2-25-2025 Tom Garland Bitz 650-720

I don't know about you Brian, but I'm ready for my 5,000 bucks.

They keep talking about have you seen this Elon Trump?

They're talking about they're gonna send out $5,000 stimulus checks because of doge I will spend their money, but I want to spend the money in a freaky way.

Oh really?

Yeah, I want to get weird with it.

So these are the top five freaky deaky ways to spend your $5,000 stimulus check number five

I want you to install a home security system that has sexual tendencies.

What?

And then when there's an intruder, it tells them to come in your back door.

Hang on.

That deserves one of these.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

It was, it was, I was hoping it was more.

But I'll take the drum roll.

The rim shot is a rim shot.

Number four.

Pay for a voodoo subscription service that sends you shrunken skulls.

That way, every so often, you get a little head.

I don't know if that is making the jokes better.

It is.

I love this.

Hire landscapers to work on your yard and raise and lower your flagpole.

Then when you have a trimmed bush, you won't have a problem getting it up.

You jerk.

All right, number two.

Me?

This is my new favorite thing.

What you got for number two?

That is like comedian night.

Don't stop now, because we got to carry it to the end.

But that is like comedian nightmare.

Like, I've got this bit.

This is going to kill.

And then the rim shot happens.

Oh.

Number two, these are freaky ways to spend your stimulus check.

Get a butler to serve you tea every afternoon.

Then whenever you're thirsty, you just have to say, hey, tea bag me.

Okay, now it kind of worked on that one.

Yeah, there you go.

Actually, if I'm gonna get T-Bagged, I want to hear that when the T-Bagged.

Yeah, that's odd.

Oh, careful.

A little splash back.

Number one, freaky way to spend your stimulus check.

Buy tons of cashews, glue them all over your car.

That way, no matter where you go, someone has to look at your nuts.

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Star set with Toxic on Rock 108 at 6.52, mostly sunny 54 for today.

A slight chance of showers overnight tonight, carrying into tomorrow morning early with a high of 48.

Friend of the show, comedian award-winning filmmaker Tom Garland.

Joining us here this morning.

Hello.

Thank you, Brian.

Good morning.

How are you doing?

I'm doing well.

I not as well as you with the best documentary at the Con Nuga Film Festival with Arcade Gamer.

Nice work.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Documentary I made out now on to be Arcade Gamer.

The true story, picking up awards.

What do you think Jordan's doing now that he's an

award-winner too?

You know what's funny is Jordan and Matt the two guys that are in the They're sweet guys, but they are nerds and they were like because the movies about nerds.

It's about guys playing arcade games quasi professionally

and breaking world records in them and that sort of thing.

So I told them yesterday, I was like, hey, we won at this film festival.

They didn't ask any questions.

They were like, we won, you know it.

And they're just going, and I was like, you don't want to hear what it was or where it was or what the qualifications were.

No, they won.

They're like, we won.

You know that's that's good.

I like that.

You know nerds also like choose your own adventure books Oh, yeah, they do you want to choose your own adventure on today's you think you got it bad?

Yeah, what are the options today mouse or doll?

Oh I said I say doll.

All right, so doll You think you got it bad college kid in China You're already laughing this is the China ones are always good.

All right had his inflatable girlfriend out

Okay, when his roommate came home apparently Any questions yet?

Not yet.

Okay.

It's not clear if this college kid was in the middle of a session with the inflatable doll When the roommate comes home The college kid sneaks out the doll into the hallway and try to destroy the evidence by setting her on fire That's in the hallway.

Yeah

That's so well first of all you asked it.

It's not clear if he's in the middle of the session I feel like the doll doesn't come out unless you're in the middle of a session like that's not like Bring it around to like Hey, have you seen the show on Netflix?

She's out for a reason.

Ah

hallway filled with smoke which set off an alarm security guard called the fire department Luckily, no one was hurt didn't cause a ton of damage except for the kids reputation

Yeah, I mean, wouldn't it be cheaper to just get a real prostitute?

Okay, hear me out.

It would, by the way.

You pay what?

$1,000 for this piece of plastic to just lay there?

Or you could pay $400 for a piece of plastic to lay there and complain.

I have questions that you know how much it costs to get a prostitute.

I actually, well that's because I lived in Vegas.

Oh, okay.

All

right.

Things are illegal.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah.

I thought they were illegal up north.

It wasn't in Vegas.

Oh

wait,

you

got the little cards with a slap, slap, slap, slap.

Yeah, the

cards.

The card

guys told me that's how I know.

My wife's asleep right now, so that's okay.

Yeah, don't tell her.

I feel like it was inflatable though, or it was like a nice one.

It says inflatable.

Yeah, that's even worse.

Yeah, I think of the smell.

Well, I mean, it can't be like, imagine like trying to wash that.

I can't imagine it's washing machines safe.

Yeah, at some

point you have to burn it.

Oh, wait, that's what he did.

Just burn the evidence.

Yeah.

That's that's how we're going to start this morning.

with Tom Garland.

Stayed up, comedian.

Your Top 5 Tuesday is coming up.

Yeah, well this relates because my Top 5 Tuesday is kind of freaky too, so.

Oh!

If you like it freaky, Tom Garland has it for you in Top 5 Tuesday on the way.

It's Top 5 Tuesday on the Rock 108 Morning Show.

Joining us today, friend of the show, comedian.

I'll say it again, award-winning filmmaker with best documentary at the Con Nuga Film Festival for Arcade Gamer.

Tom Garland.

You can keep saying that, man.

That's that's music to my ears.

I mean, a filmmaker not just for that, but you were also involved with WWE Hall of Famer Rob Van Damme and a movie called Headstrong.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm

more in that than made it.

My friend Joe Clark made that who's really talented.

So look up Joe Clark.

But the headstrong with Rob Van Damme.

I'm in that movie.

That's on Tubi.

That's even out on YouTube right now.

That's pretty sweet.

Yeah.

So today you have your top five.

What are we going with?

Well, I'm I don't know about you, Brian, but I'm ready for my five thousand bucks.

They

keep talking about.

Have you seen this?

Elon Trump, they're talking about they're going to send out five thousand dollar stimulus checks because of Doge or whatever that's called.

They're they get in Bitcoin.

I don't know what you get in there.

I'll take it anyway.

It's not that doge.

No.

No, Doge is the name of the department.

It's like the Department of Government Efficiency.

Yeah, but I thought it was a coin first.

It was and then now it's not.

Now it's not.

And now it's, well, now it probably, I don't even know, but they're supposedly, they think they've saved us some money.

They're going to send out these $5,000 stimulus checks.

I'm totally ready for it.

I will spend their money, but I want to spend the money in a freaky way.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I want to get weird with it.

OK.

I don't want to be, yeah.

So these are the top five freaky deaky ways to spend your $5,000 stimulus check.

Number five, I want you to install a home security system that has sexual tendencies.

What?

And then when there's an intruder, it tells them to come in your back door.

Hang on.

That deserves one of these.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

It was it was I was hoping it was more bound to go bow Wow, but I'll take I'll take the the drum roll the rim shot as a room shot More appropriate number four pay for a voodoo subscription service that sends you shrunken skulls that way every so often you get a little head I Don't know if that is making the jokes better

I love this.

Hire landscapers to work on your yard and raise and lower your flagpole.

Then when you have a trimmed bush, you won't have a problem getting it up.

What?

You jerk.

All right, number two.

Me?

This is my new favorite thing.

What you got for number two?

That is like that is like comedian night don't stop now because we got to carry it to the end But that is like comedian nightmare like you're like I've got this bit This is gonna kill and then the rimshot happens and unless it's triumph triumphs is the only one I can pull it off and he's a fake puppet dog No number two these these are freaky ways to spend your stimulus check Get a butler to serve you tea every afternoon then whenever you're thirsty you just have to say hey teabag me

Okay, now it kind of worked on that one Actually, I know if I'm gonna get teabagged I want to hear that when the teabag Yeah Splashback Number one the number one freaky way to spend your stimulus check

buy tons of cashews, glue them all over your car.

That way, no matter where you go, someone has to look at your nuts.

Yes!

I held my laughter because I wanted to play the rip shot.

Are you mad at me now?

No,

I'm not

mad at you.

That's definitely the weirdest one we've done in over a year.

That's

right.

And that is a top five Tuesday with Tom Garland.

Where can they find you on social media?

You can find me if you just

Google the rimshot sound and play that.

If you do that, that's like a candy man.

If you just do the rimshot three times in the mirror, I'll arrive.

Is that a movie?

Yeah, candy man.

Yeah.

No, I mean, the other one rimshot.

Yeah, don't say anything.

Yeah, probably.

Probably a movie.

I have a movie.

I have a stand-up special.

It's called it's called Tom Garland Selling Out.

I couldn't even remember.

I was waiting for the rib shot in the middle of Tom Garland Selling Out.

It's called Tom Garland Selling Out.

It's on 2B.

Go check that out.

And can you hang out for just a minute because you mentioned about spending five grand?

In stimulus money, there is a coffee place that's removing 13 beverages, and it costs a lot of money.

You want to hang out for a few minutes?

Yeah, let's do it.

Or at this rim shot, this killed it off?

No, I'm here.

Let's hang out with us for a few more minutes.

Brain Buster, shortly.

Right now, seven dust.

Flankin Park, heavy as the crowd with Rock 108, 723.

You're starting your day with not only the brain buster, but Ryan Marshall and comedian Tom Garland with us.

Tom, do you drink coffee?

You go to coffee shops?

Not coffee shop.

I drink black coffee, just straight black coffee.

Where do you pick it up from?

You know, usually like, I'll just make it at home.

My wife is really big into the like, she has to go get like a $16 coffee somewhere almost every other day.

It's, yeah.

She, we were just in Las Vegas or her family lives there where I used to live there.

Both of us did.

And so we're staying at the Flamingo, like right center Vegas strip.

And there's a Starbucks in the, in the lobby.

And I'm not a Starbucks guy.

So she sends me down like this first thing in the morning in Vegas, she sends me down to get an order.

I still have it in my phone.

This is what she wanted to order.

She wanted a tall iced coffee, caramel flavor, oat milk.

Do you hit all those check boxes?

I did, but then here's what happened to me.

They bring the coffee out and it was tiny.

Oh.

And there's all these people in line.

It's a busy Starbucks.

And so I said, excuse me, ma'am, I said tall.

And the thing was maybe like, I don't know.

Five inches tall, you know, I said I said tall and she was like that is a tall tall means small The whole crowd of people laughed at me and then there was a little person next to me not judging that it was they were tall But no they were not tall.

They were about three feet tall and they they said sometimes tall means short and it was like some out of a David Lynch movie, dude I was like I was like this is my nightmare.

Please just leave me alone.

Yes

Not for nothing, but that's why I don't go to that particular location because it's

our bucks.

Yeah,

because there's code You know, that's just go to a place.

It's like scooters or caribou or something like that.

We're small medium large.

Thanks.

Yeah, just just tell me what I want.

Well Starbucks is dropping 13 drinks from its menu Tom, okay?

13 of these that the baristas will no longer be able to prepare for you and as they say less is more Tom

Attention Starbucks lovers, we're saying goodbye to certain drinks from our menu.

Including your best friends go to...

Can I get a venti-iced half-calf-restretto oat milk shaken espresso with two pumps sugar-free vanilla, three pumps caramel, light ice, extra foam, upside down, double blended, in a Trenta cup but only filled halfway?

Yep, that one.

For a complete list of discontinued drinks, stand in front of the guy who just wants a black coffee.

Starbucks, simplifying our menu, one overly complicated drink order at a time.

The Rock 108

Morning Show!

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