Chad ‘C-Note’ Roper Taps in!

101.7 the truth is your girl jazz Tyler did you meet?

We are live and direct at the American family and shoring studio in the heart of beautiful downtown, Milwaukee shout out to Chad Roper man the legendary Chad Roper for stopping through always good to get game

Because that's the game

Hey, look, I know my place.

Absolutely.

You know what I'm

saying?

I know me now.

Yes,

indeed.

Look, I know who came before me.

And he just dropped a lot of stuff to where, you know, I basically was trying to set an example like, look, I'm listening.

Yeah.

You know, for the producers that's following me or looking at me or the producers that's listening, I'm listening.

And be willing to listen.

Yeah.

For real, be willing to listen.

We got another special guest in the building, meet who we got.

Yeah, we got.

Mr. Marcus Hogan.

I

call him Carnel.

You know, everybody else call him Carnel's name, Marcus Hogan.

You know, so tell him about you, Marcus.

Yeah, yeah, peace, peace.

Yeah, Carnel for sure.

But Marcus, I'm trying to go more by my government now, man.

I just turned 21, so, 21, what, 28?

So I'm, I feel like it's a lot of maturation right now going on.

And

I feel like Carnel.

which is my middle name.

That was something that was like a transitional period for me for

real,

so.

Well, welcome to Tap Then.

Welcome to Tap.

Who is Carnell?

Outside of the work you do, who are you?

Where are you from?

Carnell is Margie.

For real, for real.

But yeah, nah, man.

Like I said, I'm 28.

I'm a creative.

So essentially, I like mediums.

Me, you know what I'm saying?

I've done music.

I like writing, you know what I'm saying?

Just doing poetry.

At Heart, I'm a father.

You

know what I'm

saying?

Just a man of the people.

And an extension of God, really.

Absolutely.

I mean, that's

why I brung him, because it's, you know, he pretty much, I mean, I knew him before he had kids.

Oh,

yeah.

And then, you know, his father's day week,

so

it's more so like, let me get my boy on here.

Talk about that, you know

what I mean?

Absolutely.

No, that's real.

Meach.

Meach doesn't seem every element, every level of who I am.

Yeah.

And then I

mean, I love the growth that I seen.

Like

when I was

like 16.

Yeah,

16.

So when he was

16 or something like that,

it's been

like a journey.

And it's like,

you know.

Yeah, that's a little raw.

Yeah.

Literally, like my first song, like recording my first song.

But to me, it's been a different song.

Because like I

said, the growth, you know, and just us connecting about the fatherhood stuff, you know, just us going through that and just how he just took that.

and just took it to a next level

to be

like, okay, man, I commend you, brother.

Let us know about the fatherhood.

Yeah, so I've been a dad for about six years.

My daughter, Malia, she, so really, I even got to where I'm at right now in regards to like doing the work

of

fatherhood, you know what I'm saying, in the community.

So essentially, I was navigating my own,

you know what I'm

saying, process my own individual, you know what I'm saying, the man before the father, you know what I'm saying, really just trying to

tie up some loose ends, you know

what I'm

saying?

And restore, you

know what I'm

saying?

Some of the stuff that I feel like needed some adjustments.

Essentially, if y'all know Ajmu Butler, I'm

sure

y'all do.

He had this thing going on called Heal the Hood where, you know what I'm saying?

I went out to it.

And again, this is in the process of me, like I said, restoring.

I was just trying to, you know, give back to the community however I can.

And I seen this booth from a nonprofit.

I didn't know it was a nonprofit, I just seen the shirts.

That said, father's making progress, FNP.

So, like I said, not having no idea what that was, I just seen that.

And I'm like, oh yeah, I'm down with that.

Let me get a shirt.

One of the guys was like, yeah, like, you know what I'm saying?

We'll hit you up, follow up with you, just write your number down, yada yada, something like that.

I'm like, all right, cool, everybody do

that.

They ended up actually following up with me, you know what I'm saying?

On some check-in, you

know what

type of stuff, like real check-in.

And they invited me out to a space, you know what I'm saying?

A space that I ain't.

necessarily seen for me, you know what I'm saying?

Where it was real life-holding space, you know what I'm saying?

Not

really

showing up in that role,

showing

up in whatever, you know, just being you authentically.

And I think the first session I came to, I seen like a ripple effect, a do's crying, you know what I'm saying?

Because they, we got this thing where you check in kind of like similar to what I had on the phone, but it was like, where you at, you know what I'm saying?

How you feeling?

Like really feeling, you know

what I'm

saying?

Not just the good, not the hard, you know what I'm saying?

What you done navigated this week, before this week, yada yada.

And like I said, I seen a ripple effect of dudes crying, like literally just getting stuff off their chest, unloading.

And that caused the same thing for me, you know what I'm saying?

So then I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta, again, it's unfamiliar for me, you know what I'm saying?

Seeing dudes do this all day.

We could be in the rooms and talk about everything else, you know what I'm saying?

But when we talk about the heavy stuff, I'm like, oh yeah, I kind of, it was like a craving for me, for real.

Cause I'm like, yeah, I need this, you know what I'm saying?

And I know my child, you know what I'm saying?

Could benefit from this.

That just kept me coming around for real.

So now, you know what I'm saying?

That allowed me to build myself up in a way, you know what I'm saying?

In community, to being able to be, give out what I receive, you know what I'm saying?

Facilitating the spaces, advocating for early childhood development, you know what I'm saying?

A myriad of things for real, you know what I'm saying?

And doing the work, you know what I'm saying?

And again, pouring back to the people through my own business, which is always

collective.

Let us know how the resources, like you said, when you went to that booth and then they end up following up.

How important that was?

Man, it was so important because, again, I didn't know that them spaces existed for one, but for two, I had to have a period where I really isolated myself and I got real addicted to really isolating myself.

just trying to navigate again, all these different things that I had no idea I was navigating, especially in fatherhood.

I ain't really seen what I call like a real genuine, positive display of what I feel like fatherhood should show, like both sides, you know what I'm saying?

I couldn't do that alone for real.

So it was important that they had reached out because I'm like, I don't know what it could have looked like, you know what I'm saying?

If I didn't have people, you know what I'm saying, to lean on who was navigating the same thing.

Absolutely.

We always hear about how important it is for Black, young Black boys to have their dads in their life.

As a girl, as someone who loves my dad dearly, that's my dog.

There's a girl dad?

Yeah.

I mean, you know.

I mean, he has more daughters than boys and he's more like sensitive with his daughters than he is with my brothers.

But the importance for young Black

girls to have their fathers in their life, right?

I think a lot of it is not just the love from a man, but just it guides them through learning how to deal with relationships, you know, how to respect men, how to deal with men overall, because you have a daughter and you work with young men out there who probably don't have fathers.

Do you see a difference as far as how you raise your daughter versus how black men raise their sons?

And I own a surface level, but more so.

Yeah.

For me, I think what I've seen and what I see, it's a bit of a shift now.

I feel like men try to be more emotionally present with their sons nowadays, but just from what I've seen as a majority, I think navigating it with a daughter, you gotta let

them guards down for real.

You can't really help it.

It's almost like, it's almost like really like doing a disservice or disregarding, you know what I'm saying?

Your intuition, you know what I'm saying?

Your self really, ultimately when you were choosing to, you know what I'm saying?

Show up for a young girl and I heard I had that same space, you know what I'm saying?

Being emotionally present, you know what I'm saying?

And just had that real example like you had mentioned, you know what I'm saying?

What you deserve for real,

you know what

I'm saying?

What you deserve in a man.

Cause I literally was just thinking about this early, you know what I'm saying?

Just how, really how like, still I don't really understand it.

I understand that, you know what I'm saying?

Certain people just exposed to what they're exposed to, but I still be having like a part of me that gotta figure out like, you know what I'm saying?

How can people turn away from that conviction?

You know what I'm saying?

That conviction, especially with a young girl.

You know what I'm saying,

just knowing.

That's the tough part, because when he had this daughter, I had my daughter.

She was already had her, but that's how we really connected through the fatherhood, because I've just seen him.

Yeah.

And then I think you have moved downtown, you

know what I mean?

Right over

here.

Yeah.

And there's an old spot and everything.

And it was just like, you know, just different connection, trying to help him navigate.

Yeah.

Being a new father.

And then, like, you see, you used to come to my house to see my daughter and he just asked me questions.

Yeah.

So it was just like that was the connection we had got.

And it's like he said, that conviction of looking at your daughter and just knowing that you can't do that to her.

So does that, because you guys have daughters, does that dictate how you treat women?

because you don't want a man to treat your daughter how you would treat women if you were to treat them wrong?

Yeah, but I think that's already in you before.

You know what I mean?

Like, me having a daughter didn't change the way I treated women.

I was already treated.

I treated my daughter the way I was already treating women.

And like you said, you have to kind of convict to that even more by having a daughter.

You know what I mean?

Like, you really have to be like, OK, the way I treat women.

really matters.

It's gonna matter to her.

She's a girl.

So, and then at the same time, it's still in reverse too, like women to see how you treat your

daughter.

Absolutely.

And to that point too, like you said, like it's already kind of set in stone, but for me, I still be having to check myself, like, you know what I'm saying?

In regard, because, you know, now I got a lady, so I...

I'll be seeing how like, obviously it's a different dynamic.

It's a relationship.

But I'll still be seeing like, you know, it's still elements of you, you know what I'm saying?

Nurturing a woman, you know, in her child too, especially when

stuff is

complex, you know what I'm saying?

When dad ain't there, you know what I'm saying?

It's still some degree where, you know what I'm saying?

I have to be mindful of how I'm speaking, you know what I'm saying?

Cause the lines can be blurry.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

I've had moments where I have to be like, oh, I can't convey a message to you the way I would do with my daughter.

which where it's, you know, that natural hierarchy where I might be like, you know, very authoritative,

you

know what I'm saying?

It still got to be a element of having, you know, a bit of, and it goes both ways, you know what

I'm saying?

Giving that

grace, giving that space.

But, you know, it's different.

It's a difference.

We got to go to break, but I got some questions for y'all when we get back.

833-212-1017, we got Marcus Hogan's, Cornell, Cornell, Cornell.

Carnell in the building do not touch that down one on one point seven the truth One on one point seven the truth is your girl jazz Tyler did you meet we are live and direct happy hump day Milwaukee means what's the word?

What's the word happy father's day?

Fatherhood who we got a building?

Now Marcus Huggins, he wanna be called Carnell.

I'll be calling him Carnell.

Yes, indeed.

So I have a question for you, right?

Real talk.

This is, I'm so serious when I say this.

I don't know why, but lately a lot of single dads have been hitting on me.

Not even just like, oh, you're beautiful.

But like, want to be in full fledged relationships.

And it's different for me.

Um, not just as a woman board, but someone who's in the community.

Oftentimes we see.

Men who have to show up for women who are single mothers, right?

And when I say single dad, I mean the mother is not in the picture whatsoever.

Um.

I feel like the men who are not all, but some men who are single dads and they have daughters specifically are more emotional.

when it comes to being in a relationship with a woman.

But my question is, if I was to even entertain, I'm not,

but if I

was to entertain it, how would a woman go into a situation like that?

Because it's so different for us.

How do we approach a situation where

There's a man who's raising his daughter on his own.

Like, naturally, we're nurturing, you know, and things of that nature, but dealing with young women can be very difficult when it comes to attitudes depending on their age.

So what advice do you have for women who may be dealing with a situation

like that?

First off, do you think about your own kids?

Absolutely.

In that situation, you think about your own kids, like, how do your kids fit in that dynamic?

No, I don't, because...

They older.

And they had, well, I have a nine year old.

I mean, unless the kids in the same age

range.

But their dad is so, like...

You know what I'm saying?

Like, your kids and...

Oh, there.

The God kids.

Like, if they're in the same age range, it might be a little easier.

But it might be a little difficult because now you're trying to have your relationship and then the kids' relationship.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

When it's...

age difference between the kids it might be a little easier like if your kids older his kids younger or his kids older your kids younger it might be a little easier but the person who got the younger kids might have a little bit more responsibility you know I

mean

so the expectation might be you know you you your kids older you know you trying to be outside a little

bit you

know take on gone days have time with him and stuff like that

But

in him, he gotta find a

babysitter.

Yeah, or he gotta have his kid with him.

Because today's age, ain't no babysitter.

Men don't pay for daycare as much as women do.

We don't get daycare hours from the state.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, we not looking for it because we want the time because generation after generation, it's been upon us to spend that time.

Facts.

You know what I mean?

But the dynamic between the relationship is, men don't expect you to be

stepmom.

You know what I mean?

Like how a woman, how you come in and play step daddy.

Or, you know, you play step daddy, don't beat a daddy.

You know what I mean?

Or-

But why not?

Because I would think if I'm dealing with someone and I'm speaking in terms of, if I'm a single father and I have a little girl and I'm dealing with a woman, meaning Dayton consistently is getting serious and we get serious.

I would expect for you to show up because there's little things that needs to be done.

She need her hair done.

She need a woman to talk to where she need, you know what I'm

saying?

Yeah, but that's not, that's like, we got grandma, you know, stuff like that.

It's other, we see other women figures.

That can handle it.

That

do that.

You know, we pan for hair to

get

done.

You know what I mean?

That's the notion of a man, we'll pay for hair to get done.

I almost would get offended.

No, not.

I agree for show and it's funny because this is like a super.

like super sensitive, very like current situation, you

know what

I'm saying?

For me, like I said, I'm in a, you know, I've been in this relationship for about a year, but my daughter, it been just us for real since she was born.

So now in this dynamic is

like- Oh, that's your situation.

What?

This example?

Literally.

Whoa, I

know that.

No, literally, literally.

I mean, but

I've

been there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, literally.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And to your point, like,

Man, I think my homie, Jakah, he had said it best.

We had something like a, I don't want to say, mediation or nothing.

But we had a good external factor for somebody to see from the outside.

The way he put it is something, I think that we just ride with.

That's, at the end of the day, that's not your kid.

That'll never be okay.

And I think one thing for me, I'll always live with...

Exactly what you were saying, like it's not your responsibility.

So I'm, man, I think me, I'm not really leading with that expectation, you know what I'm saying?

Obviously, if you got a partner that's committed to you, they're gonna try to, you know, contribute wherever, but it shouldn't be like a,

you know.

Since we together, you got to, because I have a daughter.

If you know how to do hair or not, you gotta figure this out for me,

because

I'm not.

So then does that mean women should not be as dependent on men when a man comes into a single mother's life?

I mean, that's how men moving.

We expect you not to be dependent on us in the situation.

We coming in for you, not the kids.

If you got kids, that's like anything with kids.

If I'm a teacher, I'm gonna take care of the kids.

If I'm a coach, I'm gonna look after the kids.

If we're adults, we're around kids, we're gonna look after the kids.

Like, you leave your kids here for five seconds.

They gonna be straight.

You know what I mean?

We're not coming in with the expectation on you putting it on us to be stepdad or dad in that sense.

You know what I mean?

Because we could be stepdad.

We could be a stepdad because that's where we are.

We're just not my kid, stuff like that.

I go through the motions or the process to develop the relationship with your kid, depending on how much time I'm around your kid that you allow me to.

And then it's like the age bracket.

And even that too, because that's a very sensitive situation where it's like, I'm single, obviously, right?

Put

that out

there.

Am I?

No, I just mean.

But if it doesn't matter.

What I was going to say is my children's father is in their life, right?

All three of my children are my ex-husband.

And my two adult children, I don't really

Like, it matters how they feel, but they're out of the home.

You know what

I'm saying?

And I know I make pretty good decisions when it comes to, because my children are not being around.

I don't have my children just around random men, right?

For my nine-year-old, though, is me and her.

So, what I'm scared of getting into relationship-wise is how to present a moment of building between my daughter and another man.

when all she know is her father.

You get what I'm saying?

And then it's like, it's scary too because again, she's nine, she's young.

So how do you introduce the relationship to if I'm a single woman and I have a daughter and I want to take somebody serious, how do you introduce this relationship to where it's comfortable for both parties, for the man and for the child?

I will say like one thing I wish I did a little bit.

better Was like had that conversation really like really like have that real conversation like listen, you know, I'm saying it First off just trying to gauge, you know, I'm saying reads the room reading the room to like, you know, I'm saying I Know you might feel a certain way.

It's just

been us.

I know this what you familiar with and then again Just putting it really pretty like I said, I wish I went about it.

I'm just putting it playing like, you know This is something, you know, so I'm stepping in there's somebody, you know, I'm saying that

I'm looking forward to, you know what I'm saying, taking series, you know, being married to, you know what I'm saying, and really just, again, letting the floor be there for them to be able to communicate how they feel on it, you know what I'm saying, but just letting it be known, you

know

what I'm saying, like, just what it is,

you know

what I'm saying, and this is how it can look, and really just, again, lifting up that space for them to, you know what I'm saying, navigate how they might feel about it, you know what I'm saying, what they feeling on it in the process.

because it's a difference.

Like I said, it was mainly me and my daughter, so everything just probably looked completely different, you know what I'm

saying,

in regard.

Any woman, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, especially with, you know what I'm saying, giving that attention, you know what I'm saying?

You spent five minutes with her, who was that?

Oh yeah, yeah, who that, you know what I'm saying?

And instantly it's gonna be that, it could be that feeling of like abandonment, you know what

I'm saying?

And that's what I was gonna ask, do y'all fear that are you?

Do you fear that your daughter may not like someone you date, right?

Like, what happens when they don't like them, but not because they're a bad person, just because of abandonment issues?

Do you stop talking to her?

Or how do you navigate that?

I still love you the same.

Like, I really had that, you know what I'm saying, communication.

Like, I still love you the same regardless of how it is looked, or how you feel, I should say.

Yeah, you

gotta know child feelings.

I, you know, pretty much let the child know.

to go to the thing you were saying at first.

A good thing, the way to probably do it is start with pictures, because you probably done kicked it with this person.

Okay, mate.

You

know pictures videos and stuff you done like this or you know like when you start going out They start like don't now

like

everything a secret.

You know I mean like you finna go out

Yeah

mama finna go out like start the dating conversation with your child

I have my nine-year-old told me that she Can't wait for me to get better do your

hair let her pick your outfit.

Yeah

stuff like that So that way she's really included

with who's

you who you pick like make her feel like she's picking helping you

pick

What would you do?

Yeah, I would do that like that's and it's crazy cuz I didn't even think of that like but that is so I have included her I asked her like how if mommy was to get married again, how would you feel?

I think that's too far

But the only

reason

why I did is because all she know is me being married

other to her dad.

She don't know me being in, you know, a single relationship.

She just know marriage and her dad is married.

So all she knows is marriage.

So I asked her that and she said, um, I actually, I honestly can't wait because I'm tired of being your little man.

That was her

response.

But then that's where you switch to go back to beginning.

Okay, help me pick a outfit.

So

I can go find me, you know?

Let

her be interactive with the stuff you're doing, even though you, you know, go get my shoe.

Let me see.

Isn't that how you wear it?

And that may help the relationship between her and

him.

But you and her, with her understanding of what the process is, with mama trying to do what mama trying to

do.

Like you would be involved, you would know.

You know what I mean?

You would help me pick the outfit.

You gonna help pick our man.

You know what

I mean?

That's great advice.

That's a gem.

Yeah, that's a gem for sure.

We gotta clip that.

That's the clipper.

Man, kids love that autonomy too.

That's

what I'm saying.

They love that.

Yeah, just being in charge,

you know what

I'm saying?

Being in that position.

So that was great advice for sure.

I haven't say so.

We gotta go to break.

Do not touch that dial.

It was one on one point seven in truth.

One on one point seven the true Fisher girl jazz Tyler did you meet?

We are live and direct.

We got a special guest in the building Cardale is here.

Thank you so much for joining us having an amazing conversation.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah Yeah, I mean

me just drop the

gym on us.

I mean I So we can talk about this before father's day,

you know, I'm big on being a father You know me

like he said like the transition like when you have kids like

Some men have that in them like it was like you just just had a conviction was like you can't do that You can't lead them kids.

Yeah, I mean and some women to do what they try to do to see it How far they could take you to see when you would what you would leave for

and you know what speaking of Father's Day I'm gonna say I might get a lot of slack, but I don't want to see no post about my mama happy Father's Day to my mama

No, I mean some people don't know nothing else.

Yeah, I understand that I understand that to its entirety

but they don't do that on Mother's Day

That's my point.

That's my point.

I don't I don't want to see the

mama was around And they did it they did a number on us Absolutely

after so before we want to break me drop the gym on us

ladies

Whenever we are preparing for a date with the man that we should, if we have daughters, we should include them when it comes to what we're wearing, how we look, so on and so on.

What about if you have sons?

How do we include them?

That's

what we

do.

No, I mean the woman.

If I have a son and I'm dating, how do I include my son?

because it's different with him.

I mean, I can ask him how this look, but sons typically have a little bit more jealousy.

Like, who is this?

I don't want you going out with him.

I don't know him.

I mean, that's because

you ain't showed them nothing.

That's the same inclusion.

You know what I mean?

They're your kid.

You know what I mean?

Like you said, especially if they had that type of attitude, it's the same inclusion.

It's a little different.

Yeah.

I would say it's almost in reverse.

You know what I mean?

You say, this guy got me watching this.

Do you know what you know about

basketball?

You know what I mean?

And my son going to say, what guy?

He ain't going to ask about the basketball.

He's going to ask what

I'm talking about.

But that's a good icebreaker to explain.

You

let them ask.

You don't want to just be like, look, I'm dating this guy.

A

lot of that is

a lot.

They not really interested in none of that.

I think we should talk to our children more about it because I don't, but I have been not at their grown.

And my son, he voices the type of men he would like for me to date now.

He says it.

That's real.

And that's actually what I was pondering on too.

I'm like, okay, and it's on the flip side.

Even that gauge and like, all right, what kind of man you want to be?

What qualities you want to have?

And then kind of being like, all right, just implementing that in a sense like, all right, no.

If I bring a male figure around, you know what I'm saying?

He living up to all these qualities that should probably make him fit, you know what I'm saying?

Fit

the bill,

right?

And make him, I guess, worthy, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like it.

I'm like, we're going to have to get you on here all the time, Cardale.

On Fridays,

huh?

On Fridays.

I need to be here.

I'm getting

gems, too.

I'm going to do that, too.

But

that always be like that with Meach

for sure.

Need to turn it to a whole professor today.

I mean, up.

I'm just talking.

Just more street psychologists.

Yeah, I feel you.

I feel you.

But with that, just boys is a little different just because they really not paying that much attention to stuff like that.

You know what I mean?

You could probably have a whole relationship going on and he'd been on a game the whole time.

Facts.

You know what I mean?

It'd be bombarded.

if that guy tried to tell that boy to do something.

That's when it'd be like,

who is this?

So when do you get to that point?

So let's say, hypothetically, that I was dating and then I got into a relationship.

What point in the relationship do I allow, not even just marriage, because you could be with somebody for like seven, eight years and some kids would say that's my stepdad because they've been around so long.

Do you as a man feel comfortable checking your spouse's child?

That's not yours.

Hey, one.

Yeah.

So it's because he's a young man, not because he's my

guy.

Be my kid.

That's right.

That's right.

I like that.

Me, I like that.

We got callers on the line.

Are you there?

Yes, I am.

Yes, I am.

Well, first thing I'm going to say is I'm not checking nobody else's kid because they didn't.

They didn't come from my testicles.

That's the daddy's job, okay?

Only thing I would tell that kid, I'm dating your mother.

I would never disrespect her and I would never put my hands on her, okay?

And that's it.

I'm not going to chastity somebody else's.

Now you're opening the door to chaos and drama.

Because the baby daddy or the baby father, whatever he decided to be, A or B, already going to have some problem because you're around their kids.

And I don't want to take, I don't want to take your responsibility and make your life easier because he got your DNA and your last name.

Okay.

I'm just here to grow.

I'm going to respect your child, but I will never chastise him.

That's your job.

Okay.

Now, if he disrespect his mother, I will talk to him, but otherwise that.

I'm not, I'm not touching that fire.

I'm not touching that water.

That's, I just tell the mother, Hey, you got to handle that.

Talk to his daddy.

See, you don't want to be a call me when you don't got to stay too long.

Goodbye.

Cause what happens is after everybody getting mad, you're going to be the suspect.

You're going to be the bullseye target.

And she's still going to be after him right behind your back.

So why even open your door to that nonsense?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Thank you so much, Al.

Kathy, are you there?

Thank you so much for tapping in with us.

Yes, you know, I like the conversation, but, you know, if there are mature adults on both sides of the apparently, both of y'all need to have a little talk about dating and someone braiding the kids here or doing whatever, because they may come up at one time, especially when you get married.

But to integrate kids with other people and age range vary.

So if you've got an older teenage kid, you've got to do it a different way than you would with a young kid.

They say, okay, you've really seen this person a lot.

Now you want to have a meet the kids.

After a while, he regularly dating, y'all go do events together, picnic, go to the zoo together so that person can get to know that person.

You know what I'm saying?

Like I said, and don't talk about the other parent around that child and that man because that's not fair.

That's between y'all and that dad, not an other mom.

But take the child out to events.

Don't you believe in that?

But what do you think?

Take the child out somewhere so the child can get the use to you.

The other thing you can do, if you had a teenage kid, you know, you can go to the movies, maybe take them to do darts, tennis.

You can do this bunch of stuff you can do that have activities with both sides of the family so the kid can get used to that.

And another one, if I'm watching someone's child.

You're the guardian for that date, and you let the kid know they have to listen and follow what they tell you to do.

I'm not talking about something bad.

I'm just saying, well, you can't do this.

You have to sit down.

You know, whatever.

You got to let the other person know they have the right to say so, but not spanking nobody.

But that's a disciplinary thing, just in general.

So we don't do it that way.

If you check with your mom or dad, we can do this.

You know, you got to have respect on both sides.

You don't have to come off mean and nasty about anything.

I kept two kids at my house during COVID.

three days a week because there's no way to get to school.

So we coordinate with someone else on the family side and I'll drop them off and then they pick them up because I had to be at work.

So I took time off for work hour of vacation time in three days and I dropped them off.

This is about what was the best we can do.

You know, and I, that's okay.

I'll make sure to hear it's fixed up.

I'm going to do this and I let the kids know if you don't get up when I get you up, we're going to school with the pajamas on.

I didn't care how old they were and they'll be going to change when you get there like that.

So that's what I did, you know, and.

And I had the right to say, well, no, don't do this or do that.

You know, I wouldn't ask you to the kids where people trust me and believe in it.

You know what I'm saying?

So it's a way of doing things without coming off a brass or anything like that.

Like I was saying, you got to be a little common with that.

Everybody with relationships are not some kind of a storm fire.

And then, like I said, mature adults need to talk to each other.

Both spouses look, I'm seeing somebody to be around the kids and stuff like that there, you know, and then you have boundaries and stuff like anybody else.

Absolutely.

Thank you so much, Kathy.

And I agree.

I do think that for me, you know, um, growing up, my mom didn't have, you know, different men around us or anything like that.

Um, and that's why I am the way I am.

But I was always taught that your kids, your children will, you will know if they don't like somebody, that mean that person isn't right for you.

And not just again, because they're not a good person, but children can feel things.

you know, a little bit better.

They're not blinded by the emotional part attachment, right?

So I think having dates and including the children in those dates, especially if the other person has a child as well, is something that most definitely should be done.

Yeah.

Like, like the caller said, every relationship is not a storm fire.

You know what I mean?

It's not, you know, I say day one basically just to set the tone.

Yeah.

Like...

They one could be day 50.

But the first day you interact with the child, you can't be scared to say, hey, you know, whatever you need to say.

You know, like the second caller explaining well, out, explain the well too.

But that's if you in that type of situation where it could get dicey.

You know what I mean?

You could have, you know,

issues with the baby daddy or the baby mama, you know what I mean?

Versus, you know, you gotta know who you're dealing with.

You know what I mean?

It should

take more than a day, more than a week, whatever time frame of the dating period for you to be like, okay, I

know

this person enough for this person to be around me.

That they're gonna be around my kids.

Exactly, exactly.

That's super real.

Like you say I deem you worthy.

And I feel like,

Something I was thinking about too, I'm like, damn, just when you live in like a chaotic environment too, where stuff always changing, I think that just be making stuff all the more important too.

So really, you know what I'm saying?

Had that inclusivity right there because when you just drop the bombs, I think it's just easier.

It's easier for at least, you know what I'm saying?

Our experience, it'd be easier to be like, man, who?

Who

this person is, you know what I'm saying, coming in and

trying to regulate.

Like as a

boy, when you're a

boy,

your momma got

a boyfriend.

Call your momma.

Call your momma.

I mean, my momma got a boyfriend.

I was 30.

How

did you feel about that?

I mean, she grown, but at the same time, it's like, all right, here we go.

You

know what I mean?

Because then he got sons.

You know

what I mean?

I'm the only son.

that dynamic right there.

But

I'm the only son with my mama.

So at the end of the day, it's really what I say.

I can stop the whole program.

That's really how

I'm moving.

Oh, Miss Lisa, you hear your son over here?

He said he was a strict program.

I

mean, like, she know this about me.

Like, if it wasn't right, it wasn't right.

I mean, the whole program stopped because now.

You got me and something that I ain't trying to be, cause you finna be calling me.

Yeah, yeah.

No, that's right though.

I understand that perspective for sure.

You gonna

be calling me if he ain't.

Who he say he was.

Yeah.

If he ain't living up to the bill or unable to do stuff, then I still get to call as a second

man.

You know what I mean?

So I need to know how worthy are you to do the stuff that you telling my mama

you're

trying to do.

Cause then I know how much I gotta be there.

for both of y'all.

Absolutely.

You know what I mean?

And that's just because they're older, they're over 50, you

know what I

mean?

But that dynamic, just for him, the ice breakers, you know what I mean?

Just finding the interests, you know what I mean?

Finding similar interests and stuff like that was like a thing for me.

But he developed a good relationship with my big mama.

So that's cool.

That was a play.

You know what

I mean?

But he cool, he laid back, you know what I mean?

He not the raw, raw type guy.

He not, you know what I mean?

Not too flashy.

Yeah, he not trying to regulate.

I asked him something like, man, your mama got

you.

Your mama got to figure it out.

You got your mama, man.

I don't know nothing.

You know what I mean?

So

it's that comfortability level too that he brought that I was able to be comfortable

too.

So it's like, it's your demeanor in any situation coming into a...

a dating situation with somebody that got a kid.

It's the demeanor.

It's the delicacy of knowing what they might have went through.

You know what I'm saying?

With their past relationship to not impede on that, impede on baby daddy's.

That's how I think about it.

I think I would want to be with a man who has children, but maybe not a daughter, but will always wanted a daughter because I feel like he'll treat her.

the way that she did not to say no one else will, but I feel like it's just like icing on the cake.

Yeah, but don't put too much on him, because your daughter might be the slickster in the

situation.

You know what I mean?

Like,

the kids are pulling fast

ones.

Oh, yeah.

Again, especially when it's just your... Yeah, because she know

your kid know your habits.

You know

what I mean?

Like, when you pull up and drop me off, my son outside waiting on me.

My daughter is like that my oldest daughter she has the location of my phone I promise you this little girl who you at Botan is with who you you know and why you didn't call me and who is this person it's like

Who the mama?

You know?

That's

real.

Man, that's so real.

Especially when you, again, when that age range, you know what I'm saying?

Certain parts, you know what I'm saying?

Or the aspect, and then again, when it's just y'all.

Like, I feel like it, for me, it had to be like a, hold on, wait, like, let's not forget.

I'm the pops for real, you know what I'm saying?

So, like, nah, you trying to have me beefing with my lady, you know what I'm

saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thinking

like, again, you know,

You know what I'm saying?

Dismissing that it could be a degree of like, you know, you feel like you being out the picture, but it's like, don't, don't play the game.

Cause kids play the game.

I played

the game.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

With my step up, you know what I'm saying?

Like.

Oh, so you would do that?

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Like, you gon' choose.

Now I'm finna be calling baby boy all day.

Choosing bro over me.

You gon' choose

him over me?

Your own flesh and blood.

Look, now my mom's feeling bad.

Them lines can be bad.

So, again, having that little language around, like, I'm still figuring out myself, too.

You know what I'm saying?

Being like, listen, I hear you.

You

know what I'm saying?

But this is the person that made me happy.

You know what

I'm saying?

This

person ain't going nowhere.

Mama gotta have a life, too.

We sent here with Carnell.

Do not touch that dial.

833-212-1017.

We want to hear from you.

We are talking fatherhood.

We got to go to break, pay some bills.

One-on-one point seven to truth.

One-on-one point seven to truth.

It's your girl, Jazz Tyler.

Did you meet?

We are live and direct.

Who we got in the building?

Meach.

Hardnell.

Yes, indeed.

Mr. Hogan's.

Hardnell Hogan's.

Father's making progress.

Yes,

y'all.

We've been made progress since

office.

Y'all are real life.

Y'all brought it today, okay?

Y'all brought it so hard today.

It

was some gyms that was dropped.

Even I got some advice.

You know what I'm saying?

We're gonna have to run this back pretty soon, you know?

It's too quick.

Great conversation, though.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

So, Kourtney, what do you have going on?

What projects are you working on or you have coming up?

Yeah, so...

First and foremost, as y'all, we already talked about, I'm a business owner, all rules collective.

So really it's an outcome-based service that I started last year, really where I'm just using what I went through.

You know what I'm saying?

So I took myself through, you know, some called a bio-psycho-social model.

So essentially changed my body, you know what I'm saying?

Through the food, through the fruit.

So again,

And then socially, you know, just changing my environment, put myself around them spaces I was talking about, that's gonna lift me up.

And then psychologically, you know what I'm saying?

Again, being in them spaces, that's actually therapeutic,

you know what I'm

saying?

Doing that through the nature, doing that through the conversation and community, you know what I'm saying?

Essentially, what I'm doing while I was a collective is using that same model to provide services, you know what I'm saying?

With juices, you

know what I'm

saying?

I actually just was at...

the Feed the Change campaign with African American Round Table.

Shout out to Marquesa.

There you go.

Shout out to Marquesa, the whole team for show.

And you know, they had us come out essentially and distribute like about a hundred juices, you know what I'm saying?

Again, knowing what that did for my healing journey, still is doing for my healing journey.

I was literally just having a conversation.

Like I had eczema and just through juices, hydrating myself,

you know what I'm

saying, and fasting.

A lot of people don't know that eczema, because my daughter has it too.

When I had cancer, I got into the herbs and became vegan and I was helping her with the herbs, but I noticed that the eczema is really from your diet.

Literally.

Literally.

And it'd be surprising me still.

I dropped all the weight that I had on me, you know what I'm saying?

Through the herbs, you know what I'm saying?

And the whole model, you know what I'm saying?

Everything fit into it, but again, taking myself through that, through my business is essentially just doing that.

It's like my olive branch for real, you know what I'm saying?

Give it back.

whether that's through the juices, through a, you know, a fatherhood facilitation services, whether that's through diet planning, you know what I'm saying?

Again, whatever I took myself through to provide, you know, the poetry aspect of it, the creative writing aspect of it, but just building coaching,

coaching

with the guys, mentoring the guys, you know what I'm saying?

So that's what I'm doing right now in a building.

I'm trying to think if I got anything coming up, I'm always, you know what I'm saying, serving the juices, you know what I'm saying?

So you can reach that.

Yeah, I am gonna be at Junction.

I'm gonna be at Junction with African-American Round Table.

Okay.