And back we are into the meat and potatoes of reality radio.
Remember, I archive these things now.
We don't have to rely on Joel to do it, which means it happens much later and slower than before.
I kid, I kid, I'm getting a little bit better at it, but keep an eye out on 98Q country's website if you want to listen back to any of the conversations we have on reality radio.
I try to have them on that website by later in the day.
So check tomorrow and you can see it all or even
early this afternoon.
Up next on Reality Radio, once a month we have the privilege of speaking with Embrace, a local organization here in the Northwoods in a few different spots in the Northwoods with an incredibly unique and vital skill set.
Anywhere you've got a large group of people you're gonna end up with some things that Well that won't make the headlines for anybody trying to sell the place if you get my drift There's downsides to grouping up and society has ugly spots and we have to plan and prepare for them acknowledge the reality of them and Embrace is one of the best groups for doing so every month we get to speak with Jordan Mishka Shilling Jordan.
Good
morning
How
are you doing?
Well, doing well, having a great rainy Wednesday morning here.
Reality radios kept us good and busy.
We've been talking fishing.
We've been talking local school districts and everything in between.
But Jordan, as I highlighted a moment ago, it's not all sunshine and daisies.
And hey, some of us have to be ready for some ugly moments in life.
And you, you sent me an email a few days ago about the topic for today.
And immediately I thought, yes, this is a fantastic conversation to have.
It's not a pretty
to have, but I think a lot of us have been there where, I mean...
And maybe it's not with things like intimate partner violence, but have you ever had a friend come to you and ask you for help or advice or even just needing someone to listen to what they've been through?
And by the way, how do I tell if somebody just needs me to listen or if they want me to help them fix something?
As a guy, I think we struggle with that a little bit more than the rest of the world, but Jordan, that's the topic for today.
How to help a friend in those toughest of moments.
Yeah, absolutely.
We think this is just a really important conversation to have.
And so supporting someone who may be experiencing intimate partner violence can feel very overwhelming, especially if you're unsure of where to start.
Whether it's a friend, a family member, or someone you work with.
There are ways to offer support that help prioritize safety and empowerment.
And of course that safety is the number one thing because so often when people start the process that embrace helps with, we'll circle back by the way and talk about some of the basics there.
It's really easy to feel like, hey, this is someone I love, someone I care for, someone who means a lot to me, but what in the world do I do?
Can we make like a priority list?
What's at the top there?
What are we doing first and
foremost?
believing them.
If your friend or family member, someone that you care about, comes to you and discloses that they've been experiencing violence, the most important thing is believing them.
It's not about saying like the perfect thing or it's just about showing up, believing them and reminding them that they're not alone.
And that's something Jordan that that bears saying out loud, you know again, I'm gonna point the I'm gonna play the guy card here I think I goof up a lot when I'm trying to help people with hard moments and I feel like I assume They know I believe them You know if somebody is sharing something difficult with me and I don't and I don't show them that I don't believe It's easy to assume.
Hey, they know that I'm with them But actually it's incredibly valuable and quite important I would say to just to say that out loud.
Hey, I believe you
I'm here for you.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Especially when looking at intimate partner violence, those relationships, the harm doers often use isolation as a tactic to, in a way, make the survivor believe that
the harm doer is the only one there for them and that no one else will believe them.
So verbalizing that you believe the person that you care about is so crucial and important because it's oftentimes they're made to believe that that is not true.
one of course this this something like intimate partner violence especially if someone's going through it for the first time God forbid it's it's a regular thing in their life but it stands contrary to so much of what we're taught about being good people and about how to treat the ones we love that
it's it's I mean I'm on the outside looking in I I'm blessed not to have experienced this but even I I think I have a light idea of I mean the total upheaval I can't imagine the level of confusion and disorientation and what life would feel like if something like that you know if somebody I trust above everything and somebody I love
violates my autonomy, my safety, our relationship in that way.
What a confusing and overwhelming thing.
So to me, the ability to even vocalize that, hey, this happened to me, what an amount of effort and incredible work that it would take, I think, in a lot of cases for people to even do that.
So I think it, like you said, super important to acknowledge like, hey, I believe you, but from there,
Then you're at the kind of, you're at that tough point where they've got choices that might not even be clear or visible or, I mean, where are we at?
Hey, I believe you.
What comes next?
Yeah, so, yeah, because survivors often hesitate to share their experiences, because like, worries that they won't be believed or that they will be blamed.
So letting them know that you believe them,
and also letting them know that what happened is not their fault and that no one deserves to be harmed.
That helps create a foundation of trust and safety.
Your role is not to fix things or make choices for someone else, but to support them in ways that feel safe for them.
So sometimes that means like having a conversation.
Other times it just means being there without expecting them to share more than they are ready to
are ready to share.
And really, if someone discloses and you're unsure if they want feedback or just someone to listen to, it's always a good idea just to be like, do you want me to listen?
Be a shoulder to vent on or do you want feedback and things like input?
So that's always like a great question to ask and it also gives the survivor that choice.
And it's also just really important to remember that people have choices in how they move forward and those choices can look different for everyone.
So someone may choose to talk to law enforcement or get a sexual assault medical exam or reach out to an advocate at Embrace.
or decide not to take any steps right now and all of those choices are valid.
If they want support, you can offer to go with them.
Just having someone by their side can make things feel less overwhelming.
If
I
may step in Jordan, sorry my bad I just wanted to mention that that just being there having someone by their side can make things feel less overwhelming if I think I got your quote right there That that's one of the things you guys do quite frequently at embrace accompaniments the literally the act of being there and providing someone the knowledge that there is another human being not necessarily going what they're going through but somebody who is not
Um, not ignorant to that world, you know, just having somebody there who knows that bad things happen and doesn't act like they don't and doesn't want to fix things, that is, that is huge.
And if you're not sure, just ask anybody who hasn't had that in those tough moments, they'll tell you, yeah, just having a person, right?
Just being a human being and...
in close proximity, sure, maybe answering a question or two if you've got that info, but literally just existing nearby without threatening someone's safety, of course, or their mentality or being intrusive.
And that can be tough, too.
I imagine it can be kind of tough, especially if they, you know, somebody might go through something incredibly tough, and sure, law enforcement would tell you, yeah, you've got to call ASAP and get the report written up.
But that can't happen if the victim or the person who's gone through it doesn't feel like it's the time to do that.
And what a difficult thing as a friend to see somebody who, hey, maybe should do something, but it's like, man, it's not about what should happen.
It's about what you're comfortable with, what you're ready to do.
And boy, what a great opportunity to put my feelings aside, right?
To just, hey, let's force those down.
Let's let the person who's actually going through it decide the course it takes from here.
Absolutely.
They are the experts in their situation and some of the options that you may think that they should do may not be safe for them to do.
So it's really just like listening to them and letting them make their choices.
Can also support them by regularly checking in.
and as well as like offering practical support.
So that might mean helping someone make like a phone call, offering a ride or just being there as they think about what to do next.
Can also encourage them to connect with other trusted people or professional resources that can help them build like a stronger support system.
And then comes another one of those challenges, Jordan.
It's on top of letting these people make their own choices because they're the ones in the situations above and beyond all.
This is only you know if I have a friend who brings me into a situation like this It's only my business at all Because they've included me and only so far as they've included me They still have privacy that we must respect even as that trusted friend It's even more important at that point to let them decide who knows what and when
Absolutely respecting that their privacy is so essential So like
you have a friend that shares their story with you, making sure that you're not sharing their story without their permission.
And like avoid situations that could put anyone at risk, like, because it can like impact like their safety if sharing that their story without their permission.
So it can potentially put them in a harmful situation.
And support should always just
Center both yours and your friend's safety Because that's the most important thing
Well, and as people can tell Jordan just even as we you know You've got a lot of info for us prepared ready to rock and still I think it's clear to those listening that it's a tough scenario that there is no pretty version of this There is no ideal path But there are great options for people in this kind of situation to have some guideposts to have some stepping stones that will help the shakier moments feel a little less
threatening to the whole world.
Like I was saying earlier, even as somebody who's never been through it, it's pretty easy for me to imagine the lightest gleaning.
I'm not going to pretend I know what these people have been through, but even I can imagine a ridiculous level of disorientation, of questioning myself, of anxiety, of confidence.
Forget about it.
It's a level of upheaval that few of us have ever experienced and thank God for that.
But in those moments when you or someone you love comes to you with someone like something like this, in that case, thank God for people like Embrace.
Embrace is here in the Northwoods, here in Wisconsin, helping people with domestic and intimate partner violence and other harmful situations.
If you could, Jordan, let's just briefly circle back and touch on what it is Embrace helps with most of the time.
Sure, if my friend has been through intimate partner violence, Embrace is a great resource, but what exactly do you guys do?
Yeah, so we wear a lot of different hats at Embrace.
So we provide support of advocacy services.
It can look like crisis counseling, safety planning, accompaniment to sexual assault exams, as well as navigating through the criminal legal system.
Doing a lot of like prevention education support groups Operating like safe shelter and housing advocacy just to name a few but You can anyone can reach out It's like wanting to learn more or visit our website We do have a 24-7 health line That is 800
924-0556.
So it can reach out anytime if you have any questions or if you or some of you know need support.
Absolutely.
And Jordan, thank you so much for giving some time this morning.
The way I like to, well, the way I choose to look at it is nobody wants these things to happen, but they do.
And therefore it is imperative
that we prepare and that we address them when we can at the pace and in the way.
that those who have been through it choose.
So if a friend comes to you and they've been through this kind of thing and they've come to you, first of all, believe them.
Second of all, respect their privacy.
Third of all, practical help is absolutely helpful.
And maybe most of all, Embrace is there for you too.
Embrace.
Embracewi.org and that 24-7 helpline, 1-800-924-0556.
We chat with Jordan from Embrace once a month every month here on Reality Radio.
Jordan, thank you so much.
much for being here today.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's been our privilege.
