1-28-25 ROCK 108 Bitz with Tom Garland (Unedited)

These are the top five things I think Elon actually hates.

Okay.

Number five, pulling out.

He likes to leave it in.

I don't think he knows he can pull out.

I think he just thinks that's how it's done.

You're not talking out of companies, are you?

No.

Number four, hates the earth.

Okay.

He wants to secure borders just so long as they're not on Mars.

You know?

Number three, unlike his rockets, his women don't always come back.

Uh-oh.

She was supposed to be at the landing pad.

Number two, pulling out again.

Oh.

He has a lot of kids, Brian.

He has 12 kids.

What?

Like, I think he has 11 kids with three women.

Whoa.

And he still got time left in the game.

And the number one thing I think truly Elon probably hates is Cedar Rapids.

You wouldn't think this, but there's lots of companies here, Quaker Oats being won, and I'm sure he sees that and he gets jealous of that.

That cereal should be in

space.

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Race with Mayday on the rock 108 morning show mostly sunny 48 for today sunny tomorrow 43 and then 50 expected for Thursday friend of the show Tom Garland in the house morning.

Good morning, Brian question for you.

Yes, sir

Did you ever get in trouble for not doing your homework by your parents?

That is like so low on the things I would have gotten in trouble for did get in trouble for.

I remember one time I had bought an ounce of some marijuana

and

it was just, I came home and it was just sitting.

on my desk or whatever.

And I was like, oh, I must have left that out.

And then it was like, no, your dad found that.

And, but I will give my dad, like, I think my dad was like, I was such a hellraiser that my dad didn't know what to do with me.

So he was just like, he was like, get that out of my house.

He didn't say like, he didn't like flush it or like, I don't know what you're supposed to do in that scenario.

So yeah.

So I was like, I better go out to my car and smoke.

That's actually pretty cool.

It was pretty

cool This kid whose 10 year old boy was reprimanded by his father in the you think you got it bad segment this morning for not completing his homework So the boy took revenge on his parent by calling the police and telling them that his father was hiding forbidden drugs Yeah, the bizarre incident took place earlier this month in China

After being severely scolded by his father for not completing his homework on time the ten-year-old boy stormed out of the house went straight to the nearby store and asked if he could use the phone That's when the fifth grader dialed China's emergency number and asked to speak to police claiming that he had proof that his father was concealing poppy shells considered an illegal drug at home the father said he was using the poppy shells for medicinal purposes, but Unfortunately, he was cultivating them.

That's a problem

Yeah, the boy tipped off and narked on his dad.

That is so bad.

Oh my god.

I I'd put him up for adoption The father the kid I'd be like you're you're boarding school something like that.

I'm so I'm sending you to space camp.

I don't You're gone like I'm sending you somewhere, you know,

it's funny as I look at this story It's almost the reverse of what you did

You know, in the fact that yours was sitting out on the table and it belonged to you, this one belonged to the father.

Now the kid has to say, yeah, what are we going to do about this?

I guess it's difficult for me because I don't have kids, you know, you have kids.

So it's that's different, you know, people listening with kids.

There's always like there's always people telling you what you should do.

Do you remember that show?

It was called Little People Big World and they had their little people.

I just wouldn't listen to little parents.

You know what I mean?

Like, if my dad was three feet tall, I'd be like, dad, I'm getting my crib out of the basement.

We'll lock you up with some duct tape.

So it depends.

I don't know.

Maybe it depends on how big and bad his dad is.

You're going to put him in the pack and play.

Yeah.

Oh, it gets you in trouble real fast.

Tom Garland has his top five coming up after the news, which is next.

It's top five Tuesday on the.

The Rock

108 Morning Show!

He is such a weird dynamic of a first of all, I, I think Elon's biggest crime is stupidity.

Honestly, I think you don't have to be smart to be that rich and everyone kind of associates the two together and then, well, he's really rich.

So he must have some good idea.

And I don't know.

Not as they say it.

Like, you know, he's, he's saluting people will call it that.

He's losing his mind.

And.

They said you know well he hates people and what he hates certain group I don't think I think he's his biggest crime as he's an idiot But there is you know everybody hates something so these are the top five things I think Elon actually hates okay, okay number five pulling out

He likes to leave it in he likes I don't think he knows he can pull out I think he just thinks you that's how you're not talking out

of companies are you?

Yeah Try to pull out of that that Twitter deal Number four hates the earth.

Okay, just wants to secure borders just so long as they're not on Mars, you know

Invade yeah number three unlike his rockets his women don't always come back.

Oh She was supposed to be at the landing pad.

She was supposed to be here Number two pulling out again.

Oh He has a lot of kids Brian.

He has 12 kids what 12 kids well 11, but pretty close to 12.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I know that yeah.

He has so many kids did

Like I think he has 11 kids with three women.

Whoa.

Yeah, it's crazy and he's still got time left in the game Don't pull me out of the code.

He's just warming up And the number one thing I think truly Elon probably hates is Cedar Rapids Oh, you wouldn't think this but there's lots of companies here

Quaker Oats being one and I'm sure he sees that and he gets jealous of that because we're just cranking out cereal and he's like, that cereal should be in space.

Space crunch.

Yeah.

Captain space crunch.

Blast those berries into the atmosphere.

Well, you don't have to blast them in the atmosphere.

You can stay right here in town, Tom Garland, because you got to show this weekend.

That's right.

I'm not pulling out.

I'm going to stay

right here and blast Cedar Rapids.

Make sure you bring the captain crunch.

Ah, where's the show?

The show is at CSPS Hall.

I do stand up comedy too, along with this, whatever it is that I do here on the radio, offend your listeners.

And so you want to come out to CSPS Hall.

It's on Saturday.

The show is at eight o'clock.

If you want to get tickets, you can just Google CSPS and you'll find my name, Tom Garland.

Otherwise you can go to tomgarlandstandup.com.

I think there's maybe like 10 tickets left.

So this is, if you're going to come see me, this is the time.

So make

sure you get your tickets.

right now so that you can go see Tom on the, uh, and at the next show.

So Tom garlandstandup.com and some other shows going to get booked here in Iowa.

Uh, yet this

quarter, I have one coming up in, in Fort Dodge.

And then, uh, after that, I'm going to space with Elon.

We're going to tour the galaxies.

I love that.

That would actually be kind of a neat little photo.

Me and Elon in space?

Mm-hmm.

Just make sure you keep your arms down.

I think I'm too heavy for sp- Listeners can't- I'm 300 pounds, Brian.

I can't be in space.

Can we weigh less in space?

Don't you remember Neil deGrasse Tyson telling you that?

That was the secret all along.

My wife's like, you should lose some weight.

I'm like, we're moving to Mars.

Then I'll be- Yeah.

I'll be skinny again.

You don't want to move to Uranus?

Sorry.

Shine down, enemies.

It's falling in reverse the latest called bad guy on rock 108 Brian Marshall Tom Garland hanging out PETA is now looking at those who run the Groundhog Day a ceremony as bad guys PETA wants Punxatani Phil to be retired to an animal sanctuary

So this is the groundhog.

So groundhogs day when you

want to find

out six more weeks of winter or whatever, right?

Did they just see the movie

or something like what is Why now like this has been going that's been going on forever.

Yes, it has and it can't possibly be the same groundhog.

No, they just

want Yeah, so they they're not a fan of this punksutani Phil being utilized in this fashion being

used

on Groundhog day they have

If the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club agrees to retire Phil, PETA has offered something in return.

What could that be, Tom Garland?

How about an

Alexa?

Yeah.

It feels like 13 degrees outside, Tom.

I don't know if I saw my shadow.

If you'd like, I can set alerts for you when you need to drive to the store.

And you're just like, stop, no.

We were trying to celebrate groundhogs.

See, you're at least thinking, you know, logically on this.

No, no, no.

They're going to provide if Punxsutawney Phil is retired, a giant vegan weather reveal cake every year, like one of those gender reveal cakes.

No.

No, that's horrible.

That's like a hot weather girl popped out of it.

That would be something now you and I are

on the same

page because

pita had that campaign You know, I don't wear fur a vegan

cake.

Yeah.

Yeah cake dude.

That sounds disgusting I'm look I'm open-minded if you're vegan or vegetarian.

I have an open mind, but what?

anything with dairy that's become vegan is like, like that would have dairy in it, right?

Like milk to make the- If it's vegan, it wouldn't have milk.

Well, I mean though, but like that would be the thing.

It'd have to be that like replace.

It's like, it's like an oat milk.

Yeah.

That's disgusting, dude.

Can you, you've had the whole thing where people stand out at, what is it called?

Gobbler's Knob or something like that?

Yes, that's a real thing.

I think I was at a club one time called Gobbler's Knob.

So is Elon Musk.

But in this, the whole ceremony is, you know, let's talk to, they got all the top hats and they're talking to the rat, you know, and things

are

good.

Now you're going to do what?

Have all the ceremony surrounding a cake?

Unless it's a big cake, like you said.

And I mean, they've had this pita ad for the longest time.

Kim Basinger was in it.

Pamela Anderson, give fur the cold shoulder.

Pamela Anderson naked.

Cause she doesn't wear fur.

Sure.

You know, but there's also been, you know, like Tommy Lee and Dennis Rodman have also been in the campaign.

So do you want them popping out of said cake saying, Oh, so much shadow a little longer on Tommy Lee, but you know,

why is it everybody that's in that campaign is somehow a sexual deviant?

Don't

yuck.

Somebody

else is young.

Even Mendez.

She had problems too.

Well, maybe not.

Okay.

Like Rodman,

Tommy Lee.

Yeah, Olivia Munn, Wendy Williams.

I mean, this is the pink.

Pink was in there.

Pink.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, not good for you.

See, when these gender reveals happen, you know, the ones that are fun are the ones that, you know, use the huge like thermite explosions.

I was going to say, yeah, it's like, it's not fun unless somebody loses a finger, you

know.

Six more weeks to enter and you don't get a hand.

Tom Garland.

Your website one more time Tom garland standup.com doing standup comedy at the CSBS hall this Saturday night Great to see you again.

We'll see you for the next top five Tuesday.

Thank you, Brian 726 forecast up

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