GRIEF is Beast

Kweku’s Korner

Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi, formerly known as Ramel Smith

Grief is simply defined as a DEEP SORROW. Grief can come from many situations. It can be from an unrequited love. The loss of a job. The loss of material goods (e.g., car totaled out, house fire or jewelry lost). I believe that the hardest grief comes with the loss of a loved one who has transitioned to the other side. However, all deaths are not the same and they can create a plethora of emotions.

Sometimes will deal with Anticipatory Grief. This type of grief occurs when we know a loss is going to happen, we just don’t know when. For example, a person is given a diagnosis of a certain amount of time to live, or they have just passed the age of the traditional life expectancy and we know the reality of the situation. Kubler-Ross grief cycle teaches us that a person can go through stages of 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining (with a higher power), 4) depression, and 5) acceptance. These stages are not always sequential; and remember, a person can rotate through multiple stages in various manners.

Then in life, we are giving those sucker punches. This is the unexpected news that creates Sudden Grief. This is when we are confronted with news we didn’t want to hear and didn’t expect to hear, and honestly, cannot bear to hear. The stages of grief are a bit different, but similar. The first stage is Surreal. It’s when you can’t believe what you heard is real or true. It brings that feeling of sorrow to the pits of your stomach. The next stage is Sad. This comes when the bad news has been verified by multiple sources and the reality sits in. The next stage is Scared. Some people’s deaths have instant consequences. If the person is the mother of small children, the breadwinner of the family, the leader of an organization, the glue to the friend group. People begin to panic as they look for Plan B. The next stage is Shame. Shame and guilt come when a person suddenly leaves and there is no time to visit more or make amends for previous wrongs committed. The last stage is Survival. This is where we create the plan to move on, those who are able to move can sustain a plan. Those who are not able to sustain the new plan are those people who never recover from the death of their beloved.

Grief is complicated because it can be compounded when it is not one death, but back-to-back deaths. Sometimes, we can go into a deep depression through community or vicarious grief. This happens when the grief of others is so tremendous, you feel it and carry it also. Grief is tricky because sometimes it does not hit us until 2, 3, 6 months later. Then there is prolonged grief, where we just can’t shake the pain. It seems all else has moved on, but we are stuck in the cement of grief.

Next week we will discuss points on how to find relief from our grief!