What a mad town is your girl, Brandi Grayson, on the Black Conversion Show.
You're listening to 92.7 FM, WMDX.
I am so excited to be in the house tonight.
We're about to have some funny, challenging, uncomfortable, black-centered, black-black-ady-black
conversation.
And if you're offended or if you get uncomfortable, I have done my job, a man, a man, so happy Saturday
to everybody.
I have a guest co-host in the house.
My man, my dude, Clyde Mayberry, right?
Can you do me a favor and do an introduction?
Who are you?
What do you do in this world of Madison, Wisconsin?
Oh, Lord.
Hello, everyone.
It is your favorite cousin, Clyde Mayberry.
Some of you may know me as Brian.
I am here.
I am a black man.
I am the founder and CEO of the House Urban Art Initiative.
I am also a socialism person who just moves around, entrepreneurship, all those things.
I'm just here to talk to because.
And, well, I guess you could say that the D word, right?
No.
What a blue, what words can we say?
Who do you forgot to prep?
I'm not going to cut it.
Okay, let's just keep it family-friendly, family-friendly, your sister.
I'm here to talk about my stuff with my sister brand.
Okay, be here.
See y'all, you see it's about to be a show.
So today, we're going to talk about a few things.
But you want to stay tuned for the entire show because it is going down.
We're going to talk about Masajini, and we're going to talk about Masajini in a few aspects.
We're going to connect it to LGBTQ movement.
We're going to talk about how it shows up in the work of nonprofit work.
We're going to talk about it as it relates to relationships between black people within
side, the culture of blackness, how it just happens.
So I want to start because I got to get something off my chest that has something to do with
Masajini, and nothing to do with I just said, but yes, it does because it has something
to do with nonprofit.
So a couple of weeks ago, I went in about Wagner CPA, and we hired them last year, 2023,
to do our books in compilation, which means that the CPA is responsible for ensuring
that our expenses are classified correctly, that we can bill where we're billing.
And then when we get audited, we spent, first of all, we spent $220,000 this year more
than I was making at the time on this particular CPA firm.
And when we started the agreement or the relationship, there was always, there was already some
intention between Wagner and Urban Trash, and it's because how the white people on their
team showed up in our meetings, talking at us, talking down, they were just really bothered
by us.
Superior, right?
And that often shows up in like contracts that we have, that where we're paying folks
to do work, and you're in their white, right?
So I'm bringing this up because I have a draft of our audit that just came to us yesterday
and I have to meet with the auditor, and I am pissed.
Like I am so bothered.
I woke up, it's been on my mind.
If you see me on Facebook, I have bags underneath my eyes, like I'm not looking at all.
Yeah.
And it's because it's for the first time in Urban Trash history that we got a dean in our
audit.
We have never, ever had any issues in our audit, like never, never financial management.
We've managed millions of dollars.
And as we continue to expand, I was like, we need to get a CPA that can make sure we continue
on this trend.
Yeah.
And instead of making sure we continue on the trend, now we have a question of
the double ding on our audit.
So I meet with the auditor next week, because I'm not even sure what it's about or where
it's coming from.
And that's how it works.
But I wanted to share what Massage and Near looks like for nonprofit organizations led
by a black woman and how the hate actually ends up being so, like, not even just hate,
but actual, like, almost like sabotaging.
And it wasn't the first time that they sabotaged us.
So we always bumped in, because I'm saying what you're saying isn't right.
That doesn't look right.
It doesn't sound right.
Now that we have a new CPA firm, Coloff, Coloff, first of all, CPAs never say anything
about other CPAs.
They're not going to say, oh, they did this wrong because of those relationships.
Just like going to a dentist when someone messes up on your tooth, but they ain't going
to say that dinner's really screwed up, your implant or something, they're not going to
do it.
So most of our conversations is that's interesting.
That's interesting.
That was done.
I were not sure why that was done, but that's interesting.
That's different.
But I paid $220,000 to this organization to make sure that our accounting and our paper
work was on par and it's not.
And I'm so heated and I feel so powerless in the conversation because what do you do?
Because at the end of the day, when you have an audit, you are ultimately responsible
for the audit, even if you hired someone who's supposed to have an expertise to do the
work.
And there's two different levels of a CPA that you can invest in when you hire someone
on.
So know this for my nonprofit and business people.
You can hire them for compilation, which means that they're responsible for making sure
what they're experiencing, what they're reporting and the reimbursement requests aligns with
the contract, the law, the state, federal, whatever it is.
And then you can hire them or you can hire them for preparation where you actually classify
your own stuff.
Okay.
So prior to Wagner, we were classifying our own stuff and we didn't have a problem.
We didn't have no issues, but I felt like we needed to ensure that we continue not to
have issues.
So we hired the experts and now we have an issue.
And when I tell you my heart is so bothered and that I can't sleep because as a black
organization, when there's a question about your financial management, it could cause
a whole heap of stuff.
So again, I'm not even sure what it's coming from because when you have a single audit,
the language used in the audit, I can't understand it.
Like it's all these big words and legal words.
So now I have to meet with the auditor to even get understanding of what this means.
So I share this because our topic today is misogyny, right?
And how it is a different intersection for black women, whether you in business or leader,
and how people just treat you, like I have an example of like even with our gala, right?
We just had a gala last week.
Beautiful event.
Awesome.
Right across the street.
No, downtown.
So we could see it.
All right.
But yes.
So again, you'll listen to 92.7 FM, the black conversion show on WMDX with my boy Clad
Mayberry.
He's in the house.
He's on my co-host today.
But yes, we had in a beautiful event at the overture center, I'm sold out.
Thank everybody for coming.
It was elegant.
It was close.
That's lucky.
It was welcome to sneak in after dinner was served.
It was sold out.
Yeah.
So even in that experience, we hired folks.
And they, you know, it's expensive to hire people with this event player and anything like
that.
I'm not going to mention the person name, but they, they didn't give us the same services
that they gave other people.
And the reason everybody noticed it, everybody on our board noticed other people who had hired
this individual notice, like they didn't have the same energy.
And it felt like they were mad or irritated.
And then in our board meeting, as we're like debriefing about our gala, what we need to
do differently, what worked, what didn't work, how to improve our entertainment, whatever,
so we can be better and greater later after we're breaking this down.
Someone on our board said the reason that it was different brandy is because it's probably
the first event that they've ever attended, where it was black focus on apologetically.
And that conversation around blackness and centering black people make people uncomfortable,
right?
So just by being in your presentation.
I'm going to write, please.
Yes, you are, sir, yes, you are, that you make, that you make people uncomfortable.
So then they show up half, you know what, right?
So that's just another thing.
And then it's like, I can't even really talk about it because at the end of the day, then
we be as, I get seen as an angry black woman, which is why even when the, the thing was
happening with Wagner, I couldn't even talk about it, right?
Because I was afraid that they would do something to harm our business if they did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they did.
So anyway, I'm done running my mouth, but what's your take on this guy?
First of all, are you okay?
I'm not okay.
I'm just processing.
Look at my face.
Look at my hair.
Yeah.
I look a hot mess.
I look a hot mess.
You look good.
Okay.
Thank you, friend.
Thank you, friend.
But no, seriously, are you okay?
Because that's the lie.
Oh, my God.
I am.
So I want to cry, but I'm not going to cry.
I'm going to cry.
I'm going to cry.
I'm going to wait till I get done.
Because I, I mean, I sometimes forget to come and record.
And I was like, and I was thinking about the producer.
I was like, if I don't get my butt up and go and record, I'm going to hear Luke mouth.
I have to get my butt up and make it there no matter how I feel, but I feel really
icky today.
Yeah.
And so while we're here, right, how that fits misogyny, how that fits racism, right?
Because we get put in seats where we're asked to make things greater, right?
And for us as black folks, especially in leadership, we're always like to be greater.
Sometimes we have to hire these people, right?
Yeah, because we want to hire the experts to teach you what you don't know so you can
make sure you're crossing your teeth and dotting your eyes.
Exactly.
And so we bring in these folks and we're like, they got our back and they're going to make
us look good.
They're going to make us feel good.
Absolutely.
And then in the end, racism shows up, right?
Yes, it does.
The money is the same, right?
Because the check's clear, right?
Absolutely.
And just like their other clients, but for you, it's like, we're going to create mayhem.
Yeah.
You know, and that's just how racism shows up and people don't understand that it shows
up that easy, right?
It does.
It does.
And a lot of it, too, is like unconscious dynamics, and I try to help people understand
that.
And I think another perfect example is the incident that I was, I saw you in in conversation
in Facebook.
It was really about black men dating black women or Mary and white women, not dating black
women, but Mary or white women or that intersect that inner ratio, a dynamic that occur.
And your conversation was with this particular gentleman, it's like, it's hard for us and
hard for me to see you as someone who's advocated rooting for an alignment in centering black
needs, black relationships and black families when your family doesn't represent that, right?
Exactly.
And that person was like, that's not true.
I could steal, I could steal, be that and do that.
And you were like, no, that's not how racism works because when you're in a relationship
outside of your, you know, your race, then you have to ride with the people you're married
with.
That's just a dynamic.
It just has to be that way.
If you're not riding with that person, then there's something, you shouldn't be in
that marriage.
Right, right.
Because you got to ride with them.
So there's a power dynamic and there's a differences that occur, whether we want to
admit it to it or not.
And that person was like, no, that's not true.
I could steal, be this.
I could steal, be that.
And then the person's wife jumped into the conversation, who's a white woman.
And I thought, see, that's the difference.
Like you didn't even understand that that conversation between two black men wasn't for
you to engage in because it's a race conversation.
Yeah.
There's a power dynamic that's already there that occurs and she should have set it
out.
Yeah, but she did it.
And she came in very violent, very angry, and it's like, my point is proven, right?
Like we can't have a conversation because it wasn't necessarily about like you being
a black man dating this white woman, it was just in spaces where your voice is not needed
and just close your mouth.
Right.
Because there's enough of us doing where it's like, if I'm showing up in the space where
a black woman are doing a thing, and there's a ton of black women in the room and I'm
like, but la, la, la, la, la, la, la, shut up, quiet, like, first of all, and I will tell
Clark to shut up.
Okay.
Because I would be like, boy, now you know, this was supposed to be black woman, let it
be quiet.
Exactly.
And it's like, you're just here to support us and then a light will go off and be like,
okay, Clark, just be quiet.
If she needs a pen, hand her a pen, right?
She needs a computer.
Somebody to take notes and do that.
Right, do that.
Oh, baby, this lady showed up.
You're still be, you're done with all the name calling, and he's supporting her saying
this.
And people don't have the appropriate analysis of power dynamic, and that's where we're
falling short, whether it is inside our own culture with black people, when we have conversations
about race and patriarchy and misogyny, we have a hard time distinguishing like, okay,
this is how the boundaries, the boundaries, and there's always boundaries, because there's
always power dynamics, active, and not power dynamics that we created, but the power dynamics
was created by the institution of white supremacy, and white supremacy demands certain types
of relationships, some types of communications, and we can get into that in a minute, and
you don't want to miss rest of the tea, because I want to talk to y'all about the black
wife effect that's trending all over TikTok.
So continue to show up and listen on 92.7 FM, you're listening to WMDX, which are
Girl Brandy Grayson and my co-host class on the black conversion show, we'll be back
in a minute.
All right, you're back, you're listening to 92.7 FM on WMDX, okay, you're listening
to 92.7 FM, your girl Brandy Grayson on the black conversion show with my boy Clive.
Thank you for staying tuned, so just for a quick recap.
What we've talked about so far is how misogyny shows up in leadership, especially for black
women.
It's about how we have a ding on our audit, a financial ding that I'm uncertain about
how that's what it comes from, what it is, and how bothered I am, because we spent a lot
of money on Wagner CPA to ensure that we were good to go, and our team and their team
was supervised by, what is the mayor, Fitchbird, Julia, Julie, I don't know her name, but
anyway, she's a mayor, Fitchbird, and she was actually in charge of our account.
Yes.
I'm a Latino woman, so I also had this additional, like, okay, we good.
And now I'm screwed, y'all.
And I don't even know, I'm just so hurt, like, and again, it's not like we hired them
for preparation.
Preparation is when we classify our own expenses, and we say this goes to that contract.
No, we hired them to do compilation, which is double the price, and their job was to
ensure every expense was expensed accordingly by law and by based on the contract and funding.
So I don't even know, but I was just sharing that I'm really upset, and I was expressing
how misogyny occurs in this kind of hatred of women period, but then how it's compounded
with black women.
And then we went on to talk about a conversation that you were having on Facebook about this
dynamic between black men and their white wives or girlfriends, and how you were having
a conversation with this particular gentleman about race, and how it's hard to respect
and receive what you're saying when it comes to black families and black relationships
and black needs and black hip hop and black, that's black center because there's also
this undertone of if you really, and it could be right or wrong, right?
There's no, I'm not here to judge whether it's right or wrong, however, I am here to say
that there's some consideration to be given when we're talking about power dynamics, and
we're talking about white people being part of those power dynamics, and also how men
can also, whether you black, white, or whatever, also inherently has a power dynamic that's
connected to situations.
So Clyde was saying, if I'm in a room with black women, and they're the experts in that
space, and I stand up and say, hey, this is what I think, and I have overpower, then he
as a man is enforcing a power dynamic due to patriarchy, due to the systems that none
of us had anything to do with, right?
A.K.A.
Toxic masculinity.
Yes.
All of extremes from racism, right?
Yeah.
So that's what we were talking about.
So anything you want to add to that conversation before we move on Clyde?
As as Brandy was saying, it's not necessarily even because you know somebody will say, like,
it's black man day to white women.
It's just black man dating outside of black women that we find in these spaces that there
is an issue, and they have characteristics in Madison, Wisconsin.
Like Madison is so small that you're like, who is his brother?
What is he doing?
What is his sister?
And what is she doing?
Because it shows up with sisters that are not married to black men, wearing spaces,
we're having conversations.
And this is the work that we do.
We defend black people every single minute of our lives.
So we sit at a lot of tables like this, but to go back to my point, it's like the characteristics
is always like, okay, we're here and they're mentioning things like DEI, they're mentioning
things like we're writing this and we're doing this.
And you're like, first of all, I never heard of you.
Who are you?
Like, where did you come from?
And then when you get to doing your homework, you're like, okay, she's not married to a black
man or he's not married to a black woman.
That explains why we're not connected because you can't even be in community with these
people, right?
So why can't, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to play the devil advocate.
Why is it difficult for that, for us to be in community?
Because that's what you're saying.
Like, hey, if you're married outside of your race, it's hard to be in community.
If I decide right now in my life, classism, but look, what if I decide right now?
If I, like, I've been pro black, black centered, unapologetically black, what if I decide
to give me a white man because he treats me better, he, you know, I mean, not even better
because let's not do comparison, but he treats me well.
He loves me, he adores me and I'm happy and it feels good to have this person love.
So does that mean that I no longer have the same position in my community that I currently
have?
Not saying that you can't continue to do the things that you do.
Okay.
But when marrying someone, let's say the white man that you said, you now are part of
privilege, right?
But I have privilege right now, don't I?
I'm just saying like, you right, but you, you date black man, but I'm going to go to
you like you said, you're going to be what a white man, right?
Yeah.
So your privilege changes, right?
Okay.
The dinners you attend, the circles you sit in, the community that you communicate with,
that all changes.
What if I change him?
What if I move him out of the black wife effect?
Right.
It still doesn't matter because there are power, there's superiority and the things that
they have, the inherited racism, their family dynamics, that is still the same, right?
So I can't remain real and authentic because I marry a white man.
No.
Okay.
And it's okay, sis.
Just get out the way.
Let somebody else do it, right?
So what do I lose as a person when I decide to marry someone other than a black man?
You don't lose anything, right?
But it's just how you show up.
You showed up as this black person who was pro black and these are the things that I
wanted to see from my community.
You lose that, right?
You lose those titles, you lose those movements.
And that's okay, right?
You can go on to be a secretary for the state or something like that.
Like, shut up.
Go through your thing.
You can go join a book club.
Like, you can do all those things, Facebook, Madison, what's kind of, y'all don't come
and get your boy.
But it's just because there's other people that could take the reins, right?
I'm just bringing up all these powerful people.
That's when you hand it over.
So then I came in and run Urban Trio.
You can't.
You can't.
Now I'll be the first one to be like, oh, Brandy got to go.
But that does that not always happen, right?
It's happening right now in my prophecy and leadership.
Black men and women are leaving their black significant others for non-black people.
It's going to, we're going to all see it, but if you ain't heard.
Okay.
So I agree and I disagree, right?
Because I think that people can be authentically them and they can still love the black power movement.
They can still unapologetically.
I can still show up and be like, I sent her black men 24, you believe that?
Well, I just believe, I just believe if I decide, if someone other than a black man
shows up and loves me in a way that edifies me, makes me glow and helps me grow and brings
value to my world that I can still authentically be black-centered.
Now, what I also would agree with is that my conversations in spaces could not be the same.
It would not.
It would not be because of the influence.
So what I hear you're saying is that we are influenced in shape by our environments.
We do.
And when we marry outside of our race, we then become influenced by the people that we're
around, whether it's their family, their network, their influences.
And then that shapes us and changes the dynamics of how not only how I show up, but also changes
the dynamics on how people see me and perceive me and how the impact of my communication and
connections in my community will automatically change whether it's consciously unconscious.
And if whether it's something that I self-direct or even notice, it happens automatically.
Yeah.
Okay.
I could agree to that.
Yeah.
Because we pick up the characteristics of anti-blackness with all of that, right?
But don't we already have access and exposed to anti-blackness within side black culture?
Yes.
But we always have to unpack that.
We have to unlearn that because that is just who we are.
So even while we're unlearning that, we have to be very careful with how we move, right?
I'm a black gay man in Madison, Wisconsin.
Majority of gay marriages in Madison, Wisconsin dealing with black folks is one black person
in it.
A lot of times it's the other person is white or non-black.
I have to within the work that I do stay who I am and I have to date a black man.
So I'm going to put this on pause because I also want to talk about misogyny within
black LGBTQ movement and what that looks like.
So you're listening to 92.7 FM WM DX, you're listening to your girl, Brandi Grayson, the
show, black conversion, nothing but tea, nothing but uncomfortable conversation in my favorite
cousin, Clyde, that always brings the tea.
We'll be back in a jiff.
You can't take my power for me, I rise, we rise, rise up.
All right, your favorite host is with the most is bag Brandi Grayson on the black conversion
show, you're listening to 92.7 FM WM DX, why do I have a hard time with the letters WM DX?
I think I want to say to Lincoln, because I had the Lincoln MDXK or something and I'd be
confusing the acronym, don't worry about me.
I have my favorite cousin Clyde as my co-host today, we're talking about misogyny and I want
to transition into the conversation around how misogyny shows up, not just in the movement
within white LGBTQIA, but also within the black movement of LGBTQIA.
So I'm going to let you lead it because I'm not the expert and that's really not, but
I'm going to give my opinion, of course, but I'm going to let you just start the conversation
with our listeners or how does it show up and misogyny for our listeners again is the
hate of women and how it's compounded in the intersection of black when you're black
in women and how that shows up in movements and LGBT movements, whether it's white or
black, go ahead, Clyde, give us some tea.
So as I maneuver through the LGBTQABCDFG, no disrespect, I'm one of the girls, so Yacht
me coming play with me if y'all want to, we can go there.
But in this Madison arena, because I have to learn that in the work that I do, I work
in Madison.
So let me not just be like all around the world, but in this Madison movement, what I have
learned working within this community that I'm a part of is that you don't see hetero
section, but hetero sexual black women at any of the tables.
And it's not because they were invited and they didn't come.
It was because they were just not even invited, but you will see hetero sexual white women
and hetero sexual white men and those same things, right?
That's interesting.
I didn't even thought about that.
Every time.
And so I'm always like, okay, this is a little weird.
And then I'm always like the only black voice at the table as well.
And so I like what I think is happening within that misogyny with black women is that white
queer people think that black women are the most homophobic people in the world, right?
They do.
I get called homophobic a lot.
Yeah.
It just comes out, right?
Yeah.
And it's because within our culture, we, if a man hold on, brother, he is gay.
And it will be a sister to probably call it our first or a brother, right?
So let's back up because our listeners might be confused by your statement.
So when he said our culture, what he's referring to is black people, yeah, generally is very
conservative and we're more conservative than conservatives themselves, even in our church.
So anytime you do things, and this is a general statement, not absolute, because there's always
exceptions.
Generally speaking, there's this undertone that says, if you are, I mean, I don't know,
if you show any traits of femininity, whether it's, you know, with your hands or with
your talk or with your speech, you must be gay.
You must be gay, right?
And then gay and our culture is really seen.
It's funny, man.
Nothing.
It is.
It's kind of stupid.
It's like gay.
Everything's gay.
I do it too.
And I'm gay.
I'm happy.
Like, he gay.
And he does.
Yeah.
I do.
So, but when you overhear it in your outside of the culture, what you might hear is homophobia,
it's not homophobic if you're in the culture, because inside our culture, we understand
like, that's how we talk one and two, we, we distinguish homophobia about how you embody
it.
Do you actually hate gay people?
Yeah.
Are you actually harming gay people?
Right.
Are you, are you saying gay people shouldn't exist?
Right.
Like, that's what I'm talking about.
It's a part of our stuff talking.
Our stuff talking.
We, we, we would talk about you.
The germs.
We talk about how you smell.
We talk about your mama.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mom.
We will.
So, nothing's off bars, yeah, in our community.
Yeah.
And so, when other cultures that are not in our community see that, they're always like homophobic.
Yeah.
Don't bring them to the table, blase, blase.
And it's like, it's not even like that.
And so.
Yeah.
Cause I had mentioned, let me give you an example.
And you tell me if I'm homophobic.
I'm listening.
Because if I am, then there's a teaching moment there.
Because maybe I am.
And I don't know.
Because a lot of our dynamics are unconscious.
Right.
And if there's room for improvement, yes, there's room where we can always make improvement.
And that we also have to hold space for people culture and their environment and their
indoctrination.
We have to learn things.
We have to learn things, even if it's cultural.
Right.
So, there's always room for that.
But I want to point out something that occurred when I was, I was on Facebook and I made
a post about a black gay dude who's black, but by racial, by racial heritage, right?
And this particular guy had cornered me in the, in a, in a, like I was leaving an event
and he cornered me.
And he was like, you be, you this, I beat you, but you owe me $500.
And I felt like I couldn't defend myself.
He said, I owe him $500 because he did, I ran for order and he was my campaign manager
for like four days, like maybe 30 days, but he didn't do anything.
And he was like, you still owe me $500.
Now, this is years ago, right?
I mean, I haven't talked to him since.
So when he cornered me, I felt like dang, I can't even defend myself or do anything physically
even when I felt threatened because he's a man.
So I had said that on Facebook.
I said, this man, even though he has a feminine nature, it's still a man, and I still felt
threatened and unsafe.
And then people came back was like, well, that was homophobic because you identified
that he was feminine.
So I want to, I want to put that on the table to you and how does that come across to you
as a black gay man?
And is there a teaching moment for me and something that I need to reflect on and get into discovery
of about myself?
That's a good question.
For me, if we get into it and you identify me, right, and it's like, that's a man, that's
a man.
And I'm still like, let's rumble, let's do our one.
My excuse would be that I'm feminine and you're feminine.
Let's go at it.
No, I'm not fighting you.
You are not fighting your face.
Oh, man.
So I can see where you would be like, I'm good on that face.
I'm good.
Do y'all see this brother?
I'm good.
But I can see where you are saying, like, even though you feminine, that doesn't mean
that we're going to go at it, right?
Yeah.
Hey, relax.
Yeah, go, I can go get my brother, go get my mom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think that that was homophobic, right?
Okay.
And then again, at the same token, it's like, we do not come off and deliver hate if we
are saying homophobic slurs.
Black people are the most gentle people that walk this earth, and we got to remember that,
right?
I've been called all type of names by my community, I call Sissy Sissy all the time, right?
That don't mean I hate you.
But you get to do that, though, because don't you get to say things as a gay man that a
heterosexual doesn't get to say, no, that's not fair.
I know, but the inward is something that black people get to use, right?
I mean, without prejudice, I mean, I don't, I don't think we, anybody should be using
the word.
But if I hear a black person say it, I'm not offended.
Right.
If I hear a white person say it, I'm offended.
So isn't that similar in terms of power dynamics?
It could be similar to some folks, but I do feel like we got to remember that the inward
was, like, birthed and rooted out of hate in America, right?
Compared to-
Isn't Sissy the same thing?
Sissy can be the same thing in some spaces, but for me, as a black man first and a queer
man second, I would put the inward way up here, and I would put Sissy down here, right?
So that intersection about identity is-
Yeah, side by side, because when we give spaces where people can say, oh, these are just
the, like, then we start to lower the standard of where the inward came from and who maneuvered
that.
No way up here and way down here.
Okay.
So I receive that.
So how does this show up, like, when black, so I also see, like you said, when, you know,
when you go to these tables and movements, black, heteroblack women or cis-heterob women
are not there, right?
Generally speaking, they're not even invited, they're not there because they don't want to
be there.
They're not invited.
And also the, in the conversation is why?
And I often feel like, and this is, this might be homophobic.
So you let me know, but I'm going to say it anyway, I also feel that gay men use black
women as tropes, just like everybody else do, like a trope to mimic, to model, to like
exaggerate the way our characteristics and then turn it into a character jerk, which
makes it misogyny, right?
So I'm, and maybe my analysis is wrong, but when you see gay men being feminine, like
you said, I'm a cis, I'm a cis, right?
When you see them demonstrating that energy, it's not after a white woman, right?
Who is it after?
And let's be clear on why, especially white trans, bald girls, they are always, to me,
and I will call it this stuff out when I'm in the scene, I don't be in the scene a lot,
but not here.
Right.
But when I see it here, it's always a white trans woman on stage, exaggerating her hips,
exaggerating the Kim Kardashian effect we all know where they came from, right?
Right.
It takes the black woman as a person and it turns into a character jerk, but we're not
able to have that conversation because if you have the conversation and you inquire or
want to get into discovery, what is that really about?
Then you're homophobic or transphobic, right?
Right.
Like, so how do we engage in uncomfortable conversations that hold space for identities
and intersections, right?
You're black identity, like you said, you're queer identity, all these other identities
we have.
We have to hold them.
Even if they turn left, we have to have them, right?
Because in other spaces and other places in America, like in the South, these white trans
women in the Midwest could never go to Atlanta, black ball scene doing the work.
Listen.
I think you okay.
I'm fine.
Okay.
They could never do the stuff that they do up here down in the Philly, New York or Atlanta
ballroom scene.
They would get chopped, honey.
They would be chopped off the board, like, girl, find you something else to do, right?
When you come to this table, we want realness.
So you better come as Hillary Clinton.
You better come in somebody, do not come as Michelle Obama, right?
Like, do not mimic that system.
Yeah.
And you are a whole white woman.
And for folks who just tune in and you're listening to the black conversion show on 92.7
FM, WMTX.
I got my co-host, Clyde, my cousin Clyde in the house.
We're talking about misogyny racism in their intersection of it and how it shows up in
different dynamics.
And I want to say to you, sis, you have to be the person that have those conversations.
Even if they're hard, your voice has to make that change everything that started here.
Well, everything that has changed in America started with one voice.
So don't let us use that homophobic card to silence your voice, because we do.
We will do that.
Like, when I'm, baby, let me tell you, it's privilege, it's privilege, you know, many times
I grew up and got into a women and the police got there and I'm like, he's, he's gay
You didn't got more of your voice than got a police be like, you're right over there.
And I'd be like, yeah, that's right.
It's privilege.
It's like, so we got to use this, I didn't, man, listen, they use, you got to use your
privilege, right?
But they use that to shut people up.
I've been in very aggressive conversations.
I've seen them where they'll be like, you can't miss a gender me and blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, you got to fight this person, because they, you got to relax, right?
It's not as serious, but you're so angry.
Yeah.
And you have to redirect your anger.
If a sister is coming to you saying, baby, you got hips, like a black woman in their
pads.
Yeah.
And how it's a character.
And I think people don't understand, like anytime you mimic mock a black woman, then
there, we have to go in and just ask ourselves, what is that about and why and then how,
like even within our black culture, because let's go back to that's black LGBTQ movements
and gay men, right?
And we often find in those dynamics some hate for black women.
Yeah.
And what, what is that about?
It just stems back to racism, right?
When you look at the total poll, you see the white man at the top, you see the Asian man
at the top, you see the white woman, then you see the black man, do you see the black
woman at the very bottom, black women have to be on defense about every single thing.
I'm saying that that you have to, if you want to survive past 2024, you have to question
everything that looks like you, you have to question everything that wants to be you,
because we're living in a time where people will literally remove you.
And that's what I feel like, is it like this tendency to erase us and for the identities
of others, right?
Yeah.
Well, what you're saying doesn't matter, or this is, and I'm like, that's not how this
works.
And that's why I don't like to use words like minorities or people of color, because
when you grew black and brown, I don't like that.
When we talking about black people, talk about black people, coffee, black people,
that look like a coffee man, that's how real it's getting, baby, because they hate
when I say that to them.
Like, what should we?
It's right for people, baby, we ain't talking about the same black person.
Sorry.
Well, and again, there's just different pros, prosimities and prosimities, meaning a
different effect, the darker you get in the spectrum, the more compounded effect that
is experienced because of the different systems of isms and racisms and homophobia and
all of that.
Because your experience as a dark, black gay trans woman is different than your experience
as a ambiguous trans black woman.
Does that make sense?
Like there's just this colorism and this dynamic, and if we're everything, and if we're
not able to identify these words, understand them and understand the effects, then we end
up coming at each other all the time.
And again, you guys are listening to 92.7 FM, the black conversion show with your girl
Brandy and my friend Clyde, my cousin, cousin, cousin, and we're talking about misogyny
and how it shows up and whether it's the LGBTQIA movement or other movements, the how it shows
up in black dynamics and culture dynamics, because we also mimic black women like in TikToks
and news, right?
Our mom was like, this is, and we do these comparison between black women, mothers and
white women.
And it's not, I mean, it's funny from a culture perspective, like my mom would do say
some stuff like that.
But also when you think about the undertone, there's also this dismissal of the humanity
of black women.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that's a fact.
That's a fact.
We saw that with the Kardashians very well.
Yeah.
And no one never understood it until now.
Yeah.
And it's like, no, black woman has been talking about this for a very long time.
So again, thank you for continuing to listen to black conversion show.
When we get back, we're going to talk about the black wife's effect is trending everywhere
on social media.
TikTok.
TikTok.
So let's get in this tea.
You're listening to 92.7 FM.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Your favorite host is with the most.
This is back Brandy Grayson or 92.7 FM WMDX.
You're listening to the black conversion show.
I have my friend Clyde.
My cousin Clyde in the high.
Yeah.
As my co-host.
So we're going to move into the tea, right?
So we've been talking about misogyny and different aspects, institutions, relationships,
and dynamics, and I really hate for women.
But more so to hate for black women, which is compounded in different ways.
But I want to talk about this black wife effect.
Clyde, what is that?
Have you heard about it?
Yeah.
So the black wife effect is just basically a trend where folks are showing people who are
non-black, who have a black wife where they were before they dated this black wife.
And then now fast forward to now they're dating a black wife.
How much better they look, how much vibrant they look, how much style and swag, and they
eatin' good and lookin' good, right?
Yeah.
And they do be lookin' good.
They do.
Some of these white boys come from, they turn from nurse to studs.
Oh.
That brother went from no sick back to Apex.
I see you, bro.
Yeah.
Blinding and all.
I said, oh, now you got a haircut.
All right.
The brother stopped going to cost cutters and finding them a black bar, bro.
I don't think exactly what has happened.
I said, you know that's a black thing.
But to our point, right, like when you go to the other side, it will change your heart.
It will change your whole dynamic, right?
They say once you go black, you can't go back.
You can't go back.
You cannot go back.
What they say, black.
Black and a bear?
The sweet of the juice?
I love it.
Okay.
We are a hot mess.
But how does this, so on one hand, right, there's the intention, right?
We're not talking about the impact.
The intention of the black wife effect, the intention is to show, to be positive, really,
to say, look what happens when you're loved by a black woman.
Yeah.
And a lot of the men that are posting their black wives and the transitions for them
are well to do white men.
Yeah.
And well to do.
And they're like, I love my black woman.
She has changed my life.
She has changed my outlook.
She didn't change my diet.
She didn't change my food.
I got more flavor.
My God.
I pray more.
I eat better.
I pray more.
I, you know, we use slap your mama's season.
And, you know, not just the salt and pepper, but we got a variety of seasoning in the chest.
It's so good.
Oh, my goodness.
Where have this food been?
It's been here, baby.
It's been here.
So they feel it real proud.
So on one hand, the intent really is to edify and validate the love that they're receiving
from their black wives.
So in one hand, I feel like, okay, I see you and that feels real good.
And on another hand, due to the dynamics, because I'm always going back to systems and
dynamics, is that, again, black women are used as tropes.
It's kind of like, we're seeing as no matter what our positions are.
So some of these black women are leaders in their own right.
Some of them hold our millionaires and they're doing wonderful things in their world.
You know, they, they, and not this money makes you wonderful.
I'm just saying generally, they're not like, they're not in the situations where classism,
like the man brought them up.
It's not just not like that.
They're more so equally yoked in that manner.
But what I want to point out is by like saying like, hey, black women make you better.
That's how our society has always coined black women and really as mammies.
The people you call when you want to feel better, when you need healing,
when black men need to be healed and trauma recovery and support it.
And that's what's how misogyny shows up in these dynamics.
So Clyde, I'm going to ask you, what's the problem from your opinion for in this black wife effect?
What's problematic about this trend?
Like you said, it just shows the black woman to be someone in the background
because in a lot of those videos, you don't even see who the sister is.
Right.
It's just all about the non black man that she married, right?
Right.
So again, it shows the sister in the background.
It shows that you all can pick, you can make nothing into something no matter what it is.
Because some of the videos were like, oh, he better not ever touch me.
Then you're like, oh, he look good.
I can make him right.
Yeah.
We always make him right.
Yes.
Okay.
Look, they go from looking like, you remember that movie?
You remember that movie with Bobby Brown?
Remember, he was like a crack head or something in that movie.
And they had like that successful black woman.
What's the name of that movie?
Oh, I know what you're talking.
Oh, real old school movie.
Yeah.
She got his teeth fixed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know what you're talking about.
She was fine.
She was fine.
Yeah.
Money, yeah.
She's like, I can't find no man.
I'm about to be a man.
No, I wasn't that one.
I can't think of it.
Yeah.
We'll get it next time.
Yeah.
But that's how it shows up.
Yeah.
So in that situation, it's just like the sisters in the background again.
And if you need help and want help or you want to come up, go get your sister.
Yeah.
And that's how brothers are too though.
Because also others is we were talking about earlier in the show.
And you're listening to the black conversion show.
We were talking about earlier how black men are dating white women.
And sometimes later on in their 40s, they leave the white woman.
And then they say, I'm never going back white.
Yeah.
And then they get them sisters.
Yeah.
And then they expect us to repair them, heal them, and make them right.
And they're so damaged.
And they're so damaged.
And they're also just saying, okay, and they're also this tendency to want black women
to help you build your business or build you up by building a bear versus black women
being able to have the similar expectations of our other counterparts.
Because white women are not expected to build their men.
They're actually expected and trained and cultivated to find men that can provide provision
and provide security.
Whereas black women are expected to build a man, provide the provision.
So you want us to have the masculine and feminine energy and then access to be submissive.
How did thoughts on that?
I'm trying to get a hold of it.
Right.
But I caught on to one part that I just want to know.
How did my sisters get there?
Right?
Like, and I see it because I hang around nothing but a lot of females.
And I'm always like, he ain't got no job.
He ain't got this.
It's like, why are you dealing with him, right?
Yeah.
And it's literally like, my sisters just be like, I don't know.
It's because we desire to be loved.
And we come from a culture and an environment where we're taught this is our role.
And this is our responsibility within side our black culture.
And our black culture and dynamics, everything falls on the weight of black women in our shoulders.
And we're expected to build the man, maintain the children.
And while building the man, we're expected to allow them to lead.
But how do you lead if you need building?
Yeah.
And if I'm building you, then are you really leading?
Exactly.
And I know like people are saying, oh, that's just so not traditional.
And that's not cool to say that.
But I do believe men should lead.
And they should lead.
And not from a place of domination, but a place of direction.
Yeah.
For your household.
Me?
I want the same thing that the white women have.
Me too.
I want to literally wake the kids up, get them dressed for school, and go paint the backyard.
And then, by the time my man get home, the dinner's going to be ready for kids.
Okay.
That's the life I want.
Me too.
Because all this feminine movement about women having equal rights and working on it.
Y'all can have it.
I'm over it.
I'm totally over it.
So we're going to start a movement in 2024 called the software and business.
Bagram is signing the titles.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
The game isn't going to helpsoft girls.
Soft, soft.
Fame.
Where are you going to make me look like an art?
And your heart's going to be like just as super crazy.
Maybe.
From the moon with your boobs.
And you know.
So you know what I mean?
Thanks so much for giving this to green.
That was fun.
And yours, 해�ors.
Yours, curling ichop lol swinging shabysis.
You all going to be joking polka-broller, if you need money and yourself, aren't you'd be interested in life of celebrating your backyard?
It's also fun.
And yours remain free.
Like 7-18 percent inroposively.
Peace.