5-19-26 TP5 Things Better Than Celebrity Boxing

Admit

it, you're just gonna guess.

I know it.

I know it.

Hold on.

It's Brian's brain buster on rock 108.

I

mean, we're starting early here today with this brain buster.

Good morning, Tom Garland.

Oh, he got a swig of something.

I got him.

Oliver Schmitz is also here from Cedar Falls, made the drive in here today.

Good morning to you.

Good morning.

How you feeling?

Feeling good, feeling tired.

It's early, what you guys do here.

I

was gonna say, what time do you usually head into work?

I mean, cause I have to, you know, eight, nine o'clock, you know, come on.

Yeah.

Eight, nine o'clock.

I mean, by then I'm wrapping up my show.

So yeah, you know, this, this is what you got to do when you're ready to go for the no apologies comedy show.

Garland does it all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm up, and some days Brian's car doesn't work and then I'm up earlier.

Well, you did that at one time.

I appreciate that.

Just one.

Very much.

The longest one of these and Brian's Brainbuster Day sponsored by Pure Clean and Cedar Rapids, longest one of these, five feet, eight inches long.

Earlier guesses have included a tapeworm.

The whale tapeworm reaches up to 131 feet.

This, I don't think is the one that we get inside us.

Gross.

Sub sandwich.

The longest one of these created May 22nd of 2011, 2,411 feet and five inches.

Jared Fogo also gross.

I don't think Jared Fogo is five feet eight inches long.

He was into things that were five feet eight inches long, but yeah, now he's in prison.

What?

Me?

Me?

Oh, it's me that's the

issue.

That was edgy for you.

I don't apologize.

No apologies on the No Apologies Comedy Show.

I mean, I got to keep up with you guys.

Any guesses from either of you, Oliver, Tom, what do you think on the Brain Buster?

Anything?

Yeah.

How about the line outside of a blues traveler concert?

Trapped, maybe.

Can't be longer than five feet of people

waiting.

A blues traveler wasn't bad.

I went to one of those shows.

Now, the Jim Blossom's guys, they were kind of like a barbant, but spin doctors was fun.

Yeah, lots of barbant.

How about Kevin Hart, total height, maybe, standing

on his foot?

He's five

feet, eight inches?

Well, that's

gracious.

He can't even

do that, yeah.

The world's longest Kevin Hart.

Five feet.

That's a weird way to word the question.

P1 patrolman Pete on the text lines of the longest carrot, which for some reason thinking about a five foot eight inch carrot.

This was like, I don't know.

Yeah, that wasn't it either.

And that gave you a worse reaction than the tapeworm, I

think.

Yeah, our next show and Jared Fogel too.

What do you guys think?

319-234-5369.

The Brain Buster will have the answer by 735.

Iowa City

is rocked right here on Rock 108.

Eastern Iowa's legendary rock station.

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

Tom

Garland who's here for Top 5 Tuesdays and joining us who's the opener for the No Apologies comedy show from Cedar Falls Oliver Schmitz in the house too.

Gentlemen here today you think you got it bad I know that you guys travel and that you've been dealing with the TSA who have launched the 3-1-1 liquids rule.

It's been 20 years since they launched this thing.

It's ridiculous.

Limited travelers to 3.4 ounces of liquid per container one of those containers fitting within a one quart size clear bag per customer Does that make sense to you guys even after 20 years?

Yeah, it's the size of a shot in a bag of weed, but I don't understand

why I

know the sizes

They're saying that you know the 3.4 ounce protein shake

Yeah, okay, that's fine.

That's that's your liquid right there, but now they are challenging you To see what you can bring on.

There is a TSA.

What can I bring tool on their website?

And there's quite a few things that are allowed gentlemen Whole watermelons is something that you can bring along.

Oh, thank God.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah, man

I mean, if you guys were, you know, Gallagher-type comedians, you would want to bring your

whole watermelons.

I guess Gallagher's gotta travel.

Gallagher too.

Yeah, Gallagher's gotta travel.

If

there's somebody bringing a watermelon through an airport, leave that man alone.

He's got places to be.

Well, I mean, you got the whole watermelons.

If you're worried about the watermelons, live lobsters in a clear, sealed, spill-proof container, you can bring your live lobsters with you.

Uh, here's another thing.

If you're uh If you really want this frozen breast milk and ice packs in any quantity as long as they're fully frozen at screening So it can't be in the liquid form Your breast milk has to be frozen if you're going through TSA gentlemen

weird I don't think they should be able to search anybody at certain airports You know big airports.

I get it.

Yeah, I don't hair.

It's a major

you know, complex.

It's a major, you know, market city, all that.

I get it.

Cedar Rapids Airport, you know, Eastern Iowa Airport, they shouldn't be able to search you.

Everybody knows each other.

See, my thing is, is that, you know, regardless of the amount of breast milk frozen or not, let that man on the plane, but arrest him as soon as he touches ground again.

Why does he have that breast milk?

He's got he's got a family to feed.

the watermelons and the breast milk.

Now, if they're both together, that's a serial

killer.

It feels like when I see the family size suggesting on a bag of chips, that's not going to a family, Brian.

That's that's just one.

That's one man.

That's one man.

Having breast milk popsicles.

I just

don't want to be, you know, touched anymore.

Can they just stop that?

Can there not be another man touch me?

You know, like I said, it's Eastern Iowa Airport.

We all know each other, right?

They're like, I got to search you.

Spread them.

I'm like, I know you, Bob.

I went to high school with you.

I got a watermelon.

It's right

here.

Like, what is that?

They're like, that's frozen breast milk.

Just leave me alone.

The Rock 108

Morning Show.

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

apartment?

It's Top 5 Tuesday on The Rock 108 Morning Show.

And friends of the show are in for you today.

These friends of the show include Tom Garland, who's here on Tuesdays for Top 5.

Hello.

Hello, what up?

And Oliver Schmitz, who's opening up the No Apologies Comedy Show.

This happening on Saturday, May the 30th.

It's Tom Garland, Ed Burroughs, Oliver Schmitz, all together.

15 bucks in advance, 20 bucks at the door.

First Avenue Club in Iowa City.

More details about that are coming up for you here.

But the thing about this is with 15 bucks, you guys have Netflix, right?

Oh,

yeah.

Both of you?

All right.

So then you watch the comedy specials or did you happen to see the 17 seconds of pure fighting prowess that was Ronda Rousey and Gina Carano?

Anybody watch that?

Yeah, what a waste of time.

I I could never pay that much to go to like one of those prize fights

out

in Las Vegas They do like it's like $400 for the nose bleed and if you're gonna go sit on like a floor seats for that it might be 20 grand

Yeah, they started shooting around and I was checking before the fight itself and they're showing the celebrities that are in attendance And they're like here's Dak Shepard.

All right.

Here's Carmen Electra

And she looked like she was sitting next to like Jerry Cantrell.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Maybe a Jerry Cantrell look alike.

But then I was like, all right, well, you guys have some money to see this.

And then to know that the undercard was really good.

But then you've got the two celebrities, the one that was on Star Wars and the other one that was a WWE person.

I know she was in UFC and she did really well there, but.

17 seconds.

I mean, come

on.

I

feel like the shine has worn off of all those celebrity event, the celebrity boxings, the celebrity prize fighting.

So that's the top five for today.

These are top five things better than celebrity boxing.

Number five, celebrity bankruptcy.

Oh,

OK.

Yeah.

You're like, hey, welcome back.

We missed you.

This is a high V. How fun is this?

Yeah, chapter 11, you added up a couple of times.

What are you at now?

Chapter 33 bankruptcy.

You know it.

Oh man.

What do you got next?

These are top five things better than celebrity boxing.

Number four, celebrity court sketches.

See that picture of Diddy?

You're like, oh, it looks like he went to a theme park.

Got his caricature done.

Yeah.

Oh gosh.

I forgot about those.

Yeah, they draw them.

Yeah.

them all of America, they can draw you, you know, but this is all done in charcoal and

pastel.

It's terrible.

I still, I still to this day have a picture of the Tom Brady sketch from deflate gate.

It's bad.

It was so bad.

Again, I have a sketch on my desk.

I print out of that picture to remind me every day.

That's funny.

To not have Tom Brady or deflate gate?

What is it reminding you

of?

Just how bad that sketch

was.

Don't judge him, Brian.

That's his like heart of the ocean.

That's the

Titanic.

Just imagine Tom Brady like draw me like one of your French girls.

God, you're the goat, Brady.

Number three.

These are top five things better than celebrity boxing.

Number three, celebrity public apologies.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, nothing turns me on like that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They're apologizing.

I'm like, oh, yeah, say it.

Yeah.

So sincere.

Yeah.

Say you're sorry.

Say that S word for

me.

And I love the words that you they it has like its own language to it.

The celebrity apology.

They're like.

We hold space.

They always say they hold space.

We hold space.

I was like, what does that even mean?

I am a work in progress.

Like you smacked Chris Rock in the face.

Just don't smack people.

They mean no names, no names specific.

Everyone slaps Chris Rock.

You tried to

bring a watermelon on a plane.

It was frozen breast milk, leave me alone.

That's a whole rotisserie chicken.

Number two, these are top five things better than celebrity boxing.

Number two, celebrity baby names.

Okay.

They're always weird, right?

Am I the only one that thinks they're weird?

They'll be like, oh, this is my daughter.

Hey!

That's her name.

Her name is, hey!

Kardashian West.

She's layered to the throne.

Jonathan Davis of corn, pilot inspector.

Wasn't that his kid's name?

His kid's name is pilot

inspector?

I believe it was pilot inspector.

Or was that Jason Lee?

I don't remember anymore, because all the celebrity names.

What was the other one?

Apple there for a while.

Then you had, what was the one, Northwest?

Kanye's is

Northwest,

and then you

have Elon's, which I think are the nuclear codes.

I think that's the first.

It's like X, Z, H, Y, and he got those, yeah.

The final top five for today, what do you got for number one?

Yeah, these are the top five things better than celebrity boxing.

Number one, celebrity sex tapes.

Oh, good.

Yeah, those are fun, right?

It's kind of still boxing, right?

They're tagging each

other.

Well, maybe they're using their fists.

I don't know.

Actually, during the Diddy trial, I was like, are

they fighting or doing it?

I can't figure it out.

It's

one of those things.

Yeah.

And they were like in a hallway.

There's a category.

You can go do your research if you want.

The Rock 108 Morning Show.

Sometimes it's obvious.

Sometimes it's obscure.

It's time for Brian's Brain Buster, sponsored by Puro Clean of Cedar Rapids.

Your first call for fire and water damage, Puro Clean of Cedar Rapids at 3198048288.

So the longest one of these, five feet eight inches long.

And we've got Tom Garland, Oliver Schmitz joining us here today, friends of the show, and going to be at the No Apologies Comedy Show.

The earlier guesses, gentlemen, have been things like a tapeworm.

That came up a lot.

And the longest way is a whale tapeworm at 131 feet, because they didn't say the one that for humans.

So, a sub sandwich, longest one, 2,411 feet five inches, created in May of 2011.

Carrot came up, and then Lynn said a pickle.

And the longest pickle in the world, gentlemen.

Want to take a guess?

Longest pickle in the world.

No, I think it'll just make me feel bad if I take the guess at the longest pickle longest pickle is probably what five inches, but he says eight

The eight is right it's just eight feet in length and recorded at one ton Wow, can you imagine telling somebody?

Hey, I got an eight eight foot long pickle weighing a ton

And then then they're just gonna say you're bragging.

No, that's not it Fingernails was a top guess the longest one of these is five feet eight inches long and I don't know why hearing fingernail and something along those lines just really makes me want to bet I

always saw those in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Yeah, there was that guy the

curvy

Yeah,

oh

you have the one where yeah where he's holding his hand up and the thumb kind of loops over and around Diana Armstrong

Her nails measure an astonishing combined total of 42 feet, 10.4 inches.

That's all of them together.

What do you do at that point?

Just hold on to them?

Just hope for the best.

You can't cut them at that point.

Yeah.

The saddest thing in the world is whoever's got second place because we're not talking about that.

The Rock 108

Morning Show.

Top five Tuesday, that brings in Tom Garland, headliner of the No Apologies Comedy Show.

And today, Oliver Schmitz, who's opening this show.

How long have you guys known each other on the stage?

Probably since I've been doing it.

You know, it's 10 years this year for me.

So like, I think that you might have ended the show at the first, you know, show slash mic I was on Back in Cedar Falls.

That's probably pretty accurate.

I've been doing it for, I've been doing stand up for 16 years.

So 10 and 16 and Ed's been doing it.

What do we figure?

Somewhere in the neighborhood of what?

I think

Ed was also there at that.

So it's just like, you know, the more things change, the more they stay the same with me opening Ed somewhere in the middle, Tom closing it out.

Yeah.

Honestly, that a couple of things.

I think Ed's been doing it to answer that question.

I think he's been doing it maybe.

like 12 years or 13.

Yeah,

because I had met Ed in Des Moines on one of his very first sets and I was a two year, three year comic at the time.

And yeah, it's really, once you pass 10 years in standup, I feel like everybody after that is pretty much, you know, a headliner in their own way.

What ends up happening is either you get past that 10 year mark and you're like, that guy's good or that girl, she's really good.

Or,

That's the most delusional person I've ever met.

That person is insane.

So this is really, it's like a triple headliner show.

I don't even put titles on it like that.

I mean, it's a package, Brian.

You guys have put together one heck of a package.

A local package too.

No apologies comedy show.

You got Tom Garland, Ed Burroughs, Oliver Schmitz all together.

And then you got the guy who doesn't have any time on the stage except for like once, five minutes.

He's hosting, that's me.

You opened a comedy special, Brian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, at least it gets me up there to go.

Hi, guys.

We got some funny people here tonight.

You got to bring out that radio voice.

Oh,

yeah.

That's right.

This is Brian Marshall from Rockhorn.

Who's ready to go up there and laugh?

Saturday, May the 30th.

This is happening at First Avenue Club in Iowa, sitting tickets, 15 bucks in advance, 20 at the door, the closer to the stage you want to sit, the quicker you should get your tickets.

Because that's where Tom starts to look for some of his crowd work.

is in

the

first couple of rows.

You know what's cool about this show, and I don't want to take up too much time here, but I think there's...

There's three headliners in their own, right?

And three different styles

to

stand up to.

Sometimes you go to a show, you've probably had this, where you go and you're like, wow, that was really funny.

And then the next person comes up and they kind of do the same thing.

And you're like, oh, they kind of have the same.

And you get it, because you're like, oh, they're all buddies, they all hang out.

Of course, they kind of do similar stuff.

But your style, Ed's style, mine, also different.

So you're gonna get a lot of different angles of.

approaches to stand up

that and each one of you represent a different area in the rock 108 listening area, Tom, but the corridor Cedar Rapids, Iowa city, uh, Oliver with Waterloo and Cedar Falls and Ed from central Iowa, you know, representing Marshall town strong, you know, so he does a lot of stuff out there.

So if you want to be a part of this show, get your tickets today.

The link is up now at rock 108.com for the no apologies comedy show forecast is next.