All right now, you are tuned into 92.7 FM with your girl, BG, Brandy Grayson on the black
conversion show A-A-A-A-A, one day I'm gonna be a rapper, but not today.
We got in the studio, Bernana Cole and Denise Baker.
We're talking about relationships, dynamics, and all that beautiful things, black women
and black men.
Y'all know that's one of my favorite topics, and it is because it's one of the hardest
things I think I'm doing in my life, right?
On the side of running a business, trying, you know, even attempting to be in any kind
of relationship and feeling like I can't do it and I shouldn't do it, and then also being
convicted with the understanding of like what it means, what black love really means.
And then like the outside people and your friends and everybody are always giving you
this interpretation, or these blogs, or you shouldn't tolerate this and the men do
it because you don't do that.
But most of our men don't do that.
So where are the men?
Because if it's 100, listen.
You know what I'm saying?
Like if I'm a find a man that act like that, look like that, drama end up being lonely.
But then all of a sudden, also setting your boundaries around the toxicity, right?
And the man having to be accountable, and the woman having to be accountable.
So it's this whole dynamic of accountability and healing that people must be willing
to take together, or the relationship is going to be one side of my pain.
But anyway, any takeaways from my last conversation, I think one of you guys
were about to say something and I said, save it.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, go ahead.
So like in my relationship with my husband, like I said, we've been together a really
long time.
So in the beginning, he was like the breadwinner.
And so I really didn't have to do much.
I didn't have to, but I wanted to work because I always loved doing here.
But then dynamics change and he had to go away for a while.
I'll let you use your imagination.
And I think it's really important to realize the attack of black men in our society.
And the reason they want to destroy the black family and how much depends on the black
family staying together.
So with losing him for that time, I had to switch from being at the time I was this sweet
little naive girl that thought he was the world I still do.
But I depended on him so much.
And when I lost him for a little bit, I had to become independent.
And so I was no longer that sweet little innocent girl that you met.
So when you came back, I was independent like, you know, it was hard to, it's hard to
switch it on and off to adjust.
And so he was like, where's my girl?
Where's my sweet needy?
Right.
And it's like, well, I had to grow up.
You know, I had to do this, this and this, I don't have, you know, this or that.
And then it took time to, you know, even offer that softness back.
So I would never be the first woman, right?
And then just understanding that the dynamics change, you know, like one person might be
the bread winner today, somebody else might be the bread winner the next day, and still
having respect.
The roles don't depend on the financial situation, but what makes it doable though?
Because we know like these general things, oh, you know, you can flip, like, you have
to throw away the fairy tale.
And also it has to, I think what'd be missing from a lot of relationships is transparency
and honesty because it's one thing for me to be the bread, because people, because on
Facebook, when I post it, it's not about making the most money for me as a woman, you
know, I'm probably going to, you know, generally speaking, given the, the data, I'm probably
going to make more money than my partner at this point in my life.
And maybe not.
Maybe I meet a rich man and he, he do what he do.
But it's never about the money, but it's about the transparency, right?
Like if you have $10,000 coming in in the next three months, but you keep it to yourself,
and I'm paying all the bills, Roger, we have a problem because when you get money,
you're supposed to be like, since I got this or this, this, like, but did you have an agreement
about that?
But right.
But that's the thing.
Like how do you have an agreement if you don't even know how to make an agreement?
Like so my point is like, say for example, the agreements come because you are transparent,
right?
Like you can't make an agreement about you winning a lottery.
And if I even, I didn't know that you won the lottery, but at the same time, you got
to remember you were raised in two different homes.
It might have been normal for his mom to keep her own money.
And you know, the man to pay all the bills or, but if you're the woman that you're paying
all the bills and you keep all your money, I mean, most men know they're supposed to contribute
to something.
No, I would, I would think so.
Yeah.
But agreement, we make it here on Black conversion show.
Two and then to 92.7 that fell with your girl Brandi Grayson again talking about relationships.
We got other guests now.
So y'all just don't have to hear my opinion.
Go ahead, Neenie.
Sorry.
Yeah.
So it's, um, you know, people come from wounds.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
We wonderful.
People could just come into relationships, perfect and something.
We just love them and like them all the time, but can you love them when you can't stand
them?
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
But how do you, I guess I'm looking for the magic portion, like I'm looking for what
part of the man has to show up?
I feel like as women, we know what parts of us needs to show up to make it work because
we're always trying to make it work.
But we disappoint men too, right?
Yeah.
Because they think we supposed to show up in a certain way, but it depends on our background
where we come from.
That's what a counseling comes in.
I'm done with Neenie.
Go ahead, the Neenie.
That's what a counseling means.
That's what a counseling means.
The question is how they show up to allow you to be feminine, just show up in your masculinity.
For instance, my husband is really good now.
We're putting his foot down because if you don't, I like when a man puts his foot down.
No, when he like it, when a man like it, and I want to know that you're here.
No, because I will push you up right on over.
No, and a lot of men cannot do it.
For instance, we had a little situation with my mother-in-law, which I love.
You know, I love you, mom and Kim, I do.
My husband had to go to his mother and do the hard thing and be like, hey, mom, A, B,
and C.
I'm going to have to side with my wife, and this is what's going to need to happen.
Do you know?
And you always got to side with your wife, and that's the thing that's hard to you always,
and I got this from a man.
Your woman always comes first, your household comes first, and that means above everybody,
God first, and then y'all, go get her, sorry.
So when he did that, right?
It made me soft.
Oh, okay.
I can trust you.
I can trust you to protect me.
Yes.
And I know now that it's us against the world.
I can stand, I can stand 10 toes down when you act in a way that allows me that like that's
what I'm saying.
Like that's what I feel like we're be missing in our conversations.
Like you have to show improve to a woman that's filled with masculinity or independent
that it is safe.
And you show a woman that is safe through your actions, through you putting them first
and prioritizing the relationship.
We'll be back here in the gift on 92.7 FM.
It is getting hot in here.
All the black conversions show, stay tuned and continue to listen.