you know you do an excellent job.

just had a, finally had a chance to call in.

I

wish

I could have got in when you had the night, when you had the Home of Blows show going on.

I used that man over the years for parties.

That man that did weddings, did my kids weddings, did family members and stuff.

I couldn't get in on there, but I'm listening.

I'm trying to get into you doing a great job and tonight's topic, it hits home.

I know folks who experienced that man just trying to please folks and you feel for them, but

In the end, they end up, in the end, not even pleasing the person or themselves.

You never win when you overdo that like that.

So great topic and just wanted to just recap and let you know.

I love your show and keep doing your thing.

Appreciate you.

Thank you so much.

Peace and love.

Thank you.

I'm from the mill.

I ain't trying to tell all my business.

I'm from the mill, but you know, when I'm not only from the mill,

But I'm from North Division.

So, you know, I'm deep.

I'm deep in it.

Are you over there?

I see.

You

as well.

Thank you so much.

Robert Lane says after my third wife, I promise myself I wouldn't get married again.

Listen, Rob, I don't know how you got to your third wife, but my advice will be if you do not want to marry again, I will completely understand that.

I would.

It sounds like, hey,

Again, not no judgment here, you know, at least you were married, right?

At least you're not just out here just community, you know all around Willy-nilly, man I get it.

We have another caller on the line brother.

Love.

Are you there?

Hey, hey Jess, how you doing today?

I am doing good.

Thank you so much for tapping in with us.

How are you?

I'm feeling real good jazz.

I just want to

Coming on this let Let me let them go theory

Yep, let them so the let them theory is basically saying that when people Choose to behave a certain way towards you You just let them if they misunderstand you if they you know play you if they don't support you you just have to let them

Right, and you know that that's so true jazz and

When I was, you know, I never, in all of my sisters, all of my cousins, I never had nobody in my family or women that I met involved in any type of domestic violence situation.

So, but evidently, but there's a problem in the country with that as I hear people talk.

So what I would like to do is I will, you know, I ride past the graveyard tonight and, you know,

they

there, I might as well ask, is there anything that you,

What did they listen?

Didn't let someone you love take your life.

Listen, you know what, brotherly love?

I think that to your point, it goes back to the let them.

And I spoke about this earlier.

The reason why when I first read this, I was like, hey, I'm not about to allow someone to just walk all over me.

But I read it out of context.

Basically, what it's saying is you have to have peace.

You have to choose yourself enough to say, you know what?

I'm not going to allow you to continue to do this to me.

But I'm going to let you do it for the simple fact of it's your choice.

If that's what you choose to do, that's what you choose to do.

But your choice does not define who I am.

Right?

It does not define who I am.

But I want to go a little bit deeper with this, right?

As far as the biggest lie we've been told about love, before we went to break, we were talking about some of the lies we've been told growing up, right?

Loves means suffering.

Love means proving yourself.

Love means waiting and fixing somebody and just, again, being that right or die.

Sometimes the problem isn't the person we choose, but sometimes it's the fact that we've been taught to

to love a certain way.

We've seen our parents, our grandparents, movies, songs, all of that.

We've seen things around us to train us on what love is supposed to look like.

But my question to you all is, what is the biggest lie you've ever been told about love?

I'll go first.

For me, I think the biggest lie is if they love you, they'll change.

I mean, people can grow.

Absolutely.

People can mature.

But growth has to be their decision, not your project.

Again, ding, ding, ding, that word, project.

It has to be their decision.

Love is not a renovation show.

You don't get the blueprint, hire the contractors, and then expect someone else to become your dream partner.

That's not how this goes, right?

If they love you enough, they'll change.

No.

Why are you in the business of trying to change somebody anyways?

Again, that goes back to...

Creating that false reality in your head that does not exist You are dating for potential you are friends with someone for potential You are with them because of everything you want them to be not because of who they are That's really delusional.

I'm not being funny.

I'm not trying to talk about anyone but I'm being honest that is delusional right now Let's take this a little bit deeper

because a lot of these are pattern recognition behavior.

A lot of this is pattern recognition behavior.

We naturally seek familiarity as human beings, right?

Even what's familiar sometime isn't healthy.

If you grew up in an environment that was chaotic, or if inconsistency was not normal, if expressing yourself was not normal,

then peace is not going to feel normal.

That's why healing isn't just learning new habits.

Sometimes you have to train.

You have to unlearn and relearn.

You have to retrain your nervous system to stop confusing anxiety with excitement.

And ladies, you know exactly what I mean when I say this, because we get the butterflies.

Those aren't butterflies.

Homegirl, those are not butterflies.

Those are warning of mass destruction.

Run.

Your body is telling you something ain't right.

And you over here googly eyes, hey, oh my gosh girl, he give me butterflies girl.

Oh my gosh, he pulled up on me and I went outside and he brought me some roses and you know, kiss me on my cheek and tell me a smell good and set this and set that.

And I got, no, those are not butterflies, my love.

That is anxiety that is anxiety because your body your nervous system Your spirit is picking up something that you can't because you're stuck on dumb dumb dumb You're all in your heart all in your chest You're all in your feelings that you can't pay attention clearly to understand so you are confusing anxiety with Excitement right I remember I was getting my hair done by my good friend Anitra

Um, and I was sitting in her chair.

We was, it was her anniversary.

We were talking about her marriage and I was asking her like, how did you know that Corey was the one?

Right?

She was like, I was like, did you get excited?

She was like, no.

I actually, initially I didn't, you know, I wasn't into him like that, but I knew he was the one because I was calm.

I had this sense of calmness in my body, this sense of stillness, right?

Not butterflies.

Not, she said butterflies is anxiety.

And when I sat there and thought about it, I'm like, it is, it is a form of anxiety.

But we've been brought up in an environment of survival so much to the point where, again, it goes back to if you have grown up in chaos and confusion, if you have grown up in unstable or there wasn't any consistency, anything opposite of that is going to feel abnormal.

Anything opposite of that is going to feel like out of the ordinary, right?

So again, you have to unlearn and relearn to train your nervous system to be accustomed to, you know, those triggers.

What is making me feel this way?

Don't confuse your feelings with your nervous system.

Those are two completely different things.

Again, this is going back to the let them theory, right?

When you are you tired from life is life hard and you're exhausted because of life or is it because of someone else?

Because you're holding on to someone that you should have let go or someone who has already let you go.

And then the biggest lie about love.

We create these false scenarios in our head because we're scared of rejection.

We're scared of uncertainty And whenever something is not certain, what do you do?

I'm gonna make up something because I need an answer It's like the people who's always like you did me wrong.

I need an apology.

What is an apology going to do?

Nothing, right?

I don't care about no apology.

You you done did what you did It's the same thing

with love, with dating, with relationships, with friendships, with all of the above, right?

We gotta go to break when we come back.

We are playing a new game called Truth or Trend.

I am going to read you popular relationship advice from social media, and we're going to decide together.

Is it wisdom or just another internet trend?

Do not touch that dial, should girl jazz tie the 101.7 to truth.

Trying to silence me, yeah, my anxiety can't... What a one point

seven is

true!

You have officially tapped in with your girl, Jazz Tyler.

Welcome back.

If you are joining us, we are talking about the Let Them Theory.

I've seen this on social media.

Listen, and I had to talk about it.

If people, you know, treat you a certain way, you got to let them.

If they don't support you, you got to let them.

And that's cool, right?

You have to let them.

We're going to tap back into that.

But before we do, I want to introduce our newest segment, Truth or Trend, right?

How it works is I'll read a popular saying.

You tell me, is it truth or is it just a trend?

We are joined by our intern, Teris.

You ready?

Let's talk about it.

Hello.

OK, so round one, here's the question.

I want to ask you the question.

And then I'm going to.

And then you just answer like rapid fire, right?

And you can explain as well.

So first question is if they wanted to, they would.

Truth.

Truth.

All right.

Round two, protect your peace.

Truth, okay, and the third one never chase anyone truth.

Yes, so So you say three out of three truth all truth.

All right, so I believe that if they wanted to They would That's true for sure.

Yes,

I

agree because you are making a conscious decision to say hey I I don't want to do that or yes I do want to do that right people make time for and what who they want

I don't care what the circumstances are.

I don't care if you're going through something.

I don't care if it's depression.

I'm going to make a way, right?

Now to protect your peace.

So this is tricky for me because I do protect my peace by any means, but I feel like social media has made it such a trend.

What do you

think?

It depends.

I feel like it depends.

Yes.

Do you think it's more of, do you think that it's the truth?

But social media made it a trend.

So now it's kind of watered down.

Yeah.

It's giving people, they don't have to try as hard.

I feel like

they

think

that.

All right.

So the never chase anyone, like, is that healthy or does every meaningful relationship require somebody to make the first move at some point?

You got to want to be chased.

It depends on the person.

Yes, it do.

Look, I want somebody to show that they care and they want me.

Yeah, I agree.

So the never chase anyone.

I feel like that's the truth.

to your point, because at the end of the day, somebody does have to chase somebody.

I'm not going to do the

chasing.

I do the

choosing.

Exactly.

I'm not doing the chasing.

Thank you so much, Terri.

We're going to bring that back tomorrow as well.

Here's what I think.

I think that healthy relationships are about chasing.

They are about reciprocating.

And one person shouldn't always be carrying the relationship, right?

Hey.

Stop carrying the relationship that goes back to what we talked about earlier.

As far as how hard life is, right?

Are you tired and exhausted because you are fighting for people who already made their choice?

You fighting for something that does not exist?

It no longer exists.

It hasn't existed.

Earlier we was talking about the happy wife, happy life.

I know y'all got some homeboys or some homegirls who are in relationships that don't want to be in a relationship and they're only there because life is just a little bit more simple and a little bit more easier with them being there.

I want to go back to the mind thing when I was talking about, you know,

Things being familiar.

Again, we are talking about the let them theory.

I was scrolling on social media the other day, um, ended up running across this, uh, post on Instagram.

And initially when I read it, I was like, eh, ain't no way I'm a, I'm going to allow someone to just constantly walk all over me, but I had to take a step back, have some conversations.

And then I began to reflect and think like, Oh, I get it.

So the let them theory says that if someone wants to act,

a certain way you have to let them.

If they misunderstand you, let them.

If they don't talk to you, let them.

Or if they treat you inconsistently, let them.

But not because it doesn't affect you, but because their actions already give you information about who they are and what they want.

So for those who are joining us, I mentioned earlier, when you allow someone to just expose themselves, it eliminates you having to play the words matches action game.

And if you are a lady, well this goes for anybody, but specifically to the women.

If you are a woman who is in the dating world, you know exactly what I mean.

Oh, you are going to spend time.

Trying to add up if the actions are matching the words when the actions are already giving you the actions and answers to begin with right the second part goes on to say instead of forcing things you accept the reality that you can't control everything like how someone feels how they show up or how you want them to choose you By choosing to let them you start to see things more clearly and you learn to choose yourself You learn to choose your standards and your boundaries

And it helped you see people for who they truly are.

Listen, again, that is a form of peace.

That is a form of saying, you know what?

I accept you for who you are to its entirety, right?

Did you know, again, that we naturally seek out what's familiar, even when what's familiar isn't healthy.

If you were growing up around chaos and confusion, peace can feel uncomfortable.

If inconsistency was normal,

Consistency can feel suspicious.

That's why a lot of times when you are dealing with people in certain capacities, not just a relationship, but when you are dealing with someone who has been in an environment of survival and they have not healed, when you bring, when you're genuine, you bring love and you bring consistency, you bring truth, you bring, you know, everything that goes against everything that they've been taught, it feels abnormal to them.

And we were talking about

how to retrain your nervous system to stop confusing anxiety with excitement.

Again, a lot of times when we're dating, we feel like we get butterflies when in all actuality, it's a warning sign.

It's telling you, no, this is not something that you need to be involved in.

This is not something that you need to be dealing with.

But instead of listening to it, we're in our feelings.

And then we begin to, you know, create a life or whatever it is that we want inside of our head with this specific situation.

And then when it doesn't happen or it doesn't exist, then we begin to feel the way when people start acting away.

But the truth is they've already shown us who they were.

We just did not want to accept it, right?

And then we dabbled in a little bit when it came to being told the wrong things when it comes to love.

So you add that on top of it, right?

If you love if you love me you gonna ride a dog for me If if happy life happy wife boy, and I know the fellas feel me on that If you are a man who is in a marriage or a relationship and you happy wife happy life You don't need to be there.

That is the truth because you are settling you are not at peace you are

Only there for you know convenience Or because again you were taught to love the improper way You just stick it out no matter what right?

It's going to get better They're going to change I said for me the biggest lie I've been told about love is if they if they love me they'll change No, they won't people are going to be who they are

You should never go into any situation assuming that you can change someone because you cannot.

You cannot force someone to be someone that they aren't and you can't force them to choose you.

You can't force them to behave a certain way towards you.

I was talking earlier when we were first talking about the let them theory that every time someone does has done something to me that went against.

You know, whatever it is that I would do, right?

It just made me realize why I rock with me even more.

It made me realize why I have standards in the first place.

Why I have boundaries because I used to be a people pleaser.

And again, that word scares people, but not in a sense of being ran over, but more so the fact that when I love someone and I love the people around me, I just want to see them win.

And because I want them to be successful so much, I have a problem with saying no.

Then when I begin to say no it becomes an issue which then becomes another issue So again, we are talking about the let them Theory we are breaking it down to its entirety when we come back ladies I got something for you What's one thing man thing impresses women that absolutely does not for example flashing money playing hard to get taken forever to text back

acting emotionally unavailable, talking about how many women want them so on and so on.

Now listen, fellas, don't get mad.

I got y'all coming up too, but coming up, we gon' flip the script and we gon' get to it.

It's your girl

Jaz Tyler, 101.7 of Truth.

Behind those numbers are our kids, our friends' kids, the next generation of Milwaukee.

This is what's at stake in the August 11th primary election, the future of every Milwaukee child.

You are officially tapped in with your girl Jazz Tyler on 101.7 in truth.

We got a caller on the line.

Mr. Lee, are you there?

Yes, I am here.

Can you hear me?

Yes, thank you so much for tapping in with us.

How are you today?

Bless by the best.

Appreciate your coming to appreciate the voice and how you you're invoking these questions of this.

I mean, you're invoking these discussions, but I want to just chime in real quick on the happy wife.

Happy life.

I mean, my understanding after being married 20 plus years.

five children, three adults, uh, and two younger ones.

Uh, the extension of that happy wife, happy life for me is, uh, she's an extension of me.

I'm treating her like I would treat myself.

So if she's happy, I must be happy, but I want to add to this.

Um, a joyous man now a joyous man.

That's God's plan.

I'm going to leave it at that.

Yes.

Yes.

Thank you so much, Mr. Lee, and you are absolutely right.

Right.

So in that context, if, if.

You know, if it don't apply, let it fly, meaning I understand what you mean for a man who is happy, happy life, happy wife, meaning as long as I make my wife happy, right?

That's my job as a man, then everything will be all right.

I understand that for men like you, but for the men who like to waste women time, right?

For the men who are, and what I mean by that is they know that they don't want to be there, but they are there for a convenience.

And they, hey, hands up, happy wife, happy life, whatever it is, that is unhealthy.

Not necessarily just for the woman, but it's unhealthy for the man because he feels trapped.

Like he can't speak, he can't talk, he's walking on eggshells, he's trying to tiptoe around triggers, he can't really be himself.

And at the bottom, the bottom line is he's just not happy, right?

That's the reality of it.

So before we want to break, ladies.