Welcome everyone to Midday Magazine, but this March 21st, 2024, have your host James
J behind the mic.
And we are joined right now by our great friend, Jackie Carantini, Human Development and
Relationship Educator with UW Extension Madison Wood County.
Jackie, good to see you.
Hello.
It's good to have you with us.
We always appreciate the time.
I know that our listeners and my mom included, of course, love our conversations and love
the topics that you choose, and you picked an important one today, as always.
Thanks.
I was trying to think what's coming up, and April is Financial Education Month.
And it's interesting when we think about what really is financial education.
And so I was trying to think about myself and my family members, and it's like, okay,
organization, right?
Like, you know, we always, it's one of those things where it's like, no one needs to know
your stuff, right?
It's your personal business, and no one needs to know, and that is like, but really, right?
So even with my own children who are young adults, it's like, okay, do you know where
your insurance policies are?
Do you know if something happens to you or something happened to me?
How to get to this?
Do you even know what we have, right?
And then just kind of starts your head rolling like, okay, is your stuff organized?
Is it in one place?
You know, even just something as simple and again, I think this is something new in the
last, you know, 10, 20 years of passwords alone.
Is anybody know your passwords to get into anything?
Sounds good to me.
I did just in the last couple of months change some stuff, and it's like, oh my gosh, every
single bill I pay has a separate password.
They all have a separate login, because everything's digital now.
You can't even talk to somebody to do stuff, it's not even an option.
You call, and they tell you, oh, sorry, you have to do it online.
Like, literally, and so it's like, holy smokes, okay, is that written down?
You know, are your, what is your login?
What are your passwords?
Like, there's just so many different things.
So, yeah, so I just wanted to dive in a little bit to that today to think about, okay,
where are you at?
Are you organized?
Do you have stuff all in one spot so that if something did happen to you, what's someone
to be able to access it, right?
Yeah.
Would they know where to go?
I'm not saying you have to share all your personal information now, I know everybody's
really private, and that's not what we're saying, but I just, too, had this conversation
with my dad.
I mean, it's funny, because I teach this, and we talk about this all the time, literally,
and the last month or two, I was over and just random, we always have a whole list of things
we kind of go through, right?
You know, and he is like, hey, if I ever showed you where the pesco to the safest, and I'm
like, no, no, no, you haven't, have I told you how many safes there are?
No, no, you haven't, right?
Or like, what's even in them, right?
And I'm like, okay, I think I knew there was a con safe, and I think I knew there was
something in his lock box in his closet kind of thing, but like, no, so, you know, just
even that, like, yeah, I would have had no clue, and there would have been no way I would
have been able to come up with, you know, the password for those safes in the closet.
I would have been like, taking it to somebody to crack that baby open, because, you know,
and the thing is, if it's an emergency or someone's, you know, in a place where they need,
you know, any of those papers, or would you be able to get to it with someone, you know,
no, you don't want to have to take it to someone to, you know, break into the kind of thing.
Yeah, yeah, especially not knowing what's in there.
Really?
So, yeah.
Talking about awkward thing.
Yeah.
So, I think organization is the key.
So, you know, first and foremost, we'd be thinking about what, what do you have, and
what is a good place to put it, or even start your self-alist?
So, one of the things we have is a checklist.
It's called, I love it, I love the title, deathbed secrets, you should not keep.
It's so good.
Such a great title.
And it makes you smile a little bit, makes you kind of talk a little bit, which is important to this.
Before we get into the guide, Jackie, there's a couple of things I just wanted to touch on with you,
because you are so informed on this topic.
And when we've talked about it before, there's a couple of things that have come up.
It can be uncomfortable to bring up.
It could be a bit of a tough one that can get into, and stuff.
And I think the guide can be helpful with that, as far as an ice break or goes.
And we've touched on how you deserve to have less stress in your life.
There's tons of stress.
There's enough stress in life.
This is one of those things that you can work on and maybe take away from there.
There's something else I was thinking about.
And of course, it was my mother that helped me realize this, you know, I gotta shout that out.
But this is an opportunity to maybe even get to know your relatives better and more.
And I hadn't thought of that part of it.
You know, I think of my mom and dad.
I talk to them almost every day.
I know these people inside and out.
I thought.
And then the topic like this comes up.
And all of a sudden, I discover that my mother has this lock box that she means the world
tour and everything.
I know I did.
She even had this thing.
This is like one of my best friends.
I know my parents very well.
They got things about even my dad who lives his life on his sleeve.
There were things like that.
I didn't know this about you and everything.
So it's kind of, I hate to wear these, use the word fun.
But a topic that does not seem like it would be can be so enlightening and engaging and
fun.
And the idea of knowing, get to know your relatives better and these people that you love
so much.
Absolutely.
I love that.
And I, you know, it's one thing, I think as we age, you're right, you get to know your
parents in a different level.
But then it's also as your kids age, they're now adults.
And you could do the same thing, you know, with your adult children.
And it shocks you and it's amazing and it is kind of fun.
It's funny that you see that because, you know, next couple weeks, if folks do celebrate
Easter is coming and I'm always a huge fan of as you get together for family gatherings
to pose these, some of these questions, right?
And it doesn't even have to be about sharing where, you know, secrets, it's more so like
even, you know, do you have this?
Where is it?
You know, do you have a safety deposit box?
Is anybody else's name listed on it?
Right?
Where is this stuff?
Do you have a list?
Like, hey, you know what, do you have life insurance?
Where?
Did you prepare your funeral?
Like, I don't know, I have no idea, right?
And so it's great as a person if you do all those things and you like plan ahead and
that's fantastic.
If you don't tell anybody, it's all in waste, right?
I think the other important piece that out of what you said made me think of too is,
I like to think of it and we always say, it's a gift.
It's a gift you can give your loved ones so that if anything does happen to you, and
I'm not even saying death, like let's say you're in an accident again and somebody had
to access, you know, your important stuff, it's a gift because they're going to be stressed
and worried about you and emotions are going to be high and they're not thinking very
clearly anyways.
So if you can literally say, hey, if you ever need anything, you know, whatever, there's
a list, there's a type double list and it's in the bottom of my sock drawer, you know,
you have that piece of mind that your family's not going to be digging through all of the
stuff trying to find it.
It's all in one spot, right?
So I think that's the other pieces.
It is a gift that we can give.
So the more organized, the more planned is great, so that's one piece of it.
But sharing it is the other piece and I like how you said that, yeah, it is fun because
you get to know, you know, people in a different way and this isn't stuff we talk about.
It's just not and it's not that it has to be morbid because it's not and it is kind of
fun to get to know folks, again, your folks or your kids or even a friend's and family
on a different level because you can ask something, you know, to silly like, you know,
I have been thought about, you know, we did this on Monday night.
I'm teaching a class in Port, it's going to excuse me Tuesday night and we brought up,
you know, funerals and I had people stay for the last 20 minutes to an extra 20 minutes
talking about like spouses, how they disagree on whether to be cremated or buried and what
they should do and it should you wait them to be together and I don't care, I'm going
to be dead and then, you know, and then the wife's going, I do, I know I'm going to be
dead and there's no rational thought behind it, but I cannot be cremated.
Like I just can't go, I know I won't feel it, but I just can't do it.
You know, I was like, yes, people are very strong feeling about things, but if you don't
ask, you have no idea.
And so you might just, you know, as a child, if that couple, if you are one of their children,
you might just say, well, it's cheaper to go this route, we're just going to do this
route.
But if you knew that your mom felt so passionately about this, would you make the same decision?
Maybe you would, but maybe you wouldn't, right?
Because again, you know, if she shared her feelings and her emotions and her stories
or, you know, that kind of stuff behind it, yeah, it might change your thoughts.
I, you know, this, this is probably going to change like everything does generation to
generation, but as far as for right now, the generations that we're kind of talking
about and referring to, they're different, they're different generations and they probably
weren't, at least the majority of individuals I know from these generations are not huge
shares.
So there, there's plenty of, on the information out there that you probably don't know.
They may share with you if you just ask, but if you don't ask, it's just that key thing
of asking that gets the ball rolling and everything.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think that's part of this, this whole idea of being organized and having listed
where it is, because you don't want somebody hunting pecking and you're right, that, you
know, if I ask somebody and I'm, I don't mean the stereotype, but I'm just going to give
some stats, but, you know, over the age of 75, you know, majority of them are going to
say, it's no one else's business, like it literally is no one else's business.
Because you're right, that's the generation, you didn't share your private information,
even if it was your children, like you just didn't, it's not that you don't trust them,
it's not that you don't love them, it's just not something we talked about, right?
And so it's interesting, my sister and I are 11 years apart, which you don't think
it's a huge amount, but it's just, she always says, I can't believe you, you say, like,
price of things are cost of things, like, I do that, it's just not, you don't do that.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, how funny, like, there's not that much time frame between things,
but it is generational difference of even that short amount is, yeah, like it's a very
distinct difference.
But yeah, so that's why I always say to folks, you don't have to tell anybody your secrets,
but if you have, you know, list, like, okay, what are my banks?
Like, you know, banks, credit unions, other things, do I have stocks?
Who is my financial advisor?
Like where is stuff located?
I'll take that one step further, you know, one of the things that I do recommend for
folks is, do you have someone else's name on that?
So that if you have a safety deposit box, can someone else get access to it?
So it doesn't get locked if you do pass away things like that, or have to go through
probate, you know, having someone else's name on things or transfer on death is a great
one, that kind of thing.
But yeah, what are your account numbers?
What are your bills?
Some of you, if you're on social media, might have seen, there's a great video of two
sisters, and it was about nine months after their mother's death, and they kind of open
it up, and they're kind of giggling, and they say, okay, mom, these are the things we
need to apologize for.
And so they just kind of let it out, and the first one was, you know, your bills.
I didn't know that I had to keep paying, you know, your taxes.
We did not file your taxes for last year, totally forgot, we did not file your taxes, you
know, and they just kind of went through this thing, you know, like apologizing, whatever,
and it was like, oh, but so true, right, like so true, that, yeah, you don't even think
about that.
And yeah, it's really important to kind of have it all written down, things like investments.
I've heard folks say that, you know, they've been going through, you know, a parent or
grandparents house for like two years, you know, still finding stocks from the person's
first job in 1945, you know, they didn't even know existed, you know, so do you have investments,
do you have stocks?
Again, insurance policies, just a list of where things are and who to contact with it.
I think with this topic, a lot of us immediately go to memories or references we have in our
brains, I think of my, going to Illinois and my, my mom's in Florence's house and having
to go through her things and the difficulty of that, and it's physical stuff we think
of. But another key thing that I think that you touch on with this too is, and especially
nowadays, that's an important part of this conversation, certainly.
But it's also the digital world and how much of our, you know, stuff that we have saved
on there and important things and documents and all that that is so much on there.
So I really appreciate you bringing that into the conversation as well.
Is that something even in myself, in my forties, I have not even thought of.
And I imagine that's going to be an important one to going forward.
Yeah, you know, what are your user names?
What are your passwords?
I just ran into this in the last couple of weeks with someone with a facial identification.
They, their phone was the set up that way and they couldn't, they couldn't bypass it.
There was absolutely no way to bypass that facial recognition.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, I have that.
Like it's super easy to me.
Like to me, it's a lazy thing, right?
Like, oh, I love it.
I don't have to put in any password.
I literally just go like this and it's like, great.
Oh, yeah, it was like almost impossible.
Yeah.
No one could help them like, bypass it, you know, and so I was like, okay, yeah.
Like what are things in place that you know that someone can access your things to make
sure that it is?
I think the other one that comes up a lot that folks forget is, you know, what do you
do in your community?
Like, you know, do you volunteer?
Are there groups that you're a part of?
Are you the secretary at church and you send out the newsletter?
Like, I love this phrase, but it's like, are you the keeper of the knowledge?
Yeah.
And if something happens to you because you've been, you know, whatever, you're the vice
president of Kiwanis and you've been there for 30 years and you run four different fundraisers,
someone happens to you.
Does anybody even know that in your basement, you have the last 40 years worth of receipts?
Of course.
Does anybody even know that it exists?
Probably not.
Right?
Yeah.
That they should even be sending someone to your house to get that.
And would your kids know who to contact?
To transfer that stuff?
Yeah.
You know, so I think, you know, where do you volunteer?
Who would be another contact person?
Do you have important papers for another organization or somewhere that you volunteer?
Like that kind of good stuff.
Like, it's great.
And again, it's not just for someone who's, you know, in their end of life.
This is for everybody.
Like, we should keep a running list of this information because that's why life happens,
you guys, right?
Right.
You could step out tomorrow and be hit by a bus and I know that sounds more, but literally,
that's realistic.
Like it is.
We're all adults.
We understand.
I think the audience understands.
And I think it's key to bring up, though.
I think it's a good thing to touch on.
It's also noteworthy.
Not only all of the things you have mentioned here, Jackie, so important, but one of the things
that I think we don't get to chance, especially Midwesterners, we don't do this much, you live
the good life.
This is your life.
This is your story.
It deserves to be preserved.
It deserves to be carried on.
And by doing these things, you're able to do that.
I love that.
I love that so much.
That's like a whole other section is we call, it's one of the things.
So in one of the series that I teach, we talk about grief, but then we also talk about
things to process that you can process until we call like legacy projects.
And that's something that folks can do while you're living.
And it's fantastic because you do get to go back through your entire life and you get
to highlight different things and share them.
And it can be something very personal that you just do in a journal.
There are some books out there that you can give.
I know a lot of folks will do this as like a Christmas gift or a mother's day or a father's
day gift for people in their life.
And then you can just make your way through it on your own and it'll ask you prompting
questions.
You know what?
What was your favorite dessert or holiday memory as a child?
I don't know if I shared this with you, but I did this with my grandmother.
So I was blessed.
I'm the second youngest of 37 grandchildren.
Wow.
I'm at the bottom, right?
And so when I had the pleasure of when I was in college, I went to college on the East Coast
to my grandparents.
I lived with them or they lived with us.
And so I got to know them in the 80s, like 80s and 90s, right?
So very different than if you know my siblings or even my cousins who knew them as a child
and had great childhood memories.
I had these great like older adults.
It's just funny because I would say like they're, they're, you know, give a who broke
right.
So I knew different people than other people, it's not a blessing.
But we did a lot of this with my grandma like, you know, asking prompting questions.
This is so one of the questions I had asked is, you know, what was your favorite holiday
memory as a child?
She kind of gets a grin on her face and she says, I scream on my birthday and he hears
me like, oh, okay, you know, like, okay, like, I'm not really floored by that, you know,
and she's like, think about it.
You know, do you get it?
And I'm like, no, you know, she's like, what's my birthday?
And I'm like, July 3rd, she's like, okay, what's the temperature like, you know, and
I'm like, hot, like it's hot in the summer and she's like, okay, and when was I
born?
I'm like, okay, you know, um, 1916, you know, she's like, Jackie, you know, we're in the
20s.
Did we have refrigeration and I'm like, no, you know, she's like, okay, so where did we get
ice, you know, to make ice cream on July 3rd and I'm like, oh, you know, and I knew this
because my Polish family, one of the things that we always talked about is that people
worked in the ice houses in Chicago and they go back and forth, so I'm like, you
know, ice house and she's like, no, okay, you know, like I don't get it and she's like,
think about it.
We're farmers and I still get it, I'm like, I don't know, it's just like, the manure
pile.
And I'm like, the manure pile, and she's like, the manure pile never unthoughts, so it's
insulation.
So if you go to the center of the manure pile, it was ice, it was frozen.
And so in the summer, they would chip it out.
And in the ice cream maker, that never touches because, you know, there was a, right,
right.
Yeah.
So it was sanitary, but she's such a just grins, you know, and she's like, so I had ice
cream on my birthday, you know, and I'm like, oh my gosh.
And I've told that story a hundred times to all of my relatives and no one else had
ever heard that story.
Wow.
What a fantastic story, right?
Like amazing.
So I do think as we're having, you might start off, you know, with something, you know,
pretty heavy or serious, but you can get into some really amazing things as well.
I always say that, so the other part of this topic, you know, of getting organized, and
that's my challenge, ship folks, you know, during the month of April, is, you know, pick
us thing, pick off thing, you know, get organized.
So whether it is going through old receipts, you know, do you need your taxes for the
last 70 years?
You don't.
You don't, right?
Or do you need your receipts, you know, or your checkbook registers, like that, United
Way.
You've probably already had them on.
One of the things they do during April is they do Shred Day, so that'll be coming up.
You know, go through stuff, take stuff, you know, to have it shredded.
You know, you can go through the stuff, the stuff left over in your house.
So this is the things that are not in your will.
These are things that are not, but what are you doing with all the stuff left over in your
house?
And one of the things I hear from folks almost on a weekly basis now is like, well, my
grandkids, my great-grandkids, you know, no one wants my junk in it.
Anymore, you know, it's junk to them.
It's not even valuable.
And I'm like, but here's the deal.
If you tell the story that came with it or why that's important to you, someone's significantly
more likely to actually want it and to give it a place of, because it then resonates,
right?
So, yes, so think about the stuff and think about how would you want, and if there is
a item you could give to a person, but be sure to tell the story, tell the why, tell
the why it was important to you, because it literally might be a broken piece of pottery.
But if it was something that was gifted to you by your great-grandmother, and it, you
know, it was from the early 1900s, and, you know, you got it, and it was the only gift
you ever got from that person, I'll be darned.
That thing is going to broken piece of pottery is more likely to live for the next three generations
if that story goes with it, right?
So that's the other part.
So, you know, we even think about organizing.
You can get rid of things, but you can also take advantage of, you know, that legacy
piece and talk about why things are important.
The stuff might not be special, but you are, you know, and that's what matters here.
That's the poem port.
And the story is so important.
It is so fun.
That's it.
Thank you, Jackie.
Thank you so much.
We cover a lot today.
There's a lot on this topic, and I think you touched on something really important.
They are just picking one thing.
You guys have a great checklist one to remind people about with this, because there's a lot
to cover.
So, it kind of helps to have that checklist there.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, we do have a series that we teach called planning ahead.
And one of the cool things about that is you don't have to come to the class.
The materials are available for anybody for free.
So, if anybody is interested, feel free to contact our office.
Our number is 715-421-8437.
And just say that you want either just the checklist, which is called death bread, secretion
keep, or we can get you the link to actually get to the whole book.
So, the whole book is just a whole series of checklists.
And it's ways for folks to start.
We know that all of this is overwhelming.
And so, we literally made checklists for everything, so that you can go wherever you're at,
right?
Start at your own pace, work at your own pace, and know that that's okay.
Jackie, we always learn and have a good time talking with you.
Thank you so much for everything you do in the community, and do joining us on the
ear here.
Thanks for the time.
Well, a more midday magazine for you coming up tomorrow right here on AM 1320, 97-5 FM.
We are WFHR, locally grown radio.
