Transcript
Brian Marshall & The ROCK 108 Morning Show - "Comedian Tom Garland"
The Rock 108 Morning Show with Brian Marshall · Fri Jan 20, 2023
Who used all the Wi-Fi?
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.
Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer.
Internet included.
A great central downtown location.
One to five bedroom apartments.
And no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station Apartments.
Now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
apartment?
Brian Marshall
and the Rock 108 Morning Show.
And it's a full house one more time.
Comedian Tom Garland, good morning.
Good morning.
Thanks for having me, dude.
I appreciate it.
So are you a
local guy?
You've been born, bred here in Iowa?
Yeah, but then I moved to, well, I toured as a comedian for a while, and then I lived in Las Vegas too.
And I think I get booked more when people think I still live in Las Vegas.
And I'm like, oh, I'm back in Iowa now.
They're like, I don't want you.
Never mind.
Move back there.
I'll fly you back.
Then we'll have you, you know, so when this whole thing start for you, when did you start doing stand-up?
I started doing stand-up in 2010 I did my first open mic here in Cedar Rapids and then was it terrifying?
You know it wasn't you know what they did though they the host was like do three minutes
And so that's not the, you know, really any time at all.
And I thought I did really well.
I was like, Oh, I killed it.
They got to start booking me now.
And I was three minutes.
You barely say your name and like one joke, you know?
So, but then it built, you know, it builds over time.
Did you have a routine set or did you just go up and wing it?
Well, I actually, you know, I had my first, first time I had timed it out in front of my mirror with like a stopwatch and whatever.
And the
guy, I think on the phone, he had told me like, you'll do five minutes.
No, I get down there and he must have not liked how I looked or something.
He's like, do three minutes.
So I was like, that screws me up.
That's two
I prepared whatever.
So it was like, it's so silly.
But then obviously, you know, as you get going, you know, I prepare by going on stage all the time.
Like you kind of work it out at smaller shows and open mics on the sly.
in between your club spots.
Now over the past three years, has the whole woke culture affected your comedy?
You know, it's funny that you say that.
I've never really run into that, but you know what it is for me is I've always kind of bounced around so much.
I think what ends up happening is that, you know, the comics get in the same, they get like, they're city comics and they're always in the city or they're always in the, I keep moving.
Like I was always in a different town every night.
So I think if there was a woke mob, they were like looking for
was already on the road again.
Comedian Tom Garland with us on Rock 108.
Show happening tomorrow night at the Knapp Creek Event Center in Walford, and we'll get more details about that.
There's something happening in Walford.
Come
on,
Walford, get
out.
Support this one.
Why Walford, Tom?
Well, because they booked me.
Actually, it's kind of centrally located between here and Iowa City and everything like that.
It's the old Ponderosa.
ballroom they're calling it right now the nap Creek event center and it's just a huge venue and and so normally I I don't get to play such big rooms so I'm excited for that and and I've got some of my other buddies coming one of them is Ed Burrows coming from Marshalltown really funny guy and then I brought another guy my boy Keegan Buckingham is coming all the way from Chicago oh really to do the show he just did America's Got Talent recently so I'm super excited to have him there with me
And so yeah, we got a DJ and everything.
So we're going to party, dude.
Did he mention how that process is on America's Got Talent when you're doing stand up?
I mean, do you get three minutes
or?
Yeah.
Well,
you know what's so funny is he's so humble that he just hit me up like the night before.
He's like, hey, I'm on America's Got Talent tomorrow.
I was like, you didn't tell me about any like how long have you been auditioning and whatever.
He's like, I didn't want to say anything or whatever.
So that's a pretty tough one to keep.
Keep in.
Oh, I would think so, too.
And he's been working so hard for so long that it's like, for me, I'm like, I can't stop talking about Walford, let alone.
It is time for Marshall's Marketplace.
Not only do we have Russ Intel.
But we also have comedian Tom Garland, who's, I told him, I said, Hey, we've got this game that you can play with us.
It's called Marshall's Marketplaces.
What's that about?
Your side of the fence on this one.
What do you think?
Well, I don't really do it.
You came up with this through like Facebook Marketplace, right?
Correct.
I don't really do Facebook Marketplace.
I was always a Craigslist guy, but I think that, you know, this is, you know, Facebook Marketplace is probably less like, at least you know who's stabbing you.
You get to see the photo.
You're like, Oh, that's I went to high school with that guy.
He stabbed me over that couch.
So to reset for everyone, these are three items and what we'll do is we'll explain what the item is.
Russ will kind of go through it and then he will try and figure out what the cost of this is on Facebook marketplace.
Tom, where you'll come in, you'll have to tell us if it's higher or lower.
The window gives
a distinct advantage, by
the way, to the person I'm playing against.
To the guests.
None of these items are going to exceed $282 today.
I will say, Tom, I've come within 50 cents and still lost, so.
Ouch.
You should be able to do pretty well today.
I'm ready.
All right, so the first item is a couch in Trayer.
It's an older couch, good condition.
Forgot to measure about five feet long, no holds, no shipping, and what they don't explain is this robot on the couch?
Yeah, there's
a robot sitting on the couch.
Yeah, what's this all about?
In a
very ugly 80s coffee table in front with the...
What do you call that stuff in the middle?
Tile?
Tile, thank you.
OK.
With the tile top.
Age is a horrible thing.
And by the way, the sofa is part of a bigger set because there's no arm on the left hand side of the couch.
It's a
piece
of
a piece of a sectional
piece of a sectional sofa.
What do you think of our price, Russ?
I'm gonna say that they're looking for I mean, it's in pretty good shape.
It's not like mock velour fabric I'm gonna say there and the the guy doesn't come with it, right?
No,
it wasn't the
robots with no legs
sitting on
the couch does not come with that's probably why I picked it
I'm gonna say they're looking for seventy-nine dollars.
Seventy-nine dollars to our guest, Tom Garland.
Oh, I don't know.
I probably say hire.
You do have to drive out to Trader, though.
It says no shipping, but he also on here it says no period shipping.
He's really, really making sure you come to Trader.
So you're saying hire?
I'll say hire.
Yeah.
Hire
is incorrect.
That was loud, sorry.
One for the good guy.
All right.
Let's move on to our second item.
What's the price?
This one here going on Facebook marketplace for $50.
Sorry about that one, Tom.
Thanks.
All right, second item.
This one, I brought this one up because I figured- Because we have a comedian.
We have a comedian, yes.
It's an authentic sign, Gabriel Iglesias CD.
It's not really a comedian, by the way.
Sorry,
Tom.
What
do you think?
Well, first of all, it says this.
I don't.
Is that a CD?
Because the CD is titled a big thank you to everyone.
That's what it says.
A big thank you to everyone.
This seems like you went to his birthday party or something like that when
it
was like nine.
I like his website, by the way, fluffy shop dot com.
Yeah, I don't know.
And that signature is authentic.
That just makes me think it's not authentic.
Right.
I
was
probably just signed by, like, whatever comedian opened for him that
night.
Right.
Did you sign this?
Yeah, yeah, I signed it.
Tom Garland gave it to Iglesias.
Please pay
me.
I may or may not in my past have signed a guitar with our Clapton signature.
What?
I may or may not have.
Oh.
And that gave it away to a listener.
That's a Russie's radio story that he hasn't revealed before.
Let's go back to the CD here.
What do you think of the price on this one, Russ?
Ah.
Gabriel, I mean, Gabriel's a funny guy.
I mean, he's not like in my mind a huge A-level comedian that people are gonna want signature from.
Yeah, he doesn't play Walford.
He does not play Walford.
Not like Tom Garland's gonna do tomorrow night at 8 p.m.
I'm gonna say $8.25.
$8.25?
Well,
you have to buy the CD player I Computers don't even have a CD wrong
now
half the time.
I don't know
we're going higher or
lower on this one
Higher higher people love him.
It's correct.
All right Nicely done.
All right.
I'm gonna hand this one to you because I held this back from you guys Ned found this one I don't know why on Facebook marketplace I'm gonna hand it to you both at the same time
one for you Tom, one for you Russ.
I will explain it now.
It is a birthing pool, brand
in Cedar Falls.
You know this one's new
it's
all set up But never got used comes with all accessories including water pump sink hookup sanitary liner and hoses really amazing and super strong
Okay, I feel like this is a really sad story somebody bought a birthing pool and it was never used
I didn't think of it that way because the picture that we see is that wonderful pregnant woman sitting there with candles around her birthing pool
This
is why I wanted you guys to see this at the same
time
Maxi birthing pool all set up never used never used so sad.
This is the rubber match right here Russ What do you think comes with accessories including the water pump the sink hook up sanitary line up and hoses Beautiful blue colored cobalt blue.
I you know, I think that there's a market for this.
I think some Baptist church would like to buy this A place to baptize people
Holds three to four adults comfortably.
We can do mobile baptisms just We can do a wall for tomorrow night I'm gonna say what's the maximum price today $282 is the top end.
I'm gonna say they're looking for $125 and 79 cents 125
79
Tom Garland, for the win, higher or
lower?
Well, I think this guy really thinks he's got something here.
There's a line, you forgot to read it, it says, picks don't do it any justice.
That guy, picks don't do it any justice.
Nobody's got any justice on my burning pool in
Cedar Falls.
I say higher.
You're going to go with higher?
Higher than 125, 79, higher is
correct.
Ooh, you bastard.
You
beat me on the rubber game!
Ah, Tom Garling comes in and takes Marshall's Marketplace.
Go ahead.
No, you were just asking him some of the comedians that you had toured with, some of the celebrities that you've opened for, and I think you've got a hell of a list there, Tom.
Yeah, that's great, dude.
I open for a lot of big names.
I open for Target most mornings at six a.m.
I just opened a store so people can come on in.
No, I work with a lot of famous people, dude.
I worked with the Jackass guys.
They're great.
Works with a lot of WWE stars.
Rob Van Damme from WWE.
We did a movie together.
It's called Headstrong.
That's out on on Amazon Prime right now.
You can check that out.
So that movie is not necessarily about his
wrestling career, correct?
Well, it's he gets into his his
whole background it's kind of about his whole life but yeah but it started we did a comedy tour and I said you know we should bring a camera along and we did we we hired a guy named Joe Clark who's a great filmmaker and we went out on the road and film stand-up comedy and then Rob had a concussion which was kind of you know it's a documentary that was kind of unforeseen yeah and then so the film kind of shifts and it goes into this whole concussion angle that talks about his we get his brain checked out and everything like that how did he get concussed well they
You know, the people think wrestling is fake, but they're really, they're really whacking each other in the head.
So he gets whacked in the head and he's, we went to the, you know, concussion doctor, I don't know what you call that.
And he admitted that he's had hundreds of concussions in his career.
So.
If he
ended up with a stutter, he could have had an amazing career.
Are there similarities between wrestlers and stand-up comedians, do you think?
Oh, yeah.
And we were talking earlier, you know, I think all, you know, they're kind of what I would classify as rock stars.
And
all comedians want to be rock stars and all rock stars want to be comedians.
That is so true.
And I think a lot of wrestlers want people to know that they're not just...
you know, dumb punch dummies getting hit in the head.
They want to, you know, show off that they're intelligent and they have that acting background to and and everything like that.
So Rob is a really intelligent guy and it's cool to see him show his thought process through through stand up.
Back in the day, all comedians wanted to sing and especially parody songs.
They were wicked
into parody songs.
Yeah.
Yeah, I could see that that's like the weird Al Yeah, I could see that I feel like it back in the day now the thing with it being a comedian is you want to be like a cartoon version of yourself Before it was all characters and so it'd be like I'm the coach and they have a whistle and a hat
Are there any classic old comedians that you just
Crack
you up.
Oh, dude.
I love Don Rickles Yeah, I do some and not like Rickles though But I get into the audience a lot and I do crowd work and stuff and yeah, Rickles is a huge inspiration.
I
think comedians doing crowd work is one of my favorite things to
watch Well, it makes the show more fun.
It's kind of like, you know, a NASCAR where you're like, oh, are they gonna crash or what's
don't there gets a point to when you're not famous like if there's a famous person
in like, okay, so it's Gabriel Iglesias and you go see him.
Well, then I want to hear everything Gabriel has to say.
But if you're like Tom Garland, you're like, who the heck is that?
I want it to be about me and the audience in in Walford.
You know, I want
to.
You know, comedians are kind of critical about each other, too.
Yeah, they can be.
And I was I was sitting in the audience with a comedian friend of mine once and the headliner comes out and does this.
unbelievable intro.
It's like an AC DC song and he comes out in a leather jacket.
And at the end of the intro, he drinks a shot and spits fire.
And then he comes
out with a with a gay voice.
So it's
it's, you know, so when he went to spit fire, it didn't it didn't light.
And you know, sitting with looked over at me and said,
live by the prop, die by the prop.
That's such a that would happen to me a lot in Vegas where I'd have to there'd be all these guys that do crazy stuff like that and I'd have to follow them and be like I'd be like I'm Tom all I do is talk.
Our
friend.
Comedian Tom Garland who's got a show tomorrow night at the nap Creek event center in Walford Can you give me the openers for you one more time, please Tom?
Yeah, I've got some really great guys open up for Keegan Buckingham.
He's been on America's Got Talent.
He's coming all the way from Chicago Ed Burroughs this guy tours.
He's toured over like 40 some states in a wheelchair.
This guy's really yeah, he's so no
car.
We just run just
wheelchair everywhere Yeah, that's great.
Yeah, he's just pushing his way all around the country
He's coming from Marshalltown man.
He's actually he's coming from Illinois because he's been on tour But he's from Marshalltown and then got my boy DJ one way is the is the DJ as
well
That's going to be, and getting tickets, it's easy to find it at your site.
It was at TomGarlandStandUp.com, right?
Yep.
You just go to TomGarlandStandUp.com.
Can
you show up at the
door?
You can show up at the door.
Yeah.
Which is probably the way I would do things or whatever.
You can, you can get tickets in advance, save a couple bucks.
The tickets are only like 15 bucks in advance.
So
the fun part about it is you've been mentioning some of the places you played in Vegas.
Would you, would you mind putting yourself over for just a minute?
You mentioned MGM, right?
Dude, yeah, I played everywhere in Vegas.
I like I like being home.
I've been back since the pandemic though.
I like being back in Iowa.
You know, what's funny is like
Vegas is like the city of advice.
So like you give advice, they're like, oh, you got to eat here, stay here, gamble here, whatever.
Nobody gave me any advice today when I was coming to Hiawatha, Iowa.
Not a lot of Hiawatha advice.
No, that'd be fair.
I called you and let you know there's a bunch of dogs running around inside the city.
You didn't say there was
dogs or whatever.
It wasn't advice, it was just a warning.
If
people say it's stupid though, they'll be like, there was a guy who was like, Tommy, everything in this town costs money.
I was like, yeah, we used money in Iowa too, dude.
Who used all the Wi-Fi?
Ah,
apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station apartments.
Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
apartment?