Brian Marshall & The ROCK 108 Morning Show - "Tom Garland's Top 5 for September 3rd"

These are top five things to say in a job interview, but not on a first date.

Number five, my pay is negotiable.

Will into negotiate.

Number four, I'll never take any time off.

I don't care what you say, I'm not leaving.

Number three, I can bring over my current clientele.

Make this a party.

Cinnamon, come on, I'm with me.

Number two, I'm willing to pee in a cup.

If I have to.

I'll do it.

Some people will pay more for that.

Again, negotiable.

Yeah.

And the number one thing you can say in a job interview but not on a first date is, I think we may be related.

Oh no!

Yuck!

It's top five Tuesday on The Rock 108 Morning Show.

Yeah, Tuesday, September the 23rd.

Friend of the show, Tom Garland is joining us on The Rock 108 Morning Show.

Good morning, Brian.

Morning.

Morning.

I may have thought

it was Monday.

Sorry,

I don't know how to be here.

So that's

great.

Recapping over the weekend, you are now a tourism guru.

for the town of Iowa Falls.

How far off were we on our assessments?

It was about spot on.

I'll say this about Iowa Falls, dude.

First thing I pull into town, there's like a John Deere.

Like I was like, yeah, okay.

Yeah, that's what I expect and then I saw this huge building that was like But it was kind of sketchy looking and I was like, oh, that's a strip club awesome Yeah, and then it says Ellsworth College Equestrian Center and

I

was like, oh never mind.

That's just horses.

That's not what I'm looking for That's that's not gonna be fun at all.

No take a nice gallop after the show.

Yeah, could you do that at a stroke club?

I guess if you paid enough

yeah, yeah fair fair, okay, so you saw the equestrian center.

Did you see the?

The fancy Walmart that they have

I did see their fancy Walmart

and it is a center center Yeah,

yeah, I was thinking of you and I drove past it.

Yeah Did you go to the bridge that over went over the creek?

I did not go to that bridge, but there is like various bridges and like

People have like there's like certain businesses that have like fake waterfalls unfurl because it's Iowa fall,

huh?

You know, yeah,

so tell me about the show on Over the weekend

the show is cool man.

It's like they they pat That's a really nice bar.

They packed it in there.

They had my name on the sign How cool is that and they spelled it right and everything?

And yeah, I get I get the idea that

that alcohol and meth are very prominent ways of life there.

But the crowd was, they were wild and fun and stuff, so that's cool.

It's stand up, man, stand up on the road in bars.

It's never Comedy Central.

It's always like, that's its own thing.

And I did that for years, so I'm just happy to be getting out again.

After you have a good comedy show, do you have an after party usually?

No, people think that.

They think like,

they're gonna go back to my, like, like there's something exciting going on at my place

or

something like that.

It's like, I don't live in a bouncy castle.

Like, I don't know.

I don't think you need a bouncy castle.

You just need the equestrian center at Elworth Community College.

Just break in there with it.

Come on, Clip Clop.

Let's

make it happen.

What's the lock?

You know, yeah, I've had them where,

You get to the town.

This didn't happen there.

I actually stayed like I drove like an hour back and then and then stayed at the aisle, but they like some of the shows after the show they'll have like

When you get to the hotel, people will know that you're the comedian.

Like they'll be

like, oh, the comedian in the comedian room.

And you're like, please don't say that.

And so they'll be like banging on your door to the hotel.

There's like one super eight in these towns,

you know?

And they'll come up, they'll be like, comedian.

And they'll be like banging on the door and stuff like that.

So sometimes you just have to party with them.

It's like a rite of passage.

So this did not happen at

the aisle?

That did not happen.

No, no, not at the aisle.

No.

No.

You have security standing outside your door?

No.

I

don't even know if

there is security there.

The only thing that could happen is like somebody turns their oxygen tank up too much.

It's lots of old people.

Well, I was just going to say, you were around fancy horses.

You had your name up on the marquee.

You're staying at a casino.

It's like the old days all over again.

Yeah,

that

was.

It really was.

Yeah.

Let's get to the top five for today.

What do you got?

Well, in case comedy doesn't work out, might have to do some job interviews at some point,

right?

Because

Iowa Falls is the top tier of stand-up.

So these are top five things to say in a job interview.

I'm getting ready, right?

But not on a first date.

You can say these in a job interview,

but

not on a first date.

Number five, my pay is negotiable.

Will into negotiate.

Number four, I'll never take any time off.

Oh.

I don't care what you say.

I'm not leaving.

No.

Number three, I can bring over my current clientele.

Oh, okay.

Make this a party.

Cinnamon, come on, I'm with me.

Number two, I'm willing to pee in a cup.

If I have to, I'll do it.

People will pay more for that.

Again, negotiable.

Yeah.

And the number one thing you can say in a job interview, but not on a first date is, I think we may be related.

Oh no.

Yuck.

Why do I want to go to Branson, Missouri now?

I don't have family down there.

Thanks.

Tom Garland and where we can we find you on social

media?

Yeah, you can find me.

You just search Tom Garland.

You'll find my social media.

My website is tomgarlandstandup.com.

I've got a stand up special out right now on to be.

It's absolutely free.

It's called Tom Garland selling out.

You just search.

Tom G, I think, and it'll come up.

Yeah, you gotta dig in there a little bit more than you used to.

You have

to get past Tom and Jerry cartoons from 1993, and then all of a sudden there I am.

What are the chances that we're gonna have your live from Iowa Falls stand up, you know?

Some of them you film, and other ones are like tears in the rain, Brian, and you just let them go.

I had the camera in my car, and I was like, nah, I think we'll just let this one rip.

See, you could have brought your camera along and said, all right, we're going to the horse barn right now.

And I'm going to learn how to, what do they call that?

Dressage or whatever?

Where the horse dancing?

I don't know.

That's a fancy word for, for be a hillbilly.

That's, it definitely is.

Tom Garland.

Thanks for doing top five Tuesday.

Thanks, buddy.

Seven dust.

It's waffle.

Rock 108.

Tim Montana savage on Rock 108.

On top of a top five Tuesday, it is also a ticket Tuesday.

A day to remember announced their show coming up at the vibrant arena at the Mark and Moline Saturday, October 26th, a chance for tickets coming up here before eight o'clock.

Tom Garland still with us.

Appreciate you hanging out.

Beyond stand-up comedy and beyond what you're doing today, have you ever worked in like a corporate environment or yeah?

I used to work for banks.

I was a bank teller.

You were a bank teller.

Yeah,

which is a

sweet gig.

What kind of benefits would you get being a bank teller?

Well, you're making like back then I was making like 1075 an hour, but you can bring home like 300 grand a week if you're

Even if you really know what you're doing, right?

No, I mean really there is no the benefit is you don't work outside That was a lame joke with the benefit is you don't work outside and then you can drink as much coffee as you want So you're like just buzzing on eight cups of coffee like every day just counting cash folders or taster's choice.

I think it's mostly folders Whatever Wells Fargo could

get on the

cheap,

you

know

a company in Thailand is offering an unconventional benefit to its employees

Okay.

Tender leave.

Like the, yeah.

Did they describe what that entails?

You ready?

Yeah.

The marketing agency, the white line group has announced it would be giving its workers paid time off to go on dates, paid out like annual or sick leave.

The initiative will allow employees of the agency to explore dating options and will be in place from July until December, 2024.

that they announced on LinkedIn.

Tender.

Tender.

You get paid to go out on dates.

This implies, first and foremost, that the dates are during the day, right?

That seems like...

I don't know, man.

Can you imagine what you just start swiping right on just so that you can get paid time off?

Yeah, just to get out of work.

I

mean,

if

you're just like, oh, I got a match, gotta go.

Yeah, see you around.

You got that one, right, Jim?

I don't know, taking that customer.

This was put in place in a bid to boost well-being amongst employees.

Whiteline employs about 200 people in Thailand.

according to this particular site.

I think if my boss came in, it's basically like your boss coming in and saying that you're all in cells.

You know, like, coming in and be like, look, you guys need to get laid.

You guys need to loosen up.

There's too much male energy going on in here.

Tell you what, I'll pay you to go on a date.

Just please, please go interact with the female sex a little bit.

In Tinder though, Tinder's not about necessarily

Going out on

dates, is it?

Not always.

No, sometimes it's about getting laid.

I met my wife on Tinder.

Oh, did you now?

Yeah.

But I think now, in defense, big cities, Tinder is Tinder.

Like, you lost Vegas, it's hard to meet someone that's down to Earth.

Probably the same thing in Thailand, probably.

Well, they're down to something, but they're just not down to Earth.

Yeah, yeah,

they're down to

get made.

I think it's a different letter.

It's the next letter in the alphabet, not E,

it's F.

That makes sense in those cities.

Here in Iowa, you get on Tinder, it's like, you already know everybody.

You get on there, it's like four people you've already had sex with.

Oh my God, they're on there.

I should have never got on there.

I should go

back

to work.

We had a great time together.

Maybe we should swipe right again if I can get paid for this.

Oddly enough.

With this being in Thailand, I was, I mean, most of the time you're like, okay, well, what's going on here?

But yes, it's definitely taking place in a place that has the word bang in it, so.

What is the name of it?

Bangkok.

Oh, Bangkok.

Just wanted to make sure you saw that.

Yeah, yeah.

Can you imagine being on the date and the girl is like, so what do you do for a living?

And you're like this.

Yes.

I go out with people and I get paid for

it.

I work at

Whiteline and she's like, oh, me too.

Does this at some point become prostitution?

I mean, I don't think they care over

there,

do they?

I feel like that's a really celebrated thing in Thailand.

Just having sex?

Well, obviously, but I mean the prostitution, I feel like that's real high up on the list of endeavors over there.

You're probably like,

I should, you know, work in technology or be a prostitute or in this case, both

like, I don't know.

Swiping right, suddenly buzz, buzz.

Here we go.

If your date goes well, do you get overtime?

When do you get off?

Forecast is coming up,

Tom Garland.

Thanks for hanging out.

Thanks, Brian.

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