6-24-26 -- DEAR UNCLE RUSTY

Who used all the

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apartment?

and some things had cropped up for our headliner Tom Garland that it was a huge opportunity for the fellow and it changed some things up obviously the No Apologies comedy show was canceled due to the scheduling conflict and there was a couple of things that Tom needed to work out and I had asked hey once you get everything figured out can we make sure that we highlight what's going on

And he was going to swing on in here today.

Unfortunately, because of the opportunity, Tom is on an airplane towards Belize today.

And I'm not making that up at all.

He's actually on a plane right now heading towards another cruise ship.

Here's the deal.

So I asked Tom, Hey, can you provide something?

So I've got a statement from Tom here.

He says, Hey, Brian, want to thank you.

Rock what away at all of P one nation for letting me be a part of your Tuesday mornings.

for the past few years.

After a recent comedy fest in Minneapolis, I was hired as a headliner comedian for a major cruise line.

So as a comic performing around the world like this is a dream come true.

And as a fat guy, I've never been happier than I am on these floating buffets.

My new schedule means that I have to step away from the radio segments on Tuesdays.

I'm grateful for all the laughs and the friendships and I'll miss being a part of the show.

So

Thanks for everything.

Now I have to go find out where they're hiding the ice cream machines on this ship.

Tom Garland.

He's gonna be off to Belize, and if you're happening to be on a Carnival cruise line, looks like a couple of Mexican dates coming up for him as well.

Make sure you say, I knew you win!

I knew you win!

You were on the Rock108 morning show, so for this, Tom Garland, I salute you, and bon voyage.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale A tale of a fateful trip That started from this Tropic port Abort this tiny ship The mate was a mighty sailing man The skipper brave and sure Five passengers set sail that day For a three hour tour

The three

I was original.

This is no ordinary man.

Brian Marshall in the Rock 108 Morning Show.

He's gonna offer some advice based upon a Dear Abby article from 1991 Okay, that's it my wheelhouse Something terribly embarrassing happened to me yesterday It's every young woman's nightmare My boyfriend's father Walked in on us during a very very private moment We're both in our early 20s

and I've been dating for three years and plan to marry next year when we graduate from college I don't know if this was a surprise for his father since his son and I have been dating for a long time but I'm very embarrassed about the situation how can I ever face this man again he told his son to let me know that he was very sorry and he didn't mean to invade our privacy

well

If it was my daughter, I would have walked in that room.

Oh, was it the son?

He was the son was his or the son was his.

If it was my son, I would have walked in the room with what I call the jar of love.

Jar of love.

Jar of love is a jar filled with condoms.

Son, now not embarrassing to the woman at all.

Because it's just the dad looking out for his son.

Did you remember the protection?

And I would thrust thrust the jar of love under his nose and say pick one.

While he's in mid thrust himself.

Okay.

Not ready to be a grandpa yet.

Son.

Just looking out for you, kid.

That's all.

So you're obviously looking out for the son in this case.

I'll go rusty.

I'm looking out for both of them.

Sure.

But what about the fact in this case that she doesn't, she doesn't feel that she can ever face this man again?

Well, I would look her dead in the eye and say, I hope you understand.

I'm just looking out for both of you.

And she would understand the love of a father.

Towards the kids and she wouldn't feel embarrassed at all because at least that would be my position.

Why is this embarrassing?

Been there done that Seen this kid naked since birth.

What's the big

deal?

But what about her take the condom?

Would you let her pick out one too?

She could pick.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah Glow in the dark doesn't matter get the size right You don't want any accidents, you know, huh

They can't slip off, you know.

Yeah Originally this individual is labeled as embarrassed Why what's there to be embarrassed about it's a perfectly natural act

Our first edition of dear uncle rusty

son mother does the laundry tomorrow.

Don't worry about a thing Okay kids back at it.

I'm done here the rock 108 morning show

Rockwell to a morning show so we finish up clue me in and something new that we just started last week Okay, there's a lot of knowledge and I sold this earlier.

There's a lot of knowledge up in that dome of yours.

It's not just time.

Yeah at a time.

Yeah.

Yeah

old bastard

done that seen that Not just music related.

There's a lot going

on in there

This is mostly on relationships, right?

We're talking relationships and stuff.

Potentially

in this case,

yeah.

I don't have a lot of experience there, but I do have a lot of opinions and that's all that matters.

One thing as we go into this, because it is a archived Dear Abby situation last week, 1991, we're moving to 2008.

And I think where you will do well in this is that you are currently living in an apartment, yes?

Yes.

So... Dear Uncle Rusty.

A few months ago, I moved into a new apartment.

The complex, while not luxurious, is quite nice.

A few weeks after I moved in, one of my neighbors informed me that a woman who lives across from me is running a business from her home.

Her services are illegal, if you know what I mean.

I've noticed that whenever I leave my apartment or return to it, there is yet another strange man entering or leaving.

I'm conflicted.

This is my home too, and I shouldn't have to worry about these characters.

What if they mistake my door for hers?

Also, I've overheard this woman on her cell phone making arrangements for these individuals to come over.

She even gives out the gate code.

Although I would like to report these illegal activities, I'm afraid of retaliation.

What is the best way to handle this?

Or should I just look the other way?

Mind my own business the way other neighbors have.

This is from It's My Home 2 in Washington State.

Dear Uncle

Rusty.

In Washington State, that's the People's Republic of Washington.

Anything goes.

If you lived anywhere else, I might say, well, you know, no, you're in anything goes state.

Just to quote Dan Ackroyd.

Jane, you ignorant slut.

Just leave it alone.

You quoted

him on his birthday.

It's also Dan Ackroyd's birthday today.

Just let them let her have her fun.

Oh, you know.

if you're a friend of the woman next door, maybe you can run protection racket for it.

I'll see, this is in my blood, this is how I was raised to do this, that you can keep an eye out for her for a certain percentage of the fees.

Now the service is what you're being paid for.

The implied service is that you're going to bust her if she doesn't pay.

Which reminds me of a time.

My brother, Rich, and I worked for the mob, which on and off we worked for the mob quite a bit.

They were everywhere.

Harry Hempherian was his name.

He owned the local

White Hen Pantry, which is like a 7-Eleven, and Rich worked for him.

Well, it was a huge holiday, maybe July 4th, I can't remember, but Harry said my friend needs two people to work the parking lot in Boston and collect, you know, parking fees.

So we said sure, and there was a little booth set up, parking lot.

And when we got there, Rich said to the guy, this is a public parking lot.

How can we charge for a public parking lot?

And the guy said, don't you worry about it.

If anybody asks, send him to me.

And he pointed to this little guard shack.

I'll be there.

So we're taking $20 from people.

And people say, no, it's not public today.

And we would be taking $20.

And son of a bitch, if a Boston cop didn't show up at one point, how the hell can you guys charge for a public parking?

You can't do this.

And Rich did what we were instructed to do.

Uh-oh.

Talk to the guy over there in the booth.

Uh-oh.

Some money was exchanged.

OK.

And the cop said, have a nice day, boys.

On his way out.

This goes back to the apartment, a little cash greasing the wheels

always helps.

This is why, dear Uncle Rusty is my new favorite thing.

Oracle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you have a problem and you'd like Uncle Rusty to help out, what are some ways that they can get a hold of

you?

You can send your problem to me at Russ at rock108.com.

I love this.

And we will work out your problems

live

on the air.

We'll do this

again.

We'll

change the names to protect the innocent.

Yes.

The Rock 108 Morning Show.

Dear Uncle Rusty, I have a much younger friend in another state.

We like to keep in touch.

I prefer email as I am elderly, hard of hearing, and look after my husband who's having cognitive problems.

Kind of me, except for the husband part.

My husband and I are both on restricted medical diets that require cooking most meals from scratch, and we both have many medical appointments.

Therefore, my free time is limited.

My friend prefers

talking on the phone she lives alone has tons of free time I've asked her for her cell phone number so I can call her during my morning walk which is the only free time I have but she gives me the number only to her grown children and doctors and prefers to call me what each time I email she says she longs to hear my voice and asks if she can call me I have explained my reasons to her

How do I answer her repetitive please politely?

I simply don't have time to chat on the phone I've wavered from this stance with only one other elderly friend who doesn't do email it inconveniences me, but in her case There is no other choice communication woes

I am with you sister I People that want to call and stay on the phone forever are the most annoying people in the world I think you're doing exactly the right thing.

In fact, I would go further

I would send her a nice potted plant and just say, talk to this.

Love Esther, whatever your name is.

It's Mona.

That is so intrusive.

No, stay away.

You can be friends without hour-long conversations.

Let me ask you about this, and let's switch it up a little bit.

You and your brother

talk.

How long do you guys have a conversation for?

Ten minutes, okay 15 with

the longest okay,

yeah, if

I

talk almost

every

night But that's different

I mean you related this is a friend though I mean and she's even you know put it out there like look I don't have a whole lot of time here because I've got a lot of stuff going on

Look if she wanted to have the time she could have the time she just doesn't like

Long, boring phone conversations with elderly people who just want to talk about their meds.

Like, no.

No.

No

more.

So, Uncle Russie, the solution is a potted plant?

A potted plant that

says, talk

to this in the note.

Do you have a particular type of potted plant that you would send?

Make it a geranium.

I don't even know what a geranium is.

That's just the first thing that came to mind.

Like a succulent,

maybe.

I'll fuck

you with cinema

cactus.