What up! It is me, your favorite host is with the most is Brandi Grayson. You're listening
to the Black Conversion show. Yeah, and I know you guys missed me because I'm only on
Air once a week and I know I'm your favorite talk show host, so that's that. But today we're going
to change into the conversation a little bit. Last week we had, I have my guest host, T-Banks
in the house. We were talking about trans issues and challenges of issues with being trans
and the legislation that's coming down that, you know, basically is taking rights from
trans. So we're going to do a huge switch today and we're actually going to talk about the
pilot tricks of parenting and the illusion of gentle parenting. And we're also going to discuss
the pilot tricks of trying to find employment in Dane County while Black, okay? And I know you guys
are like, come on now. There's no issue with that, but there's a few issues. But I have a
co-guest host today. My girl, Dinaria, she's in the house. She's going to come and kick it with us
today. I don't even have any exact questions. I want to ask you, Dinaria, but I just thought that
mean you had had a couple of conversations about gentle parenting and how it ain't working, okay?
But I want you to introduce yourself, tell the listeners a little bit about you.
Okay, everybody. My name is girl speaker. Don't be afraid. I can't even see you. It's okay.
Okay, my name is Dinaria. I'm 32 years old. Oh my god.
Um, I'm a mom of a seven year old boy. Yeah. Hi, Neve. And that pretty much takes up the
majority of my time. And yeah, I work with Urban Triage. Yes. Dinaria is one of our administrative
support with Urban Triage. And folks who don't know, I am Brandi Grayson. You're listening to 92.7
FMWMDX. Did I say it right? MDX. Okay. I think I got it right. The Black Conversion Show. And you
guys can join the conversation. I don't have the phone number. I forgot to write it down, but I'll
give it to you next time. I have Nate. Wait, Nate could tell us Nate. What's the phone number? 608.
Number six, oh, eight, eight, seven, nine, eight, two, five, five. That's six, oh, eight, eight, seven,
nine, eight, two, five, five. I need to write the number down. So part of the conversation about
gentle parenting is that I'm having a really hard time. So for folks who don't know, I have multiple
children. My oldest child is 29. My middle child is about to be 24. And then my youngest is seventh.
So when I was raising my 29 and 24 year old, I was strict. And I was like, I'm not taking
no disrespect. I'm not taking no for an answer. You don't get to talk back. Matter of fact,
you don't even get to talk. Just go to your room and be quiet and stay in the child's place.
And I have to say they turned out to be pretty cool adults, right? So that nobody's heard
each other. No one has been a prison. No one, you know, failed out of school, dropped out of
school. No one has drug addiction. I'm not saying that that's what happens when you're in that
type of parent. I'm just saying as a parent, I could point to my children and say, okay, they good.
I did a okay job. But with my seven year old, um, he is off the chain. Okay. So I'm like, oh,
I'm going to be different. I want to be softer. I want to heal. And I want to be gentler as a mom.
And I want to give him options and let him tell me about his thoughts and his feelings. And I'm
starting to think it's a whole bunch of pot of booboo. You know, like, Daneri, what are you
finding with your son, honey? Because I know you've tried the same kind of pros. Like, what are your
feelings? Where are you thinking? He are your options. Here's your choices. Um, I feel like I've
always been for other people's kids, like very strict and very straightforward. Like everybody in
my family that my mom, like they always call me to be the enforcer of rules and make sure things
are going down until, like, for my son, it's like, he get away with everything.
Yes. Like he just questions everything I say. Nothing's like, it's always a question after I'm
telling him to do something. And it's always, it's just like very overwhelming. Yeah. And it's
really hard. Yeah. But I feel like, I mean, when I was growing up, you know, we, we was, you
didn't get options. And you didn't get the talk back. Like I can't be saying crazy stuff. Like,
yeah, give us an example of some stuff I need to say to you when you like, boy, I should shake
you. Um, but y'all, I didn't mean that. So don't call to the stage. Like she's talking about
abuse of the children. That's not what I'm saying. If you are appearing out there and you're
parenting kids that talk back and are very like, um, I don't know. I wouldn't say my son is
unruly because he's not. He's wrote, wrote bunches and he's very matter of fact. And he thinks he
knows it all. Sound like he's like who? Like not like his daddy. He ain't like his mama. That's his
daddy. And I ain't got nothing to do with me. I think the most like the most recent thing for my
son was last night. I'm watching the show suits. Uh-huh. And I'm like addicted to it. And I'm like,
I'm like, okay, I was really good. You got a fan. It's okay. Okay. But I'm, um, I'm watching that.
And I like, I always have a, a routine. He go upstairs, getting the shower, you know, get
it yourself together and get ready for bed. I took him in. So last night, I'm just like, okay,
you know, get yourself together. I'll be back. I'm stuck you in. He's like, Mom, why do you
always think you could just do what you want to do? And why? And why suits? Can you take us
a minute and just stay up here with your son and I'm right here on the guilt trip. Yeah,
I'm like, who are you talking to? Like if this was me and I was talking to my mama like that,
I would have been on the flow somewhere. Like crazy. But I'm just like, I'm not, I don't
have to answer this question. I told you to do right. Go get your butt together. Get ready for bed.
But the thing, the funny part is, it's like, there's a part of me that's just like,
well, that's good that he can express his needs and communicate with you. Like, hey, my
base, he said, I want you to spend time with me. But at the same time, he like, who do you,
oh, you talking to boy, I will punch you against it. But not, okay, just for the listen,
I'm not talking about punching. I've never punched my child in the forehead. But as parents,
you know, you have that, you, you have to breathe and thought like, well, I would, you know, like,
I always say like my son on our sons are seven. Yeah. So he'll be talking slick. And I'd
like, look, you only know me seven years. Chill out. But you get to know who I was for you came
around. Cause this is definitely, I'm not the same person. I'm not the one either. And the part
of the thing about it, studies do show that parents who are authoritarian and loving have the best
results with their children. And I think I'm authoritarian. I'm a authoritarian and everywhere.
Like, that's why people can't stand me because they be like, who do you, who are you talking to?
Like, who do you think you are? Because I have this way of being. And also with my son,
though, I'm not consistent. You know what I mean? I don't think I'm consistent because he'll come
with his big old eyeballs and be like, but mom, why does it have to be like this? And that's on
the fair. And I'm thinking like you're seven. Why are you even articulating what's fair or what's
equity or whatever? And when I had my other kids, you know, 29 year old, my 24th year, they never
got to talk back at all. You know what I mean? It was like, when adults are speaking,
you go to your room. When adults are having a company or conversation, you don't get to be a part
of it. Exactly. And now kids just want to sit in your face. And then they hear everything. So
for people who are just listening, you're listening to 92.7 FM with me, your favorite host,
with the most this Brande Grayson on the black conversion show. And today we're just talking
about gentle parenting and really the politics of it. And I just don't think it's as easy as people
say it is. And I think it's creating entitled, you know, kids who don't know how to follow rules.
And y'all, I'm just speaking from my own experience and my own experience with my son. Like he
is smart, right? Like he's super smart. Like he's seven. He reads out a fifth grade level. But
because of that, he thinks he can tell you what you're saying is wrong. Well, he don't even know
nothing. You know, like he don't even know nothing. So if you're listening to the conversation,
give us a call. Give it. Let's talk about your kids. How is it being a parent raising kids working
a hundred hours a week and then having to come home to kids and having them talk back to you
and they're only seven. Like I thought this happened when kids were 13. Like seriously. So
Dinaria, tell us like what is your like your response to like what do you do? Like do you punish
him? Does he get just like what is your approach to like when he's being risked bunches or like
what was the example of the kids when they were out and about? What did they say to you? What did
he say to you? He told me I was ruining all the fun. Because what were they doing? Because they
was tripping at the doctor's office. And I'm just like, you know, y'all need to sit down. The
doctors here, like he can't do what he's supposed to do. Y'all running around playing. And they're
like, mom, you're ruining all the fun. We can't do anything. And I'm just like, what? Like y'all,
you shouldn't even be running around here in no way. Like what's wrong with y'all? But that's
what I'm saying. I just, I don't know. I feel like I'm not consistent enough because last night,
I was just telling him like, you know, no, I'm paying for you because I didn't like your actions
today. And he just was like, well, mom, I don't, I'm not going to have anything to do. And I'm just
like, you're not supposed to have your iPad in a week in during the week anyway. So why are you
wearing it anyway? Right. So then he got said and start crying. And I'm, you gave him the iPad?
No, I didn't get enough about this. I was about to roll my ass and start crying and made me feel
bad because I'm like, of course, I'm going to know what's wrong. You know what's wrong?
Instead of telling him go to his room, like go to your room, I don't want to see you, but you know
what was wrong. Exactly. And then he's like, mom, this is what he says. He says, mom, I just,
you know, I get so upset sometimes. You know, I don't know how to control my emotions. And I,
I'm just, I'm trying to be better and I'm trying to be the best son. I feel like our kids
about the growth to be manipulators. Is this how men become manipulators? Because something is
wrong. Like I look, I told someone in the interview the other day, like in 2024, I'm changing my
understanding of parenting. I'm not going like you was not about to be this dude who'll be dating
women or men or whoever you want to date and then be acting like, you know, you could do stuff and
then hug because Messiah will come and hug me like, mom, but I love you. And I'd be like, oh,
I love you too. Hugging and kissing girl. But also, can we just point out the fact that I have,
mom, he's my first boy and I have two girls. And I didn't, I didn't even allow their,
they didn't even do sad eyes. And they wasn't manipulative. So is this a hormonal thing? Like,
what is going on? I think it's a boy thing. Yeah. Or is it a man? And we solve for man. Now,
we ain't solve for all men now. For art. Look, I'm telling you, I'm a sucker. I ain't going to lie.
I'm a sucker. Is it the same? I think it's the same dynamic daddy's half with their little
girls though. It is. You know, like it's the same dynamic. And women with their little boys is,
I don't know, I don't know what it is either because he know he know he'll keep asking me the same
question. But I'm practicing standing on mine. I am like last night, he was like, can I listen to
music? I said, no, he came back five minutes. Well, I only want to listen to a video. It's not
like I'm going to be on the computer or anything. I said, nope, nope, not today. I stuck with it.
And I'm telling you 2024. He ain't getting no Christmas gifts for me. I already told you what I'm
doing. It's what you don't help me to lay down the law. She even look like she got the lay
down the law. I don't think that's true. But part of the public tricks with gentle parenting is
that we grew up in the world where abuse was the thing. So we tried to do the total opposite
of abuse in our children. And we went too far to the other side of the spectrum. That's what I
think. And I think if our kids are seven, you and your your son seven minds are seven,
we still have time. We still have time. So it's time to do the smack down. If they start crying
and to make you cry, you just need to lead a room, send them to his room because that's what I'm
on. Like I'm not on this. Like you're not about to be this spoiled man. Like because that's what
is going to result in. And I don't want to have my son dating women and not being able to like,
I don't know, y'all. This is scary. I don't, I don't, I don't think nobody prepared me
to be a mama of a boy. And the worst is when they've been the days I'm bad and you tell them
like, you mad at him or something. And they come up like, mom, I love you. Give you a kiss on
the cheek. That's what I'm saying. And that's how abusive men be. So I, and I think my response
to that is from abuse. So now I'm like, freaking out. And I'm afraid. So I'm going to have to work on
that too because maybe I'm projecting my fear on to him. And we don't want to do that either. So
anyway, you listen to the black conversion show. I'm on 92.7 FM with your girl Brandy Grayson,
my co host, Danaria, we're talking about gentle parenting and it ain't working, parenting
little boys and it ain't working in the dynamics of motherhood and, you know, just trying to do
the right thing, but it ain't working. So join us in a minute. We got to give the sponsor some
air time. So we'll be here. Come back. Okay.
What up, y'all? It's your girl Brandy Grayson. You're listening to the black conversion show on
92.7 FM. We're just up here talking about parenting, really. And first of all, I call it the
politics of parenting because at the end of the day, we're all doing our best to be the best
parents that we can. And oftentimes we try to be better than our parents and sometimes looking
at the way that they parented us as I'm not going to do that thing that they did because I didn't
like it and or is classified as abuse. And now I'm looking at my own parenting and I'm thinking
like, dang, I might have went too much to the left of the spectrum of being gentle, right? Or not
being authoritarian enough with my son or at the very least being consistent enough. He
goes to school and I swear every other day, I get a call. And it's the the balance of, I don't know,
him being the one of three black boys in a white private school. So and your son goes to
Denary. Where your son comes? Royal Oaks in some prairie. So he goes to some prairie school,
elementary school. And is that predominantly white? Yep. He's the only black kid in his class.
So and that's another dynamic because is it my son? That's the problem or is it a combination?
So I first of all, let me recognize that I think my son is a problem sometimes. I mean,
it didn't always. It ain't always him. I think sometimes teachers notice things that he do way more
than they notice things that other people do. And let's just be clear he's seven, right? And oftentimes
he presents at like 10 or 11 because he's tall too. So people have a different expectation of him
than they do a seven year old who is smaller and more petite because he's really tall.
And he's in a older grade. Yeah, yeah, because he is seven and he is in third grade, right?
So he's his expectation they might have a, I don't know, different expectation for him emotionally
and socially, but he is seven years old. And I think that's something we all have to keep in my butt.
Let's just talk about how they don't listen though. Because they don't listen to us like how we
expect them to listen to people at school. And then the dynamics of being the only black boy
in the class. I don't know. I, I feel like for the most part, like my son do listen, it don't really
be at school. Now, it don't really be like big things, but then like he'll get to school and he'll
do something like a kid bent over and put our butt in his face. Right. And he kicked her in it.
Right. But then I'm just like, you know, you don't do that because like first of all,
I said, girl, but then like you just keep your feet to yourself. Did she put her feet on you?
And he's just like, no, but I just didn't like it. Right. And to him, like that was okay,
because another teacher, I don't know if you remember, he was telling you like the teacher said,
if it was them, I would have did it too. And it's like, yeah, don't say that. I have to tell another
teacher that with Messiah, too, because she said something like, well, I understand why you
did it or similar. And I said, don't tell them that because now he's justifying his behavior.
Because at the end of the day, what I'm, what I'm trying to instill in my son is that it's not
your intelligence that will make you successful. It is your ability to control and master your
emotions that will make you successful. Because there are people out here that's very intelligent.
And they're outside standing on the corner because they couldn't master their emotions. They
didn't know how to follow directions or they didn't know how to be quiet. Right. Because there's
people like, you'll find that just always got something to say all the time. Just like shut up.
Like there's a time and place for everything. And I don't want my son to be that way. Right. So
I don't know. You know, first, I was like, I'm going to be a different kind of parent.
I'm going to let him have a voice. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that because that's how
it because it's stupid. That's why it's stupid. And for the people who have said that, I'm not
calling you stupid. Okay. Because don't call here and send an email to my boss at civic media and
tell them how far I am because I'm saying they're stupid because of their parenting choice.
I am actually talking specifically to myself about the choices I made. And now I've created
a little person, a little monster. I didn't want to say monster, but a little person who finds it
very difficult to not, you know, not just, just not just follow directions. Just go do what I
told you to do. I think it's our fault. It started home. That's what I'm saying. It's a hot
mess. So for our people out there listening, you can give us a call, be a part of the conversation.
Call us and talk, tell us a story about your kids. Like what's the last thing they said to you
that was funny, but it was funny and offensive at the same time. I think that's the thing. Like what
did your, your kids say to you that was funny and offensive? My son wrote, and oh, let me give
you the numbers. 608, 879, 8255 is 608, 879, 8255. So join the conversation. You're listening to
Brandy Grayson on 92.7 FM black conversion show. We're talking about the, the pilot tricks and
illusion of parenting. So my son, what he said that was funny and offensive is he wrote a story
for school. Like they have to write stories in their journal and like keep the story going.
My son wrote, and it is me. It's so me. My son wrote a story and was talking about a tiger. He said
there was this tiger and it was chasing me and it was a really good put together story for
a seven year old by the way. Okay. He's like, the tiger was chasing me. And then I looked behind
me and he was gone. And then I thought to myself, why is the tiger chasing me? I'm in America.
And America doesn't have tigers, tigers exist in rainforest. And then he said, then how the
after did it get here? I was so offended by that. Like of course my son wrote that.
What didn't denari for you was one of the most offensive funniest things your son has ever said
or did. I wouldn't to date when my son was about two years old. My mom was asking him a question.
And he was just like, he was eating Cheetos. And he was like, Brandy, you know, I don't like you being
in my business. I'm being my business. And I'm like, what are you talking to? I'm waiting for my mom
to say something like, keep in the snap and grab him up. She's like, okay, grandson. I'm sorry.
I want to be in your business. That's that voice stuff because that's what I'm saying.
Like patriarchy is something. I don't know if it's patriarchy or what it is or just the, I don't know
me. I don't, I don't even, I don't have language for it. But I know like sometimes in a black
community, we often talk about how we are really hard on our girls. Like really as black women and
black moms are really hard. I was really hard on my, my girls. And the reason I think we're really
hard on our girls or I was specifically, it's because I know what's out there in the world for them.
I know they need to know how to survive. I know they need to know how to figure things out. Like
if you when my babies fell down the stairs, not down the stairs, but you know, they didn't hurt
the self. You know, it's always falling. I would be like, get up. You are right. You know,
but now according to parenting books, that's not appropriate. It is actually consider abuse,
right? And it's detachment. But in my world back then, it was like, no, get up because in life,
that's what you have to do. You have to practice getting up, even when it hurts. And now I have the
seven year old boy and he falls down. And I'm like, oh my god. Are you okay? And now he's like,
oh, I'm not okay. That's oh my god. I'm not. Can you kiss it? Like, please, what are we doing?
So 2024, I am committed to being a different kind of mom because I do not want a son to be a man
who isn't able to bounce back control his emotions. And you know, in a black boy, like, it's already bad
that we're in the world that black boys and black people don't get the opportunities to make the
same mistakes as their white counterpart, whether it's, you know, getting drunk and fighting in a bar
or I hope my son doesn't do that. But that has been part of my college experience. Okay. So I don't
know. It's kind of like, I don't know. I think it's gonna happen. Right. Right. And we college,
yeah, we acted a fool. But he wasn't given, you know, black people and black boys aren't giving
that same grace. And if you get pulled over by a police and they smell marijuana, you're not
given the same grace. Like, and he's like, get out the car. You know, and we have so many incidents
like that. So I want him to learn to control his emotions because when it matters, it could be life
and death for him. Right. It could be life and death. So I feel like as a parent, this gentle
parenting stuff and the politics is not working for me as a black mother. And it's not working for
my son. And I do believe is detrimental. So yeah, you're listening to Brandi Grayson on 92.7 FM,
the black convergence show. We're talking about the politics of gentle parenting. Give us a call,
share your thoughts. 608 8, 7, 9, 8, 2, 5, 5. I think is dangerous for black people and black
parenting and black boys and more so than black girls. And that's also, that might be offensive to
people, but we just live different realities. But anyway, I'm gonna be back in a couple seconds
because our sponsors are bothering me right now. Like you're supposed to take a break like a
minute ago. So I'm gonna get off this mic and I'll be back. Keep listening. Okay, to 92.7 FM.
What's up? I'm back. Me, Brandi Grayson. Your favorite host is with the most is you're listening
to 92.7 FM, the black convergence show. Give me a call. 608 8, 7, 9, 8, 2, 5, 5. Enjoy the conversation.
We're having a conversation about the trickery and the politics of parenting and gentle
parenting to be specific how I as someone who has a 29 year old child who's not a child. She's
actually a grown woman. But she always be my child. But how I raised her differently than I'm
raising my seven year old son and how it's not working. Like I was really authoritarian. I was
really putting a smack down on my kids. And now I'm just not that parent. And now I feel like
what I'm creating is someone who is not accountable and is having a hard time mastering their emotions.
And maybe my expectation of a seven year old is too much, right? But I know you were just saying
denier that we also in this day and time over compensate. And what were you about to say about
that? Well, just because like during I feel like say, friends, Christmas time that you say your son
they have no Christmas. I'm not going to give them 30 days. See. Anyway, that isn't Christmas,
that's that's so sick. He don't feel like it's Christmas. He says Santa Claus ain't real no way,
but whatever. Anyway, he showed up. I just tell my wife what I wanted. That's what's going to happen.
My son's like, I'm like beside we crushed all your baby during the Messiah. If you go,
if you start that over here, uh-uh. We believe Santa Claus over at this house. He taught
us a mom. I can't believe it. Santa Claus shouldn't because I look, I didn't ever want to believe
somebody was coming to know Jimmy. He's been all this month. I'll be wanting. I'll be going with
them. We got the Elf at home. Messiah picked up the Elf. He could have passed out. You know,
because kids don't want to touch the Elf. That's why he came home and he said, I think I now
believe in some of cause because the Elf has mad. I said boy. I know Elf got no magic. What
you talking about? Because I put I move him every night before after I need to go to bed. I move
the Elf. That's what that's about. I did not understand that. And then if I touch him,
then they didn't lose any magic. So Messiah picked him up behind. He's like the path. They're like,
Mom, no, Harry, I got to work. Messiah touched him. I'm like, Messiah, you just got to say
you're sorry and put Harry back down because Harry needs to keep his magic behind. See? But
what I was saying was that like over compensating because I felt like every time I go in a
store, go anywhere. My son is like, Mom, when I had this and I'm just like, okay, cool. Yeah.
Or he'd be like, Mom, can I get some pretzels? Okay, cool. Even when I say like, you're not going,
we going to have one thing. Right. You want something. We walking past it. Then I'm like, okay,
I changed my mind. You on some little crap. But like, I'm doing that all throughout the year.
Now here comes Christmas. And then what are you supposed to get these? Right. And then you're broke.
And then you then we creating entitled kids. That's what I mean. Like entitled like you think
somebody owe you something. And we come from the generation where nobody owed you nothing.
And everything that you got it was earned. And if you wasn't a good kid or you didn't clean
up your room or you didn't listen or you fell classes, what no Christmas. You really literally
got some black hole in your sock. And we had this whole idea of like you wasn't getting a lot
anyway. Like you only got what you needed. And not that I ever knew I was poor. And I was poor.
But I didn't really think I was poor. But it was more so of like, I guess, you know, like we don't
get it all. And now we're giving our kids all right. And like you said, over compensating.
And they are not deserve enough. Well, and they're not the same kids. Like they're just not
they're just and it's like they can't struggle. Right. Like even and excuse me for my people who
might be offended. I feel like even our teenagers can't struggle. See I come from the the generation
where we struggle to get and do anything. We when we had to get a ride, we walked or we struggled
or we had to pile up, we had the bug or get on the bus or kids nowadays will not get on the bus
to save their lives. Like it's like you're entitled to get a ride and then other parents, they are
here paying Saka mama and driving it everywhere. So now your kids like, but my friend Tommy mom
picks them up. You don't ever want to pick me up. You don't what are you talking about. Tommy mom is
staying at home. Okay. And she probably stressed with all y'all. Maybe she built differently.
Cause I ain't built that way to be listening to y'all all day. Get your butt on the bus.
You know, it's the same thing with like back to school. Yeah. Back to school. I feel like, you know,
we were just dressing regular. Yeah. These kids now, I seen kids with so much designer on. Yeah.
And it's like, how are y'all moms affording all of this? They not. Where y'all is y'all going to
school? They're y'all going to a fashion show. Right. I saw a video on Facebook where a kid had like
a wig on. Yeah. The kids is wearing lace pants. The girls look, baby. My hair is time to take my
hair down. Do my head and night. Give myself together for a holiday party tomorrow. The girl I
went to get back to my game two nights ago. The girl helped us both lay the man. My head was
fried down. She had to be like a sophomore in high school. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, dang, look
at these little girls. I never had no grown woman do in high school. No. I had all I had was Sarah
on. You remember Sarah back in it? Oh, you might be too young. Sarah from is the shop that Mr.
P's had? Oh, I know who Sarah over off of South Side. Yeah. Back in the day. You know, that's
what I had a Sarah dude. And it wouldn't know late. But you listen to the black conversion show
92.7 FM with your girl Brandi Grayson. The phone number is 608 8 7 9 8 2 5 5 6 0 8 8 7 9 8 2 5 5
join the conversations. We're just talking about the politics of parenting. But I do want to
transition into talking about because we were talking about overcompensating kids,
buying all kind of designer things like it's very materialistic, right? I remember being materialistic
and how it was really important for folks to get, you know, Jordans. But when people got
Jordans that meant like you were rich, right? It's kind of like when folks got the VCR and right now
I want to transition into like employment, right? Like folks cannot find jobs. We have a high
epidemic of people that are losing housing, needing support. And then I don't want to sound
funny or judgmental. But then we see their kids and design our stuff and like and not that you
shouldn't look good or your kids shouldn't look good. But more so like a balance of budgeting your
money. People don't think about that. You know, it's not in the budget no more to have like some
money put up and like way to the side of the pandemic really messed a lot of people heads up.
And what do you mean by that? Like not having to pay bills and not having to worry about paying rent
on the first. People start spending that money elsewhere. Yeah, but being designer down and
people driving new cars because honestly, bad the middle of next year, a lot of people who were
like dependent on the phone. Yeah, you're going to know it's starting to show it's going to start
to show again because they don't have that stuff to fall back on. Right. And their kids, you know,
are you said it's lifestyle and they're going to keep trying to provide that and the kids are going
to just get more and more out of hand and start looking for the streets. I hope not. I hope they
don't look for the streets. And I also want to say I don't think it's all people either. I think
that's the small percentage of folks who were able to get assistance. And I also think
that there's this pole man mentality that we often don't talk about like pole man. I don't know
if you've read the book, pole man, rich weight, poor man, poor dad, rich dad, which talks about the
different mentality of poor people versus rich people and this mentality that we pass on to
generations and this mentality in which we're like, we want to look rich. We don't want people to
know that we're poor and that we're surviving and that it gives us a sense of like control and
a sense of like self-worth when we're able to put on a nice cold or nice nice shoes and rich
dad that rich dad mentality is that folks who are used to resources or privileges or wealth,
they are more likely to invest their money because they don't care how they look. You ever see
someone that with real money? Like real, real long money? I call him job.
Right. You see how you look? And folks who I know that's rich, folks, my friends. I got rich
friends job for the first time. So, you know, they say you're supposed to surround yourself with
the people you want, you know, how you want to be. And you're like, so I know people who are rich
rich, right? And they don't look like they rich. They look like they chilling. They chop at target,
okay? So there's this discrepancy of like what it, you know, poor people spend more money
to look the part. And I really, I don't know, but Dr. Amos Wilson talked about it being because
it's related to people, especially people known as black. So I'm just going to speak specifically
about our race and culture that when people were enslaved and after enslaved and we could only
work certain jobs like in the house and, you know, serving folks and, you know, being nannies and
mannings or whatever. And what we could only see is what they were displaying. Like the
smoking cigars or hanging out or having fancy food, we didn't, we didn't have a reference point
or exposure to the actual work behind it, right? Like the business stuff, the structure, the,
the stocks and the trading or the buying or acquisition of property or maybe even still in
property, right? Because most of the wealth is built on the back of other folks. So I think that
has something to do with it too. You know, it is a lot. And then we talk about like even today,
we have folks who are seeking employment, who want to do better, right? And that, and I'm
about to transition again, I kind of do that. Y'all. So if you want to join the conversation,
you're listening to Brandy Grayson on a black convergence show on 92.7 a.m. I say,
8.92.7 FM because who listens to AM anymore? Not that AM is bad, but I never listened to AM,
but anyway, but you probably do. But the phone number is 608879 8255 608879 8255. That's no
judgment on you. If you listen to AM stations, I'm just saying. I keep trying to, um,
puss. Yeah, because, you know, people do, boy, you make a statement and people will be like,
you hate all people listen to and you hate all people and all you like, oh my god.
Oh my god. I'm gonna start saying, but never mind. Never mind, y'all. Never mind. So let me get back
to my position. Let me transition, right? I'm about to get myself a trouble. They go, uh,
his, his dump button. Okay. Um, so what I'm gonna say in transitioning is then we have this
epidemic of people not being able to find solid employment, right? So from parenting to overcome,
overcompensation to the, the theories behind why poor people do what poor people do and poor
isn't like the folks that are downtrod it all the time. Poor can also be folks who are and is folks
because the most of the people we serve at urban trash are not the people you think they are,
right? They're, they're folks who are working one or two jobs and things are getting more expensive.
You know, you can't go, you can't budget $400 no more in the month for a family of three. I
used to do that. I used to budget $400 in food in a month. Now for a family three, you're easily
spending $800 to $1,100 a month in food if you're eating good food. Now if you're feeding your kids
McDonald's every day or baloney, you might not have that budget. But my point is is that we go from
this gentle parenting where we're creating entitled kids and then we're overcompensating for our
kids by buying them any and everything and then we're not being consistent and then we're finding
ourselves in positions where we can't even find, keep a job or not keep a job, but find a job
that covers those expenses. And Dinar, you want to share with me or our audience and me and
whoever else like your experience with like jobs, like an employment and trying to keep
in place. Like you said, you buy your kid all kind of stuff.
I think that being an entrepreneur helps me a lot with that. I had some misfortune coming to my life
when I was an early adult. I was making dumb decisions. I was making dumb decisions. One
listening to my mom was telling me I've been doing. Right. Love you mom. Right. Thanks mom.
I think that really helped because I wasn't able to get a job and there was jobs that I was
applying to and wanted to work at that I was over qualified to work at. And because of my background,
they wouldn't give me a chance. And so actually going out there and getting my LLC, getting the EIN
number for my business and setting the groundwork and applying for business loans and getting
all that set really helped me to be the woman I am today and be able to overcome and say for
my son even though I shouldn't be because I knew I had to figure it out. Yeah. What was the
breaking point for you? Like you couldn't find a job for a while. You had a situation. It involves
some criminal charges, whatever on your background. So people were like, oh, we ain't messing with
you. But what was the what was the breaking point for you where you were like, I got to do
something different. Like I'm going to stop begging folks for jobs. When my child's father went to
jail, I, I just had to go and go mo. Right. I had a kid and when it first happened where like my
life had got put into shambles. It just, it just, it just, it just, I didn't have a kid. But then
I had this kid that was dependent on me. Yeah. And he didn't ask to be here and I'm like, I got
to get out here and be a mom and put my big girl shoes on and get myself together. Yeah. That's
real. And I, I feel like that was the same with, um, with my son when I gave birth to him. Like, but
but I didn't put my big girl panties on. That's how you say your big girl panties. I didn't put
my big girl panties on. I fell apart. Okay. I absolutely fell apart. But part of the work is like,
how do we, how do we expect people to keep a house, stay stable, stay sane when folks who make
mistakes in the past can't get jobs, right? Or just involved in something indirectly because a lot
of our people aren't even charged with criminal activities like by association, right? There's,
there's so many laws that, um, create a, uh, just this way of being where folks are punished by
association. And if you grew up in the hood, then you know everybody in the hood and sometimes
even if you know a drug dealer, then you become part of that by association. So anyway, we're
going to be back in a few seconds on because I'm getting the finger again. And it's not the
kind finger either. Okay. You listen to your girl, Brandy Grayson on the black conversion show,
92.7 FM will be back in a couple of seconds. So keep listening in and call us please.
I write this be your girl, Brandy Grayson, you're listening to 92.7 FM, the black
conversion show. I'm in a studio today talking about the politics of parenting, overcompensating,
creating entitled men from boys, um, not being hard enough for our kids. And I'm that person.
I'm talking about me. And then we went into talking about like these, these scripts we have the
poor folks grip versus rich folks grip, scripts, stories in our head. I can't even talk scripts.
And how we often are trying to, um, even with what we, you know, how we look, trying to present
like we have more than what we have, which then puts us in debt. Um, but anyway, we do have a
caller. Diane, are you there girl? You're our first caller in the history of the black conversion show.
We can't hear you. Go ahead. Can we hear you now? No. Oh, Lord girl. Where you at in your basement?
So Diane, thanks for joining us. We're good. Diane, tell us and share with our listeners
a moment in time when you decided that being authoritarian parent or SmackDown wasn't the way to go
because I hear that you're a gentle parent when it comes to your grandkids, but you was smacking
deniery around about that. Um, you know, um, I'm gentle on my grandson here. I never been a
grandparent. So I don't know how to, you know, I'm saying how you start to treat one, but
he stole my heart. Yeah. And it's like, you know, yes, it's different from the, my, you know,
my kids. Right. So your kids, they didn't steal your heart. It was okay for you to smack them
down. No, they stole my heart, but they also had to, you need a discipline. Yeah. You know,
they needed discipline and, um, rules and all of that. So if you didn't, if you didn't raise these
kids, then they were going to raise you. Right. But that's what's happening right now.
Yeah. I raised right now. So what are we going to do? How are you going to help deniery out?
Um, I, I'm putting my feet down now because he's been old. Yeah, I'm putting my feet down now
because he's getting older and then he's learning and he's much mature to know, okay, right and wrong
and, you know, um, you know, how to, um, appreciate things. Some people don't have and all of
that stuff like that. So he's learning. So he, you know, I'm getting a little easy. He's up
parents on his kids, but, uh, but still put the sit down, but it's just so hard for the grand
baby. See, like, see that's a boy. I think this is the problem right into my year. He get older.
I'm going to put my foot down. So until 2024, we all need to make a commitment to be more firm
and stern and consistent. I don't know all about that. See, see, see, that's all I can't,
if I wanted to put my foot down, I couldn't because she like, no, denier it now. My grandson.
Come on now. Come on, don't do that to my grandson. Okay, for our folks, we're just tuning in.
You're listening to the Black Conversion show on 92.7 FM. The topic today is parenting and
the pilot tricks of it in the gentle parent model. Um, and I wanted to get more in-depth, um,
about like the different cultures in parenting, but we don't have time for that. We literally got like
bad minutes. So maybe another show, another day, and this is why to all my listeners,
you should write in and tell them, branding needs a morning show, a breakfast show from like six
you think about I think about six to eight. I mean, that's why everyone's listening like
on their way to work. You know what I mean? Like, and then you can just tune in and listen to my
laugh because y'all like my laugh. And we could talk longer about parenting and the pilot tricks of
it in the gentle parenting. And we could talk about whatever you want right. Make it the Madison
breakfast club. That's what we need. We need a Madison breakfast club. You hear that
radio station owners. We about to put out a petition on a survey monkey.
At Brandy's the morning show. Right. Add me to the morning show. So Diane, thank you for joining
us and sharing with us today. We appreciate you so much. Thanks. Yeah. Look at it. Let me take
over it. Right. Don't stop me from being a stern parent. No. See, you had got no support.
Okay. Well, I come over and you know, practice with you. I don't know. I don't know how it's
gonna work. But I really need to get my son in order. Like, I feel like when he started going to
school too, because he was homeschool for a long time, I feel like his personality shifts.
You know what I mean? A little bit like he became more like I feel like he just gets to be who he
really wants to be though at school because he's around kids. He's not having to be homeschool.
He's around kids his age and he can be free. He was free at home, but he wasn't around
no kids. Yeah, but now he he's trying to be free. Take the same freedom he had at home at
homeschool to school and that ain't working. Yeah. It'll be different next year. It'll take him
some time to co-regulate as I get to see what I need. You know, they're gonna be they regulate
each other. I think it'll be better. We gonna see for 2025. Yeah, we need to do better as parents,
especially parents of boys and black women. We gotta do better because we creating little
entitled beings and we need them to be accountable, responsible,
controlled their emotions, respectful, right? And Jitler, my son, be like ready to get a
smack down. The teacher, girl, one of the, and it's like even funny though, this isn't
it ain't funny, but it's funny. You know what I'm saying? So one of the teachers told him,
he's playing a hand game one of the kids. He's like, okay, Messiah, we're, you know, we're about to
transition into another class. Messiah ignores her. So she just, she walks in between her,
he shoves her and then immediately gonna give her a hug and say, oh my god, I don't know what I
did that I'm sorry. Exactly. See, that's not okay. See, it's not okay. Like I'm like, and I get
triggered because I'm like, oh my god, you know, I'm extreme. So I'm like, oh my god, I'm raising
an abuser. You know, oh my gosh, Brandy. He said he was rolling up on him. Yeah, Messiah has a hard
time. You can't touch him, but you know the crazy part is he been like that since he was a newborn,
but you can't touch you. You can't, don't touch me. Like you don't want to buy to get up on you.
I don't. He is just like, girl. See?
Don't know. He is your son. I'm looking at your son. I do. I get triggered when people touch me.
I don't touch me. And what she referring to is I was at a party. I'm going to tell my
bitch I was at a party. I got a party with the nearer and this lady was in my face and I was cool,
but then she put her hands on me. She kind of like pushed me like, you know, you can't see me
because I'm on the radio, but she got close. She got close and she pushed me and without me
even thinking I was like, right? And all me and Tacey, with somebody flaring across the floor.
Brandy, like I told you, I'm like, oh, dang. What we didn't miss from the bathroom coming in
and then I went and sat down because my son does get it honestly. And that's the hard part,
too, as a parent is that your kid is you, their reflection of you. And sometimes they're
reflecting all the parts of you that you don't want to be reflected and that you're still working on.
Especially when he wrote the story, he said, and that was your word. That's your favorite word.
It is my favorite word. The F word is my favorite word, y'all. So if you ever see me and I'm
dropping the F bomb, just let me be. They say intelligent people cuss a lot. Yeah, that's what they say.
True, I'm going to believe them. I'm going to go with what they say. Well, the data we have it.
Intelligent people, our cursors. So don't judge me. How do we have to have another show to
take back in and see if we, yeah, 2024, we'll come back in February to see if we actually did what
we said we don't do and put the smack down on our children. Okay. And not really. So don't call
CPS on us, but you're listening to 92.7 FM. The black conversion show. It was a pleasure to talk to
y'all today. And thank you. My guest holds denier for joining me. And check us out next Thursday.
And check me out on Wednesday. Peace. Love it here.