Grief Wrapped Up

Make sure you are following us on Instagram at 101.7 the truth and tap in MKE Thank you so much for Joining us today, and I am excited to be back.

It's been such an Inventful weekend Not just for me, but for the city overall.

I hope that you guys have enjoyed yourself

Don't know how you spend your holidays or if you celebrate holidays me personally.

I don't but I use it as time to You know spend with the family Call it like many family reunions.

So hopefully everybody got some good food in a system and some good adult beverages and I know y'all was playing some dominoes and spades and all of the above again happy Monday Hope that you all had a safe weekend

We are going to tap into a couple of different things today.

I really want to talk about my weekend in New Orleans.

Shout out to all of my family and, you know, for those who are not aware, I am from here, but my family is my origin is New Orleans.

So and that was my first time visiting, which is insane, right?

And I truly enjoyed myself.

I enjoyed the culture.

I enjoyed the events that we that I partake partook in all of the above.

So we'll get into that.

But to kick it off, it seems like Summer Festival is cracking.

I've heard a lot about the performances, about the Jelly Rose performance, LMA, just the entire festival wrapped up this weekend.

Hopefully next year to be even bigger and better.

Shout out to all of the performers.

It seems like it was a very eventful week here in the city of Milwaukee.

We are now prepping for Bronzeville Fest.

Yes, Bronzeville Fest will be the first week of August.

Shout out to Auto Woman Cogs and the Bronzeville Committee.

I am extremely excited about this festival as I am every year.

primarily because this is something that is ours.

It's owned by us.

It belongs to us.

We have a say so.

It's happening right in the heart of Brownsville.

And I am so looking forward to the events that's taking place.

And I ask that we, you know, support this just as much as we support Summer Fest and State Fair and Greek Fest and all of the above.

Let's make sure that we're supporting the festivals.

where we actually have a say so and where our people are partaking as well.

So again, shout out to the entire Bronzeville Festival committee, to Autonomic Hogs.

Typically there's about maybe three to five events per day, like for an entire week.

So there's plenty to do.

I know that they are looking for sponsorships.

So if you guys are sponsoring, please make sure that you.

Reach out to her office and again, go and support.

I'm excited about this week.

This week in particular, we have a very special guest joining us tomorrow.

Katina, Katina is over the Brewer's Foundation and I'm excited to interview her because we often don't see that many black and brown people in these positions.

I had the opportunity of

doing a field trip with my students at Howard Fuller about a month ago, a private event with the Brewers players where they got to, they gave away some, y'all call them Air Forces Milwaukee, we call them dookies.

They gave away some all white dookies.

We got a chance, we got some free shoes, got a chance to paint with the players and talk and make t-shirts and all of that stuff.

So I'm looking forward to speaking with her tomorrow regarding

Everything that the brewers has going on in her position.

So make sure y'all tap in now.

Let's get back into this New Orleans trip.

Okay.

Because I feel deprived.

I feel like I've been kept away from the best kept secret.

If anybody knows me, they know first of all, I'm a tourist.

So y'all know I love food.

I am a foodie.

I am a little big person.

I promise you.

I absolutely enjoyed.

New Orleans.

Oh my gosh.

First and foremost, I have to give a huge shout out to my sister, Satchewa Shakur, as well as Aisha Obafemi for hosting me and having me.

And I went down there just to spend some time with her, right?

That's my sister.

We have a sisterhood.

She is someone who is very, very important to me in my life, and I needed a reset.

I felt like I could breathe, you know, go down there and get in the pool, ladies night, all of the above.

We had some some great, great, great activities that we were involved in, which included the swimming pool at her home, some drinks, some good conversations and some amazing food.

One of the restaurants we went to, honey, let me tell you.

I'll probably gain about 5 to 10 pounds, baby.

We have some crawfish cornbread, okay?

Some char grilled oysters with the Parmesan cheese on top, a fried oyster, po' boys.

Oh my gosh, listen.

I am so, so, so excited to return just so that I can have some food.

Um, I love Canal Street.

It was very, very beautiful.

I was not aware how tropical New Orleans felt with the palm trees and the culture.

Um, again, my family, my origin is from there.

So I was excited to see people that actually looked like me.

And I don't know how to explain it.

Yes, we're all black, but there's a distinct look with French, Creole people.

And to see so many people, it was like.

Tupac on poetic justice, cousin!

Hey, hey, cousin!

So many people down there favor my mom, my aunts, my grandfather.

It felt authentic.

It felt real.

It felt like I was at home.

It just felt natural.

And I love the culture.

I love the Southern hospitality.

I love that when you're walking down the street, people speak.

Wherever you go, the customer service is great.

It just feels like home.

And we had an event the first day that I arrived that Thursday.

For those who are not aware, I'm also a board member on the Tupac Chukur, Amaro Chukur Foundation.

And we had an event at the Ishae Art Center that was geared around mental health as it pertains to arts.

And my sister said, as well as Brandon and a couple of other guests were speaking about.

mental health in the arts form and what it means to deal with grief, what it means to heal, what does joy mean, what does it mean to make yourself happy while expressing yourself, finding solutions to help you deal with grief, whether it's coloring, whether it's painting, whether it's music, whatever it is, just figuring out how you can get through whatever it is that you're getting through.

Um, it was a very, very powerful event.

Um, obviously I have some biases because I'm a board member, but everything we do is great.

And it was so amazing to see so many people become so emotional during this event and ask questions and try to, um, instead of a panel discussion where people are telling other people what they need to do, it was strictly solution based.

They weren't just talking about the problems.

It was like, hey, we want to hear from you.

What are you going through?

How can what I've been through help you get through what you're going through?

And it was very, very fruitful.

So again, this past weekend for me, other than, you know, one situation was very, very, very helpful, very amazing.

Got a chance to really sit down and kind of just reflect.

do some self-reflection as well as a lot assisting other people with reflecting in some beautiful conversations and a lot of what I experienced, I would like to, you know, as I always do.

Whenever I leave Milwaukee, I try and be fruitful.

I try to go and navigate through the world, obtain resources and information that we may lack and bring it back.

so that we can have some conversations because we all know that us as a city, we have things that we deal with that's similar to others in different cities and states, but obviously is personalized to fit us in the structure of our city.

And I want to make sure that the information I am receiving outside of Wisconsin is information that I can relate to you all.

in case you are not receiving this information.

And honestly, I need it for myself as well.

So again, we're going to talk about New Orleans, the Essence Festival.

We're going to get a little bit into how to deal with grief as well.

So stay tuned.

Do not touch that dow.

Truth Nation, we got to go to break.

Pay some bills.

One on one point seven to

truth.

Please, please, please.

No, not yet.

But why?

Because I love you, and you're just not ready yet.

Now, get in the back so I can get you in your car seat, please.

Putting your kids in the right seat for their age and size is an act of love.

Check that your kids are in the right seat at nitsa.gov slash the right seat.

Love protects.

A message from Nitsa and the ad council.

Listen, welcome back.

We are talking New Orleans.

New Orleans.

I just got back yesterday from New Orleans.

Um, I had to go to an event for the Tupac and Marble Chikur Foundation.

Um, we were discussing healing and grief, but also mainly just to visit my sister set.

Um, she invited me down there.

We had an amazing time and.

I am excited to tap into this Essence Festival, honey, okay?

Let me tell you.

Brandy and Monica.

First and foremost, Brandy is that girl.

I love Monica.

I absolutely love both of them.

But Brandy, performance, her stage presence, her spirit, everything about her, her catalog of music is just out of this world.

And I think oftentimes we forget

How much great music they've made.

Um, and then most importantly, sitting back looking, I'm like, dang, they really the ATs now.

It's crazy.

Like we grew up listening to their music.

So looking at them, um, as the quote unquote ATs, um, was something a little different.

We actually got a chance to see her in person at Houston as well, the restaurant, um, which was dope.

And then, um, yo, yo, yo, yo is, uh, a huge, uh, support system and a good sister of set as well.

She's also attended our events here for set day.

But she brought out yo-yo.

She brought out MC Light to do the I Wanna Be Down remix.

Like it was it was incredible.

Now the only cons is that it was about three to four hours long.

The concert started with Patty LaBelle, which was a problem for me because honey, that's Patty.

There is no reason why.

Patty LaBelle should be opening up for Babyface and Brandy and Monica in Leon Thomas.

That made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

But if they like it, baby, I love it.

Now, back to Brandy.

Brandy showed up and showed out.

Monica did as well.

But my favorite performance of them all, baby, was Babyface.

Oh, uncle, Kenny was doing his thing.

Do you hear me?

That man is 68 years old.

Got on that stage run it up and down like a little jitterbug with the young boys his backup singers I personally didn't realize how many hits babyface had written throughout all of these decades, so I was excited to To see that as well and to listen and just have You know a memory down a trip down memory lane listening to the songs he wrote for Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown and after seven and

My gosh, it was it was it was amazing.

It was amazing I mean as soon as I touched down and I and I arrived in the airport I could feel the energy I can feel the culture I can feel the people and When we got to the restaurant, I felt the people when we got to answer the festival I felt the people like it was just a beautiful beautiful beautiful event and again, I was extremely extremely excited to

get my first experience to kind of get a feel of where my family comes from.

And again, to see people that look like me, you know, little red tint on them, you know, certain type of bone structures with the cheekbones.

It was like looking at my family.

So, yeah, I was excited and I'm glad that I got the opportunity to attend that event.

So,

I mentioned earlier that prior to me attending the Essence Festival, we had the Tupac Amarba Shukur Foundation had an event at the Ache Art Center, which is a center geared around the arts.

But the topic was around healing and how to heal through arts, whether it's music, whether it's painting, whether it's poetry, whatever it is.

But there was a lot of conversation around grief.

and what it means to have joy and how do you separate what you're feeling from, what the weight of the world is, and so on and so on.

So today I want to talk a little bit about grief, especially because our city in particular not has been.

We continue to go through this.

When I was gone and I came back yesterday, the amount of

Incidents that I've seen take place with people losing their lives in this city was insane from accidents to violence to fights to all of the above and If anyone knows me y'all know that I don't like to dig too much in on the negative things I like to keep it positive But I also know that our city to its entirety is grieving We're not just grieving people that loved ones that we lost were grieving the state of our city

We're grieving the chaos and confusion.

It's just grief, right?

And it's hard to deal with it's hard to navigate through it when we have to go about our everyday lives And a lot of things a lot of people here tend to hold things in right?

We tend to hold things in we tend to mask how we feel Which is not healthy.

So I want to talk about grief today

when someone you love, not someone you like, but when someone you love is hurting, how do you support them without losing yourself?

And this doesn't necessarily have to mean the recent incidents, doesn't have to, you know, pertain to someone that you lost recently.

It could just be overall, because grief never stops, right?

Grief never stops.

And I think that's

a lot of the issues that not just the adults, but our youth face as well.

They become numb, right, internally.

But we know that it's due to them losing their peers.

It's due to them losing their favorite artists.

There are so many things that contribute to grief.

And a lot of times people don't properly grieve.

So I want to get into it.

I want to talk about grief and how to properly

You know, love someone during grief.

So my question to you is there's a couple of questions actually true nation, but I need some advice, man.

And for those who are listening, um, I asked that again, I don't want to make this a heavy topic today, but I feel the need in my spirit to speak about this because of the state that our city is in.

Um, and really the state that the country is in, um, as well.

But when you love, when someone you love is hurting,

How do you support them during the grief without losing yourself?

This is something that is personal to me.

This is something that is hard for me.

And I want to be as transparent as possible because the conversations I've had with my family and friends the past couple of weeks pertaining to this topic, I had to do some self accountability as well as them because a lot of times when

We're trying to love someone who is going through something.

We become very subjective, and we don't do it intentionally.

We do it because it's a defense mechanism, meaning that we're not trying to make it about us, but we're trying to figure out where do we fit in?

How can you help me help you?

How can I love you during the most difficult time of your life when I know that

What I'm giving or my love may not be a priority right now because it cannot change whatever it is that you're going through and this is something that is a conversation that is needed with Love ones with family with friends, but especially the youth my daughter she lost her Childhood friend.

This was the first friend she ever had in school in K4.

She lost her two days before her high school prom

a couple of months ago, and they were supposed to graduate together.

They were supposed to go to prom together.

They were supposed to go to college together.

And it's extremely difficult to navigate or help her navigate through her grief because I don't have an explanation on what that looks like for her, right?

One day, she's up.

One day, she's down.

It could be a smell.

It could be a song.

It could be a thought.

It can be anything that triggers you and sets you off.

And I wanna, again, I wanna have this conversation because what I want us to do as a community and as a people is to learn how to deal with our pain.

When we learn how to deal with our pain and the things that we don't talk about, we're less impulsive.

We begin to make decisions that, we understand the decisions that we make, right?

And they're less aggressive, they're less painful.

What do they say?

Hurt people, hurt people.

So we have to have these conversations so that we can begin to heal and begin to understand that we're not responsible for tiptoeing around your triggers.

I'm not responsible to, you know, I understand your triggers, but I can't tiptoe around them.

We have to do the necessary work and take ourselves and pull ourselves back to make sure that we are grieving properly so that we don't spill.

our pain onto other people.

And in that process, a lot of times our people, especially black people, all we know is how to be subjective because we want to show up.

We want, when we love, we love hard and we want people to know that we are there for them, that if you don't have, I don't know about y'all, but that's how I am.

If you don't have nobody, you got me.

If you don't have nobody to talk to, if you don't have nobody to depend on, if you don't have anyone to listen to, understand that you have me.

And again, a lot of times when we are dealing with people in relationships specifically, you know, it become, we can accidentally become a burden because we're, we want to feel what they feel, but it's impossible.

And we want them to feel what we feel.

We want our partners to know like, hey, I don't understand fully what you're going through, but your pain is my pain.

And because your pain is my pain, I'm hurting just as much as you.

So I'm willing to set everything in my life to the side to ensure that I can show up for you in a way that you never had, or if you have had it in a way that is unmatched, right?

And again, that's.

us being humans, that's something that's natural.

When you naturally care for someone, you want them to understand what that means and what that looks like.

But we have to understand how to love people through their grief properly without making it about us, without making it a youth show to where it's like, and again, we're being transparent, right?

Because a lot of times we do this.

When someone we know,

Losing somebody or if it's somebody we know we lost oh, that's someone so this my cousin this one I know and and and I look at it and a lot of people feel away But really is just an attachment is just a way for people to show love and to say hey I'm here But we have to figure out a way to properly love people while they grieve and give them the right Resources that they need so that we can have a better community.

So again, we are talking When you love when someone you love is hurting.

How do you support them?

without losing yourself.

833-212-1017.

Milwaukee, our city is grieving on many different levels, and we have to have this conversation.

Please call in today, 833-212-1017.

When someone you love is hurting and dealing with grief, how do you support them without losing yourself?

Do not touch that dial.

We gotta go to break 101.7 of Truth.

101.7 the truth.

It's your girl, Jazz Tyler.

Thank you all so much for tuning in with us today.

Today we are talking about grief.

Grief.

When someone you love is hurting, how do you support them without losing yourself?

This weekend, I had an amazing experience in New Orleans.

I went to Essence Festival, but most importantly, I went there to visit my sister, Szechuan Shakur.

And as a board member of the Tupac and Marble Shakur Foundation, I try to show it where I can in

I was pleased to attend an event we had surrounding health, mental health, and how we deal with that through arts and express and ourself.

And one of the topics was grief.

And as I came back home, I got hit with so many different things and I couldn't notice, I couldn't help but notice online the amount of incidents that had taken place in just 48 hours.

And one thing about me.

When I see that my city is grieving and I see that my people is grieving is something that I cannot ignore.

I cannot walk around like, you know, every day like, hey, nothing happened.

No, our and this isn't just the past 48 hours.

Our city has been grieving for a long time, right?

It seems like every day, every week, every month, every year, it gets worse and worse.

And it's not just the adults.

It's the babies.

It's the youth who are grieving and no one is dealing with it.

And we're not not talking about the the cookie cutter solutions, right?

Go get a therapist.

Well, we know that, right?

But people are actually losing loved ones.

People are dealing with things that they don't want to discuss and they don't know how to discuss it because everyone has become so numb.

The world the city the things that we go through it makes it hard for us to want to feel Because we get we've become accustomed to our loved ones passing away or just grieving people who are no longer You know a part of our lives, right?

So again, I want to hear from you.

A three, three, two, one, two, one, zero, one, seven.

When someone you love is hurting or grieving, how do you support them without losing yourself?

And I want to talk specifically with relationships and the relationship can be a friendship.

It can be a relative, a family member or your partner, right?

Um, I want to be, I'm going to be subjective in this when I speak about this.

A lot of times when us as a people, we.

or we know someone that we love who has lost someone, we become very subjective.

And what I mean by that is we don't do it purposely, but we make it about us.

We make it about, hey, know that I'm here, whatever you need from me, you know, just, we want this person that we love to understand how much we're there to support them.

And sometimes it could be a little bit overwhelming, right?

When someone is grieving, they may not communicate the same way.

They may not have the same energy.

They may not be able to show affection the way that they did before because they're going through something and you have to be okay with allowing them to go through that and understand first and foremost that grief changes people.

Okay?

Grief changes people.

There is no blueprint, no handbook, no solution.

There is nothing that you can give somebody.

to make them get over it or to make them get through it in that moment, you just have to let the course, have to let the situation take course, right?

What I do know in relationships, when you're dealing with people who are grieving, you love them a little differently, right?

The way that I help my best friend when she lost her grandmother, the way I help her deal with her grief may be different than my partner or my man.

the way I help him deal with whatever he's going through, that's different than the way I help my daughter deal with she's going through, or if I have a friend who lost someone, the way I help them deal with whatever it is that they're going through.

And one of the things that I have learned as someone who has lost someone and was in a state of grieving for a few years, and someone who has people who has lost loved ones, the first step is,

to be patient.

And obviously that sounds very simple, very minute, something that is logical.

We already know that, right?

But when you really, really break down grief and you pair that with patience, that is grief.

Grief is patience, which is why you have to have it.

Because at any given moment, at any given time of the day, that person who was going through something can have a thought.

that causes a trigger.

And then that alters their mood, that alters the way they're outlook on life.

Sometimes they may even want to give up, right?

Their mood is going to fluctuate for however long, maybe forever, because grief is something that never ends.

It never ends.

It just gets better.

So you have to be patient and you have to.

not be subjective and not make it about you and allow a person to go through whatever it is that they're going through.

With the patient, you have to pair that with understanding.

Because for me, for example, there's two people, significant people.

There's more than two people, but I'll use these situations.

When my aunt passed away, that was my second mother.

That was the backbone of our family.

That was the one who took

care of everybody, the strongest woman I know.

That grief was different than when my high school sweetheart passed away.

And I had to understand that I needed to be loved differently by different people because it was two different types of love.

So the patience, it allows you to analyze what you're dealing with.

And then the understanding allows you to find the proper solution on how to love this person.

your loved one, whom is grieving.

And for me, this is where the subjectiveness come in for me.

Instantly, because I'm an empath, I feel everything that someone is, even if I don't know them, I feel it in my bones, in my spirit, in my heart, all of that, I feel it to my core.

And there's no way that

I can hide it or deny it which makes it difficult for me to deal with people who don't understand that because I am one of those people where it's like I Don't want the people around me to feel the pain that they're feeling So I try my hardest to be there and show up in ways that they need me to But when you when I think about it, I don't know if we ever

Can because we're trying to we're trying to feel a void that can never be filled You're trying to show up.

You're trying to overplay your part You're trying to love on this person.

You're trying to be there.

You're trying to have patience You're trying to have understanding because you want them to know how much you care But the reality is the void that's gone can never be filled So you first have to accept that and understand that and be understanding when it comes to whatever it is that they're going to go through

Some people need space.

Some people when they're grieving, they don't want to be bothered.

And then there's other people who need that emotional support.

So you need to identify how does this person deal with their emotions?

Are they someone who like to verbally express it?

Or are they someone that like to keep it in and stay with me, right?

Because there's a point in all of this.

Again, our is not just people, you know, the whole city is grieving.

There's so much that's happening and so many people walking around here with heavy hearts, with no one to talk to and nothing to do.

And we still haven't figured out a way to properly love one of those who are losing people and who have lost people.

Expecting less performance emotionally.

A lot of times when someone is going through something, they're not available emotionally.

because they're going through whatever it is that they're going through.

One of the things that stuck out like a sore thumb to me when I was analyzing some stuff during my grieving moments was understanding quiet moments and allowing someone to sit in whatever it is that they're feeling without you or anybody else becoming a burden, right?

You have to, we all know we all have

lost someone we love or know someone who lost someone we love.

And we have these moments where it feels like nobody around understands.

And typically those are the moments where you go quiet.

And for those who are not used to that type of communication, it could come off a little harsh.

It could come off in a way where you feel like you're not needed or not wanted.

But the most important thing you can do, again, is not make it about you.

The most important thing you can do is let that person sit in whatever it is that they're feeling so that they can get through it.

That's the best solution just to get through it.

You don't want them.

You don't want to force them to get back to normal because there is no such thing as back to normal.

When you lose someone you love, that's it.

You can never get that back.

You will never be normal.

Life will never be the same.

And.

Sometimes when you're asking or you're doing certain things that you think help, it really don't.

It really doesn't help.

It really makes the situation worse because nine times out of 10, if you have lost someone, you know that you don't want things to go back to normal without this person, right?

You want it to go back to how it used to be and it's impossible.

So the worst thing you can do is try to force someone to get back into their regular routines.

They have maybe tried to shift them into a new direction, but you don't want to force that up on them.

That's not healthy for them.

That's not healthy for the situation.

You have to allow them to go through whatever it is that they go through.

My sister lost her son.

I know a lot of mothers, Shade Robinson, I work with her mother.

Mama Hamilton, Maria Hamilton, there's so many people.

that we've seen throughout here, so many resources and dealing with certain situations.

I've literally seen and talked to a lot of people who do the work when it comes to grief.

And again, one of the things that's always brought up is understanding quiet moments and not forcing someone.

to try and go back to quote-unquote whatever their normal life is.

Today we are talking about grieving.

When someone you love is hurting or grieving, how do you support them without losing yourself?

A332121017.

Milwaukee, it's a lot of things happening in this city.

My prayers go out to all of the people the past couple of weeks who have lost someone no matter what way it was, but there's a lot that's happening.

And I want us to talk about it.

I want us to find solutions.

I want us to to pray.

I want us to to send, you know, some prayers up, man.

I remember back in the day, they used to have marches where they would pray for the city in conversations.

And now it's all about the festivities and politicians.

And, you know, what about the people that that need prayers?

What about the people that need love and support?

Our babies are becoming numb because their friends is dying left and right.

There's children out here who are losing their parents, right?

Yes, we want justice.

Yes, we want assistance and therapy.

But right now, we're dealing with grief.

How do we deal with that?

How do we love someone?

How do we support them without losing ourselves in the moment?

We got to go to break.

Do not touch that doubt.

She girl, Jazz Tyler, 101.7 of truth.

We're on one point, stepping the truth, Fisher Girl, Jazz Tyler.

We are live and direct in the American Family Insurance Studio in the beautiful heart of downtown Milwaukee today.

I was out of the state this past weekend, visiting New Orleans, visiting my sister, attending an event for the Tupac and Marvel Shakur Foundation, as well as Essence Festival.

And during the event with Pax Foundation, we were talking about healing through arts and

One of the topics that came up was grief.

And as I returned home, I seen within 48 hours, there were so many people who had lost a loved one, whether it was an accident, whether it was a violence, whatever it is.

And as someone who has been in this community for quite some time and doing the work and working with people who has lost loved ones, I get the first thing I get sick and tired of is A, that

People capitalize off of these situations the elected officials the ambulance chasers the all of the above And then we come with these cookie-cutter Solutions like oh, we just need therapy.

Well, we are need therapy whether we lost somebody or not We're all messed up somehow some way, right?

But one of the things that people don't typically talk about is grief Everybody walking around Milwaukee is grieving right now They are grieving especially these babies.

So while we're sitting here

bashing them the way.

So for example, the things that you've seen at Summerfest this past weekend, there was some situations with some youth who are fighting.

A lot of that was pertaining to something with their friends who was not even here anymore.

You understand what I'm saying?

Grief.

We have people walking around this city with the heavy heart dealing with stuff triggers and they are not able to express it.

They're not able to talk about it.

They don't want to go to therapy.

They don't want to do anything, right?

They have a void that could never be filled.

And we don't know where to start.

We don't know how to help them.

One of the things we can do is begin to have these conversations.

How do we love one another when we're grieving?

A lot of times people don't want to be dealt with.

They don't want to talk.

They don't want to be bothered.

And then you have people who need the love, who need the support.

But where do we start?

What is the solution?

What is the beginning?

How do you love upon someone who feels like they have nothing left?

How do you love someone who feels like whatever it is that they're going through, nobody on earth can understand, even if someone else has been through a similar situation?

Can you imagine the amount of people who walk around every day with these thoughts of people?

Love ones that they lost and how it alters their mood it alters their interaction it alters their thought process it alters their Determination and alters whether or not they want to some people don't even know if they want to be here anymore And then we just go about our everyday life like nothing happens like oh

You know, it is what it is.

I got too much on my plate.

I have to listen.

Everybody is grieving.

We are all grieving and we are not, we are not in a state or a city that allows us to be vulnerable about this.

We're in a city where everybody is becoming numb to what's going on and what's happening.

It's just an everyday thing.

And then after so many.

weeks and months, what do you do?

You go back to your normal life, but the person who lost that loved one does not.

There is no normal for them.

There is no way for them to go back to do what they used to do because their life has changed significantly.

And now there's a void that could never be filled and there's no one who can fill that void.

Now they're on edge.

Now anything you do or say is going to tick them off or make them feel away and they become impulsive How do we love someone like that How do we show them that we are here now before we went to break we were talking specifically Relationships not just intimate relationships with your partner, but friendships family all of that you know

Do you give space?

Or are you creating distance when you step back?

I know for me a lot of times Because I don't want to come off as subjective when there is someone other than my children when my children They both have lost two of my children had lost friends at the age of My son was 15 the first time he lost one of his friends and then he lost another one at 16 my daughter lost a friend at 17

right this year a couple of months ago.

And with them, it's different.

I treat them different.

I show it for them differently than a family member, my best friend, or, you know, my partner, right?

Me, outside of my children, I distance myself.

Because I never want to feel like I'm being overwhelming because I know how I am.

I want that person to know that I'm there, that whatever it is I can do, I'm going to show up.

But is that considered overplaying your role?

Right?

A lot of times we do that.

A lot of times we overplay our role.

And I don't mean in the sense of where you're making a fool out of yourself, but more so just by making it about you, by being subjective when it's not about you.

So do you give space and create distance or do you just what what is it that you do?

How does this what works right?

How do you get out of your own mind?

So that you can allow yourself to show up for the person who is going through whatever it is that they're going through and sometimes is This is a very touchy situation for me topic for me in situation because a lot of times

we know what to say until we don't know what to say.

A lot of times when we are dealing with people who are losing loved ones left and right, we don't know how to show up, right?

We don't know what to do.

And it becomes difficult to maintain that relationship because it's easy for a person who's going through something to say, you wasn't there for me.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone was lost a loved one and they felt like you didn't show up for them the way that you needed to?

This is where the patience and the understanding comes in because you can easily Have a rebuttal and say well, you didn't tell me what you need Well, why do I got to tell you what I need you should already know a Lot of times when people are grieving and dealing with stuff they don't even want to be bothered sometimes they do and sometimes they don't but

As someone who has been through this process, you automatically assume that the person on the other end just knows.

They're supposed to know how to show up for you.

And that's not all the way true, but that's what's inside your mind.

That's what you think.

And then you go through this situation where it was like, man, you didn't, you wasn't there for me the way I needed to.

Well, that's because we never been taught on how to love someone through grief.

I was, I said, I take steps back.

I take steps back because I want this person to sit through whatever it is that they're going through, to feel it, to understand it, so that whatever it is that they need, then I can show up for them, right?

We have to be mindful.

We have to be mindful and this topic is so...

Again, it's broad and it may seem like it's small, but when you're dealing with the masses of people who are walking around in a mind frame where they are not stable, think about a time.

Again, I'm not trying to make you feel away, but I need you to understand what I'm saying.

Think about the time when you lost someone you love and you did not know how you was going to move through it.

You didn't understand why it happened and you didn't understand how you were going to get through it That pain now multiply that by a hundred thousand That's how many people are walking around this city with grief Some treat it and some not treat it Their mental state their emotional state is not top tier.

They don't know how to communicate

They become numb.

They don't understand what's happening or why it's happening.

And they are expected to walk around and go back to their everyday life.

That job you love so much, when you lose somebody, they don't care.

And if you don't show up, they gonna replace you.

Your friends, your family, they may be there during that time.

But guess what?

After the funeral, it gets quiet.

a couple of weeks, a couple of months afterwards, nobody's blowing your phone up, nobody's texting to check up on you.

And this is stuff that you have to deal with emotionally.

These are things that you have to go through on your own and you're expected to just go back to your everyday life.

You're expected for people to walk around your triggers.

because you have not been properly, you have not been told how you should be loved, why you're grieving, and we have not been taught properly how to love when someone else is grieving.

And our city right now is in a state of grief.

I wanna hear from you, 833-212-1017.

How do you love someone and support someone that is grieving without losing yourself, right?

How do we get them to understand that we're here?

without overplaying our parts.

We got to go to break.

Do not touch that dial.

It should grow.

Jazz Tyler 101.7 the truth.

how to deal with grief as well.

So stay tuned, do not touch that dial.

Truth Nation, we gotta go to break.

Pay some bills.

101.7 in truth.

Mommy, can I

sit in the front seat?

Just this one time.

Please, please, please.

No, not yet.

But why?

Because I love you and you're just not ready yet.

Now get in the back so I can get you in your car seat, please.

Putting your kids in the right seat for their age and size is an act of love.

Check that your kids are in the right seat at nitsa.gov slash the right seat.

Love protects.

A message from Nitsa and the ad council.

Hey, one on one, please step

in the truth.

Listen, welcome back.

We are talking New Orleans.

New Orleans.

I just got back yesterday from New Orleans.

Um, I had to go to an event for the Tupac of Marble Chukur Foundation.

Um, we were discussing healing and grief, but also mainly just to visit my sister said, um, she invited me down there.

We had an amazing time and I am excited to tap into this essence festival, honey.

Okay.

Let me tell you, Brandy.

And Monica first and foremost Brandi is that girl.

I love Monica.

I absolutely love both of them But Brandi performance her stage presence her spirit everything about her her catalog of music is just out of this world And I think oftentimes we forget how much great music they've made

Um, and then most importantly sitting back looking, I'm like, dang, they really the ATs now.

It's crazy.

Like we grew up listening to their music.

So looking at them, um, as the quote unquote ATs, um, was something a little different.

We actually got a chance to see her in person at Houston as well, the restaurant, um, which was dope.

And then, um, yo, yo, yo, yo is, uh, a huge, uh, support system and a good sister of set as well.

She's also attended our events here for set day.

Um, but she brought out.

Yo-Yo, she brought out MC Light to do the I Wanna Be Down remix.

It was incredible.

Now, the only cons is that it was about three to four hours long.

The concert started with Patty LaBelle, which was a problem for me because, honey, that's Patty.

There is no reason why.

Patty LaBelle should be opening up for Babyface and Brandy and Monica in Leon Thomas.

That made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

But if they like it, baby, I love it.

Now, back to Brandy.

Brandy showed up and showed out.

Monica did as well.

But my favorite performance of them all, baby, was Babyface.

Oh, Uncle Kenny was doing his thing.

Do you hear me?

That man is 68 years old.

Got on that stage run it up and down like a little jitterbug with the young boys his backup singers I personally didn't realize how many hits babyface had written throughout all of these decades, so I was excited to To see that as well and to listen and just have You know a memory down a trip down memory lane listening to the songs he wrote for Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown and after seven and

My gosh, it was it was it was amazing.

It was amazing I mean as soon as I touched down and I and I arrived in the airport I could feel the energy I can feel the culture I can feel the people and When we got to the restaurant, I felt the people when we got to answer the festival I felt the people like it was just a beautiful beautiful beautiful event and again, I was extremely extremely Excited to

get my first experience to kind of get a feel of where my family comes from and again, to see people that look like me, you know, little red tint on them.

You know, certain type of bone structures with the cheekbones.

It was like looking at my family.

So, yeah, I was excited and I'm glad that I got the opportunity to attend that event.

So,

I mentioned earlier that prior to me attending the Essence Festival, we had the Tupac Amarbashukura Foundation had an event at the Ashe Art Center, which is a center geared around the arts.

But the topic was around healing and how to heal through arts, whether it's music, whether it's painting, whether it's poetry, whatever it is.

But there was a lot of conversation around grief.

and what it means to have joy and how do you separate what you're feeling from, what the weight of the world is, and so on and so on.

So today I want to talk a little bit about grief, especially because our city in particular not has been, we continue to go through this.

When I was gone and I came back yesterday, the amount of

Incidents that I've seen take place with people losing their lives in this city was insane from accidents to violence to fights to all of the above and If anyone knows me y'all know that I don't like to dig too much in on the negative things I like to keep it positive But I also know that our city to its entirety is grieving We're not just grieving people that loved ones that we lost were grieving the state of our city

We're grieving the chaos and confusion.

It's just grief, right?

And it's hard to deal with it's hard to navigate through it when we have to go about our everyday lives And a lot of things a lot of people here tend to hold things in right?

We tend to hold things in we tend to mask how we feel Which is not healthy.

So I want to talk about grief today

when someone you love, not someone you like, but when someone you love is hurting, how do you support them without losing yourself?

And this doesn't necessarily have to mean the recent incidents, doesn't have to, you know, pertain to someone that you lost recently.

It could just be overall, because grief never stops, right?

Grief never stops.

And I think that's

a lot of the issues that not just the adults, but our youth face as well.

They've become numb, right, internally.

But we know that it's due to them losing their peers.

It's due to them losing their favorite artists.

There are so many things that contribute to grief.

And a lot of times people don't properly grieve.

So I want to get into it.

I want to talk about grief and how to properly

You know, love someone during grief.

So my question to you is there's a couple of questions actually true nation, but I need some advice, man.

And for those who are listening, um, I asked that again, I don't want to make this a heavy topic today, but I feel the need in my spirit to speak about this because of the state that our city is in.

Um, and really the state that the country is in, um, as well.

But when you love, when someone you love is hurting,

How do you support them during the grief without losing yourself?

This is something that is personal to me.

This is something that is hard for me.

And I want to be as transparent as possible because the conversations I've had with my family and friends the past couple of weeks pertaining to this topic, I had to do some self accountability as well as them because a lot of times when

We're trying to love someone who is going through something.

We become very subjective, and we don't do it intentionally.

We do it because it's a defense mechanism, meaning that we're not trying to make it about us, but we're trying to figure out where do we fit in?

How can you help me help you?

How can I love you during the most difficult time of your life when I know that

What I'm giving or my love may not be a priority right now because it cannot change whatever it is that you're going through and this is something that is a conversation that is needed with Love ones with family with friends, but especially the youth my daughter she lost her Childhood friend.

This was the first friend she ever had in school in K4.

She lost her two days before her high school prom

a couple of months ago, and they were supposed to graduate together.

They were supposed to go to prom together.

They were supposed to go to college together.

And it's extremely difficult to navigate or help her navigate through her grief because I don't have an explanation on what that looks like for her, right?

One day she's up, one day she's down.

It could be a smell, it could be a song, it could be a thought, it can be anything that triggers you and sets you off.

And I wanna, again, I wanna have this conversation because what I want us to do as a community and as a people is to learn how to deal with our pain.

When we learn how to deal with our pain and the things that we don't talk about, we're less impulsive.

We begin to make decisions that, we understand the decisions that we make, right?

And they're less aggressive, they're less painful.

What do they say?

Hurt people, hurt people.

So we have to have these conversations so that we can begin to heal and begin to understand that we're not responsible for tiptoeing around your triggers.

I'm not responsible to, you know, I understand your triggers, but I can't tiptoe around them.

We have to do the necessary work and take ourselves and pull ourselves back to make sure that we are grieving properly so that we don't spill.

our pain onto other people.

And in that process, a lot of times our people, especially black people, all we know is how to be subjective because we want to show up.

We want, when we love, we love hard and we want people to know that we are there for them, that if you don't have, I don't know about y'all, but that's how I am.

If you don't have nobody, you got me.

If you don't have nobody to talk to, if you don't have nobody to depend on, if you don't have anyone to listen to, understand that you have me.

And again, a lot of times when we are dealing with people in relationships specifically, you know, we can accidentally become a burden because we want to feel what they feel, but it's impossible.

And we want them to feel what we feel.

We want our partners to know like, hey, I don't understand fully what you're going through, but your pain is my pain.

And because your pain is my pain, I'm hurting just as much as you.

So I'm willing to set everything in my life to the side to ensure that I can show up for you in a way that you never had, or if you have had it in a way that is unmatched, right?

And again, that's.

us being humans that's something that's natural when you naturally care for someone you want them to understand what that means and what that looks like but we have to understand how to love people through their grief properly without making it about us without making it a youth show to where it's like and again we're being transparent right because a lot of times we do this when when someone we know

Losing somebody or if it's somebody we know we lost oh that's someone so this my cousin this one I know and and and I look at it and a lot of people feel away But really is just an attachment is just a way for people to show love and to say hey I'm here But we have to figure out a way to properly love people while they grieve and give them the right Resources that they need so that we can have a better community.

So again, we are talking When you love when someone you love is hurting.

How do you support them?

without losing yourself.

833-212-1017.

Milwaukee, our city is grieving on many different levels, and we have to have this conversation.

Please call in today, 833-212-1017.

When someone you love is hurting and dealing with grief, how do you support them without losing yourself?

Do not touch that dial.

We gotta go to break 101.7 of truth.

101.7 the truth.

It's your girl Jazz Tyler.

Thank you all so much for tuning in with us today.

Today, we are talking about grief, grief.

When someone you love is hurting, how do you support them without losing yourself?

This weekend, I had an amazing experience in New Orleans.

I went to Essence Festival, but most importantly, I went there to visit my sister, Satchewa Shakur.

And as a board member of the Tupac Amaro Shakur Foundation, I try to show up where I can.

And I was pleased to attend an event we had surrounding health, mental health.

and how we deal with that through arts and expressing ourselves.

And one of the topics was grief.

And as I came back home, I got hit with so many different things and I couldn't notice, I couldn't help but notice online the amount of incidents that had taken place in just 48 hours.

And one thing about me,

When I see that my city is grieving and I see that my people is grieving is something that I cannot ignore.

I cannot walk around like, you know, every day like, hey, nothing happened.

No, our, and this isn't just the past 48 hours.

Our city has been grieving for a long time, right?

It seems like every day, every week, every month, every year, it gets worse and worse.

And it's not just the adults.

It's the babies.

It's the youth who are grieving and no one is dealing with it.

And we're not not talking about the the cookie cutter solutions, right?

Go get a therapist.

Well, we know that, right?

But people are actually losing loved ones.

People are dealing with things that they don't want to discuss and they don't know how to discuss it because everyone has become so numb.

The world the city the things that we go through it makes it hard for us to want to feel

Because we get we've become accustomed to our loved ones passing away or just grieving people who are no longer You know a part of our lives, right?

So again, I want to hear from you a 3 3 2 1 2 1 0 1 7 when someone you love is hurting or grieving How do you support them without losing yourself and I want to talk specifically with Relationships and the relationship can be a friendship.

It can be a relative a family member or your partner, right?

I'm gonna be subjective in this when I speak about this.

A lot of times when us as a people, we lose people or we know someone that we love who has lost someone, we become very subjective.

And what I mean by that is we don't do it purposely, but we make it about us.

We make it about, hey, know that I'm here, whatever you need from me, you know, just.

We want this person that we love to understand how much we're there to support them.

And sometimes it could be a little bit overwhelming, right?

When someone is grieving, they may not communicate the same way.

They may not have the same energy.

They may not be able to show affection the way that they did before because they're going through something and you have to be okay with allowing them to go through that and understand first and foremost that grief changes people.

Okay?

Grief.

changes people.

There is no blueprint, no handbook, no solution.

There is nothing that you can give somebody to make them get over it or to make them get through it.

In that moment, you just have to let the course, have to let the situation take course, right?

What I do know in relationships, when you're dealing with people who are grieving, you love them a little differently.

The way that I help my best friend when she lost her grandmother, the way I help her deal with her grief may be different than my partner or my man.

The way I help him deal with whatever he's going through, that's different than the way I help my daughter deal with what she's going through.

Or if I have a friend who lost someone, the way I help them deal with whatever it is that they're going through.

And one of the things that I have learned as someone who has lost...

Someone in was in a state of grieving for a few years and Someone who has people well has lost loved ones the first step is to be patient and Obviously that sounds very simple very minute something that is logical We already know that right but when you really really break down grief and you pair that with patience

that is grief, grief is patience, which is why you have to have it.

Because at any given moment, at any given time of the day, that person who is going through something can have a thought that causes a trigger and then that alters their mood, that alters the way they're outlook on life.

Sometimes they may even want to give up, right?

Their mood is going to fluctuate for however.

long, maybe forever, because grief is something that never ends.

It never ends.

It just gets better.

So you have to be patient and you have to not be subjective and not make it about you and allow a person to go through whatever it is that they're going through.

With the patience, you have to pair that with understanding.

Because for me, for example, there's two people, significant people.

There's

More than two people, but I'll use these situations When my aunt passed away That's my second that was my second mother.

That was the backbone of our family That was the one who took care of everybody the strongest woman I know that grief was different than when my high school sweetheart passed away and I had to understand that I needed to be loved differently by different people because it was two different types of love

So the patience you it allows you to analyze what you're dealing with and then the understanding allows you to find the proper solution on how to love this person your loved one who whom is grieving and For me this is where the subjectiveness come in for me instantly Because I'm an impact I feel everything that someone is even if I don't know them I feel it

in my bones, in my spirit, in my heart, all of that, I feel it to my core.

And there's no way that I can hide it or deny it, which makes it difficult for me to deal with people who don't understand that, because I am one of those people where it's like, I don't want the people around me to feel the pain that they're feeling.

So I try my hardest to be there and show up in ways that they need me to, but...

When I think about it, I don't know if we ever can because we're trying to feel a void that can never be filled.

You're trying to show up, you're trying to overplay your part, you're trying to love on this person, you're trying to be there, you're trying to have patience, you're trying to have understanding because you want them to know how much you care.

But the reality is the void that's gone can never be filled.

So you first have to accept that and understand that.

and be understanding when it comes to whatever it is that they're going to go through.

Some people need space.

Some people, when they're grieving, they don't want to be bothered.

And then there's other people who need that emotional support.

So you need to identify, how does this person deal with their emotions?

Are they someone who like to verbally express it or are they someone that like to keep it in?

And stay with me, right?

Because there's a point in all of this.

Again, our

It's not just people, you know, the whole city is grieving.

There's so much that's happening and so many people walking around here with heavy hearts, with no one to talk to or nothing to do.

And we still haven't figured out a way to properly love on those who are losing people and who have lost people.

Expecting less performance emotionally.

A lot of times when someone is going through something, they don't have the

Emotion they don't they're not available emotionally because they're going through whatever it is that they're going through one of the things that stuck out like a sore thumb to me when I was Analyzing some stuff during my grieving moments was understanding quiet moments and Allowing someone to sit in whatever it is that they're feeling without you or anybody else becoming a burden, right?

You have to we all know we all have lost someone we love or know someone who lost someone we love and We have these moments where it feels like nobody around understands and typically those are the moments where you go quiet and For those who are not used to that type of communication It could come off a little harsh.

It could come off In a way where you feel like you're not needed or not wanted

But the most important thing you can do, again, is not make it about you.

The most important thing you can do is let that person sit in whatever it is that they're feeling so that they can get through it.

That's the best solution just to get through it.

You don't want them, you don't want to force them to get back to normal because there is no such thing as back to normal.

When you lose someone you love, that's it.

You can never get that back.

You will never be normal.

Life will never be the same.

And sometimes when you're asking or you're doing certain things that you think help, it really don't.

It really doesn't help.

It really makes the situation worse because nine times out of 10, if you have lost someone, you know that you don't want things to go back to normal without this person, right?

You want it to go back to how it used to be and it's impossible.

So the worst thing you can do is try to force someone to get back into their regular routines.

They have maybe tried to shift them into a new direction, but you don't want to force that up on them.

That's not healthy for them.

That's not healthy for the situation.

You have to allow them to go through whatever it is that they go through.

My sister lost her son.

I know a lot of mothers, Shade Robinson, I work with her mother.

Mama Hamilton, Maria Hamilton, there's so many people.

that we've seen throughout here, so many resources and dealing with certain situations.

I've literally seen and talked to a lot of people who do the work when it comes to grief.

And again, one of the things that's always brought up is understanding quiet moments and not forcing someone.

to try and go back to quote-unquote whatever their normal life is.

Today we are talking about grieving.

When someone you love is hurting or grieving, how do you support them without losing yourself?

A332121017.

Milwaukee, it's a lot of things happening in this city.

My prayers go out to all of the people the past couple of weeks who have lost someone no matter what way it was, but there's a lot that's happening.

And I want us to talk about it.

I want us to find solutions.

I want us to to pray.

I want us to to send, you know, some prayers up, man.

I remember back in the day, they used to have marches where they would pray for the city in conversations.

And now it's all about the festivities and politicians.

And, you know, what about the people that that need.

prayers.

What about the people that need love and support?

Our babies are becoming numb because their friends is dying left and right.

There's children out here who are losing their parents, right?

Yes, we want justice.

Yes, we want assistance and therapy.

But right now we're dealing with grief.

How do we deal with that?

How do we love someone?

How do we support them without losing ourselves in the moment?

We gotta go to break.

Do not touch that dial.

It's your girl Jazz Tyler, 101.7 of Truth.

In the American family insurance studio in the beautiful heart of downtown Milwaukee today I was out of the the state this past weekend visiting New Orleans visiting my sister Attending an event for the Tupac and Marvel Shakur Foundation as well as Essence Festival and During the event with pox foundation and we were talking about healing through arts and one of the topics that came up was grief and as I return home

I've seen within 48 hours, there were so many people who had lost a loved one, whether it was an accident, whether it was a violence, whatever it is.

And as someone who has been in this community for quite some time and doing the work and working with people who has lost loved ones, the first thing I get sick and tired of is, A, that...

People capitalize off of these situations the elected officials the ambulance chasers the all of the above And then we come with these cookie-cutter Solutions like oh, we just need therapy.

Well, we are need therapy whether we lost somebody or not We're all messed up somehow some way, right?

But one of the things that people don't typically talk about is grief Everybody walking around Milwaukee is grieving right now They are grieving especially these babies.

So while we're sitting here

bashing them the way.

So for example, the things that you've seen at Summerfest this past weekend, there was some situations with some youth who are fighting.

A lot of that was pertaining to something with their friends who was not even here anymore.

You understand what I'm saying?

Grief.

We have people walking around this city with the heavy heart dealing with stuff triggers and they are not able to express it.

They're not able to talk about it.

They don't want to go to therapy.

They don't want to do anything, right?

They have a void that could never be filled.

And we don't know where to start.

We don't know how to help them.

One of the things we can do is begin to have these conversations.

How do we love one another when we're grieving?

A lot of times people don't want to be dealt with.

They don't want to talk.

They don't want to be bothered.

And then you have people who need the love, who need the support.

But where do we start?

What is the solution?

What is the beginning?

How do you love upon someone who feels like they have nothing left?

How do you love someone who feels like whatever it is that they're going through, nobody on earth can understand, even if someone else has been through a similar situation?

Can you imagine the amount of people who walk around every day with these thoughts of people?

Love ones that they lost and how it alters their mood it alters their interaction it alters their thought process it alters their Determination and alters whether or not they want to some people don't even know if they want to be here anymore And then we just go about our everyday life like nothing happens like oh

You know, it is what it is.

I got too much on my plate.

I have to listen.

Everybody is grieving.

We are all grieving and we are not, we are not in a state or a city that allows us to be vulnerable about this.

We're in a city where everybody is becoming numb to what's going on and what's happening.

It's just an everyday thing.

And then after so many.

weeks and months, what do you do?

You go back to your normal life, but the person who lost that loved one does not.

There is no normal for them.

There is no way for them to go back to do what they used to do because their life has changed significantly.

And now there's a void that could never be filled and there's no one who can fill that void.

Now they're on edge.

Now anything you do or say is going to tick them off or make them feel away and they become impulsive How do we love someone like that How do we show them that we are here now before we went to break we were talking specifically Relationships not just intimate relationships with your partner, but friendships family all of that you know

Do you give space or are you creating distance when you step back?

I know for me a lot of times Because I don't want to come off as subjective when there is someone other than my children when my children They both have lost two of my children had lost friends at the age of My son was 15 the first time he lost one of his friends and then he lost another one at 16 my daughter lost a friend at 17

right this year, a couple of months ago.

And with them, it's different.

I treat them different.

I show it for them differently than a family member, my best friend, or, you know, my partner, right?

Me, outside of my children, I distance myself.

Because I never want to feel like I'm being overwhelming because I know how I am.

I want that person to know that I'm there, that whatever it is I can do, I'm going to show up.

But is that considered overplaying your role?

Right?

A lot of times we do that.

A lot of times we overplay our role.

And I don't mean in the sense of where you're making a fool out of yourself, but more so just by making it about you, by being subjective when it's not about you.

So do you give space and create distance or do you just what what is it that you do?

How does this what works right?

How do you get out of your own mind?

So that you can allow yourself to show up for the person who is going through whatever it is that they're going through and sometimes is This is a very touchy situation for me topic for me in situation because a lot of times

we know what to say until we don't know what to say.

A lot of times when we are dealing with people who are losing loved ones left and right, we don't know how to show up, right?

We don't know what to do.

And it becomes difficult to maintain that relationship because it's easy for a person who's going through something to say, you wasn't there for me.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone was lost a loved one and they felt like you didn't show up for them the way that you needed to?

This is where the patience and the understanding comes in because you can easily Have a rebuttal and say well you didn't tell me what you need.

Well, why do I got to tell you what I need?

You should already know a Lot of times when people are grieving and dealing with stuff.

They don't even want to be bothered sometimes they do and sometimes they don't but

As someone who has been through this process, you automatically assume that the person on the other end just knows.

They're supposed to know how to show up for you.

And that's not all the way true, but that's what's inside your mind.

That's what you think.

And then you go through this situation where it was like, man, you didn't, you wasn't there for me the way I needed to.

Well, that's because we never been taught on how to love someone through grief.

I was, I said, I take steps back.

I take steps back because I want this person to sit through whatever it is that they're going through, to feel it, to understand it, so that whatever it is that they need, then I can show up for them, right?

We have to be mindful.

We have to be mindful and this topic is so...

Again, it's broad and it may seem like it's small, but when you're dealing with the masses of people who are walking around in a mind frame where they are not stable, think about a time.

Again, I'm not trying to make you feel away, but I need you to understand what I'm saying.

Think about the time when you lost someone you love and you did not know how you was going to move through it.

You didn't understand why it happened and you didn't understand how you were going to get through it That pain now multiply that by a hundred thousand That's how many people are walking around this city with grief Some treat it and some not treat it Their mental state their emotional state is not top tier.

They don't know how to communicate

They become numb.

They don't understand what's happening or why it's happening.

And they are expected to walk around and go back to their everyday life.

That job you love so much, when you lose somebody, they don't care.

And if you don't show up, they gonna replace you.

Your friends, your family, they may be there during that time.

But guess what?

After the funeral, it gets quiet.

a couple of weeks, a couple of months afterwards, nobody's blowing your phone up, nobody's texting to check up on you.

And this is stuff that you have to deal with emotionally.

These are things that you have to go through on your own and you're expected to just go back to your everyday life.

You're expected for people to walk around your triggers because you have not been properly, you have not been told how you should be loved, why you're grieving, and we have not been taught

One-on-one point seven the truth that should go jazz Tyler we are live in direct get ready Milwaukee one-on-one point seven the truth family fest is back join us Saturday August 22nd from 11 a.m.

To 2 p.m.

At Riverside University High School for free back-to-school resources live entertainment family activities and community fun vendors and sponsors can reserve a spot

by emailing SierraCIERRA.brown at MilwaukeeBlackMedia.com, proudly sponsored by Educators Credit Union and American Family Insurance Milwaukee.

Thank you all so much for tapping in with me today.

We are having a serious conversation.

As I was traveling this weekend, I've seen so many things happening around the city the past 48 hours, not just this weekend, but just recently this year.

It seems like we have been getting hit back to back with Losing people losing loved ones no matter in what way it just seemed like it's happening more than normal and I feel like our city Is in a state of grief how they say it's a state of emergency.

This is a state of emergency because with grief There's impulsive reactions

There's decisions being made, not even just with the adults, but with the youth as well, which is why a lot of times we see them acting out.

And a lot of people are walking around the city with heavy hearts and just the heaviness in their soul and spirit because they don't understand what they're feeling.

And we have not been properly taught how to love through our grief, right?

Um, before we went to break.

We were talking about relationships, whether it's your partner, friendships, family, but just figuring out a way to grow through the grief and figuring out a way to show up without being subjective.

And that question that I asked was, have you ever had a situation where you love someone and they felt like you did not show up for them the way you needed to while they were going through whatever it is that they were going through?

And it's not because you didn't.

It's just because.

They automatically assume you're supposed to know and subconsciously you feel like, Hey, I just need to take a step back to give them space.

Right.

So again, we don't want to tiptoe around triggers, but we also want people to deal with whatever it is that they're dealing with and sit in whatever it is that they're sitting in emotion wise so that that.

We can properly be there for them and show up for them the way that we need to.

But the question that I post to you this hour is how do you grow through grief in your relationships, right?

How hard or easy is it for you to become vulnerable when you lose a loved one, whether it's with your partner, whether it's with your friends or relatives.

And I know it's case by case situation because some people, they don't want to be bothered.

Right?

And some people do.

When we first started talking about this, we were talking about some of the things that from the receiving end, when we are dealing with people who lose someone, we have to be patient.

We have to be understanding.

We have to know that their mood is going to change.

We have to know that the communication may change from time to time.

We have to know that we're not a priority.

We have to understand that their feelings is a priority.

We also have to understand that grief is not temporary.

Grief is something that people go through for the rest of their lives and we can never ever try to force them To live quote-unquote to go back to live in a normal life Because the day that that person they love left their life became abnormal and the in the greatest insult you can do or say to someone is Let's go.

Let's get you closer back to your day to day.

No, it's already enough reality around us

from our work to bills to everything that remind us that we can never ever just have a moment to deal with whatever it is that we're dealing with.

But when we're talking partnerships and friendships, how do you grow specifically relationships?

How do you grow through your grief?

Especially if it's a new relationship or if you're dating someone, how do you show up for them without overplaying your part?

How do you show up?

for them without being a burden?

How do you show up for them without being subjective and making it about you?

Because oftentimes, if you catch yourself and think about a situation similar to what I'm speaking to, you will notice that you will say, I just want to be there for you.

I just want to love you.

I just want to help you.

I'm here, right?

Everything I just said is subjective.

Everything I just said is about me, what I want to do, what I'm feeling.

And sometimes that's not always the answer.

Not just because people hear that often times, but we cannot make it about us.

We cannot make it about how we're feeling to try and help that person feel a void that will never be filled in their life again.

So how do we grow through the grief?

with the people that we love.

How do we give them patience, understanding, emotional maturity, compassion, vulnerability, all of the above?

How do we do this when we don't even know what they're feeling?

Like we have an idea, but we can never understand it because it's not the same.

This is something that's difficult.

This is something that can end friendships.

This is something that can end relationships.

This is something that can

make relationships grow, or friendships grow as well.

It just depends on how you look at it.

But either way, I know that no one has, well at least for me, these are topics that we don't typically talk about.

How do we grow through grief?

Even if it's not pertaining to relationships, just the city overall.

When you step back and look at the amount of people that's currently grieving in this city, I guarantee you if you go on social media,

or you follow some of these pages, these crime report pages from Milwaukee, you're going to know somebody or you're going to know somebody that knows somebody who keep losing people that they love.

And this is not something that's just happened this past 48 hours, but when you look back at the entire year, it has been happening at a rapid rate.

And all we do as a people, not all of us, but majority of us,

We go back to, we self-medicate.

We party, right?

We tell stories.

We do everything but deal with the grief.

And then there are stages where people become upset.

No one is sitting down saying, hey, I understand that you're grieving.

I don't understand what you're feeling, but I understand what you're going through.

This is what we should be doing.

This is, you know, whatever it is, whatever the conversation is, it's not had.