Welcome, everyone, to Midday magazine for this Tuesday, March 26th, 2024.
Have your host, James J. Mailoff here.
We're welcoming into the studio right now, our good friend, Jessica, from the Family
Wisconsin Rapids Family Center.
Jessica, thanks a lot for being here.
Thank you for having me.
Always appreciate the time.
We send a shout out to our Wisconsin Rapids Family Center, and I always like to mention
before these conversations, I am on the board at the Family Center very proudly, and thankfully,
to be on that board.
When it comes to a topic like this, Jessica, we have come a long way with this one, where
we're walking into April, being sexual awareness month, and it's not something that, like,
when I first started this job some years back, doing this with Deb and Sue, it was something
that we were just beginning to talk about.
We're not in a hushed voice anymore.
Here we are about five or six years later, and it's become a topic that we talk about
openly.
We share openly.
There is still work to be done on this front though.
Absolutely.
That's something I think important to keep in mind as we get ready to walk into sexual
assault awareness month.
Absolutely.
And I've been with the Family Center for six years now in May, and I just so appreciate
the time that you take to talk with us.
I know we've been having these same conversations every year, but it's so important to just
make it known that we're not afraid to talk about it, and it's something that we should
be talking about as a community.
It comes to talking about this subject, and even though we have come a long way, and
it is much more open in there, it still can be a bit difficult, whether it is for somebody
who is struggling, who is dealt with abuse, or somebody who is seeing it, or just the
topic in general, just even people that want, I've run into this one in the last couple
of years, people who have not experienced anything like this, but want to know more about
it, so they're aware of it, if it's happening around them or someone they love, how did
dive into this topic?
It's got to be one of the more difficult challenges for you and your team at the Family
Center.
Yeah, it can be, but I do appreciate that I think the community is moving towards being
more comfortable with it, and I know we've talked about this so many times, where even
if you think that you, this doesn't relate to you, this isn't something that you have
to know about, no matter who you are, or what life situation you are in, you know somebody
who has experienced some form of sexual violence, whether it's sexual assault, harassment,
everybody knows somebody, and I know it's a hard topic to talk about, but even just listening
today, or listening to these conversations, doing your own personal research on it can
be so impactful for the survivors around you.
And it came when it was for me to be able to talk about what I went through, I know what
helped me was actually working out, I've been working out in my dad's a former athlete
and we work out since I was about seven or eight years old, and I know that, man, I don't
really feel like working out today, but I know how good I feel afterwards, and I know
that pain, that grind, that everything is going to be worth it, and sure enough, I get
done with that hard workout at a long day that I didn't want to do it, and I feel better
afterwards, even though my body is tired, this subject can be like that.
It can be tough, it can, it can be difficult talking about in the moment, before you talk
about it, in the moment, all of that, but I promise you, and I only bring that word up
if I can back it up, I promise you, you will feel better afterwards, it's something that
you can't know until you experience kind of thing.
Yeah, absolutely, and I think to, you know, the burden for bringing this awareness forward
has really been on people with lived experience of sexual assault for so long, you know, it's
we expect it to be on them to talk about it, and I really encourage listeners who don't
have any experience with sexual violence sexual assault to start doing your own personal
research and not just having that burden on people who have experienced it themselves.
Chances are a lot of the time when these things are happening, we don't know that they're
happening to a loved one or somebody that we care about or a colleague or a coworker
or something, so with that, if you can be, if you can put yourself out there to the universe
as a safe place, then that person that you don't know is struggling with, it will feel
safer to come to you.
So I think that's one of those things that as you go into this month, and if you're looking
at ways to help make this month mean something, and it's not just we're giving it a label
or something like that, and we can feel better because we talked about it for a month.
We actually want to put some work in and do something.
One of the things that every single one of us can do regardless of your experiences
in life is be a safe place.
Yeah, absolutely, and I'm so glad you touched on that, because I feel like sexual violence
really kind of works in a vacuum a little bit where if you make it known that you are
a safe person and you generally believe people with lived experience, you're going to hear
more disclosures because people are going to feel comfortable talking about it with you,
whereas if you make it known that you generally don't believe people and that you kind of have
this, like show me the evidence, where is the hard evidence, kind of attitude, people
are not going to tell you what happened to them, so you kind of start to have this mindset
of, oh, that just doesn't happen.
And it absolutely does happen, you're just not hearing about it because you haven't made
yourself a safe person, if that makes sense.
It does.
And I can't think, I mean, just you talking about that gets me because I think of, well,
God, what if there was somebody in my life that I've come across who didn't feel comfortable
talking to me?
That's heartbreaking for them and even for you as a person, it feels good to be there
for people.
It's a good thing.
But then I compound that and I got two daughters and I think about something like that and
I'm not feeling comfortable to come to me or be able to talk to me or something.
That's my job.
That's one of my things here on this planet.
It's why I don't reason I'm here.
So on those levels, on those extremes, I imagine that if you put yourself in those shoes,
you would feel very similar to that.
Being a safe zone, being a safe place has so many layers to it that you may not even
realize.
And here's hoping being that safe place, you don't run into this.
Maybe the numbers get better, maybe things get better and stuff.
As of right now though, it is vital to be that safe place.
Yeah, absolutely.
There are other ways that we're kind of promoting and talking about sexual assault awareness
month next month and we're going to be doing so during the month.
Let's get into a little bit of that together if you don't mind Jessica.
One of the things that I'm looking forward to is the art of healing.
That's a great one that you have coming up.
Yeah, this is an event that I'm really, really excited about.
This is an art exhibit that will be happening at the Central Wisconsin Cultural Center for
two weeks in April.
And what this is, is an exhibit of artwork made by survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
And the brunt of the art was made by survivors way back in the 90s.
And that was in a partnership with the Wisconsin Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse.
This art circulated for a number of years back in the early 2000s and 90s and it was put
into storage after that.
And us at the Family Center, we're so thankful that our former, our first director actually
Arlene Hillstad had reached out to us and asked if we would like to be an organization that
helps put this art back into circulation.
So that exhibit will be on display.
And we are also highlighting some of the art sculptures, paintings, tons of different
things that our clients at the Family Center have made through a program that we do in
our support groups.
I love the arts and as a creative, I find that one of the things that I enjoy about art
is that everybody is a creative, that everybody is an artist.
Some people might not have realized it, but you know somebody who works on vehicles.
So it likes to repurpose old cars or something like that.
That's an artist.
Absolutely.
There's all kinds of artists around and with an event like this, we get to really highlight
that and celebrate that.
And I think that's really important and wonderful any chance we get to celebrate the
arts.
When you add on this extra layer to it, it becomes so much more impactful, so much more
meaningful.
Oftentimes art is what gives us an insight into a true emotion.
You may not know what it feels like to go through this or to go through that, but you
look at a piece of art or you hear a song or watch a movie or TV show and you're crying.
You're immediately immersed in it and everything.
Art has the ability to do that.
To be able to express yourself as an artist on a topic like this is one of the beauties
of art being vulnerable with your art.
That's not easy to do.
As a writer, I've found it very difficult over the years.
I can't imagine as somebody who draws or painter or something.
So for them to share this work too is meaningful.
And I think even if you're just taking the event just to give them some respect, I think
is meaningful and goes a long way.
But this stuff also gives a lot of what we were talking about before, insight into maybe
things that you wouldn't experience and some empathy, maybe to things you didn't experience.
But also I know for me a reminder that you're not alone or a reminder that, you know, no
matter how many times you look at the stats or you may talk to people that have experienced
something similar to what you have, every abuse is unique and like a fingerprint different.
And when you're seeing these things and you're taking in this art and experiencing it,
you are reminded whether it's subconscious or not that you are not alone in this.
Yeah, definitely.
And I really feel like the exhibit is kind of like this when you see it and you see it
all together, it's, you really feel the energy of what these people were trying to express.
And I really hope that that's conveyed to people who choose to attend the exhibit
that there's, you can feel a lot of pain from the art, but you can also feel a lot of hope.
And you know, just that resiliency that so many survivors have and I really hope attendees
feel that.
I will say that the exhibit can be a little bit triggering for people.
So we will have advocates from the Family Center available at the Central Wisconsin Cultural
Center while the exhibit is open if people are wanting to talk to somebody or just have
more resources.
And if I can just plug when that exhibit is happening, also that would be great.
This will be on display April 9 through the 18th at the Central Wisconsin Cultural Center.
And they are open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
A big thank you to the Cultural Center that has done such a great job for decades supporting
the art, supporting this community and giving an avenue to events like this and voice to
things like this.
I really do appreciate that.
We see more and more just as we go along here, the people being on the right side of history
when it comes to this topic, more and more nonprofits, more and more organizations, more
and more individuals, really standing by these things.
Appreciate the Cultural Center doing that.
We'll talk more about this as we get closer to it and we'll certainly be talking about
and there are good stories of the day on the air here and everything.
And I bring that up, the good stories of the day on our morning show.
I bring that up because, well, this is a heavy topic and it can be, you know, take a lot
and pull at the heart a lot.
Fun is not the right word, but it can be a good experience.
You can enjoy yourself with something like this while also being informed.
I believe human beings are capable of very many things, including chewing gum and walking
at the same time.
You can experience something and be really pulled by it and all that while also enjoying
yourself and having a good time out and experiencing that.
That's a big part of these events to keep in mind that you can communicate.
You can run into people maybe haven't seen in a while and everything while also bringing
attention and awareness to an important topic.
Yeah, definitely.
And I think this is a great way to really reach a side of the community that might not know
too much about sexual violence.
I'm also a huge art lover and I love going to exhibits and art museums, all of those
things.
And even if you don't know a lot about sexual violence, if you just want to view some
really incredible art, I mean, come down and we would just appreciate all of that attendance.
We're speaking with Jessica from the Wisconsin Rapids Family Center.
And again, thank you so much for the time, Jess.
Appreciate you.
You brought up a term earlier that I was hoping to be able to talk to you about and I appreciate
you being willing to dive into this.
Just I just threw this at Jessica, she's a game to talk about it, but there's a documentary
that's really popular right now called Quiet Unset that a lot of people have been watching
that deals with some abuse that happened on some kids shows on Nickelodeon.
I know that I watched a couple episodes and it was a little triggering for me.
And I know that I've talked to some students that it has been of mine and just some people
in general.
And you mentioned the term triggering earlier when it comes to this great event going
on over at the Cultural Center coming up.
So this is something that a term triggering that I feel like a lot of us that are in the
no understand it, but I'd like to dive into what that means and how people can be helped
from being triggered by an event.
Sure.
And when we're using the word trigger, what it really means is kind of having a reminder
or re-experiencing a trauma or some kind of painful memory, painful experience.
And that can look different for a lot of people.
You know, maybe it's just feeling anger, feeling sadness.
For some people who have experienced a really significant trauma, that can actually be a
literal re-experiencing in the brain of what happened where they're having flashbacks,
like if we're thinking about PTSD and that sort of thing where they're having an actual
flashback and they can't differentiate between what is happening in reality and that they
are safe in this moment and what happened in the past.
And as you can imagine, that's a really scary experience.
And I think the word trigger is thrown around a lot.
And sometimes we hear it as almost people are using against other people like, oh, you're
so easily triggered, you know.
And this is a lot more serious than people realize.
Having a true trigger and a true re-experiencing of a trauma is extremely scary.
And it can be very disorienting and completely take you out of whatever peaceful moment you
were having.
I just, for an example, I was watching this documentary and I went into it, feeling
very prepared, feeling very strong, like I had just, you know, the chain mail around
my heart and I was going to be okay.
And I go into it and I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine.
And at a certain point in the documentary, they show up, you know, paperwork from police
filing and a lot of it's blacked out and then there's some words that are highlighted.
And I don't know what it was, but seeing that and immediately I'm seven years old again.
And I'm going through everything I went through that.
And it shook me like I didn't expect, I didn't see a comment or anything like that because
that's how triggers work, that's how this goes.
I was experiencing and feeling all that and I actually had to stop the documentary, take
a pause, breathe a little bit, kind of went back to it, but really didn't, really stayed
with me.
Kind of, for lack of a better term, haunted me a little bit.
And I've come a long way with a lot of what I've been through and doing pretty well.
I watched that, I see that and it triggered it and I felt like I was experiencing a lot
of it for the first time.
It didn't last for very long, but it was there and in that moment and I think that how
you get out of that moment is also an important part of this because things are going to happen
in life.
We're going to be triggered by things.
There's not a lot you can do to be avoid in that.
And I, I'm a big believer in, they've taken enough from us.
I'm not going to let them take anything else and that includes moments in my life or
watching a documentary or something like that.
But when it comes to dealing with that, Jessica, and getting through a triggering event,
are there suggestions we have for people?
Are there things that we can do?
I mean, everybody's different.
Everybody's going to experience it differently, but is there things we can help them with
with that?
Yeah.
What I really encourage people to focus on is what being triggered feels like in the
body because I think having an awareness of what's happening is really the first step
to overcoming these types of things.
So with the clients that I work with or even just for myself, I try to really be mindful
of physical sensations.
For me, when I'm feeling that way, I feel physically ill.
Like I get a stomach ache, some people will talk about their heart racing or maybe feeling
like really hot, like electricity going through their arms, things like that.
And really noticing what's happening in the body so that you can ground yourself and
be in this moment.
And I know that sounds kind of frivolous and, you know, like, why would that work?
But reminding ourselves that we are here in this moment and kind of coming back to reality
can be really powerful in that moment.
There's also a lot of different grounding techniques that you can utilize.
Very important to use our senses.
I know we've talked about before that trauma can live in the body, live in the senses.
So using things that incorporate touch, smell, looking around the room can be really powerful.
Something that I like to use a lot that's really common, people know about it is noticing
maybe everything that's white in the room and actually naming it or naming everything
that you can smell in the room.
And again, I know it feels like that's not going to work for me, but just taking that moment
to really ground yourself back into the present moment can be very impactful.
That's all really helpful.
Thank you for all of that, Jessica.
I appreciate that.
I know, I just a piggyback on a lot of what you were saying there.
I think that some of the other things, for me, music that I listened to when I was young,
sometimes can cheer me up, make me feel a little better, and nostalgia is a great one
for this.
When it comes to that, I think it can be a great bridge from that trauma that's taking you
back to the past and bringing you back to the present.
There's different bridges for you there.
There's a lot of different avenues, a lot of different techniques that can work.
Everybody's going to be different.
Just know that you don't have to go through this alone.
This is something you can reach out to the Family Center about.
You can talk to them about this is something that you guys want to be there for people
with.
Also, just having somebody to talk to who really gets it and you know as a safe person
can be very, very helpful, and I encourage people to identify their safe people, and if
you don't have a safe person, maybe reach out to an organization like the Family Center,
we can also make referrals for counseling and different support groups and things like
that.
It's important to know that your experience is not just that you're not alone and what's
going on.
It's something where your experience is unique and original and also not uncommon.
You're not alone.
It's all of those things.
And something because I'm a man, it took me a long time to learn this.
Sometimes people just need to listen.
You just need to listen.
You don't need to fix everything.
Sometimes it's just about sitting there and listening and even having somebody do that
can go so far.
I think that when it comes to the person either who is dealing with something or the person
who wants to listen and be there for somebody, it's important to keep that in mind.
Sometimes silence is okay.
Sometimes just listening is all right.
Jessica, great conversation today.
Really do appreciate all the time.
I want to remind everybody about the art of healing and when this event is in the details
of it.
Yeah, so we also have an opening night for this exhibit that will be happening on Monday,
April 8th from 545 to 730.
We will be having a kind of a speaking engagement done by staff at the Family Center.
We're going to be talking about some of our community partnerships, how we are using
art at the center for healing with our clients.
We're going to be showcasing some of that art and having poetry read by survivors.
And then after that, people will have a chance to kind of mingle and view the art.
And then that exhibit will be on display, April 9th through the 18th at the Central Wisconsin
Cultural Center and they are open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
And Jessica, if people have follow the questions, want to know more about some of what we talked
about today and reach out to you, how can they do that?
So I would encourage people to call our 24 hour crisis line that is 715-421-1511 and they
can also email info at familyctr.org or check out our website.
Yeah, be sure to bookmark that website, everybody, familyctr.org and follow the Family Center
and social media.
It's a great follow, great way to keep up to date and all the good things that they are
doing over there and support this incredible organization.
Just to say hi to everybody over there for us and thank you again for the time.
Yeah, thank you.
Well, a more midday magazine for you tomorrow right here at 97-5 FM, 1320 a.m. WFHR,
we are locally grown radio.
