4-14-26 You Think You've Got It Bad - Vaccine Beer

from the top.

It's Top 5 Tuesday on The Rock 108 Morning Show.

Friend of the show and comedian Tom Garland just got back from Vegas and you were not there very

long this run.

No, I was just there for the weekend, popped in, did some shows, popped out.

I'm still like tired from it.

You know, you never see sleep when you're out there and then

It's so much.

I'm just out of shape for it, Brian.

I'm out of shape in general.

I'm like a 300 pound dude.

I'm trying to go through the airport.

They got the tiny chairs in the airport.

There's so much walking.

You get to Vegas.

Everything's walking.

And I'm exhausted, man.

And I'm probably the kind of person that when I go to the doctor, they're like, stop doing this to yourself.

What, stand-up comedy?

Just everything.

Yeah, sure.

The standup lifestyle kind of breeds into that too.

But I can see the disappointment in my doctor's face when they see the lifestyle that I live.

I think they've given up on me.

But I don't think I'm the only one that deals with that.

So that's my top five today.

These are the top five signs that your doctor has given up on you.

I don't know.

Oh, yes.

Number five, before the nurse sees you, they send in a priest.

Oh, gosh.

He's like, okay, Tom, we'll skip the crackers.

Looks like you've already had some wine.

You got some wine, last rites, here we go.

You want to take my blood pressure first?

I can see you, just pray with me.

These are top five signs that your doctor has given up on you.

Number four, the doctor has stopped telling you to exercise and just says, try to enjoy yourself.

Look it out there, have some fun.

You see that twinkie?

Eat it.

Yeah, somebody offers you drugs.

Try it.

Yeah, let's go for it.

Live your life.

Tom does not endorse doing drugs.

No, thank you.

I'm not a doctor.

There you go.

These are top five signs your doctor has given up on you.

Number three, the doctor, when he walks in, he just cracks a beer and lights a cigarette.

There we go.

That's the kind of doc you want, right?

You're like,

what are you drinking?

He's like, this is a vaccine.

Oh, yeah.

You like these fouchies?

These are top five signs your doctor has given up on you.

Number two, the doctor prescribes you a living will.

Oh, no.

I mean, this is just to have the lawyer just come on up to.

Yeah, that's the priest.

Here comes the lawyer.

He just writes it out.

It's

like, well, this has been a fun trip.

That's the end of it.

Like you should prepare for your family.

Yeah.

And finally, number one, these are top five signs that your doctor has given up on you.

Number one, when the doctor walks in now, they just go, wow, you're still here.

You're alive.

Great.

Here to provide you some insurance, the fact that I'm still gonna be here, sir.

Exactly.

It doesn't make much off of us, you know.

Gotta have that specialist for that.

Geez.

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Sorry, just put that anywhere, Tom.

Morning.

It's a Rockaway morning show.

Tom's rolling stuff

around.

Yeah, just dropped my phone.

Oh, everything okay?

Yeah,

I'm all good.

You got an insurance on that for dropping it at a radio station?

No, and it also has no cover on it either.

Oh, that's a smart move.

Yeah, I'm riding dirty.

Well, that's Papa Roach Wake Up Calling with Rockaway.

It's Tom Garland in studio here today.

Yeah, you were just in Vegas.

Yeah, I was in Vegas.

Is there...

When people go to Vegas, I mean, they're from all walks of life and all different places and stuff like that.

Do you find that there's, you hear somebody at the casino

just, oh yeah.

You mean like smoke in and sick or?

Yeah, sick.

Sick, yeah.

I mean, the whole place is kind of sick.

And I'm never, there's always that guy in Vegas.

And I think that's what drives my, my Vegas.

Addiction, I guess, so to speak.

People that go out there are a certain kind of person, but I think it's easy to justify yourself because you're never that guy.

You can always keep drinking or keep gambling.

You're like, well, I'm not that guy.

I'm coughing, but he's coughing up blood.

That guy's eating cigarettes.

I'm not that guy.

I'm just coughing up blood.

That can kind of just go on forever.

Is that

your opener usually when you're standing up on the stage?

What is a guy that's

just just bring him up Tom Karl next this guy's gonna do a tight five and now I was at my casino was real smoky I was at the Golden Nugget stain and I forgot how smoky and crazy Fremont is you know right they've kind of wind the strip has kind of

softened down a little bit, you see stuff on the strip, you know, even the machines are pretty clean and it'll be like Dragon Link, you know, Buffalo Gold.

Right when I got into the Golden Nugget, there was a big slot machine and it said, big fat pig.

Who's playing that?

You kind of wanted to put some money in, didn't you?

Well, actually, I got closer and I thought that's what it said, but it was just a mirror.

Oh, I was like, oh, that's just a sevens game with a mirror.

That's my fat face.

OK.

Well, you think you got it bad.

It's not playing the game of Big Fat Pig.

But then there is that individual who might be coughing and such.

And there's a controversial new type of vaccine made of engineered brewer's yeast to get people vaccinated.

This virologist.

His name is Chris Buck.

He's trying out.

one of the vaccine beers in this particular piece of

audio.

Don't comic books start this way where yeah, you know look I'm gonna try this for the very first time to show that this is safe And then suddenly he like falls

in the vat of beer with a toaster and somehow he comes out as beer man or something Yeah, I get what you're saying.

Yeah, that's his villain origin story.

Yeah, you know Chris Buck now.

He's coado, you know

You got a little total recall for it.

I I like that.

He's one of those weird basement beer guys.

I hate those guys.

There's

one of

those in like every friend group.

Actually, I make my own beer in my basement.

You guys should come over and try this.

I'm like, I've been sick before.

I don't feel like doing that again.

You wonder why he suddenly said, OK, you know, the way that we can do this is in my basement, not in a sterile environment.

Not looking for any, you know, FDA approval

or anything like that.

Right next to the kids at Snow Slads that are

waiting for

the winner

in

my basement.

Exactly, right there.

You know, I watch football over there.

Or do I?

There's some old bicycles I need to fix.

It's not

even a finished basement.

Yeah, that's what I'm

talking about.

Next to the

sump pump.

Yeah, you actually use some pump water in this too, you know, it gives it a little

extra of the hoppiness And what's the market like, you know, I know it's a drug But at the end of the day like there is some marketing to stuff like that.

What's it?

You're not gonna flatten the curve drinking beer You're gonna gain some curves you're drinking I feel like he screwed up like there's two sides of the aisle and he's tried to mix and match them, you know, that's the that the

take the vaccine crowd isn't probably big beer drinkers to begin with.

You might get a vaccine wine cooler.

There we go.

Or some fun names, like Moderna Draft.

Let's try that.

Let's try the CNN craft beer.

There you go.

Or at least you could call him whatever you want, I guess.

But the street names would be funny.

You come over to your buddy's place.

He's like, dude, I'm effed up on these Fauci's.

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