4-2-24 Top 5 Tuesday with Tom Garland

What do we got for a top five here for today?

Well, since we're talking sports, top five today is about, do you see there's a new sports team coming to Iowa?

Indoor football team coming to Coralville.

The Coralville football, this is the top five predictions for Iowa's new indoor football team, the Coralville Chaos.

You ready for this?

Number five, the fans will only buy jerseys to the Coralville Chaos if they're number 22 and say Clark on them.

Number four, players for the Corvo Chaos will all still need full-time jobs at the Corvidge Mall.

Be over there in the kiosk selling cell phone covers.

Number three.

The only way this team is going to work long term is if they move the games down the road to the driving range at pin seekers and let people hit golf balls at the team.

Number two, if the team is any good, you can be assured that every player on this Coralville Chaos team is either a future ex or current violent criminal.

Oh, check fraud.

Yeah, special teams.

That's funny.

That's good.

What you got?

This is the number one prediction

for Iowa's indoor football team, the Coralville chaos.

This sport, the team, the arena, all of it will not prevail.

It's not gonna work.

The only thing that will prevail is the alcoholism it's all based around.

Oh no.

Booze will prevail.

Wow.

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

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Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

It's top five Tuesday on the rock 108 morning show

701 and I want to say welcome to you friend of the show Tom Garland Welcome aboard.

Hey, thanks for having me back Brown.

I appreciate it.

No problem You I have to give you credit for this you Are really good at April Fool's jokes and the fact that you have started this one

Well before April the first because I'm seeing on this poster for your show that you've got my name at the bottom Supposedly hosting this show so April Fool's Day, right?

That is no April

Fool's dude on Friday April 26 I'm gonna record a comedy special at CSPS Hall here in Cedar Rapids and you're hosting it dude I'm gonna have you do some stand-up comedy.

Are you ready for that?

I guess they have to be don't I?

It

is

happening at some point so

I'm

honored that's your yeah, it's great.

I'm

on comedy debut Brian Marshall

on stage yeah in person now I got to get all the jokes together and you know try and steal from everybody else Isn't that how stand-up comedy goes?

I don't know you might not be able to do brain busters on stage, but you know I don't know yeah, put your phone down stop googling that you'll have fun

So tickets available

through what your site?

Yeah, you can go to my website.

It's tomgarlandstandup.com.

You can also just Google CSPS Hall and my name's on there.

It's Tom Garland and find tickets through there.

Maybe we'll

post a link on the rock page or something.

I'll get it to you.

Yeah, I definitely see that you've got your black and gold going on that one too.

Did you pick those colors on purpose?

Yeah, you know, I've caught up in this

women's basketball.

I didn't ever like basketball in general.

And I don't know why.

I guess maybe it's the logo threes.

Maybe it's the fact that they are really good actors and all flop around the court the entire time.

I don't know what's gotten me watching women's basketball so much, but.

You watched the game last night?

Yeah, I stayed up to watch it and enjoyed it.

That's a late

night for you, isn't it?

Because you're in here at like, what,

one

in the morning?

I wish it was one.

You know, you're up at 3.30 trying to get into the station.

Yeah, it's early.

So yeah, 8.30 is a bedtime for old Brian Marshall.

Did you see that they didn't,

LSU like wasn't on the court for the national anthem?

Did you see this?

Yes, but they're not on the court for the national anthem

all the time.

I think that has a lot to do with who's singing the national anthem.

I think if they said, now rise for the singing of our national anthem.

by Beyonce and Jay Z. They would have been out there.

They

would have ran

out the court.

They're like, Beyonce's out here.

Like, nah, just kidding.

We got you out here

though.

See, and I would have been up in arms, but there was something that coach Mulkey had said that, look, we're in our zone.

We have a routine that we follow.

And at 12 minutes, we go back and we do our prep, whatever it is.

Right.

And if they do the national anthem, they're not usually out.

for that.

Which

I think I would have an easier time taking her what she says seriously, but when she's dressed like a leprechaun and there's another guy dressed like a Latin with her.

That

guy,

yeah, that

guy.

A

Prince of Persia.

They're all

dressed.

Are they colorblind?

What's going on?

Like, I just

can't.

It was last night that I finally figured out that Coach Kim Moky is the real world version of Blanche Devereux from The Golden Girls.

She's like Liberace.

She's like.

I mean, it's crazy.

Yeah.

What do we got for a top five here for today?

Well, since we're talking sports, top five today is about, do you see there's a new sports team coming to Iowa?

It's an indoor football team.

Oh, yeah.

Coming to Coralville.

The Coralville football.

This is the top five predictions for Iowa's new indoor football team, the Coralville Chaos.

I love that.

No, I mean, you're the only one.

No,

you should you

should have

a

monster truck voice.

You know, my my voice when I say it, that's what you love.

Not the team.

The Coral Hill chaos.

I think anybody rock went away.

Yeah.

Right.

You know, you buy the seats.

You'll only need the edge.

All right.

You ready for this?

I'm

five.

The fans will only buy jerseys to the Coral Hill chaos if they're number twenty two and say Clark.

That's the only way they're

selling jerseys.

Number four, players for the Corvo Chaos will all still need full-time jobs at the Corvidge Mall.

Uh-huh.

Be over there in the kiosk selling cell phone covers.

Right.

Or the one that has the little t-shirts that have like the Marilyn Monroe thing on

it.

That's not good enough for Hot Topic, like the rejected Hot Topic t-shirts right out in front of Spencer's.

Yeah, that's

great.

Do you remember there at the Coral Ridge Mall?

There used to be somebody that would do the little flying helicopter thing, and it would work for like 12 seconds.

I

used to go into shields and buy a gun and shoot at them.

But you could do that.

For some reason, I'm just getting around.

Number three.

Do you regret any of this, Brian?

I've put a lot on you today.

I came out with a national anthem joke.

Now I'm talking about guns.

Before that, I was like, you're going to do stand-up comedy.

You're like, I don't think we're going to do this anymore.

It's

amazing that this is my final day on radio.

No.

Anyway.

Mine, too.

Top five predictions Iowa's indoor football team the Corvo chaos number three The only way this team is gonna work long term is if they move the games down the road to the driving range at pin seekers and let people hit golf balls at the team

It's funny because we've done that before We had an intern who had golf balls hit at him

Was he in like the cage or just he was in a football uniform in a

football

uniform?

Very

few people were to remember something like that.

I think that's a terrible way to advertise your intern You'll get college credit and concussions.

We're gonna take balls to

the helmet.

Here we go

Number two, if the team is any good, you can be assured that every player on this Coralville Chaos team is either a future ex or current violent criminal.

Oh.

I feel like you

have to, when they have the tryouts, they have to be like, anybody that's any good at any sort of football is already playing either in college or the NFL or something, or even

in

the, you know, the XFL or the US.

You know, they have to just be like, when they have tryouts, like, are you a felon?

A violent felon.

Yeah, I am.

You should play for us.

You should.

This is great.

Check fraud.

Yeah.

Special teams.

That's funny.

That's good.

You found it.

What you got?

This is the number one prediction for Iowa's indoor football team, the Coralville chaos.

This sport, the team, the arena, all of it will not prevail.

It's not going to work.

The only thing that will prevail is the alcoholism.

It's all based around.

Oh, no.

Booze will prevail.

I'm

telling you, dude, it's gonna be $5 to get in and $25 for a beer.

Just get ready for that

question for you.

I think it needs to be said who on the Coralville team pissed you

off.

I think maybe it was the Kurt Warner movie.

Have you

seen the Kurt Warner movie?

It's

like the whole movie is just Kurt drinking beer and then like Brenda's story and then like some crazy guy that's like, I'll give

you $100 every

time he's throwing a pad.

It's just like, I couldn't do it.

I was like, this is what people think Iowa is.

They think it's...

It's all Kurt Warner and Hy-Vee.

They would have been better off playing in Hy-Vee than playing in that barn league.

Like, they should have just been like, aisle nine, there's a football game going on, and Kurt just tosses a bag of chips and

touchdown.

Here we go.

Tom, you've got it again.

Your show coming up here with one Brian Marshall hosting.

Yeah, now

that I've upset everybody, he's a CV.

Friday night with Brian Marshall hosting and stand up for the first time.

It's Friday night, April 26th at the CSPS theater hall, whatever you want to call it here in Cedar Rapids.

You can get tickets at Tom Garland stand up.com.

Follow you on social media as well.

Tom, thanks for coming in again today.

Thanks, Brian.

Pretty reckless.

Follow me down.

Seems perfect right now.

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?